Saturday, November 30, 2019

Relationship Management : HOW TO BUILD TRUST : “Self Disclosure” builds Trust – “Secrecy” breeds Mistrust : JOHARI Window

I am quite an open person. 

My well-wishers often scold me: 

“Why do you tell everything about yourself to everyone...?” 

“To build trust...” I say. 

Yes – “Self Disclosure” builds Trust. 

On the other hand – Secrecy breeds Mistrust. 

Trust is most important in all relationships – Personal, Professional and Social

Trust is especially important in Marriage. 

In fact – Trust is more important that Love. 

“Should you tell your would-be spouse everything about your past...?”

“Should you share your sexual past with your soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your would-be spouse about your ex”...?”

The answers are obvious – you should tell your would-be spouse everything.

But – does everyone do so...? 

Trust matters on Social Media too. 

Those who disclose more about themselves are trusted more than those who are secretive or try to hide behind anonymity. 

Here is an article I wrote many years ago on How to Build Trust and Reduce Trust Deficit... 

Trust Management Using JOHARI WINDOW

From my Academic (Management Lecture) Archives:

For many years  I used to teach and lecture on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management  especially in project management  and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional  at home and at work  is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT

So, a few years ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW. 

On request from an erstwhile student of mine  I am re-posting the article on application of the JOHARI WINDOW in reducing TRUST DEFICIT – which I had written long back based on my management lectures – and which I had posted on my blog a few years ago.

As always  I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback.


I trust people.

Depending on the way you look at it, one of my chief virtues (or shortcomings) is that I trust people. 

That is why it is easy for anyone to take me for a ride, and make an “April Fool” of me, as so many have done.

Yes  I have a trusting nature.

That’s why I did not try my hand at business.

By nature  I am an honest, straightforward, outspoken person and I like to be transparent.

I am not a “smooth operator”.

I do not have the “talent” to indulge in one-upmanship.

I do not possess the “tact” to be opaque, secretive and “diplomatic”.

It is because of my trusting nature that have I avoided taking up a profession where one has to put on a mask of pretence, hide things, indulge in mendacity and be Machiavellian to succeed.

In the Navy of yesteryear  we trusted each other.

Yes – Naval Officers of the “old-mould” attached great value to Trust.

In fact  mutual trust was the main factor on which the Navy system worked.

On a ship  everyone trusted the Captain  and  the Captain in turn trusted his officers and crew.

Sailors trusted Officers and  in return  Officers trusted Sailors.

It has been my experience that trust is the key ingredient in any relationship, personal or professional  and – it is always best to associate with trustworthy individuals.

Trust is greater than Love.

That is why arranged marriages based on trust may be more enduring than marriages based purely on love.

Trust matters a lot at work too.

One of the plus points I experienced in my career in the Navy was the atmosphere of trust which made work stress-free, productive and enjoyable.

I feel that trust is the bedrock of a good relationship.

This is why old fogies like me feel dismayed at the increasing TRUST DEFICIT in all spheres of life, at both the macro and micro level.

It seems that no one trusts each other.

Opposition Parties do not trust the Government and vice versa.

There is mutual trust deficit between the military and bureaucrats

Organizations do not trust each other.

Bosses do not trust their subordinates and junior do not trust their seniors.

Even in personal relationships, trust deficit is on the rise.

Husbands and wives do not trust each other.

Parents do not trust their children and children do not trust their parents.

There is trust deficit between teachers and students too.

I do not know whether it is true, but a young Naval Officer told me that nowadays there is increasing Trust Deficit in the Navy too and he has seen cases where even course-mates do not trust each other.

The moot question, therefore, is: 

Can this problem of Trust Deficit be tackled and mitigated?

Are there any methods to reduce Trust Deficit?

Well, let me suggest one method  JOHARI WINDOW

For many years I have taught and lectured on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management, especially in project management and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional, at home and at work, is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT.
So, a few months ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW.

On the request of some of my friends I am posting the article below once again. 

As always, I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback. 


“Should I tell my would-be spouse everything about my past?”

“Should I share my sexual past with my soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your spouse about your ex?”

These are common questions which arise in the minds of young people and you can see so many about-to-be married youngsters asking similar questions to “agony aunts”.

