A Small Girl Tells Her Story – Why I am going to Boarding School

No small child likes to go to “Boarding School”.

No parents would like to willingly send their children to “Boarding School” – especially at a young age.

There is always some reason why parents send their small children to Boarding School.

In my case – I was sent to Boarding School in the 1960’s – at the tender age of 9 years – because my father was posted to remote places where proper schooling facilities did not exist (In the early 1960’s – Kendriya Vidyalayas had not proliferated all over India as they are today)

So – we had many “Defence Brats” – children with “military” parents in transferable jobs to remote locations with no schooling facilities.

In another case – parents were undergoing “non-amicable” divorce and fighting a bitter custody battle for their only son – so they thought it was best to send their small son to a Boarding School till the divorce/custody case was decided.

Some parents feel that Boarding School will inculcate a sense of discipline their children – so they send their indisciplined “spoiled brats” to Boarding School to get disciplined.

Recently – someone suggested that Boarding School was a good option for children of “career couples” (especially those in “long-distance marriages”).  

Boarding School has both pros and cons. 

Yes – there are advantages and disadvantages of studying in a boarding school. 

The main advantages is that it gives you uninterrupted education (in case of transferable parents – like those serving in the Defence Services – you do not have to change schools every 2 years because of your parents’ posting) – and – of course – Boarding School makes you independent and tough.

But there are disadvantages as well – you lose out on family relationships – and you have to make a special effort to learn your own mother-tongue and culture.

So – when a “Techie” couple asked me whether they should send their child to a Boarding School – I was reminded me of a story I had written long back during the days of the “IT Boom” in Pune – a story narrated by a small girl who is being sent to a Boarding School.

Dear Reader: Here is the story…

WHY I AM GOING TO BOARDING SCHOOL
A SMALL GIRL’S STORY
Short Fiction
By 
VIKRAM KARVE

NB: I wrote this story long ago – more than 20 years ago – in the 1990’s – during the days of the first Information Technology Boom (IT Boom) in the end 1990’s – which transformed Pune from a laid back salubrious Pensioner’s Paradise – into a bustling cosmopolitan metro.

This is one of my favorite stories – A Small Girl’s Story – narrated in her own words...

WHY I AM GOING TO BOARDING SCHOOL

A SMALL GIRL’S STORY – Short Fiction By VIKRAM KARVE

It all started when God took my baby brother away. 

Poor thing – my poor baby brother – poor little thing...

God took him away even before he was born.

And – Mamma was never the same again.

She changed forever. 

We were all so happy then – before God took my baby brother away.

A happy family – My Papa – My Mamma – My loving Granny – and – cute little Me.

We all lived in a cute little house in a place called Madiwale Colony in Sadashiv Peth in Pune.

In the morning – Papa caught the company bus to his factory in Pimpri – and Mamma walked me down to my school nearby on Bajirao Road.

And – in the evenings – we would all go to the “Talyatla Ganpati” Temple in Saras Baug – play on the lush green lawns – and if Papa was in a good mood – he would treat me to a yummy Bhel prepared by the man with the huge flowing beard at the Kalpana Bhel stall at Parvati Chowk on Tilak Road – on our way back home. 

On Sundays – we would go to Laxmi Road for shopping – eat Misal at Santosh Bhavan – and have Amba Ice Cream at Ganu Shinde – and – maybe – a Marathi movie at Prabhat, Vijay or Bhanuvilas. 

And – once in a while – Papa would take us on his Bajaj scooter to Camp – or a ride on the Jangli Maharaj Road – or to picnic spots like Khadakwasla and Katraj lakes – or hiking up Sinhagarh Fort – and once we even went all the way to Lonavala – Papa, Mamma and me – all 3 of us riding on our beloved and hardy scooter. 

It was a good life – and we were happy and content.

Two things are a must for a happy home.

First – you must love your home 

And – you must always want to go home – because – your home is the best place in the world for you

Second – your home must love you 

Your home must want you to come home – beckon you – yes – your home must welcome you and wait for you to come back – and – just like a pet dog – your home must be happy when you come back – and – your home must always want you to live at home.

Our cute little house in Sadashiv Peth – with all the loving people in living in it – was indeed a happy home – we loved our home – and – our home loved us. 

And – I had lots of friends all around. 

One day – they all said Mamma was going to have a baby.

Being a girl myself – I wanted a baby sister to play with – but Granny scolded me – and she said that it must be a baby brother – so I said okay – I would manage with a baby brother. 

And suddenly one day – when Mamma’s tummy was bloating quite a bit – they rushed her to hospital – and God took my unborn baby brother away.

Yes – God took my unborn baby brother away. 

It was at this moment that Mamma changed forever. 

I sat beside Mamma in the hospital and consoled her: “Don’t worry. God will send another baby brother.” 

