Friday, May 30, 2014




We, my wife and I, got married on 30 May 1982. 

Today, on 30 May 2014, we complete 32 years of married life, and enter the 33rd year of our marriage. 

Ours was an arranged marriage. 

There was no “love” involved. 

We are certainly not a “made for each other” couple. 

In fact, we were, and still are, a terribly incompatible couple. 

The wife of a friend of mine who knew me closely and observed my would-be-wife when we had gone to invite them for our wedding commented to her husband that our marriage will not last for even 10 days. 

My friend landed up on our 10th wedding anniversary on 30 May 1992 with a bottle of champagne and made his wife eat her words.

But what the lady had said did have a ring of truth in it. 

My wife and I are indeed an incongruous couple, we are poles apart in all aspects. 

We have huge differences of opinion on almost all matters, we fight a lot, we criticize each other, we shout at each other, we never hide our feelings especially when we don’t like something and we call a spade a spade.

We do not indulge in lovey-dovey Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

We do not say “I Love You” when we end phone conversations.

We don’t indulge in “niceties” like giving each other gifts or celebrating occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. 

Ours may be a rather volatile and “loveless” relationship.

But there is nothing fake about our relationship.

We try to live one day at a time.

Or, to put it another way, we make our marriage survive one day at a time.

In these modern times when even passionate “love marriages” break up and end in divorce, why is it that our rather prosaic marriage has stood the test of time?

There is just one reason.

Both my wife and I were always clear about one thing:



Thursday, May 29, 2014



WORLD NO TOBACCO DAY is observed around the world every year on 31 May.

This year, 31 May 2014 is World No Tobacco Day

If you are a smoker, why don’t you celebrate World No Tobacco Day on 31 May 3014 by quitting smoking forever.

To help you quit smoking, I felt that it would be apt to post, once again, this self help article I wrote around 12 years ago, in the year 2002, and which I have re-posted many times in my blog and elsewhere.

Many smokers found these tips useful and have told me that reading this article helped them quit smoking. 

It may be worthwhile to browse through it once again if you want to stop smoking permanently. 

Even if you do not smoke, maybe you can share this blog post to someone who smokes and wants to quit. 

Do you smoke?
Do you want to quit smoking? 

I was a smoker once and it has been more than 12 years since I quit smoking forever. 

Let me tell you how I quit smoking. 

It was a three stage process. 

1. First, I learned the art of smoking

2. Then, I actually physically quit smoking

3. Finally, I made sure that I did not start smoking again.

Read about it below and try it yourself. 

This technique works - you can take my word for it. 

Ever since I quit smoking more than ten years ago I have never even had the slightest desire to smoke a cigarette.

So if you are a smoker, why dont you quit smoking on World No Tobacco Day 2014?

HOW TO QUIT SMOKING (in Three Steps)


Step 1 - Learn The Art of Smoking

Step 2 - Stop Smoking (How to avoid withdrawal symptoms and tackle the day after you quit smoking)

Step 3 - How to ensure you do not start smoking again.


Do you want to quit smoking forever?  

Then first you will have to master The Art of Smoking.

The first step towards quitting smoking is to learn how to enjoy smoking.

And in order to learn how to derive supreme enjoyment from smoking one must first learn the art of smoking.

Seems absurd – a paradox – isn’t it?

I stopped smoking more than seven years ago and I know I shall never smoke again.

Let me tell you how I quit smoking.

If you are a smoker, maybe you can benefit from my experience, or maybe you can pass this on to a smoker friend who wants to quit.

I got my clue from an apocryphal teaching story I read somewhere. I reflected upon it, carrying it my mind for a long time, until I fathomed the story’s inner depth and meaning.

A seeker asks the master, “Can I smoke while meditating?”

“No!” scolds the master angrily.

Another seeker then asks, “Can I meditate while smoking?”

“Yes!” says the master knowingly realizing that this seeker is on the path to enlightenment.

This is the key, the first step – if you really want to stop smoking.

First learn to meditate while smoking.

