Monday, November 30, 2015

“BULLY” and “SISSY” : Humor in Uniform

Humor in Uniform

Story of a “BULLY” and a “SISSY”
A Spoof

Main Characters:

“Macho” Lieutenant “J” – The “BULLY”

“Sissy” Lieutenant “K” – The “SISSY”

The “BULLY” and The “SISSY”  A Spoof by Vikram Karve

This happened long back – almost 40 years ago – in the 1970’s.

On our ship – there was a bully – a senior Lieutenant – let’s call him Lieutenant “J”.

Now – a Naval Lieutenant is equivalent to an Army Captain – and those days – you remained in the rank of Lieutenant for 8 long years before you were promoted to Lieutenant Commander – equivalent to Major.

And – after you were commissioned as a Navy Officer – you became a Lieutenant after 3 years – so it took you 11 years to become a Lieutenant Commander.

But – suddenly in the year 2006 – the AVS Cadre Review Bonanza changed everything – and now everyone becomes a Lieutenant Commander in just 6 years service – and the prestige of rank has been diluted.

Those days – on a ship – except for the Captain – and Heads of Department (XO, EO, LO) – all officers were Lieutenants – and – of course – sometimes there were a few under-trainee Sub Lieutenants and Midshipmen too.

As I told you earlier – Lieutenant “J” – the Gunnery Officer – was the senior-most Lieutenant in the Wardroom.

And – there was Lieutenant “K”  the Senior Engineer Officer – who was the junior-most recently promoted Lieutenant.

Lieutenant “J” was more than 7 years senior to Lieutenant “K”.

Lieutenant “J” was a Cadet Entry Executive Officer with an imposing personality and intimidating manner – he was one of those ‘quintessential’ haughty puffed-up “macho type” ex-Military School, ex-NDA officers – who thought they were prima donnas in uniform.

Lieutenant “K” was a rather meek looking docile Direct Entry Technical Officer – who had been directly commissioned as a Sub Lieutenant under the University Entry Scheme.

The contrast between the two Lieutenants was stark.

Lieutenant “J” was a terror on the ship – as he moved around with a pompous swagger – full of bluster and bombast – bullshitting the hell out of anyone who came in his way.

Lieutenant “K” was a simple unpretentious officer – a thorough professional engineer – who kept to himself – and who quietly performed his duties efficiently – and did his job in a humble modest sort of way.

Lieutenant “J” was a sadistic bully – he had a terrible reputation of ragging and physically abusing his juniors – and one heard all sorts of scuttlebutt about his brutal exploits – maybe bilge – but the gossip was so scary – that most officers kept clear of him – and the Sub Lieutenants and Midshipmen were especially terrified of him  as they heard wicked rumors that Lieutenant “J” was a bum bandit on the prowl for peg boys.

Lieutenant “J” made life hell for sailors too – they steered clear of him – and – in fact – some sailors even avoided going on liberty when Lieutenant “J” was on duty – in order to avoid encountering Lieutenant “J” on the gangway – and risk the danger of being put on charge for some trivial issue.

Lieutenant “J” took special delight in bullying Lieutenant “K”.

Maybe Lieutenant “J” had some wicked ulterior nefarious designs for which he was trying to subjugate Lieutenant “K”.

Or maybe Lieutenant “J” liked to target Lieutenant “K” because he was a University Entry Officer – because Lieutenant “J” thought himself to be a “cat’s whiskers” cadet entry officer and he considered Lieutenant “K” a lowly “poltroon” who did not deserve to wear stripes.

Once – in full view of sailors – Lieutenant “J” belittled Lieutenant “K” by publicly shouting at him.

Lieutenant “J” shouted at Lieutenant “K”

“We cadet entry officers go through the full tough grind – I got screwed for 6 years in military school – then we were rogered for 3 years at NDA – then toiled as a sea cadet – sweated it out as a midshipman – and then I got my stripe after so many years of jiggering – and you ‘dope entry’ buggers just walk into the Navy with a stripe on your shoulder.”

“Sir – how does entry matter – once we are in the navy – we are all equal officers...” retorted Lieutenant “K”.

“You consider yourself equal to me...? My foot..! You are a bloody sissy who can’t even take charge of your sailors – just look at the way your engine-room sailors move around in a bloody slothful manner – you are a bloody disgrace to uniform – a sissy with zero OLQ…”

Lieutenant “K” felt humiliated at being insulted in front of sailors.

But Lieutenant “K” did not want to get into an argument with Lieutenant “J”.