Conventional wisdom says that the answer is: 

“Yes. It is best to be open and honest with your spouse. Be transparent and do not hide anything. There should be no secrets between husband and wife.”

But  to my surprise  I have seen some “agony aunts” giving advice that being totally honest may not always be desirable and it would be wise to hide your past affairs...

I find this quite shocking. 

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship  especially a lifelong relationship like marriage – in fact  trust is the cement that bonds the marriage. 

Once trust is broken  the “cement” holding together the bonds will disintegrate  and the marriage will collapse like a pack of cards. 

How can you build a marriage on the foundations of mistrust...?

There is one more danger if you hide things and keep secrets from your spouse. 

You will forever live under the “Fear of being Found Out...

The “fear of being found out” is a terrible fear  which causes great internal stress which can be detrimental to your health  both physical and mental. 

This  in turn  will adversely affect the marital relationship.

Trust deficit has the potential to totally destroy a relationship, and even if it does not totally destroy a relationship, trust deficit will certainly inhibit the relationship from realizing its full potential.

There was a Marathi Serial a few years ago on Zee TV Marathi called Tu Tithe Mee which depicts the dangers of hiding your past from your spouse. 

The story of Tu Tithe Mee portrays in dramatic fashion how a marriage can crumble once a husband unexpectedly finds out secrets about his wife’s past life that his wife has hidden from him.

The story shows how even the smallest seed of mistrust can amplify into a demon of suspicion and create huge distrust which can shake the very foundations of marriage.

It is not only in marriage  but  trust is the essential ingredient in any successful relationship

Whether that relationship is between two people, between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, between friends, between parents and children, between relatives, between neighbours and acquaintances or within a family.

Even at the Workplace  for optimal functioning – Trust is a must between boss and subordinate  between peers and colleagues  in project teams  in business and partnerships  in Customer Relationship Management (CRM)  and  all professional relationships.

In many cases  employers are secretive  and employees hide things from their employers  because of Trust Deficit

One example of Trust Deficit is the prevailing trend of “Pay Secrecy” in the Private Sector  particularly in MNCs and the IT industry.

In our daily life in Society too, whether it be in the social community, in sports teams, and at schools and colleges, between teachers and students, or a relationship in any facet of life – Trust Deficit can be detrimental.

At the macro level too  trust between the citizens and the government is essential for effective and efficient functioning of governance. 

Trust is the cardinal element that allows the relationship to function effectively.

That is why it is sad to see “Trust Deficit” everywhere. 

People do not trust each other anymore. 

Yes  we humans do not implicitly trust each other now-a-days. 

You can see absolute and total trust only in canine-human relationships – yes  dogs unconditionally trust their human masters and and most human beings trust their pet dogs too.

How can we reduce Trust Deficit...? 

How can we enhance Mutual Trust...?

Well  there is a management tool called JOHARI WINDOW which can help. 


The concept of the Johari Window is relatively simple. 

Assume that you are the wife (self).

There are things about yourself that you know and there are things about yourself that you don’t know.

Also, there are things about you that your husband knows and there are things about you that your husband does not know.

Now it is the same with your husband (other)

There are things about himself that he knows and there are things about himself that he does not know

Also, there are things about him that you know and there are things about him that you don’t know.

Now put yourself in the place of Self and put your husband in the place of Other and have a look at the picture below (called Johari Window based on contraction of the names Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham who developed this tool to help people understand and improve their interpersonal relationships). 

The TRUST in a relationship is directly proportional to the OPEN Area 

The other areas (HIDDEN, BLIND AND UNKNOWN) are sources of TRUST DEFICIT

Hence, in order to enhance TRUST  and reduce TRUST DEFICIT all you have to do is to increase the OPEN area (also called Arena) and reduce the HIDDEN Area (also called Facade) by Disclosure (Telling) and also reduce the BLIND area (also called Blind Spot) by obtaining Feedback (Asking). 

The UNKNOWN Area will also start reducing over time as the bonds of your mutual relationships become stronger and stronger and you get to know each other better and better.

TELL (disclosure) each other and ASK (feedback) each other and COMMUNICATE(give yourself interactive TIME together) to reduce the hiddenblind and unknown areas respectively.