Here’s how I did it.

One evening, I take one cigarette, just one, and walk down to Marine Drive and sit down on the parapet, at the southern tip near Nariman Point, in the cool sea breeze watching the sun being swallowed up by the Arabian Sea, crimson-yellow petals being thrown high up in the distant sky gradually devoured by the enveloping twilight.

Soon it is dark, quiet and tranquil, and I feel calm and relaxed.

I take out the cigarette from my pocket and hold it in front of me, look at it lovingly and close my eyes.

Yes, you must close your eyes – it accentuates your other senses, makes you more conscious of what’s going on inside you.

I hold the cigarette near my nose and breathe in the rich aroma of the tobacco, gently moving the cigarette as I take deep breaths, savoring the sweet fragrance of the tobacco tinged with the fresh scent of the paper and filter, until my olfactory system is truly and fully satiated.

I then put the filter between my lips, taste it and suck in air deeply through the unlighted cigarette.

It feels good.

I then open my eyes, light the cigarette, close my eyes, get ready and take a deep drag, focusing on my breath as I inhale, allowing the smoke to permeate deep within me, infusing a sensation I cannot describe, and watching carefully with my inner eye as I exhale – slow, long and relaxing.

Is my system being energized or depleted – I do not know – but I continue my unhurried meditative smoking, eyes gently closed, my inner senses fully conscious, aware, observing attentively, till the cigarette is over.

I open my eyes, come out of my trance and instinctively I gulp in a huge amount of the fresh sea breeze and rinse my lungs and system.

As I walk back I decide that this is how I shall smoke each and every cigarette from now on – meditative mindful smoking – the only way I shall smoke.

Most “smokers” haven’t learnt how to enjoy a smoke.

We keep puffing away every waking moment of their lives without even noticing it.

You grab a quick smoke in a hurry, you smoke when you are bored, you smoke while talking, while working, while doing something - smoking and multitasking - that is the problem - smoking and multitasking.

You smoke unconsciously, cigarette after cigarette, without even realizing it. 

Is it worth it ... ?

Why smoke if you don’t enjoy it ... ?

I decide.

Whenever I feel like smoking I shall stop everything and prepare myself for a meditative smoke.

I will go to some quiet place where I can sit undisturbed, alone.

Yes I must be alone.

Meditative smoking is a solitary activity.

When I smoke, I shall only smoke – no multitasking.

No more smoking with friends, with tea or coffee, no more smoking in the office feeling a guilt conscience that non-smokers don’t like it or at home with my wife nagging me, no more hurried puffs, no more mindless unconscious smoking – only meditative, mindful, conscious smoking in glorious solitude, maintaining inner calm and tranquility, and total awareness.

I follow this religiously, and soon I discover that the number of cigarettes required to satisfy me have drastically reduced and soon I am smoking only one cigarette a day – every evening, at sunset, just as I described it.

For me smoking is a special occasion requiring solitude and a congenial ambience, and if I cannot create the right atmosphere, both internally and externally, I shall not smoke.

When you have mastered something it’s time to let go and move on.

One day I feel I have mastered the art of smoking, derived all the enjoyment I wanted to from this activity, and reached a state of contentment and satiety.

It’s time to let go.

At sunset I go to my favourite place on Marine Drive, enjoy my final meditative smoke and toss the cigarette butt into the sea.

It’s been more than seven years now and I haven’t had a smoke since nor have I ever felt the urge or craving to smoke.

I know I will never smoke again.

I have quit smoking forever.

Quitting smoking is easy. 

You must ensure you don’t start smoking again. 

You have to break the habit forever. 

For this it is best to use an NLP technique like Anchoring combined with Force Field Analysis which I have described in Part 2 below. 

And don’t worry about withdrawal symptoms – it’s a myth

There are no such things as withdrawal symptoms when you stop smoking.

I am writing all about it in Part 2 below: THE DAY AFTER I QUIT SMOKING


Here is the story of the day after I quit smoking.