And on hearing this – Mamma started crying.

She said she would never be able to have a baby again – and I was her only baby.

My Mamma looked pale – and she had a sad look in her eyes for many days – even after leaving hospital.

And most of the time – Mamma would sit alone – brooding by the window – or moping all alone in her room. 

“She will go crazy sitting in the house all day. Your wife must do something...!” everyone said.

But Papa was adamant: “Who will look after the house, my mother, my daughter...?” he asked. 

“Don’t worry – I will manage everything...” Granny said.

So Mamma joined a Computer class nearby.

And soon – she started becoming normal and happy again.

“She is a natural programmer...” my Mamma’s teachers praised her.

And when she finished the course – my Mamma was offered a good job in a top IT software firm. 

“No way...” said Papa, “I am the breadwinner. I don’t want my wife to work. I want her to look after the house.” 

“MCP... MCP...” everyone said to Papa.

I did not know what MCP meant – but it made Papa very angry. 

“Let her work. I will manage the house...” Granny said. 

“Don’t worry, Papa. Please let Mamma work. I am a big girl now and I can look after myself. I will study regularly and come first in class...” I promised.

And so – Mamma started working.

And when Mamma brought home her first pay cheque – she gave it to Papa.

My Papa did not take the cheque.

Instead – he said proudly: 

“I will be the last person to touch my wife’s money. I would rather starve – than live off my wife’s money.”

So my Mamma gave the money to Granny.

And Papa did not say a thing – he just sulked for days.

Life was hectic now.

Mamma got up very early – cooked the food – did the housework – got ready – and then both Papa and Mamma caught their respective company buses to their faraway workplaces – he went to his factory in Pimpri – and she went to the IT Park at Hinjewadi.

And after that Granny made me ready – I walked down Bajirao Road to my school. 

One day my Mamma’s boss came home with Mamma.

He said the company wanted to send Mamma abroad to America to work onsite on a project.

My Mamma’s boss had come to our home to convince Papa to let her go to America.

I thought that Papa would argue – and I hoped he would not let Mamma go to America.

But surprisingly – my Papa meekly agreed – probably thinking it was futile to argue – and Mamma went away to America for three months.

Then there was an “IT Boom”.

IT... IT... Software... Software... Everywhere...

That was a turning point in our lives.

Mamma started doing better and better – becoming more and more successful – doing more and more projects – and earning more and more money.

Papa felt jealous that Mamma was earning more than him – so he took Voluntary Retirement (VRS) from his job – and he started a business. 

I don't know what he exactly did – but his business was something to do with software and hardware.

My Papa got so busy – that he came home late in the evenings.

Now – Papa had no time for me – but his business seemed to be doing quite well. 

And then – a competition started between my Papa and my Mamma.

And soon – they both were making so much money that – one day – they said that Sadashiv Peth wasn’t a good enough place for us to live in any longer – as it did not befit their new found status...!

So we moved to a luxury apartment in a fancy township in a posh suburb of Pune – and I was put in a famous elite school known more for its snob appeal than academic accomplishments and studies.

Our new house was in a beautiful colony – far away from the city – with landscaped gardens – a clubhouse – a swimming pool – a gym – and so many facilities.

It was so luxurious – and the people living here were so highbrow and snobbish – that Granny and I were miserable.

“It’s like a 5 star prison...” my Granny would say.

She was right in one way.

For the whole day when we all were away – Granny was trapped inside the apartment with nothing to but watch soaps on cable TV in airconditioned comfort.

I too missed our cute old house in Sadashiv Peth – the Bhel – the trips to Saras Baug and Laxmi Road – and – most of all – my earlier friends who were so friendly – unlike the snobbish people here.

Oh yes – this luxury apartment was indeed a better HOUSE

But – our cute old place in Sadashiv Peth was certainly a better HOME

But Granny and me – we managed somehow – as Mamma increased her trips abroad to America – and Papa was busy expanding his flourishing business.

And one day – suddenly – God took Granny away.

Mamma was abroad in America on an important project – and she just could not come home immediately.

She came back after one month.

And then for days and days – Papa and Mamma kept discussing something.

I sensed that they were discussing about me – because whenever I would come – they would keep quiet or change the topic.

And tomorrow morning – I am off to an elite boarding school in Panchgani. 

I do not know whether what has happened is good or bad for me – or what is going to happen to me in the future.

But – one thing is sure: 

 

If God had not taken my baby brother away – I would not be going to boarding school.