Here is how the Johari Windows will look Before and After :



[Open Area or Arena Represents TRUST and the other three areas (Blind, Facade, Unknown) represent TRUST DEFICIT]



[Notice how the Open Area of Arena (TRUST) has increased and the other three areas (TRUST DEFICIT) are reduced]

So now you know what you must do in order to reduce Trust Deficit in a relationship.

Whether it is a home or at work or any other relationship.  

Just sit together and work on JOHARI Window. 

Both of you must use Self Disclosure and Feedback to enhance Mutual Trust and reduce Trust Deficit and consequently improve your relationship. 

After you succeed in a one-on-one (two person) situation, you can extend this technique to multiple participants too.

This works for me. 

Why don’t you try out the JOHARI WINDOW and see if it works for you. 

Try it out with your boss and colleagues at work. 

If you are in the service industry try it out with your customers, and if you are in business, try it out in your business relationships.

Try it out at home with your spouse and kids. 

If you are in a relationship, try it out with your boyfriend or girlfriend while dating and courting and having a relationship. 

When you make friends, remember that deep friendships based on Mutual Trust are more enduring and truly fulfilling than superficial “Hail-Fellow-Well-Met” type of casual friendships.

Did it work? 

Did the Johari Window Technique help build trust and reduce trust deficit? 

What was your experience?

Dear Reader: Please comment - I look forward to your views and feedback. 

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

1. These are my personal views. Please do your own due diligence while applying these techniques.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

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Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Baramati – Back to My Roots – Travel Blog

Back to My Roots 
Travel Blog 

I wrote this travelogue around 12 years ago soon after we visited Baramati in December 2007. 

In order to revive nostalgic memories  I am re-posting this travelogue with a few pictures of this memorable trip to my birthplace. 

                         Maalya Varchi Devi



My birthplace. 

Baramati – where I was born more than 63 years ago – on the 12th of September in 1956 – then a dusty mofussil town in the back of beyond – which has now metamorphosed into a vibrant oasis of agriculture, education and industry.

We visited Baramati on Saturday – the 1st of December 2007 – a visit so memorable, so delightful, so enlightening – and so nostalgic – that I must tell you about it.

It all started on the spur of the moment –  when my 75-year-old mother (she is almost 87 years old now) – who is suffering from an advanced stage of Age Related Macular Degeneration [ARMD] of both her retinas and is fast losing what little remains of her eyesight –  she suggested we visit Baramati, so that we could see the memories of her childhood. 

I too was keen to see my birthplace – where I was born –  and where I spent some holidays in my early childhood – evoking in me nostalgic memories of the fun and frolic – the hurda parties at my grandfather’s farm – and I was especially keen to see the much-praised state-of-the-art campus of Vidya Pratishthan and its modern College of Engineering at Vidyanagari about which I had heard so much.

We started off from Pune in the morning at 8:30 AM in our dependable Santro – picking up an ex-Baramatikar Bipin Pole – who had so readily agreed to accompany and guide us along.

Soon – we hit Shankershet road – crossed Hadapsar –  and turned right and sped towards Baramati via the Saswad, Jejuri, Morgaon route.

It is a smooth drive – and soon – we were negotiating our way up the Dive Ghat – glancing at the once brimming with water – now dry – Mastani Lake (Mastani Talav) – down below to our left –we crossed Saswad (where we would stop on our way back to meet my uncle) – and soon – we could see the majestic Jejuri Temple atop the peak straight ahead. 

Crossing Jejuri – a pleasant drive – and soon we saw the famous Ashtavinayak Morgaon Ganesh Temple (where we would all pray and pay our obeisance).


 Ashtavinayak Morgaon Ganesh Temple      


At Morgaon – we turned left on our final leg towards Baramati – leaving the Indian Seamless Metal Tubes factory to our right – and as we crossed Medad Fort to our left – we started to get a feel of the transformation seeing the excellent quality broad roads.

As we approached Baramati town – I experienced a sense of déjà vu (this was the year 2007 – and I was visiting Baramati for the first time since the 1960s – after almost 40 years) – yes – I experienced a sense of déjà vu as we approached Dr. Atul Pole’s dispensary opposite the then Shyam Talkies (now replaced by the modern and elegant Vidya Pratishtan Office Complex but the road is still known as Cinema Road). 