So Lieutenant “K” walked away – and he went straight to his boss – the Engineer Officer (EO) – and complained to him: “Sir – ever since I have come – Lieutenant “J” has been talking to me in an insulting manner – and today he humiliated me in front of sailors…”

“Go and tell the Executive Officer (XO) – he is the Head of the Executive Department – XO is Lieutenant “J”’s HOD – so you must complain to him,” the Engineer Officer (EO) said.

The EO had no guts to admonish Lieutenant “J” – so he passed the buck to the XO.

Lieutenant “K” went to the XO  and he complained to the XO about Lieutenant “J”.

“Go to your EO – he is your Head of Department – an officer must always come through his HOD,” the XO said.

“Sir – I had gone to the Engineer Officer – he told me to come to you since you were the HOD of Lieutenant “J”…”

“Don’t act like a bloody sissy and come crying to me – you are an officer – so you sort out your own problems yourself…?” the XO bullshitted Lieutenant “K”.

The fact of the matter was that both the EO and XO were scared of Lieutenant “J” – though both the EO and XO outranked Lieutenant “J.

As I told you earlier – Lieutenant “J” had an imposing personality.

And to add to his “macho” image was his impressive motorcycle.

Yes – Lieutenant “J” had a mighty Bullet Motorcycle which was his prized possession.

Lieutenant “J” was passionate about his motorcycle.

Lieutenant “J” had “jazzed up” his motorcycle with all sorts of glitzy adornments, ornate accoutrements and fancy gadgets – shining electroplated exteriors, klaxon horns, showy lights, special wheels etc – in a word – his motorcycle looked magnificent.

On Sunday morning – at around 11 AM – Lieutenant “J” was seen kicking his motorcycle and driving off in style.

As usual - Lieutenant “J” had painted the town red on Saturday evening till past midnight – slept late on Sunday morning – woken up around 10 AM – hurriedly got ready – and as per his Sunday routine – Lieutenant “J” was on his way to the Mahalaxmi Racecourse for the Sunday races.

Lieutenant “K” smiled cannily as he saw Lieutenant “J” drive off on his motorcycle – and he too decided to go ashore.

Lieutenant “K” did not have a vehicle – so he would walk down to Colaba – spend some time browsing on the Causeway – have a Biryani lunch at Olympia – and then maybe see a movie at Regal or Eros – then spend the evening loafing on Marine Drive.

When Lieutenant “K” returned on board ship in the evening – he saw that Lieutenant “J” had lined up the OOD and the duty watch sailors near the gangway – and Lieutenant “J” was shouting at them furiously.

Lieutenant “J” seemed to be in a foul mood – so Lieutenant “K” quietly went down to his cabin.

Later – when Lieutenant “K” went down to the Wardroom for dinner – he found the Officer of the Day (OOD) sitting there.

“Sir – why was Lieutenant “J” shouting on the gangway – did he lose money at the races?” Lieutenant “K” asked the OOD.

“His bloody motorcycle packed-up – the engine conked-off and stalled while he was driving to the racecourse…” the OOD said.

“So what is Lieutenant “J” so angry about – any machine can fail – surely he can get his bike repaired…” Lieutenant “K” said.

“It’s not so simple – Lieutenant “J” said that his motorcycle engine has seized – the entire system has got fouled up – the mechanic said the bike required complete engine overhaul or maybe even a new engine – and it’s going to cost him a fortune…” the OOD said.

“Oh – so that’s why Lieutenant “J” is so upset…” Lieutenant “K” said.

“That’s just one part of the story – actually Lieutenant “J” is quite well-off – so money is not a problem for him – the bigger issue is that his pride has been hurt – “J” thinks it is sabotage…”


“The mechanic told him someone put some mucky stuff into the petrol tank – probably sugar…”

“Sugar…? So what happens if you put sugar in a motorcycle petrol tank…?”

“You tell me – you are the engineer on board  aren’t you…” the OOD said to Lieutenant “K”.

Lieutenant “K” remained silent.

The OOD looked at Lieutenant “K” and said, “Well – in the Wardroom we are not supposed to stand drinks to fellow officers – but I think I’ll buy you a drink – you certainly deserve one…”

“Drink…? Me…?”

“Well – two unrelated incidents – the steward reported to me that a bag of sugar is missing from the pantry – and the quartermaster told me that you went ashore early in the morning – at around 5:30 – even before ‘Hands-Call’ – and he saw you walking on the jetty – near the vehicle park…” the OOD said.

Lieutenant “K” said nothing.

For some time  Lieutenant “K” remained silent.

