Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Unfinished Stories – Mother and Daughter – Part 1

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”

This quote by American Poet Maya Angelou is so true – at least in my case.

I have so many untold stories inside me – and – I want to tell them as quickly as possible – to alleviate the “agony” of bearing untold stories inside me.

Dear Reader:

The story I am going to tell you – it was perambulating inside me – for a long time – untold – and – I was quite hesitant to tell this story – but now – I must tell you this story – and mitigate the “agony” of carrying the burden of untold stories.

Most stories are born from “observation” and “feeling” – at least for me.

If I observe something – and – I feel about it – a story is born in my mind.

You observe so many things – but you write only about those things that stir your “feelings” – your emotions.

This story too was born many years ago – when I observed something – and the incident aroused feelings in me.

Of course – it was a simple incident – certainly not as melodramatic as the story.

But then – a writer uses his imagination to dramatize a simple observation – and convert a simple incident into fiction.

That is what fiction is all about – a dramatized version of real life.

I have been carrying this untold story inside me for a long time.

Now – it is time for me alleviate the “agony” of bearing this untold story inside me – by telling the world this story.

So – Dear Reader – let me write the story and post it on my blogs.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
Fiction Short Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

“If you get married – I will kill myself…” the 15 year old daughter tells her 39 year old mother.

The daughter says this publicly – during her mother’s engagement ceremony.

“It’s just emotional blackmail…” someone says.

“It’s just a tantrum…” someone else says.

“She is bluffing…” another person says.

But – the girl isn’t bluffing.

She goes into the kitchen – picks up a knife – and she cuts her wrist.

Luckily – her mother has followed her into the kitchen.

She screams in horror – seeing the blood gushing out from her daughter’s wrist.

Everyone rushes to the kitchen and sees the ghastly sight.

They rush the daughter to hospital – and her life is saved.

As the daughter lies convalescing in the hospital bed – her mother asks her:

“Why did you do this…?”

The daughter says to her mother:

“I had told you very clearly that I don’t want you to get married – but still – you went ahead – the matrimonial ad – meeting men – and then – getting engaged . At every stage I warned you – but you refused to listen…”

The daughter’s grandmother (her mother’s mother) – she says to the young girl:

“Your mother is still young. It is better to have a man in the house…”

The young girl says to her grandmother:

“We don’t need a man in the house. We have got enough money. Papa has left us enough – and – Mamma has a good job….”

“It’s not only money…” the grandmother says, “Your family will be complete again. And you will get a father too…”

“No one can take the place of Papa – do you understand…?” the girl says angrily, “and we – Mamma and I – we are very happy as a family. We don’t need any outsider…”

“Try to be reasonable…” the grandmother says to the girl.

“You are the root cause of all this…” the girl says accusingly to her grandmother, “you are instigating her to get married…”

“Of course your mother has to get married – she is just 39 – tomorrow you will get married and go away…”

“I am not getting married tomorrow…”

“I mean – in a few years from now – you will get married and go away. Then – who will look after your mother in her old age…?”

“I will look after my mother…” the girl says, “I will finish my school, my college – get a good job – and – I will look after my Mamma for her entire life – I will not get married till she is alive…”

“You are talking nonsense…” the grandmother says.

“I am not talking nonsense…” the girl says, “I will look after my mother…”

Then – the girl looks at her mother and says:

“Mamma – I promise – I will look after you – I promise – I will not get married…”

“Okay – Okay – you take rest…” the mother says to her daughter.

“What “okay –okay”…?” the grandmother says to the mother, “the boy is very good – you will be very happy…”

“You please go away…” the girl tells her grandmother, “please leave us alone and go back to your home. We will look after ourselves…”

Then – the girl looks at her mother and says:

“Mamma – I am telling your very clearly – if you get married – I will commit suicide – and – next time – I will not fail- I will make sure that I die…”

The mother hugs her daughter and says: “Okay – I will not get married…”

The grandmother leaves for her home in the evening.

And – the woman – the mother of the girl – she gives up all thoughts of marriage. 

Story To Be Continued in Part 2...

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Mother of a Single Mother

A Single Mother and Her Mother 
Fiction Short Story 
By
VIKRAM KARVE

“Dramatis Personae”

S: A Single Mother

M: Her Mother (Mother of the Single Mother) 

“S” and “M” are having a conversation after dinner… 

S: How can you stay with such a horrible man…?