One of the things that deters smokers from quitting decisively in one go is the fear of withdrawal symptoms.

This results in smokers resorting to half-baked remedies like gradual reduction, nicotine patches, low tar cigarettes, electric cigarettes and various other futile therapies. 

In my opinion this exaggerated importance given to withdrawal symptoms is just a big myth, a ploy, an excuse by addicts to avoid giving up smoking.

The so-called withdrawal symptoms are nothing but craving.

The best and most effective way of quitting smoking is to just stop smoking, totally, in one go, and then never to smoke again.

Don’t be afraid of the so-called “withdrawal symptoms” – you can easily tackle the craving. 

You can take my word for it – I successfully did it and conquered the craving for smoking once and for all. 

I have written earlier and described how I quit smoking. 

I’m sure you must have read it right here in my blog. 

Now let me describe to you the day after I quit smoking. [and banish the fear of "withdrawal symptoms" from your minds once and for all!]. 

I woke up early, at five-thirty as usual, made a cup of tea, and the moment I took a sip of the piping hot delicious tea, I felt the familiar crave for my first cigarette of the day.

I kept down the cup of tea, made a note of the craving in my diary, had a glass of hot water (quickly heated in the microwave oven), completed my ablutions, and stepped out of my house, crossed the Maharshi Karve Road, and began a brisk walk-cum-jog around the verdant tranquil Oval Maidan, deeply rinsing my lungs with the pure refreshing morning air, which made me feel on top of the world.

The Clock on Mumbai University’s Rajabai Tower silhouetted against the calm bluish gray sky, was striking six, and I felt invigorated by the fresh cool air cleansing my lungs. 

I had overcome my craving and not smoked what used to be my first cigarette of the day.

I then went on my daily morning walk on Marine Drive to Chowpatty and on my way back I spotted my friends ‘N’ and ‘S’ across the road beckoning me for our customary post-exercise tea and cigarette at the stall opposite Mantralaya. 

I felt tempted, but my resolve firm, I waved out to them, looked away and ran towards my house.

They must have thought I’d gone crazy, but it didn’t matter – I had avoided what used to be my second cigarette of the day.

I made a note of it my diary, as I would do the entire day of all the stimuli that triggered in me the urge to smoke – what I would call my “smoking anchors” which could be anything, internal and external, tangible or intangible – people, situations, events, feelings, smells, emotions, tendencies, moods, foods, social or organizational trends, practices, norms, peer pressure; and most importantly how I tackled and triumphed over these stimuli.

After breakfast, I did not drink my usual cup of coffee – a strong “smoking anchor” which triggered in me a desperate desire to smoke, and drank a glass of bland milk instead, thereby averting what used to be my third cigarette of the day.

It was nine, as I walked to work, and I hadn’t smoked a single cigarette.

It was a long day ahead and I had to be cognizant, observe myself inwardly and devise strategies to tackle situations that elicited craving for smoking – recognize and neutralize my “smoking anchors”, so to speak. 

Anchoring is a naturally occurring phenomenon, a natural process that usually occurs without our awareness.

An anchor is any representation in the human nervous system that triggers any other representation. 

Anchors can operate in any representational system (sight, sound, feeling, sensation, smell, taste).

You create an anchor when you unconsciously set up a stimulus response pattern. 

Response (smoking) becomes associated with (anchored to) some stimulus; in such a way that perception of the stimulus (the anchor) leads by reflex to the anchored response (smoking) occurring.

Repeated stimulus–response action, reinforces anchors and this is a vicious circle, especially in the context of “smoking anchors”. 

The trick is to identify your “smoking anchors”, become conscious of these anchors and ensure you do not activate them.

The moment I reached office I saw my colleague ‘B’ eagerly waiting for me, as he did every day. 

Actually he was eagerly waiting to bum a cigarette from me for his first smoke of the day 

“I smoke only other’s cigarettes” was his motto!

I politely told him I had quit smoking and told him to look elsewhere. 

He looked at me in disbelief; taunted, jeered and badgered me a bit, but when I stood firm, he disappeared.