It was almost 12 noon. 

We had covered the little over 100 kilometers distance in 3 hours (with a stop at Morgaon).

Dr. Atul Pole (son of the illustrious “Pole Doctor”) and his charming wife were waiting for us with delicious upma and refreshing piping hot tea – and after refreshing ourselves – we were off towards Vidyanagari – the campus of Vidya Pratishthan. 

Turning right on Bhigwan Road – past the canal – we crossed the erstwhile narrow gauge Baramati Railway Station adorned with its commemorative little steam engine as a remembrance of its heritage (I remember travelling by the Daund – Baramati Narrow Gauge “Toy Train”). 

We drove on smoothly on the broad top quality road past the elegant court building and swanky well laid out colonies –and soon – we reached Vidyanagari.

It was a pleasure to drive on the smooth spacious traffic-free roads. 

We observed that the roads here were certainly better that the roads in Pune.

The moment you reach Vidyanagari you feel as if you have entered another world. 

Vidyanagari’s truly impressive pristine, lush green, verdant campus, echoing with elevating silence, engenders within you that unique sense of tranquility and academic ambiance which is a sine qua non of a genuine learning environment. 

The museum was truly inspiring and exquisite – you have got to see it to visualize how dazzling and awe-inspiring it is. 

I was overwhelmed with a wonderful feeling as we strolled leisurely through the scenic soothing green campus.

Outside – it had the old-world charm of the beautiful serene university milieu of yesteryear – inside – the facilities and infrastructure were most modernistic high-tech state-of-the-art. 

A lovely symbiosis of nature and technology indeed...!!!

In the good old days – premier residential engineering colleges like Roorkee and BENCO  –and even the earlier IITs – they were located in self-contained campuses far away from the hustle-bustle and distractions of city life in order to facilitate holistic learning. The Vidya Pratishthan’s College of Engineering at Vidyanagari has similar favorable environs and academic atmosphere conducive to peaceful undisturbed learning and all round development.

We walk past students in their smart college T-shirts, admiring the rambling playgrounds, the superb well-stocked library, the neat hostels and faculty quarters and the impressive VIIT building and reach the magnificent College of Engineering building where we enjoy a fruitful interaction with a most pleasant, knowledgeable and enthusiastic senior faculty member Prakash Gogte who tells us all about his premier institution. 

As we leave – I wonder whether someday I’ll be back in Baramati to be a part of this wonderful institution.

We now drive around the new parts of Baramati and arrive at the Maalya Varchi Devi temple and offer prayers. 

Then – we drive back into the old part of Baramati – past the erstwhile Siddhaye hospital where I was born – down Station Road to my grandfather’s ancient majestic house which still stands strong. 

(My maternal grandfather came to Baramati in the early 1920’s – and his address was simple – KN Gokhale, BA. LL.B., Pleader, Station Road, Baramati).


My Grandfathers House - Where I Was Born in 1956 

Tears of nostalgia well up in my mother’s eyes as she goes around the ancient house – her childhood home. 

A school classmate and some acquaintances come to meet her – and they are all so happy reminiscing and exchanging notes about their friends and families. 

Seeing the joy on my mother’s face – I am glad we visited Baramati.

My Mothers School Classmates

We see the important places nearby – the Siddheshwar Temple, Bhuikot Fort – the earlier location of the court – where my grandfather worked – and  we  drive on the banks of the Karha river. 

It’s late afternoon now – and my mother has to be back home before dark owing to her vision deterioration – so we head back for Pune.

On the way back we visit my uncle LA Gokhale and his family at Saswad. 

Bipin, our co-traveller, Atul Pole, our host and my mother after Darshan

I’m glad we visited Baramati and witnessed the truly admirable breathtaking development and a marvelous transformation from the fleeting memories of the once dusty little mofussil town I had in my mind. I’m going to visit Baramati and rediscover more of my roots again and again – maybe next time by train via Daund. 

I hope they start convenient fast trains from Pune, Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Hyderabad and Chennai so that Baramati is as easily accessible by rail as it is by road.

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.