M: He is your father. Speak respectfully about him.

S: I know he is my father. But I am surprised how are living with him for 36 years.

M: He is my husband.

S: Yes – a most terrible and cruel husband. I don’t understand why you tolerated his cruelty for all these years…?

M: Cruelty…? What are you saying…? Your father has never been cruel to me.

S: He keeps shouting at you – in fact – he just yelled at you during dinner.

M: That is his nature – but – he doesn’t mean it at all.

S: I have seen him shouting at you in public. I don’t understand how you can tolerate such insults…?

M: I know – sometimes he reacts impulsively – that is a fault of his. But otherwise – he has been a very good husband.

S: Good Husband…? You call such an uncouth man a “good husband”…?

M: He has always been loyal to me.

S: “Loyal”…? What are you trying to imply…?

M: No nothing…

S: Are you talking about my divorce…?

M: No. Let’s not talk about that…

S: My husband tried to treat me like a “doormat” – so – I taught him a lesson. But just look at you...? You have meekly accepted being a “doormat” all your life while your husband walks all over you.

M: He is a good man. He has looked after me well – and you too – he ensured that you got the best possible education.

S: That was his duty…

M: Duty…? He worked hard so that we had everything – house, money, a comfortable life, whatever things we wanted – even now – he takes care of all my needs – he never says “No” whenever I want anything. He was the “breadwinner” – and even now – after he has retired – it is his pension and savings that keep us comfortable…”

S: Oh. So – that is the real reason why you are living with him despite his arrogant behavior – you are “financially dependent” on him…

M: No. It has got nothing to do with that.

S: Of course it has got everything to do with that – I could leave my husband because I am “financially independent”.

M: You made a mistake – you could have adjusted – and also – just because you had a fight with your husband doesn’t mean that you...”

S: I told you that I don’t want to talk about that…

M: Then – what do you want to talk about…?

S: I want you leave that horrible man – and – you come and stay with me…

M: What…? You want me leave your father – and you want me to come and stay with you…? Are you mad…? How can I leave my husband just like that…?

S: You have suffered him for your entire life just because you were “financially dependent” on him. Now – there is no need for you to meekly tolerate his insulting behavior…

M: What do you mean…?

S: You come and live with me in Mumbai. You will be more comfortable over there than in your small stuffy flat over here. I have moved into an even more luxurious house than the one you saw last time when you visited – you will have all the facilities you want over there – I will keep a car and driver at your disposal whenever you want…

M: And what about your father…?

S: He can stay back here…

M: What are you saying…? You want me to live there in Mumbai with you – and – you want him to live all alone over here…?

S: He is quite capable of staying alone…

M: But – why should he stay all alone…?

S: Because I want you to stay with me and have a comfortable life. After suffering all these years of tyranny – living with that oppressive man – you deserve a bit of happiness and freedom…

M: He is your father. Yes – he may be a bit dominating – but – that is between him and me. I don’t like you talking like this…

S: Okay. Okay. I will not talk about that obnoxious man. Let him remain here. I am taking you with me to Mumbai tomorrow – I am going to “liberate” you from slavery…

M: What…? Tomorrow…? How can I come with you to Mumbai leaving your father all alone over here…?

S: Please mummy – no discussion now. We are flying tomorrow to Mumbai – I have already booked your ticket. Now you go inside and start packing your bags. I have to make an important call…

EPILOGUE

The Daughter “S” goes out into the balcony.

She looks at her smartphone.

It is past 9 o’clock at night.

Normally – she wouldn’t think of disturbing her boss at this late hour – but the matter is most important.

She dials the number of her boss.

After a few rings – she hears the voice of her boss.

“Hello…” her boss says.

“Sir – I have decided to accept the assignment – I want the promotion…” she says to her boss.

“Are you sure…? This job requires a lot of travel – you will be out of town for almost 20 days every month…” the boss says.

“I know, Sir…”

“Who is going to look after your small daughter when you are away…?”

“I have made arrangements…”

“Arrangements…? A “Nanny”…?”

