Tuesday, September 30, 2014

RETIREMENT ANNIVERSARY BLOG POST No. 3 – RETIREMENT PLANNING

RETIREMENT ANNIVERSARY BLOG POST No. 3  –  RETIREMENT PLANNING

Today is the 30th of September and I am celebrating my Retirement Anniversary.

I retired exactly 4 years ago.

So, here is a post on “Retirement Planning” to celebrate my retirement anniversary.

PLANNING FOR RETIREMENT
Incoherent Ramblings of a Retired Mind
By
VIKRAM KARVE

RETIREMENT PLANNING MANTRA

A few days ago I met an ex-shipmate who is still serving in the Indian Navy but is going to retire soon.

Since I am “retired” for a few years now, he asked me about life after retirement.

‘Life is just the same,’ I said.

‘What are you saying, Sir? Life is just the same? How can that be? Are you telling me that nothing has changed after retirement?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘Life is just the same after retirement as it was before.’

‘But how is that possible? How can retired life be the same as navy life?’

‘Well, at least for me, nothing has changed – I am doing the same thing after retirement that I used to do while in service,’ I said.

‘You do the same thing after retirement that you did while in the navy? I don’t understand? You do the same work that you did in the navy? Which job is this? Sir, please tell me – I am curious – exactly what do you do?’

I looked at my “about to retire” navy friend and said nonchalantly:

NOTHING – I do “nothing”. When I was serving in the navy I was busy doing “nothing” wearing uniform – now I am busy doing “nothing” wearing civilian clothes.’


MORAL OF THE STORY

The foundation of a happy retired life is good retirement planning.

And the Best Retirement Planning Mantra is:

Learn to do “nothing” while still in service

If you can achieve this, your second innings will be as joyful as your first innings.


Disclaimer:

These are my personal views. Try this retirement mantra at your own risk after due diligence.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


RETIREMENT ANNIVERSARY BLOG POST No. 2 – WHAT IS RETIREMENT

RETIREMENT ANNIVERSARY BLOG POST No. 2 – WHAT IS RETIREMENT 

Today is the 30th of September and I am celebrating my Retirement Anniversary.

I retired exactly 4 years ago.

So, here is a post to celebrate my retirement anniversary on the Meaning of Retirement.

MEANING OF RETIREMENT 

RETIREMENT = LEISURE + SECURITY
Ramblings of a Retired Mind
By
VIKRAM KARVE

RETIREMENT MEANS LEISURE WITH SECURITY

Yes, there are two essential attributes of retirement:

1. Leisure

2. Security

When you retire you have plenty of LEISURE.

You must know how to enjoy your leisure.

However, in order to enjoy this leisure you must have SECURITY.

The term “security” includes three types of security:

1. Financial Security

2. Physical Security

3. Emotional Security


Financial Security

You cannot enjoy the leisure you will have after you retire if you do not have enough money to live a reasonable standard of life after retirement (and also cater to essential needs like health and other responsibilities towards children etc).

That is why it is important to plan early and save enough money in order to ensure financial security before you retire, especially if you are not going to get a monthly pension. 

You must also ensure you have a health insurance plan and also some contingency funds to fall back upon in case you fall in some unforeseen financial distress. 

Financial planning for retirement must take into account increasing longevity especially in women who outlive their husbands in most cases.

Physical Security

You must choose a retirement home which provides you physical security. 

That is why it is important to choose a peaceful place with good law and order (a pensioners’ paradise) to settle down after you retire. 

A flat in a gated residential complex or in a senior citizens retirement community in a city will give you better security than living in an isolated bungalow in a far-off desolate place. 

Living in an apartment in a city or in a retirement community will also provide you with facilities and amenities to enjoy a better quality of life after you retire, especially in your old age.

Emotional Security

Gone are the days of the joint family system when a retired person got plenty of emotional security from his children and grandchildren who looked after elders.

Nowadays, if you are married, you have to rely on your spouse alone to give you emotional security.

Conclusion

Before you retire, you must ask yourself whether you have enough security during your retirement to enable you to enjoy the leisure you will get when you retire. 

Remember my definition of Retirement:

Retirement means Leisure with Security

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

RETIREMENT ANNIVERSARY BLOG POST – Retirement Mantra – VOW OF “CELIBACY”

RETIREMENT ANNIVERSARY BLOG POST – VOW OF CELIBACY

Today is the 30th of September and I am celebrating my Retirement Anniversary.