Then – Lieutenant “K” smiled at the OOD and said, “I think I will have that drink…”

“Sure – but you better be careful  Lieutenant “J” is sure to find out – and then he will have a go at you – so keep a sharp lookout…” the OOD warned Lieutenant “K”

“Let him find out – he won’t do anything – Lieutenant “J” is a bloody bully – and bullies are cowards…” Lieutenant “K” said.

“What do you mean…?”

“Have you read the novel ‘Godfather’…? Or seen the movie…?”


“Do you remember the horrific ‘horse-head’ scene – where the movie producer finds the bloody severed head of his horse in his bed…?”


“And the arrogant producer is so shaken up  that he meekly submits to Godfather Don Corleone’s request – doesn’t he…?


“Well – this time I fingered his motorcycle – next time – who knows what will happen…? And Lieutenant “J” knows this…”

The cold manner in which the meek-looking Senior Engineer Lieutenant “K” spoke these words in a soft chilling tone – the OOD felt a tremor of fear himself.

On a ship – it is difficult to keep anything secret.

Scuttlebutt spreads fast – and soon the ship’s grapevine was abuzz with the story of how the docile looking unpretentious Senior Engineer Lieutenant “K” had deflated the Haughty Gasbag Lieutenant “J” by giving him the ‘sugar treatment’…”

To cut a long story short:

From then on – the ‘Pompous’ “Macho” Lieutenant “J” kept clear of the ‘Coy’ “Sissy” Lieutenant “K” 

And – everyone on the ship treated Lieutenant “K” with healthy respect and admiration.

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This spoof was written by me Vikram Karve around 9 months ago in early 2015 and posted online by me earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at url:  and 


Slice of Life Fiction Story

In the Navy – as basic courtesy – we were taught to address all persons by their names – whether they were Naval Officers, Sailors, Dockyard “Mateys” or Civilians – so I always like to call all persons I meet by their names.

That is why I make it a point to ask a person his or her name whenever I interact with anyone.

One morning – I went to the bank for some work.

I was directed to a counter where a lady customer service manager was sitting.

As is my custom – I asked the young lady her name.

“Prajakta…” she said.

She was pretty efficient – and on completion of the bank work – I thanked “Prajakta” – and I wished her a ‘Good Day’.

From the bank – I walked down to my CA’s office in connection with my tax return.

He assigned my work to a young student – who was doing her ‘articleship’.

I asked the young girl her name.

“Prajakta…” she said.

What a coincidence – meeting two girls named “Prajakta” within a few minutes.

In Marathi – “Prajakta” is the name of a fragrant flower – a nice name for a girl.

I jogged my memory.

In recent times – I remembered having come across only one “Prajakta” – a young student who was my daughter’s college classmate.

In earlier times – I did not recall knowing any girl called “Prajakta”.

But now – “Prajakta” seemed to be quite a popular name.

I checked my email on my smartphone – and I saw a message from a journalist who wanted to interact with me regarding an article she was writing.

Guess what the journalist’s name was…?

You guessed right – her name was “Prajakta”.

This was a real pleasant “happenstance” – coming across 3 girls called “Prajakta” in just a few hours.

I came back home - and while waiting for the lift - I glanced at the huge board showing the names of the owners of the flats in our residential society.

Believe it or not – there was a “Prajakta” there too – and just imagine – I had never noticed it all these days.

This was too much of a coincidence – 4 Prajaktas in one day...!

A few hours later – while I was going down in the lift to the ground floor – on the way for my evening walk – a young couple – a boy and a girl – got into the lift at a lower floor.

The Boy – a “Techie” – a familiar face – pointed to his companion – and he said shyly to me: “Uncle – this is my fiancĂ©e.”

The girl smiled coyly at me.

I smiled at the girl and asked her: “By any chance – is your name ‘Prajakta’…?”

The girl seemed baffled – and giving me a look of bewilderment – she asked me: “How do you know that my name is ‘Prajakta’…?

I just laughed – and I quickly exited from the lift – which had reached the ground floor.

As I walked away – I could sense the boy and the girl walking behind me – and I could hear snippets of their conversation…

“How does he know that your name is ‘Prajakta’…? Do you know him…?”

“I really don’t know – I have never met this man before…”

Dear Reader:

By any chance – is your name “Prajakta”…?

Or – do you know any girls called “Prajakta”…?

I really think “Prajakta” is a lovely name for girls.

I told you earlier that “Prajakta” is the name of a fragrant flower.

I surfed the net – and I found an interesting story about the “Prajakta” Flower in a Blog called “Grandma’s Stories” (url: )

With due acknowledgement to “Grandma” – I am taking the liberty of posting the story below slightly edited for your convenience:

Naarad Muni is known to create misunderstanding among Gods, which used to be the reason of fights.