I had avoided what would have been my fourth cigarette of the day!

I removed my ashtray from my office, declared the entire place a "no-smoking zone" and put up signs to that effect. 

The working day began. 

It was a tough and stressful working day.

I was tired, when my boss called me across and offered me a cigarette. I looked at the cigarette pack yearningly, tempted, overcome by a strong craving, desperate to have just that “one” cigarette.

Nothing like a “refreshing” smoke to drive my blues away and revitalize me – the “panacea” to my “stressed-out” state! It was now or never!

I politely excused myself on the pretext of going to the toilet, but rushed out into the open and took a brisk walk rinsing my lungs with fresh air.

By the time I returned I had lost the craving to smoke.

I realized, like in the Oval early in the morning, that physical exercise is probably the best antidote.

Also, I had avoided what would have been my fifth cigarette of the day.

Now I am going to stop counting...!

People may think I am crazy, but even now I rush out of my office once in a while to take a brisk walk in the open and not only do I lose the craving for a smoke but I feel de-stressed and invigorated as well.

Conversely, once I rushed into a “no-smoking” cinema when I desperately felt like a smoke while strolling in the evening.

Often, after dinner, when I used to feel like a smoke, I rushed into the Oxford Bookstore next door, for a long leisurely browse till my craving dissipated.

And, of course, one has to change his lifestyle, activities, and, maybe, even friends.

Always try to be with likeminded people who you would like to emulate – if you want to quit smoking try to be in the company of non-smokers.

It was simple after that, but my diary for that defining day makes interesting reading of smoking anchors – saunf or supari after lunch, afternoon tea, the company of smokers, paan, coffee, work stress et al.

But the crucial test came in the evening.

My dear friend ‘A’ landed up for a drink. 

Now ‘A’ is a guy who does not smoke in front of his kids and wife. 

I am sure she knows as a husband cannot keep secrets from his wife - especially "minor" vices...

So since he does not smoke in his own home, he makes up in other people’s houses. 

But mind you, he does not bum cigarettes – in fact he gets a pack and generously leaves the remaining behind for the host.

We poured out a rum–paani each, clinked our glasses, said cheers, and sipped. 

My friend ‘A’ lit a cigarette and offered the pack to me.

At the end of a hot, humid and tiring day, the fortifying beverage induced a heavenly ambrosial sensation which permeated throughout the body and what better way to synergise the enjoyment than to smoke a cigarette along with the drink and enhance the pleasure to sheer bliss.

Till that moment, for me, drinking and smoking were inextricably intertwined – they complemented, accentuated each other and accorded me the ultimate supreme pleasure. 

I enjoyed my smoke the most along with a drink. 

I realized that drinking was my strongest “smoking anchor” and if I had to quit smoking permanently I would have to give up drinking forever. 

So that’s what I did.

At this defining moment of my life, I quit drinking forever. 

It’s been more than seven years now and I do not smoke and I do not drink.

I will never smoke again – I have quit smoking forever.

I may be tempted, but I know I can overcome the urge, for I have mastered the art of taking charge of my “smoking anchors”.

And from time to time, I shall look at my old diary to remember and cherish that cardinal day of my life – ‘the day after I quit smoking’.

Dear Reader, I did not experience any withdrawal symptoms. I am sure you won't too. 

So just Quit Smoking today and make it a day to remember.

But what will you do if you get the urge to smoke again?
How will you avoid the desire, the craving, to have a smoke?
Read Part 3 and make sure you give up smoking forever and never start smoking again. 


Force Field Analysis provides a framework for looking at the factors or forces that influence a situation or activity.

Restraining Forces are those which inhibit or discourage the occurrence of a particular activity and Driving Forces are those which promote, facilitate and encourage the occurrence of the same activity.

Let’s say Driving Forces are positive anchors and Restraining Forces are negative anchors (similar to the anchors in NLP which we saw in Part 2 above).

Let’s take the case of smoking. 