I retired exactly 4 years ago.

Since then, the 4 years of retired life has been total bliss  living the life I always wanted to live  Doing Nothing.

So, here is a post to celebrate my retirement anniversary.

RETIREMENT MANTRA
Are You Ready For “Celibacy” and “Nirvana” ?
Inspirational Wisdom  For the Retired and About to Retire
By
VIKRAM KARVE

If you have retired, or are about to retire, here is a story for you to read.
The story is called “VOW OF CELIBACY 

VOW OF CELIBACY - An Apocryphal Teaching Story by Vikram Karve

A worldly man seeking Nirvana, true enlightenment, renounced worldly life, took a strict vow of celibacy which was the sine qua non for attaining enlightenment and achieving a state of nirvana

He then headed for the hills to live an ascetic existence of a hermit.

He found a secluded cave and began his simple contemplative meditative life surviving on natural wild vegetation in the forest and began his journey towards his quest for enlightenment.  

One day he noticed holes in his robe and discovered that there were lots of rats in the cave who were chewing off his robes.

Soon, the rats were nibbling at his toes and disturbing his meditation.

Perplexed, he went down to the town and consulted his Guru who said, “No problem. The solution is simple. Get a cat.”

“A cat...?” asked the man, perplexed.

“The cat will take care of the rats,” the Guru said.

So our nirvana seeking man got a cat and took it up to his cave.

The cat took care of the rats and the man was undisturbed in his quest for enlightenment.

A few days later the cat had eaten up all the rats.

As there were no rats left to eat, the cat started feeling hungry.

One day, the famished cat started moaning with hunger.

The constant moaning and crying of the cat disturbed the man’s meditation.

So, the man again rushed to consult his Guru.

“Get a cow,” the Guru advised the man.

“A cow...?” the man exclaimed in astonishment.

“Yes. The cow will yield milk with which you can feed your cat and satiate its hunger,” the Guru said.

Now the man would spend some time milking the cow, feeding the cat and then settle down for his meditation.

A few days later the cow stopped giving milk and mooed loudly in a sad tone.

The cat too had started moaning again.

Totally disturbed by the shrill anguished moaning of the hungry cat and loud disquieting mooing of the starving cow, the wise man ran to his Guru once again to seek his advice.

“Buy some seeds and plant them. Grow grass. Water your garden and tend to the plants. The crop will give food for the cow and for you,” the Guru said.

The man planted the seeds which yielded food both for the cow and for himself.

However now the man had to spend so much time tending to his garden, feeding and milking his cow, and giving milk to his cat, that he hardly got any time for meditation.

He rushed to his Guru who once again had a ready solution, “There is a young widow – poor thing  she is a destitute woman. She will look after everything, all your needs, and you can meditate in peace and attain enlightenment.”

It was indeed a wonderful arrangement.

The young widow looked after everything.

The garden bloomed, cow and cat flourished, and the wise man was undisturbed in his quest for enlightenment.

Then, the winter season came and it started getting cold.

One day it began to snow and the temperature fell to sub-zero.

The young widow started to shiver owing to the biting cold.

Soon she could not bear the bitter cold any longer.

So the woman snuggled into the wise man’s bed.

She still felt cold.

So the woman tightly embraced the man with her arms, put her legs around him, put her entire body in physical contact with his body, as that was the only way for her to keep warm.

Now tell me, which man can resist the tight embrace of an attractive woman in the prime of her life...?

The vow of celibacy lay shattered.

There ended the man’s quest for enlightenment and nirvana.

Soon, with all his new possessions to look after (the cat, the cow, and the woman), the man returned back to the material world.

He began to live a worldly life as he used to do before, the same busy worldly life from where he had begun his journey towards enlightenment to attain Nirvana.

The “wise man was back to square one.

His dreams to attain a state of Nirvana remained unrealized as he got busy with his worldly life.


RETIREMENT MEANS NIRVANA

Metaphorically, retirement is supposed to be nirvana”.

And celibacy is the essential prerequisite to attain a state of nirvana”.

“Celibacy” means burning your bridges to your previous material world, cutting off from your work life, and “doing nothing”.

Once you retire you are supposed to give up all your “worldly” activities and attain a state of bliss.

But does everyone do that?

I have seen that for many retired persons there is no difference between their retired lives and earlier busy lives.