Lord Indra planted a tree in Indralok with beautiful little white flowers, with four to eight petals with vibrant dark orange tube.

This tree was called Parijat or Prajakta and had highly fragrant flowers. The flowers opened at night, spreading their fragrance. The Prajakta flowers were called God’s Flower.

There is a story behind it.

Naarad Muni brought some Prajakta flowers from Indralok – and he gave them to Lord Krishna.

He wanted to see to whom Lord Krishna would give them.

He saw that Lord Krishna gave them to Rukhmini.

Naarad Muni immediately went to Satyabhama and informed her about it.

Satyabhama went to Lord Krishna and she insisted to him to bring the tree of Prajakta.

According to his nature – Naarad Muni went to Lord Indra and said somebody from earth is soon going to steal the Prajakta tree to plant it there.

Lord Krishna went to Indralok with Satyabhama.

A battle took place between Lord Krishna and Lord Indra.

Lord Krishna was successful in taking the Prajakta tree – but Lord Indra gave a curse that the plant would never bear fruits – but may only bear flowers.

The Prajakta flowers bloom at night – and shed before sunrise.

Lord Krishna planted the Prajakta tree in such a manner at Satyabhama’s house that when it bore flowers – they would fall at Rukhmini’s house.

Satyabhama wanted the tree and she got it.

Rukhmini wanted the flowers and she got them.

I found another interesting blog post about the meaning of the name Prajakta at url: 

Hey – I have digressed.

Now – having met 5 “Prajaktas” in just one day  I am eagerly waiting for the 6th “Prajakta” – so – let’s see when I meet a girl called “Prajakta” once again  online or offline...

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Is Your “Online Reputation” Overshadowing Your “Offline Reputation” : DIGITAL FOOTPRINT, WEB IDENTITY AND ONLINE REPUTATION


Is Your “Online Reputation” Overshadowing Your “Offline Reputation”...?
Tips for Managing Your Web Identity


Soon – a time will come  when Your Digital Footprint will carry more weight than what you write on your Resume or CV.

I am sure you know the meaning of the term “DIGITAL FOOTPRINT”.

Your digital footprint is the record or trail left by all the things you do online on the internet.

Your Digital Footprint includes all your Social Media activity (on Social Networking Sites like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Quora, WhatsApp, Instagram etc)  your Blogging and Online Writing  all information about you on the internet  on various websites  your browsing history  your online subscriptions  any photo galleries and videos you have uploaded or others have uploaded about you  essentially, anything on the Internet with your name on it.

Anything you post, tweet, comment, or “like” on a blog/social media – or what others post about you  is going down as a permanent record in cyberspace on your digital footprint.

In a nutshell  your digital footprint is everything on the internet that is about you.

Since you rarely think twice about putting things online  your digital footprint can be pretty large and extensive without you even realizing it.

Have you ever “Googled” yourself...?

An easy way to check out your digital footprint is to “Google” your own name  and you will be amazed when you see number of hits and the extensive and diverse information about you on the internet.


In today’s world you have two reputations:

1. OFFLINE REPUTATION (in the physical real world)

2. ONLINE REPUTATION (in the virtual world or cyberspace)

Unless you are a celebrity  your “offline reputation” is restricted and known to only those persons in your proximity, at work, in your social circles and personal life.

However  your “online reputation” is all pervasive  and is available for scrutiny by anyone throughout the world who has access to the internet.

If I want to know about you  all I have to do is to “google” your name or search your details on websites, search engines or social networks.

Potential employers  or prospective spouses  or those desirous of getting into a relationship with you  can easily carry out a basic background check on you by just surfing the internet.

(Earlier  before the advent of the internet  you had to ask some mutual acquaintance  or make discreet inquiries  or hire a detective to find out information about somebody)

The fact of the matter is that  in today’s connected world  your online reputation is easily accessible  and it matters more than your offline reputation.

In the same way that your personality (real-world offline identity) is important for your offline reputation  your online identity plays an important role in determining your online reputation.


Your online identity consists of two things:

1. What you say about yourself on the internet (your “Owned Identity”)

2. What others say about you on the internet (your “Earned Identity”)


Your OWNED IDENTITY comprises whatever information you upload on the internet.

Your owned identity will comprise so many things like:

1. Whatever you upload on social networking sites like Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, Twitter etc including your profiles, pictures, photos, status reports, tweets, comments – anything and everything you upload about yourself.

