TIME TESTED OLD FASHIONED THREE STAGE PARENTING THEORY

Now-a-days there seems to be a lot of role ambiguity about the roles of the mother and father in parenting and bringing up their children. Here is a parenting style which clearly defines the duties of each parent, the father and mother, and removes all role ambiguity.

Read on and tell us your views...

TIME TESTED OLD FASHIONED THREE STAGE PARENTING THEORY

By

VIKRAM KARVE

My late father-in-law was a wonderful man, a cherished mentor to me, and I pray that may his soul rest in peace.

He once told me, I think just after my wedding, a time tested age-old three-stage parenting theory for bringing up children.

STAGE 1 - MOTHER

From birth till a child is five years old, the mother should pay maximum attention to nurturing the child, in fact, the baby should be under the full care of its mother, and the father should be generally around as a source of amusement and joy, playing with the baby, entertaining him or her, fostering, as a father figure in a supporting role, since as designed by mother nature, at these young ages, the baby biologically needs its mother’s physical affection (nurturing, breastfeeding, ablutions) and mother’s emotional love the most.

STAGE 2 – MOTHER AND FATHER

Between 5 to 12 years of age the father should play a vital enriching role in the child’s life, supporting, buttressing, reinforcing and inspiring a sense of security and confidence, though the mother still plays the major role as the more loving and principal parent.

STAGE 3 – FATHER

It is only after the child becomes 12 years old that the father begins to play an increasing major role in the child’s development. Now the father must take charge as the principal parent while the mother recedes into the background (playing the supporting role as the father did in Stage 1). As children become teenagers they require firm handling (especially boys) and inculcation of discipline and a sense of responsibility. 

Meanwhile, in case there are younger children, the mother will be busy performing the cardinal role as principal parent looking after the younger children who are in Stages 1 and 2 of their lives.

In case you are a single parent then you will have to perform both the roles in all the parenting stages. However this may prove difficult. That is why it is not advisable to divorce or separate if you have children as divorce of parents may adversely affect the all-round development of children.

A parent is like a trustee. So once your children become adults and start earning their living and fly off from your "nest", you have to just let go and observe your "birds" fly high in the sky, and give advice only when it is asked for.

Dear Reader, do you agree with this conservative three stage parenting paradigm?

I'll end on a lighter note. Now-a-days, in contrast to the parenting theory enunciated above, modern couples talk of shared parenting. 

Well here is a Mulla Nasrudin Story on the art of shared parenting:

Late one night, Nasrudin’s baby started crying. 

Nasrudin’s wife turned to him and said, “Husband, go take care of the baby. After all, he is not only mine — he is also half yours.”

Nasrudin sleepily remarked, “You can go stop your half from crying if you want, but I choose to let my half continue to cry.”

Here is wishing all Parents and would-be Parents a very Happy Parenting.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2011
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
Why don't you read my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL - Stories About Relationships. 

I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in COCKTAIL

To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

DO YOU WANT TO SPOIL YOUR CHILDREN - LAISSEZ FAIRE PARENTING STYLE

DO YOU WANT TO SPOIL YOUR CHILDREN?

It is Easy - Just Adopt The Laissez-Faire Parenting Style

The TIME, INCLINATION, OPPORTUNITY, MONEY Parenting Paradigm

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

 

It seems to be the in thing today to have snobbish supercilious spoilt children.

I was a strict old-fashioned father, but looking around, I have realized that in today’s world, where materialistic desires and ostentation overshadow traditional values, my ascetic style of parenting is hopelessly outmoded and distinctly passé.

It’s too late for me to change now, so let me pontificate a bit on what I did not do.

 

Apart from the conventional vices like drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling etc, all types of new and novel temptations and addictions like Internet, Gaming, TV, sex, compulsive spending and shopping, indulging in wild reckless behaviour, breaking the law and criminal thrills are on the rise and indeed becoming status symbols in some sections of society. Now-a-days there is plenty of choice available for those who want to “live it up”.

For children in today’s consumerist society there is no place for old-fashioned concepts like "thrift and frugality"and being happy where you are and content with what you have.

Conspicuous consumption, ostentation, flamboyance and expensive lifestyles are more important. Pamper your kids, pander to all their whims and fancies and they will love you; and, of course, in the long run they will ruin their own lives and cause you distress. 

 

If you want to spoil your children remember there are four cardinal factors or resources that help develop and nurture bad habits, addictions and anti-social behaviour: TIME, INCLINATION, OPPORTUNITY, MONEY. 

 

TIME

One must have time to indulge in whatever one’s pursuits, good or bad. So, if you want to spoil your children, don’t burden them with too many “mundane” things like studies, sports, hobbies etc. so that they have plenty of leisure time to live it up, develop new vices and pursue their temptations to their heart’s content. 

 

INCLINATION

This depends on your sense of values, home and family atmosphere, social environment, religious and cultural taboos, peer pressure, influence of school and friends. Are you inculcating the right values in your kids by your own actions?

 

I’ll give you a real life example.  

My friend’s son, age 15, lost his expensive mobile cell-phone forgetting it in a taxi due to his own carelessness and negligence. 

Instead of admonishing him, my friend bought him the latest, even more expensive and fancy cell-phone. 

Obviously the boy had no remorse, guilt or regret at losing the expensive gadget, and instead of feeling contrite and responsible, displayed a “couldn’t care” attitude. 

Certainly this kid will not develop value for money.

Can one even expect such actions of parents to inculcate the "correct" values of thrift, frugality and responsibility in their children?

If you drink, smoke, and party in front of your children, won’t they be inclined to do the same?

How about your friends, your kids’ friends, their behaviour, and the general atmosphere and culture around?

What are your own values? If you’re going to “live it up”, flaunt your lifestyle, be corrupt and dishonest, your kids will be inclined to do so too! 

 

OPPORTUNITY

You have the Time, you have the Inclination, but do you have the opportunity to do what you want to do?

Suppose you want to drink alcohol, but there is prohibition in force? Or there exist religious, social, cultural taboos which do not give you the opportunity to drink? This restraining forces will inhibit you from drinking alcohol.

Opportunity to indulge in an activity is governed by external circumstances, rules and regulations, which either inhibits you or makes it conducive for you to do what you want.

Enforcement of Restrictions like No-Smoking Zones, Prohibition, No Entry into Bars and Pubs for Kids inhibits opportunity for children to start drinking at an early age. Parental Control is an important factor in restricting opportunity for children to indulge in undesirable activities or develop unwanted habits.

Or do you want to give your kids a laissez faire opportunity to do what they want…? 

Suit yourself, but don't blame your children later.

MONEY 

If you want to spoil your children make sure you give them plenty of money to splurge and to do as they please.

“Vices” and profligate lifestyles are expensive. Give them the latest gadgets and gizmos, cars and bikes, pander to all their whims and fancies, and never ask them to account for their extravagant spending.

You’ve open-mindedly given your kids the time, the inclination, and the opportunity, but finally it is the money that matters - yes, it is money that helps them sustain their vices and habits. 
Go ahead, give it a try, spoil your brats, and tell me if it works

But if you don’t want to spoil your teenager kids, you know what to do, don’t you?

Just remember the four key factors when bringing up your teenage children:

Monitor their Time, 

Give them the proper Inclination in life, 

Restrict their Opportunity for undesirable activities, 

and, last but not the least, 

Keep a tight leash on their Money.

Does this teenager parenting paradigm work for you…?  

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2011
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
This is a story from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL - Stories About Relationships. 

I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in COCKTAIL

To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com     vikramkarve@hotmail.com

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.