Even after you retire, you keep getting involved in various worldly affairs due to which you are not able to achieve the idyllic state of a blissful retired life.

Read the Story again.

And think about all the worldly activities which are hampering your quest for a tranquil and blissful retired life.

Is your retired life “Nirvana”?

Are you living the tranquil life you always wanted to life in your autumn years?

Have you “switched off”?

Or are you still entangled in the hurly-burly of worldly affairs? 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Humor in (and out of) Uniform – HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN ( हामान में सब नंगे हैं )

Celebrate Blogging Post – Humour in (and out of) Uniform
HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN  ( हामान में सब नंगे हैं )

BlogAdda (a directory of Indian Blogs) in its Celebrate Blogging event, has tweeted to Bloggers:

We want to read that one post of yours which you can read and smile always

So let me delve deep into my blog, and pull out one of my favourite “Humour in Uniform” posts for the occasion.

I smiled while reading my unforgettable navy “memoir”.

I am sure the anecdote will bring a smile to your lips too.


HUMOUR IN (AND OUT OF) UNIFORM

HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN  ( à¤¹ामान में सब नंगे हैं )
(Everyone is Naked in the Bathroom)
Hilarious Memories of My Unforgettable Navy Days
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE


हामान में सब नंगे हैं  

HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN (Everyone is Naked in the Bathroom)
An apocryphal story by VIKRAM KARVE

WHO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN ON A SHIP ?

Dear Reader, tell me, who do you think is the most important person on a ship?

“The Captain,” you would say, in all probability.

If you were a “technical fanatic”, you may say that the Chief Engineer is the key man, as it is the engines that move the ship.

Some die-hard branch loyalists would plum for specialist officers of their own branches – the gunnery officer, torpedo officer, navigating officer, or even the most redundant of them all, the communications officer.

“The Ship’s Medical Officer, the Doctor,” the hypochondriacs would probably say.

Some would root for the Quartermaster (or helmsman) who steers the ship.

A Foodie may say that the ship’s cook is the most important individual on the ship, since good food is the sine qua non of high morale.

Aviators think they are prima donnas, especially on aircraft carriers.

Everyone has their own view and you can debate till the cows come home.

But on this ship, on which I was presently serving, indisputably, without a doubt, the most important man was the “Fresh Water Tanky”.

Of course, if you are fond of American spellings you may spell “Tanky” as “Tankey”  like they spell “Whisky” as “Whiskey” – but that is a matter of minor detail.

And since the Indian Navy mostly follows Royal Navy traditions, I will use the British spelling – “Tanky”.


FRESH WATER TANKY

The “fresh-water tanky” is a junior sailor from the engine-room branch responsible for the fresh-water supply in a ship.

In my earlier ships, all steamships, there was an abundance of fresh water and the “fresh water tanky” was an insignificant cog in the wheel and most of us did not even know who he was.

But on this ship, which invariably suffered a terrible scarcity of fresh water when we were at sea, the “fresh water tanky” was a VIP, the most sought after individual on the ship, so much so that even the Fleet Commander, a Rear Admiral, personally called the “Fresh Water Tanky” to his cabin at 0010, ten minutes past midnight.


WHY DID THE ADMIRAL CALL THE FRESH WATER TANKY AT MIDNIGHT?

The “fresh-water-tanky” was fast asleep on his bunk in the engine-room junior sailors’ mess when he was rudely woken up by the Duty Petty Officer and told to report to the Admiral immediately in person.

The “fresh-water-tanky” wore his overalls, put on his cap and rushed up to the Captain’s Cabin, which had been taken over by the Fleet Commander, as this ship was not designed to be a “Flag Ship”.

Only the Captain’s Cabin had an attached bathroom and toilet.

For all other officers, there was a common bathroom.

Similarly, sailors too had huge common bathrooms, one for senior sailors and another for junior sailors.

Since the Admiral had moved into the Captain’s Cabin, the Captain had evicted the XO, who had moved into the spare bunk in Cdr (E)’s cabin, and the fleet staff had moved into various spare bunks and a few junior officers slept in the wardroom.

It was terribly crowded, and the water shortage made it worse.

This ship was not designed for the prevailing hot, sultry, humid, sweaty tropical climate where you needed to bathe at least once or twice a day to keep yourself clean.

The ship was designed for much colder arctic climates where you hardly sweated and you could go without a bath for many days.