Yes – if God hadn’t taken my baby brother away – Mamma wouldn’t have taken up a job – and – I wouldn’t be going to boarding school.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This Story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This is a revised updated version of my Fiction Story WHY I AM GOING TO BOARDING SCHOOL - A SMALL GIRL’S TALE Written By Me Vikram Karve more than 20 Years ago in the end 1990’s and also posted online earlier a number of times on my creative writing blogs at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2010/08/why-i-am-going-to-boarding-school.html  and  http://creative.sulekha.com/why-i-am-going-to-boarding-school_58256_blog  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/why-i-am-going-to-boarding-school-story.html  and  https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/Childrens-Day-Story  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/why-i-am-going-to-boarding-school-small.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/09/a-small-girls-tale-blog-fiction.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/07/my-favourite-short-stories-part-7-why-i.html  and http://creative.sulekha.com/my-story-a-small-girl-s-tale_52171_blog  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2007/02/05/my-story-a-fiction-short-story-by-vikram-karve-2/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/why-i-am-going-to-boarding-school-small.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/04/a-small-girls-story-why-i-am-going-to.html etc 

Parenting Made Simple – How to Bring up Children

Let me confess that I am least qualified to offer unsolicited advice on “Parenting” and “How to Bring Up Children”. 

Both our children were “parented” by my wife – I was only around for “disciplinary action”. 

Whenever things got out of hand – my wife would report the issue to me for “necessary action” – and send the children to me – and – I would “read them the riot act” – or take even stricter action – if required. 

We had a “division of labour” as far as parenting was concerned – and – there was no “role-ambiguity”. 

My wife looked after the the emotional aspect of parenting – she was the “emotional” parent. 

I managed the administrative aspect of parenting – I was the “administrative” parent.

No wonder our children are close to my wife even today. 

My kids consult me mainly for “administrative” issues – when they want “advice” – or when they are “referred” to me by my wife for any issue.

The “love” aspect of parenting was always provided by my wife – and – I was generally around – if required.

This is the case even today.

So – I cannot claim to be a good parent.

However – I proved to be an excellent “pet parent” – I was both “mother” and “father” to my pet dog Sherry – for many years – right from her birth till she passed away to her heavenly abode.

As a Blogger – when I surfed blogs – I noticed that “parenting” and “bringing up children” was a very popular topic – and there were many blogs on parenting.

Recently – during a blogging workshop – I observed that many women had started blogging because they wanted to share their thoughts and experiences on “parenting” and “bringing up children” – and – there were many blogs and websites dedicated to “parenting”.

So – as a Veteran Blogger – I thought – why not share my views on “parenting” – based my observations and experiences. 

Here are my views on “Parenting” and “How to Bring up Children”...

PARENTING STYLES and BRINGING UP CHILDREN

OLD FASHIONED versus NEW AGE PARENTING

Musings of a Veteran

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

OLD STYLE PARENTING

Nowadays – there seems to be a lot of “role ambiguity” about the roles of themother and the father in “parenting” and “bringing up their children”. 

Here is a tried and tested orthodox parenting style which clearly defines the parenting duties of each parent – the father and the mother – and removes all role ambiguity in the matter of bringing up children. 

OLD FASHIONED THREE STAGE PARENTING THEORY

My late father-in-law was a wonderful man – a cherished mentor to me – and I pray that may his soul rest in peace.

He once told me – I think just after my wedding – a time-tested age-old “three-stage parenting theory” for bringing up children.

THREE STAGE PARENTING THEORY

STAGE 1 : (0 to 5 Years) – MOTHER IS THE PRINCIPAL PARENT 

From birth – till a child is 5 years old – the mother should pay maximum attention to nurturing the child.

In fact – the baby should be under the full care of its mother.

As far as the baby is concerned – the father should be generally around as a source of amusement and joy. 

The father should play a supporting role – as a father figure. 

He must play with the baby – entertaining the baby – and be a source of happiness, fun and joy for the baby.

“Mother Nature” has so designed things – that – at these young ages – the baby biologically needs its mother’s physical affection (nurturing, breastfeeding, ablutions etc).

A small baby can do without the father – but cannot do without the mother. 

However “Metrosexual” a man may try to become – to the best of my knowledge – a man cannot breastfeed his baby – only a mother can do that.

A small baby needs the mother physically – and – most importantly – the baby needs the mother’s emotional love the most.

STAGE 2 : (5 to 12 Years) – MOTHER AND FATHER “EQUALLY SHARED” PARENTING

Between 5 to 12 years of age the father should play a vital enriching role in the child’s life.

The father supports, buttresses, reinforces and inspires a sense of discipline, security and confidence in the child.

At the same time – the mother plays a complementing role as the more loving and principal parent.

STAGE 3 : (12 to 18 Years) – FATHER IS THE PRINCIPAL PARENT

It is only after the child becomes 12 years old – that the father begins to play an increasing major role in the child’s development. 

Now – the father must take charge as the “principal parent” – while the mother recedes into the background (the mother now plays the supporting role as the father did in Stage 1). 