“I am bringing my mother to Mumbai to stay with me – she will look after my daughter…”  

Story to be continued in “Mother of a Single Mother” Part 2...

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
 

This is a repost of my story A Single Mother and Her Mother posted online by me Vikram Karve earlier in my blogs at urls http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/05/a-single-mother-and-her-mother.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/11/11/single-mother-and-her-mother/ etc 

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Parenting Made Simple – How to Bring up Children

Let me confess that I am least qualified to offer unsolicited advice on Parenting and How to Bring Up Children

Both our children were “parented” by my wife – I was only around for “disciplinary action”. 

Whenever things got out of hand  my wife would report the issue to me for necessary action  and send the children to me – and – I would read them the riot act”  or take even stricter action  if required

We had a “division of labour” as far as parenting was concerned – and – there was no role-ambiguity

My wife looked after the the emotional aspect of parenting – she was the “emotional” parent. 

I managed the administrative aspect of parenting – I was the “administrative” parent.

No wonder our children are close to my wife even today. 

My kids consult me mainly for administrative issues – when they want “advice” – or when they are referred to me by my wife for any issue.

The “love” aspect of parenting was always provided by my wife – and – I was generally around – if required.

This is the case even today.

So – I cannot claim to be a good parent.

However – I proved to be an excellent “pet parent”  I was both “mother” and “father” to my pet dog Sherry – for many years – right from her birth till she passed away to her heavenly abode.

As a Blogger – when I surfed blogs  I noticed that “parenting” and “bringing up children” was a very popular topic – and there were many blogs on parenting.

Recently – during a blogging workshop – I observed that many women had started blogging because they wanted to share their thoughts and experiences on “parenting” and “bringing up children” – and – there were many blogs and websites dedicated to “parenting”.

So – as a Veteran Blogger – I thought – why not share my views on “parenting” – based my observations and experiences. 

Here are my views on Parenting and How to Bring up Children”...

PARENTING STYLES and BRINGING UP CHILDREN
OLD FASHIONED versus NEW AGE PARENTING
Musings of a Veteran
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

OLD STYLE PARENTING

Nowadays – there seems to be a lot of role ambiguity about the roles of themother and the father in parenting and bringing up their children

Here is a tried and tested orthodox parenting style which clearly defines the parenting duties of each parent  the father and the mother  and removes all role ambiguity in the matter of bringing up children. 

OLD FASHIONED THREE STAGE PARENTING THEORY

My late father-in-law was a wonderful man  a cherished mentor to me  and I pray that may his soul rest in peace.

He once told me  I think just after my wedding  a time-tested age-old three-stage parenting theory for bringing up children.

THREE STAGE PARENTING THEORY

STAGE 1 : (0 to 5 Years)  MOTHER IS THE PRINCIPAL PARENT 

From birth  till a child is 5 years old  the mother should pay maximum attention to nurturing the child.

In fact  the baby should be under the full care of its mother.

As far as the baby is concerned – the father should be generally around as a source of amusement and joy. 

The father should play a supporting role  as a father figure. 

He must play with the baby  entertaining the baby  and be a source of happiness, fun and joy for the baby.

Mother Nature has so designed things  that  at these young ages  the baby biologically needs its mother’s physical affection (nurturing, breastfeeding, ablutions etc).

A small baby can do without the father  but cannot do without the mother

However Metrosexual a man may try to become  to the best of my knowledge  a man cannot breastfeed his baby  only a mother can do that.

A small baby needs the mother physically  and  most importantly  the baby needs the mother’s emotional love the most.


STAGE 2 : (5 to 12 Years) – MOTHER AND FATHER EQUALLY SHARED PARENTING

Between 5 to 12 years of age the father should play a vital enriching role in the child’s life.

The father supports, buttresses, reinforces and inspires a sense of discipline, security and confidence in the child.

At the same time  the mother plays a complementing role as the more loving and principal parent.


STAGE 3 : (12 to 18 Years) – FATHER IS THE PRINCIPAL PARENT

It is only after the child becomes 12 years old – that the father begins to play an increasing major role in the child’s development. 

Now  the father must take charge as the principal parent – while the mother recedes into the background (the mother now plays the supporting role as the father did in Stage 1). 

As children become teenagers  they require firm handling (especially boys)  and teenagers require inculcation of discipline and a sense of responsibility. 