There were cultural aspects, as well, as far as personal hygiene is concerned.

Those people needed much less fresh water than us for daily use – they were not in the habit of bathing every day.

Even for their ablutions they used toilet paper.

On the other hand, for us, “Cleanliness was next to Godliness” and we needed plenty of water for our daily baths and ablutions.

And even our style of cooking required lots of fresh water.

Thus, this ship catered for far less fresh water than required for our needs, and there was a perpetual water scarcity, though ironically, there was plenty of sea water around us which we could not use for our daily needs.

Metaphorically, it was a case of “water water everywhere but not a drop to drink”.

This shortage of fresh water necessitated strict rationing of water which in turn entailed observance of a strict water routine and water was opened for bathing only for a few minutes in a day.

But during this long sailing, even this bathing water routine could not be followed due to some breakdowns and water was opened only for a few minutes at dawn for brushing and shaving.

All of us were without a bath for days, which made us feel miserable.

We were all “dry cleaning”.

And so was the Admiral.

But now the Admiral had decided to have the luxury of a bath.

That is why he had summoned the “Fresh-Water-Tanky” at this unearthly hour, well past midnight.


SPECIAL WATER ROUTINE FOR THE ADMIRAL 

The “fresh-water-tanky” reached the Captain’s cabin flat on the double, he knocked, and a loud voice said, “come in”, and he entered, and he saw that the Admiral was standing naked but for a towel round his waist.

“I want to have a bath – open the fresh water,” the Admiral bellowed.

“You want to have a bath now, Sir? It is the middle of the night,” the perplexed fresh-water-tanky stammered.

“Yes.”

“Sir, water routine is from 6 in the morning…” the fresh-water-tanky mumbled.

“I know that. During your water routines the water is pressure is so bloody low that hardly any water climbs up to this deck as everyone opens up all taps and showers on the lower decks…”

“Sir, there is a problem…”

“Don’t tell me your problems – just do as you are told and open the fresh water for 10 minutes – come on – move – chop chop…!!!” the Admiral barked at the nonplussed sailor.

The “fresh water tanky” decided to play safe.

He tiptoed down to the Senior Engineer’s cabin.

The Senior Engineer Officer had hit the sack an hour ago, after a hard day’s work slogging away in the bowels of the ship and after his customary nightcap – a generous swig of rum from the hip flask he always carried in the pocket in his overalls.

He was in deep sleep, snoring away, on the top bunk, above me.

There was a knock on the cabin door.

I cursed at being woken up from my sleep and opened the cabin door.

The moment I saw the fresh-water-tanky, I got angry and told him to get lost.

But when I heard the reason why he had come, I quickly got up from my bunk, stripped off my lungi and vest, put a towel around my waist, picked up my soap case, and rushed down to the officers’ bathroom.

Meanwhile, the fresh-water-tanky gave the Senior Engineer a “hard shakeup” to wake him up from his deep sleep and asked his permission to open the fresh water.


WATER IS A GREAT LEVELLER

Jolted out of his deep sleep, for a few moments, the Senior Engineer Officer appeared to be in a daze.

Then, as he recovered his senses, the Senior Engineer squinted his eyes and looked at the clock – it was 12:15 (0015 Hrs in Naval Parlance) – 15 minutes past midnight.

“The Admiral wants to have a bath now?” the puzzled Senior Engineer asked the fresh-water-tanky.

“Yes, Sir. He called me personally to his cabin and ordered me to open the fresh water.”

“What’s the level?” Senior Engineer asked the fresh-water-tanky.

“Very Low, Sir,” the fresh-water-tanky answered.

“Okay. We’ll conserve water tomorrow. Now just open the water for 5 minutes – strictly 5 minutes – and make sure you don’t tell anyone – let them sleep peacefully,” Senior Engineer said, stripping off his overalls and grabbing his towel.

“Aye, Aye, Sir,” the fresh-water-tanky said.

But before he went to open the fresh water, the fresh-water-tanky surreptitiously went down to his mess-deck, quietly stripped off his overalls, picked up his soap and put on a towel round his waist.

This furtive activity was observed by a few engine-room sailors who had come off watch and were lying in their bunks trying to sleep – and suddenly they were roused into a flurry of action and all of them were seen rushing towards the sailors’ bathroom, clad in their towels.