Sit down, close your eyes, and introspect.

Can you identify the stimuli, the triggers, and the situations, the driving forces, which create in you the desire and give rise to the urge to smoke?

These driving forces that create in you a desire to smoke can be anything, internal or external, tangible or intangible – people, situations, events, parties, tendencies, moods, alcohol, foods, social or organizational trends, practices, norms.

Now, make a list of restraining forces that discourage or inhibit you from smoking.

Compare the two lists. 

Now all you have to do is to make sure the restraining forces that discourage you from smoking overpower the the driving forces that create in you the desire to smoke. 

Yes, all you have to do to quit smoking is to:

1. Strengthen the restraining forces

2. Mitigate and weaken the driving forces

and most importantly, where possible, 

3. Change the direction of some driving forces and convert them into restraining forces by using techniques from concepts like NLP, 4T etc or, best of all, your own improvised techniques.

Learn how to tactfully and effectively avoid smoking.

Suppose your friends try to force you, taunt you saying you are a sissy, spoil sport, killjoy etc simply say, "I really must go," and leave the place.

Always be with like-minded people whom you want to emulate.

Remember what Epictetus said: 

If you want to do something, make a habit of it
If you do not want to do something, refrain from doing it
I have also read somewhere:

If want to be happily married, remain in the company of happily married people


If you want to stop smoking try to be in the company of non-smokers

Avoid situations which elicit craving.

Substitute healthy activities like physical exercise, recreation and creative hobbies instead of smoking.

Change your lifestyle, your friends, and your activities.

Identify your stimuli, triggers, situations, people and anchors, internal and external, tangible and intangible – the driving forces that create in you the urge to have a smoke and facilitate smoking.

Mitigate these smoking triggers by improvising force field analysis as it suits you best. 

Try to be in places where smoking is not allowed.

Force Field Analysis works for me

I am sure Force Field Analysis Technique will work for you too.

If you are a smoker I hope this blog post of mine will help you quit smoking.

If you are not a smoker but know a smoker, please send the url link of this article to him or her and help them quit smoking.

Why not celebrate World No Tobacco Day” (31 May 2014) in a befitting manner by quitting smoking, or helping a smoker quit smoking, forever

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

1. This is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please do due diligence before trying out this technique.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Wednesday, May 28, 2014



Unforgettable Characters I Met in the Navy

When I was in the Navy I used to jokingly say:

There are two types of Senior Naval Officers  Alcoholics and Workaholics

I too had my share of both.

But, going by my own experience, I prefer an alcoholic boss anyday rather than a workaholic boss.

Around 25 years ago, when I was in Vizag Dockyard, the telephone rang in my house around midnight when I was fast asleep.

It was my boss speaking on the other side of the telephone line.

He said nonchalantly: Can you come over?

I looked at my watch  the time was 2345 hours (11:45 PM)  almost midnight.

I washed up, changed my clothes, and walked across to his house in Naval Park.

I noticed that his house was dark inside.

I rang the bell.

A light was switched on inside, and soon, the door opened.

My bosss wife was standing in the door, sleepy-eyed, in her nightie.

Good evening, Ma’am. Your husband rang me up and called me for some work, I said.

He hasnt come home yet. He must be still working in the office, she said.

What happened next?

Well, I will tell you the full story sometime soon.

Meanwhile, let me share with you one of my earlier hilarious experiences with a workaholic boss and his vivacious wife.


This happened long back, in the late 1970’s.

(Try to take yourself back to the Mumbai of 35 years ago – remember that there were no mobile phones those days)

We once had a terrible boss – he was a workaholic and he would remain on board ship till late evening, sometimes even into the night, even if there was no work.

The problem was that, even on a ship in harbour, in the navy, a junior officer was required to take permission to proceed ashore, if the Captain or HOD is on board, irrespective of working hours.

This was the practice 35 years ago, and things may have changed now with the advent of a more permissive atmosphere in the navy.

Those days, even an HOD would seek permission from the Captain to proceed ashore.

