Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Friday, July 26, 2019

THE “CLEAN” MARRIAGE – A Love Story

THE  “CLEAN” MARRIAGE
Fiction Short Story
By 
VIKRAM KARVE

Café Samovar Mumbai (circa 2004)

“I want a “clean” marriage…” she says.

“Clean Marriage…?” he asks her, confused.

“A marriage without an “intimate” relationship…” the woman says.

“You want to have a marriage without sex…?” the man asks the woman.

“Yes. A “chaste” relationship – just companionship – no physical relationship…” the woman says.
“Just “platonic” love – no “sexual” love…?” the man says.

“Love…? Well – you can say – a pure and clean “platonic nonsexual relationship”…” the woman says.

The man is puzzled by the woman’s proposal.

Seeing the expression of uncertainty on the man’s face – the woman says to him: 

“You think about it. If you think that a “clean marriage” is feasible – and – if you are agreeable for a “clean marriage” – then – please come here tomorrow evening – same time – and we can take it further. I will be waiting for you. But – if you don’t like the idea – please don’t come – I will understand…”

After saying this – the woman smiles at the man – she gets up from her seat – she turns around – and – she walks out of Samovar Café.

Next Evening – Café Samovar Mumbai

When the man enters Café Samovar next evening – he sees the woman sitting on the same table.

He smiles at her – and – he walks towards her.

She smiles back at him.

The woman says to the man: “I knew you would come…”

The man sits down in front of the woman.

They ordered Snacks and Tea – the Samovar Special Pakoda Platter and Pudina Chai (Tea).

The woman speaks first.

“I know there are many questions in your mind. Please speak freely and ask whatever you want. After all – we are thinking of getting married – so – there should be no doubts or confusion at all…” she says to the man.

“You want a completely “sexless” and “sex-free” marriage…?” the man asks the woman.

“Yes…” she says.

“If you are not interested in sex – why get married at all…?”

“Is “sex” the only reason why people get married…?”

“No. But it is one of the reasons…”

“But – I don’t want “sex” in my marriage…”

“But why…?”

“I am afraid of having sex…”

“Oh. So – you are not “asexual” – you have “genophobia”…”

“Genophobia…?”

“Yes – genophobia – fear of sex – you are afraid of sexual intimacy…”

“Yes. I have fear of sex. I am afraid of sexual intimacy…”

“May I ask why you are afraid of sexual intimacy..?” the man says.

Seeing the expression of discomfort on the woman’s face – the man feels contrite – and he says to the woman: “I am very sorry…”

“No. No. I will tell you. After all – you are the first man who has shown interest in marrying me despite my precondition for a “clean marriage”. You can ask me whatever you want to ask…” the woman says.

“Your fear of sexual intimacy – is it due to some traumatic incident…?” the man asks the woman.

“Yes. It happened 20 years ago. My uncle tried to brutally rape me. I was only 12 years old. It was a terrifying experience – gruesome and horrific – excruciatingly painful – I suffered unimaginable agony. I was totally shattered…”

“I’m so sorry…”

“And – after that traumatic incident – I haven’t had any form of sexual contact with anyone – I feel terrified by the very thought of sex – I feel frightened if any man comes near me – or touches me….”

“And women…?”

“What do you mean…?”

“Have you been intimate with women…?”

“What are you saying…?” the woman says, looking uncomfortable.

“It’s okay – it’s okay – let’s talk something else…” the man says, trying to comfort the woman.

The woman remains silent for some time.

Then – the woman says:

“Let me make it clear. I am not a lesbian. I like men. I like being friends with of men. I want the companionship of a man. That is why I want to get married. But – I am afraid of having sex with a man. That’s why I want a “clean” marriage…”

“A “clean” marriage…!!!” the man says, “I really wonder…?”

“I am sure we will be able to make it work…” the woman says, “you and me – can’t we have a “pure” and “chaste” relationship – can’t we enjoy each other’s company and live together as best friends…?”

“We can have a “trial marriage” – we can live together…”

“No. No. I want a proper marriage – a commitment – we will have everything that is there is a proper marriage – except sex…”

“Oh. So – no “Ludus”…!”

“Ludus…? What’s “Ludus”…? It sounds obscene…!”

“No. No. Nothing obscene about it…! “Ludus” is playful and uncommitted love – like they have in casual relationships…”

“Oh…! Yes – no “Ludus”…!”

“Well – you want “Philia” – friendship, goodwill, companionship, dependability, trust…”

“Yes. Yes. That is what I want…”

“And maybe – a bit of “Pragma” – and of course – “Storge” – a sort of “familial” love – a long-term relationship where sex may not be that important…”

“I don’t want sex at all…”

“Of course – you made that quite clear right from the beginning – absolutely no “Eros” – no sexual passionate love…”

“I am getting confused by your jargon…”

“It’s not “jargon” – there are seven types of love – Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, Philautia – if you’re interested – I’ll tell you more…”

“Of course I’m interested – tell me…”

And so – the man tells the woman all about love.

She listens intently to the man.

And – when he finishes – she says to him:

“You know so much. You are very interesting man. I’d love to get married to you. I think we can have a great “clean” marriage. Let’s get married…”

“I think we should meet one more time…” the man says.

“Okay. Tomorrow evening – over here – same time…?”