As children become teenagers – they require “firm handling” (especially boys) – and teenagers require inculcation of discipline and a sense of responsibility. 

Meanwhile – in case there are younger children – the mother will be busy performing the cardinal role as “principal parent” looking after the younger children who may be in Stages 1 and 2 of their lives. 

Let me re-iterate that this is the “Old Style” Parenting Paradigm when Father and Mother lived together and brought up their children. 

Now – “Single Parenting” seems increasingly in vogue – due to a variety of reasons – ranging from divorce to long distance marriages. 

So – in case you are a “Single Parent” – then – you will have to perform both the roles of Mother and Father – in all the 3 Parenting Stages – till your Child becomes and Adult.  

However – this may prove difficult. 

Just imagine that you are a “Single Parent” – and – you have two children – one child is below 5 – and – the other child is above 12.

For the younger child in Stage 1 (0 to 5 Years) – you will have to perform the “100% Mother” Role.

For the older child in Stage 3 (12 to 18 Years) – you will have to be “100% Father”.

You will go crazy due to role ambiguity – and your kids will get confused by your contrasting behaviour. 

Also – if you have a guilty conscience (due to your divorce) – you will tend to pamper and spoil your children – which can be detrimental – especially in Stage 3 (12 to 18 Years)

That is why it is not advisable to divorce or separate – if you have children. 

Or – if divorce is inevitable – it is best to delay divorce till all children become adults.

I am of the view that divorce of parents may adversely affect the all-round development of children. 

While a Mother plays a prominent role in inculcating Emotional Balance – the Father is the parent who shapes Personality and inculcates Discipline.

“PARENTING” WHEN CHILDREN BECOME ADULTS

A Parent is like a Trustee. 

So – once your children become adults – and they start earning their living – and they fly off from your “nest” – you have to just let go – and observe your “birds” fly high in the sky. 

At this stage – it is best to be a “spectator” – and give advice/assistance only when your children ask for advice/assistance.

NEW AGE PARENTING

Dear Reader – do you agree with this traditional parenting paradigm…?

Or – do you prefer the New Age Proxy Parenting Paradigm described below…? 

NEW AGE “PROXY PARENTING” STYLE

Maybe I am an old fogey – with outdated views – but sometime ago – I was shocked to learn that a young mother had gone abroad to the US – leaving behind her 3 month old first born baby in India with the baby’s grandmother (the Baby’s Mother’s Mother).

(Those days – maternity leave was 3 months – and – the career conscious working mother chose to take up an important 2 month assignment abroad – rather than stay back to look after her baby – who was left in the charge of the old grandparents)

The baby’s grandmother would be the proxy “surrogate” mother – while the biological mother continued to stay far away from her baby to pursue her career in a foreign country.

Is this an ethical thing to do...? 

And – is it “morally correct” from the baby’s point of view...?

Is it in consonance with the biological laws of nature for a mother to willfully deprive her new-born baby of natural physical and emotional maternal love for the sake of her selfish career ambitions...? 

Is it not cruel on the hapless child...?

Is it fair for the natural mother to deprive herself of the joys of motherhood...?

I find it unimaginable that a mother prefers to willingly remain away from her small baby.

Even a father would like to remain with his children.

Can a grandmother – or a nanny – fulfill the natural role of the mother better than the child’s own birth-mother...?

This lack and willful deprivation of natural physical “maternal love” – and the absence of a “father figure” – will all this affect the development of the child in later years…?

Will it affect their interrelationships as parent and child…?

And – what about the interrelationships of the child with others – in later years – like the child’s future inter-relationships with friends and spouse?

We are born wanting a loving, nurturing attachment to our parents (particularly the mother).

Within the first year or two of our life – we all develop an image of our “love object” and our relationship with that person.

These images comprise feelings, fears, needs and wants – the mental-emotional yearnings of an infant baby for his or her parents (especially the mother).

Suppose the “birth-mother” fails to meet the baby’s natural needs and yearnings – can someone else – like a grandmother – or a nanny – can this “surrogate mother” take the birthmother’s place as a proxy “love object”...?

And – if so – what are the repercussions of this “proxy surrogate parenting” on the development of the child…?

If a grandmother plays a mother’s role – won’t this cause an ambiguity in the child’s mind…?

Well – Dear Reader: 

I don’t know the answers to all these questions.

Do you…?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This article is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. Please do your own due diligence before deciding your parenting style.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 

This is a consolidated revised and abridged repost of my articles on parenting written 16 years ago in the year 2001 and posted online by me Vikram Karve in my various blogs including at urls: http://creative.sulekha.com/parenting-theory_452027_blog  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/03/bringing-up-children-part-1-three-stage.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/04/parenting-styles-old-fashioned-versus.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/03/bringing-up-children-3-stage-parenting.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/04/parenting-how-to-bring-up-children.html etc