Seeking permission to proceed ashore was okay in working hours.

But, unfortunately for us, working hours for our workaholic boss would extend till late evening, sometimes even into the night.

If we went to ask him for permission to proceed ashore to enjoy the delights of Mumbai, he would start asking us all sorts of questions, and, in fact, he would create work for us and make us stay on board.

Apart from being a workaholic, our boss had one more weakness – bridge (the card game, also called contract bridge).

After he finished his work on board, he would go to CCI to play bridge, and return home late in the night.

Even on Sundays and Holidays, or whenever he got time, he would play bridge in his club.

Our boss spent all his time doing only two things – Working or playing Bridge.

Once, when we had returned to harbour after a long sailing, we were eagerly waiting to go ashore, but unfortunately our boss remained on board.

All married officers had rushed home the moment the ship arrived in harbour, but our boss was “busy” on board and he was showing no inclination of going home to his wife.

We dared not ask him permission to proceed ashore, as he would create some infructuous work for us like making a defect list for a refit that was many months away.

We decided to teach him a lesson.

In the evening, we changed into civvies and quietly left the ship, without taking his permission.

We had picked up a bottle of perfume and some chocolates from the ship’s canteen.

We went straight to the home of our boss on Marine Drive.

His wife opened the door and was quite surprised to see us.

She welcomed us in.

She was delighted when we gave her the perfume and chocolates.

Then we told her that her husband had invited us for dinner.

She seemed taken aback and looked quite bewildered on hearing this.

“My husband hasn’t come home yet – I thought he was still working on board the ship,” she said, looking confused.

“No, ma’am, he left the ship in the afternoon the moment we arrived in port,” my friend said.

“Maybe, he has gone to CCI to play bridge,” I added, nonchalantly.

The moment she heard me, his wife seemed to be getting angry. 

She hated her husband’s bridge addiction – like there are “golf widows”, she was a “bridge widow”.

“I think we have come at a wrong time…” I said.

“Sorry, ma’am, we thought he was going straight home in the afternoon and he would inform you that he has invited us for dinner,” my friend commiserated.

“We did not know that he would get so engrossed in his bridge game that he would forget to come home after so many days of sailing.” I said.

“Ma’am, sorry for disturbing you – we will come some other time,” my friend said.

Our boss’s wife looked at us, and then she said: No, No. You two sit down and pour yourself a drink – I’ll rustle up some dinner for you.”

“Why not go out for dinner – to someplace in Churchgate – say, to Gaylord, or to Kamling,” I said.

She looked at us, a bit hesitant.

“Please ma’am, don’t say ‘No’ – tonight we will treat you – and you can cook us a nice dinner some other time,” my friend said.

Her face lit up, and she said, “Okay. That sounds good. I’ll get ready.”

So we and our boss’s wife enjoyed a lovely dinner at Gaylord followed by Ice Cream at Yankee Doodle and then we had a nice stroll down Marine Drive in the cool sea breeze.

It was 11 PM by the time we returned to her place for coffee.

I cannot describe the expression of shock on our boss’s face when he opened the door.

“Where were you guys? I was looking for you all over the ship,” he shouted at us.

Our boss’s wife looked at her husband sternly for some time, and then she said: “Don’t shout at them. And don’t lie to me and tell me that you were working on your ship? I know that you were in CCI playing bridge,” the boss’s wife said.

Our boss looked stunned.

Then he recovered, and said to his wife: “CCI? Bridge? Who told you that? I was on the ship doing some important work. I have just returned half an hour ago and I find you missing from home.”

“Please don’t lie. I know you left the ship in the afternoon and you were playing bridge at CCI,” the boss’s wife said.

“That is not true – who told you that?” our boss asked his wife.

“Let’s not argue – I don’t want to spoil the lovely evening I have enjoyed after so many years,” our boss’s wife said to our boss, her husband.

We excused ourselves and left.

Next morning our boss summoned us to his cabin and said: “From now on, you need not take my permission before proceeding ashore on liberty.”

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)