Thursday, May 30, 2013




We, my wife and I, got married on 30 May 1982. 

Today, on 30 May 2013, we complete 31 years of married life, and enter the 32nd year of our marriage. 

Ours was an arranged marriage. There was no “love” involved. 

We are certainly no “made for each other” couple. 

In fact, we were, and still are, a terribly incompatible couple. 

In fact, the wife of a friend of mine who knew me closely and observed my would-be-wife when we had gone to invite them for our wedding commented to her husband that our marriage will not last for even 10 days. My friend landed up on our 10th wedding anniversary on 30 May 1992 with a bottle of champagne and made his wife eat her words.

But what the lady had said did have a ring of truth in it. 

My wife and I are indeed an incongruous couple, we are poles apart in all aspects. 

We have huge differences of opinion on almost all matters, we fight a lot, we criticize each other, we shout at each other, we never hide our feelings especially when we don’t like something and we call a spade a spade.

We don’t indulge in lovey-dovey Public Displays of Affection (PDA) and we don’t indulge in “niceties” like giving each other gifts or celebrating occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. 

Ours may be a rather volatile and “loveless” relationship but there is nothing fake about our relationship.

In these modern times when even passionate “love marriages” breakup and end in divorce, why is it that our rather prosaic marriage has stood the test of time?

There is just one reason.

Both my wife and I were always clear about one thing:



Anonymous said...

I come from that school of thought too, but I also believe that it's better to start fresh if your relationship is causing you both mental anguish.
It's easy for us, who have understanding partners, to say that you have to make compromises in a marriage. But what if only one partner ends up making all sacrifices? How long can you be taken for granted? Such situations are better ended than adjusted with.
Happy anniversary! 31 years certainly calls for a big celebration!


Congratulations to you and your wife. It was a very beautiful and honest post. I loved reading each line of it.

Conjugal ties are strange. They are very specific and unique for each couple.

For me, I'd like to be in a marriage, where despite all fights and quarrels, we'd unite with love.

A marriage without love is difficult to live in. Now how you define this love, depends a lot on you. This again is specific and unique.

Exchange of little gifts (toke of love) on occasions like birthdays/anniversaries etc., keeps the flames burning,

Yes, I agree. For a marriage with differences in tastes, choices, and desires. Marriage means to accommodate each other's differences with maturity and affection - if not love.

Vikram Waman Karve said...

@ Monika - you are absolutely right - every marriage is specific and unique. Must learn the "gifting" bit - its never too late.
Thanks for your wishes

Vikram Waman Karve said...

@ Chaitanya - Come on, in every marriage both make "sacrifices" and "adjustments". Only thing is sometimes the "sacrifices" of one spouse may be easily evident and of the other may not be that visible.
Yes, if there is too much imbalance, then things can be difficult and take their toll on the relationship.
Thanks for your wishes.
Of course, we are going to celebrate
Wait - that's what the next fight is going to be about - HOW TO CELEBRATE? - so I am just going to do what my dear wife wants to do

Debarati Datta said...

Sorry Sir... was about to comment on this post and posted under [].I just love your all posts.You express all your feelings and thoughts in such an amazing way.I am also a writer.But just a beginner.

Unknown said...

Well, I really commend the fact you are married for 31 years. Congratulations. :) But I don't agree with you. Who likes to go through a divorce? But when there are certain issues, such as abuse, it's better to stand up for oneself. It's called self-respect. I also think respect, rather than love, can be a great foundation for an ever-lasting marriage.

Vikram Waman Karve said...

Hi Pankti,
You do have a very valid point about "self respect".
Yes, husbands and wives can have difference of opinions, even fight, but must take care that they do not impinge on the self-respect of the partner.
You have said it very aptly : It is self-respect rather than love that sustains marriages.
Thank you for your views which have added value to my blog