2. Your Blogs

3. Your Websites (personal, professional and company)

4. All your writings and postings on the web which you post on the internet on various websites, online journals and e-magazines, forums, networks, groups, emails, documents, presentations – anything and everything you put on the internet.

5. Various “profiles” and “avatars” you create on the web – like, for example, your profiles on job search sites and matrimonial sites.

To put it metaphorically  your owned identity is like having a permanent tattoo – it can never be fully erased.


Your EARNED IDENTITY is what others “say” about you on the internet.

Your earned identity includes:

1. Information about you on Social Networking Sites like postings about you on Facebook by your friends (status, tags, pictures, photos, comments), recommendations and endorsements on LinkedIn, Retweets/Mentions of your Tweets by others on Twitter etc

2. Articles, Blog Posts, Wikis, Biographical Writings etc written about you which are available on the internet (these are things written about you by others  what you write about yourself on the internet becomes a part of your owned identity)

3. Various “profiles” created by others about you at various places on the web.

4. Various networks and websites that link to you

5. Miscellaneous information about you available on the internet – for example, your examination results uploaded online by your university, education board, UPSC etc or results of job selection interviews promulgated online.

To use a metaphor  your Earned Identity is like “Branding” an animal – where a permanent mark is stamped on you by someone else.


Your “owned identity” is in your control.

You must be circumspect about what you upload on the internet.

Even a small slip-up online  like an injudicious piece of writing on your blog  an indiscreet photo, an imprudent relationship status update or a stray remark on social networks – or a careless comment  has the potential of damaging your reputation in future – and may cause you harm in your offline life.

Your “earned identity” is not in your control.

Sometimes  your “earned identity” matters more than your “owned identity”.

This is because people may be curious to find out what others have to say about you  than what you say about yourself.

Even if you avoid the internet altogether  you cannot avoid having an “earned identity”.

This is because someone else may upload some writing or material about you on the web  especially if you are a celebrity  or remain in the news for something or the other.

That is why famous people  like ancient philosophers, politicians and writers  who lived much before the advent of internet  have “earned identities” – and consequently they have “online reputations”.

So remember  going offline and avoiding the internet is not the solution – it is similar to a pigeon closing its eyes to avoid seeing danger  or an ostrich burying his head in the sand approach.

In today’s information technology driven connected world  you cannot afford to bury your head in the sand like an ostrich  and live in denial.

You cannot avoid an online reputation.

Whether you like it or not  whether you use internet or not  you will have an online reputation.

So  it is in your interest to be aware of your digital footprint, web identity and online reputation  and try your best to manage these to your advantage.


Do a simple experiment.

Just “google” your name and see the results of the search.

What are the top few results?

How many “hits” pertain to your “owned reputation” ?

How many “hits” pertain to your “earned reputation” ?

Which “hits” appear on top?

If you want to manage your online reputation you must ensure that links pertaining to “owned reputation” (what you say about yourself) appear as the top search results as compared to “earned reputation” (what others say about you).

As far as your online reputation is concerned, what you say about yourself (owned reputation) must have more prominence than what others say about you (earned reputation).

Remember that your “owned identity” and “owned reputation” are in your control because you can always control what to say about yourself on the internet.

But your “earned identity” and “earned reputation” may not be in your full control since you cannot control what others say about you on the internet.

Therefore, in a nutshell, if you want to control your online reputation, you will have to “say” more about yourself on the internet than others “say” about you.

How do you do this?

It is simple.

Get active on the internet – Blog regularly  Tweet vigorously  and maintain a dynamic presence on social networking sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, Quora etc and on various Forums and groups  and make sure you network effectively.

You must be conscious of your online reputation.

With the proliferation of the internet  your “online reputation” will overshadow your “offline reputation”.

Remember  if someone wants to do a background check on you, for whatever reason  to hire you for a job  to check you out as a marriage prospect  or they just want to find out more about you  all they have to do is to “google” your name.

Then  they can ingeniously delve a bit  and explore your online identity (web shadow) – and discover your online reputation – yes  all that will matter is your online reputation.

Therefore  it is imperative that you establish an effective web presence  and be proactively conscious of your digital footprint, web identity and online reputation.

You must be careful to build a good online reputation  and you must make constant efforts to monitor your digital footprint and manage your online reputation.

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

These are my personal views. I am not an IT Professional or SEO Expert. I am a simple internet user, a Blogger and user of Social Networks. These tips are based on my personal experience. They may or may not work for you, so please do your own due diligence while using the internet.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

ONLINE REPUTATION MANAGEMENT Tips for Building and Managing Your Web Identity By VIKRAM KARVE on this blog at url:  and