I don’t know how it happened, but the “secret” news, of water being opened at the midnight hour, spread like wildfire, and everyone was seen rushing in various states of undress to the bathrooms, and standing naked under the showers, waiting for water to sprinkle on their bodies.

Yes, on this ship, everyone bathed in his “birthday suit”, even the officers.

On my earlier ships, where there was the luxury of abundant fresh water, it was possible for OLQ oriented officers to bathe in an “officer-like manner”, bathrobe, privacy of shower-curtain, et al

But on this ship, water was a great leveler, and things like modesty, etiquette and protocol had no place in the bathroom.

The scene epitomized the famous Hindi proverb “Is hamam mein sab nange hain” meaning “everyone is naked in this bathroom”.

So, whatever your rank, if you happened to be on this ship, you were “nanga” in the “hamam”.


IS HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN  (इस हामान में सब नंगे हैं) 

By the time water gushed out of the showers, there were 20 officers standing stark naked under the 4 showers in the officers’ bathroom.

It was a tight squeeze, bodies rubbing against each other, hands with soap moving wildly, a free-for-all, and in the frenzy you could not even make out who was lathering whose body.

The TASO, an aficionado of sandalwood soap, would emerge from the melee smelling of the strong heady scent of the aromatic herbal soap used by the Mallu Senior Engineer.

The Gunnery Officer, on middle watch, had handed over the deck to the cute watch-keeping Sub Lieutenant, and rushed down from the bridge without towel or soap – he would “bum” both from someone, as was his habit of bumming everything.

The cute watch-keeping Sub Lieutenant would go for his bath later, if he was allowed and if there was time enough after the return of the Gunnery Officer, and the water routine was long enough, or he would rather skip the collective nude bathing session – he suspected the proclivities of some of the rather bawdy officers who seemed to have a glad eye on him and he did not want to risk a repeat of what had happened in the previous free-for-all bathing fracas.

While the officers were enjoying their bath, so were almost all the sailors, with all showers open full blast and all the ship’s bathrooms filled with bodies chock-a-block.

The result of all of this frenzied full-scale bathing on the lower decks was that not a drop of water climbed up to the Captain’s Cabin where the Admiral was standing patiently in his birthday suit under the shower.

Now, the Admiral was an old sea-dog, who had commanded this very ship, and he realized what was going on.

So, he wrapped his towel around his waist and marched bare-chested down to the officers’ bathroom.

“Bloody, Guns! What the hell are you doing here?” he shouted at the Gunnery Officer who should have been on the bridge during middle-watch.

Before the shamefaced Gunnery Officer could reply, the Admiral shouted at him: “Go and sound ‘Action Stations’ – come on, move.”

Then he looked at the Senior Engineer and commanded: “You make sure the water remains on in full force till I finish my bath – I want the fresh-water-tanky standing by outside.”

As “Action Stations” were sounded and everyone was rushing to his post, the Admiral stripped off his towel and stood under the shower to enjoy a leisurely bath.

As the Admiral was enjoying his bath, his newly appointed cute and coy Flag Lieutenant peeped in.

Like most Flag Lieutenants he was a pretty boy.

The charming Flag Lieutenant was lucky to have served on comfortable ships.

He seemed a bit shy and timorous to walk around semi-nude in front of sailors who were rushing up and down in the ships alleyways.

That is why the demure Flag Lieutenant was dressed up for a bath in an “officer-like” manner – in a full bathrobe covering almost his entire body.

The Flag Lieutenant saw the brawny nude Admiral standing in his birthday suit”  stark naked under the shower.

Seeing the outrageous sight before him, the Flag Lieutenant hesitated.

On seeing his Flag Lieutenant’s coyness, the Admiral shouted at him: “Come on pretty boy  hurry up, take off everything and come in fast – Is Hamam Mein Sab Nange Hain.”


EPILOGUE

I will never forget my wonderful time on this glorious frontline warship.

During my long naval career, I have served on many ships and shore establishments.

But it was on this ship which had the best camaraderie among officers; and even relationships with sailors were the best.

Despite the tough time we had and the hardships we faced, this was a Happy Ship”.

Maybe it has got something to do with being “Nanga” in the “Hamam” ... !!!

Can there be any better bonding than being Nanga” together in the “Hamam”?

And now, after reading this story, maybe you have probably guessed why they are still not posting women naval officers on ships  at least in the Indian Navy.


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This yarn is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)