Meanwhile  in case there are younger children  the mother will be busy performing the cardinal role as principal parent looking after the younger children who may be in Stages 1 and 2 of their lives. 

Let me re-iterate that this is the “Old Style” Parenting Paradigm when Father and Mother lived together and brought up their children. 

Now – Single Parenting seems increasingly in vogue – due to a variety of reasons – ranging from divorce to long distance marriages. 

So – in case you are a Single Parent – then  you will have to perform both the roles of Mother and Father – in all the 3 Parenting Stages – till your Child becomes and Adult.  

However  this may prove difficult. 

Just imagine that you are a Single Parent  and  you have two children  one child is below 5  and  the other child is above 12.

For the younger child in Stage 1 (0 to 5 Years) – you will have to perform the 100% Mother Role.

For the older child in Stage 3 (12 to 18 Years) – you will have to be 100% Father.

You will go crazy due to role ambiguity – and your kids will get confused by your contrasting behaviour. 

Also – if you have a guilty conscience (due to your divorce) – you will tend to pamper and spoil your children – which can be detrimental – especially in Stage 3 (12 to 18 Years)

That is why it is not advisable to divorce or separate  if you have children. 

Or – if divorce is inevitable – it is best to delay divorce till all children become adults.

I am of the view that divorce of parents may adversely affect the all-round development of children. 

While a Mother plays a prominent role in inculcating Emotional Balance  the Father is the parent who shapes Personality and inculcates Discipline.


PARENTING WHEN CHILDREN BECOME ADULTS

A Parent is like a Trustee

So – once your children become adults  and they start earning their living  and they fly off from your “nest”  you have to just let go  and observe your birds fly high in the sky. 

At this stage  it is best to be a spectator – and give advice/assistance only when your children ask for advice/assistance.


NEW AGE PARENTING

Dear Reader  do you agree with this traditional parenting paradigm…?

Or  do you prefer the New Age Proxy Parenting Paradigm described below…? 

NEW AGE PROXY PARENTING STYLE

Maybe I am an old fogey  with outdated views  but sometime ago  I was shocked to learn that a young mother had gone abroad to the US – leaving behind her 3 month old first born baby in India with the baby’s grandmother (the Baby’s Mother’s Mother).

(Those days – maternity leave was 3 months – and – the career conscious working mother chose to take up an important 2 month assignment abroad  rather than stay back to look after her baby – who was left in the charge of the old grandparents)

The baby’s grandmother would be the proxy “surrogate” mother – while the biological mother continued to stay far away from her baby to pursue her career in a foreign country.

Is this an ethical thing to do...? 

And – is it morally correct from the baby’s point of view...?

Is it in consonance with the biological laws of nature for a mother to willfully deprive her new-born baby of natural physical and emotional maternal love for the sake of her selfish career ambitions...? 

Is it not cruel on the hapless child...?

Is it fair for the natural mother to deprive herself of the joys of motherhood...?

I find it unimaginable that a mother prefers to willingly remain away from her small baby.

Even a father would like to remain with his children.

Can a grandmother  or a nanny  fulfill the natural role of the mother better than the child’s own birth-mother...?

This lack and willful deprivation of natural physical maternal love  and the absence of a father figure  will all this affect the development of the child in later years…?

Will it affect their interrelationships as parent and child…?

And – what about the interrelationships of the child with others  in later years  like the child’s future inter-relationships with friends and spouse?

We are born wanting a loving, nurturing attachment to our parents (particularly the mother).

Within the first year or two of our life  we all develop an image of our love object” and our relationship with that person.

These images comprise feelings, fears, needs and wants – the mental-emotional yearnings of an infant baby for his or her parents (especially the mother).

Suppose the birth-mother fails to meet the baby’s natural needs and yearnings  can someone else  like a grandmother  or a nanny – can this surrogate mother take the birthmother’s place as a proxy “love object”...?

And  if so  what are the repercussions of this proxy surrogate parenting” on the development of the child…?

If a grandmother plays a mother’s role – won’t this cause an ambiguity in the child’s mind…?

Well  Dear Reader: 

I don’t know the answers to all these questions.

Do you…?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This article is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. Please do your own due diligence before deciding your parenting style.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)