“Let’s meet at my place. Unless…”

“Yes. Let’s meet at your place. I’d love to see your house…” the woman says, enthusiastically.

“Okay. I’ll message you my address and exact location…” the man says to the woman.

“That’s great. I’ll come after work in the evening…”

“I’ll wait for you. We can talk – and cook some dinner together…”

“Wow. I’d love that. But tomorrow – we will talk about you. I have told you about myself – my expectations. Now – you have to tell me why you are interested in a “clean” marriage…” the woman says to the man.

“Okay…” the man says.

They – the man and the woman – they get up from their seats – walk out of Samovar Café – into the foyer of Jehangir Art Gallery – they wish each other “Good Bye” – and walk away towards their destinations.

Next Evening – The Man’s Apartment on Marine Drive, Mumbai

The next evening – at 7 PM – the woman rings the doorbell of the man’s sea-facing 3rd floor flat on Marine Drive.

The man opens the door – he smiles at the woman – and he says to the woman:

“Welcome to my home. You found the place easily…?”

“Yes. I walked down from my office…” the woman says.

The woman walks around the spacious living room and goes into the airy balcony with a beautiful view of the Arabian Sea – the sun has just set a few moments ago – it’s twilight – and the spectacle of the grey sky over the tranquil sea is soothing to the soul.

“You have a lovely house…” the woman says.

“Thank you…” the man says – and he asks the woman, “would you like a drink…?”

“I’d love a chilled beer…” she says.

The man pours a glass of beer for her – and – a stiff whisky-soda for himself.

“Let’s sit in the balcony…” the woman says, “the view is lovely and the breeze is cool…”

They sit in the balcony – sip their drinks.

The woman looks at the man – and she says to him:

“Tell me – why do you want a “clean” marriage…?”

“I feel that sex is dirty…” the man says.

“Dirty…? You feel that sex is dirty…? But – I once heard someone say that good sex is supposed to be “dirty”…” the woman says.

“Not that type of “dirty”…” the man says, “I feel that the act of sex is disgusting – repulsive…”

“Oh – so you hate sexual intimacy – you find it dirty and repulsive…”

“Yes…”

“And – may I ask why…?”

“Well. I don’t wish to go into details. So – let’s leave it at that...”

“See. We have to be totally frank with each other. I told you everything yesterday – why I want a “clean” marriage – I told you that I am afraid of sex – I told you the reason why I am afraid of sex – due to that traumatic experience where my uncle tried to brutally rape me. What about you…? Were you sexually abused when you were small…? Is that why you find sex so disgusting and repulsive…?”

“No. No. I was not sexually abused. It is something else…”

“Something else…? Come on – tell me everything – I am going to be your wife…”
“Well – long ago – around 20 years ago – when we were deck cadets – we used to visit lots of ports all over the world – and once – out of curiosity – and – more out of peer pressure – we visited a brothel – a whorehouse…”

“Oh – so you have been to prostitutes…?” the woman asks.

“Only once – and – after that disgusting experience – never afterwards…” the man says.

“What happened…?”

“It was a sleazy place – filthy, smelly and squalid – and the hideous woman – she was so coarse and distasteful – the experience was so repulsive – that I just couldn’t perform...”

“Couldn’t perform…?”

“Yes – I was only 18 – it was my first time – and – I had this horrid experience – and after that – I started feeling that sex is dirty, disgusting and unclean…”

“You never had sex after that…?”

“No…”

“You don’t find women attractive…?”

“Of course, I do – I am not “gay” – I find women attractive – but – when it comes to sex…”

“So – you never tried to have sex with a woman after that tragic first experience…?”

“I tried – a few times – but – let’s not talk about it…” the man says.

“Okay. Just one last thing…” the woman says.

“One last thing…?”

“Don’t you get the “urge” sometimes…?”

“Why are you asking all this..?”

“I am worried that if you suddenly get the “urge” – you may do something to me…”

“Why will I do something to you...? I told you that I find the very idea of sexual intercourse dirty…”

“So – what do you do when you get the “urge”…?”

“You are going into great detail – aren’t you…?”

“Come on – we are going to be husband and wife – no secrets between us. Tell me – what do you do when get the “urge”…”

“I satisfy myself…”

“Me too…” the woman says to the man, “We are in “sync” – aren’t we…? We both hate sex – you find sex “dirty” – and – I am “scared” of sex. We are quite “compatible” – aren’t we – at least as far as sex is concerned…?”

“Yes…” the man says, “I think a “clean” marriage will suit us – no sex - just companionship and love…”

“Love…?”

“Yes – I think I have fallen in love with you…” the man says to the woman.

“Me too…” the woman says, “you were the first one who responded to my “clean marriage” matrimonial ad – and we met the same day – I liked you so much – and I could see that you liked me too – I knew that things would work out – so – I deleted my matrimonial profile from the site that very evening…”

“So – should we go ahead…?”

“Of course – let’s get married…”

“I will be so happy to be married – when I return from sea – I wouldn’t have to come to an empty house – I know you will be waiting for me…” the man says, “and maybe – if things work out – I will take up the Superintendent’s job they are offering me – then my office will be near yours too...”

“Yes. It will be good for me too – to have a friend and companion like you. And – all those lecherous men who prey on single women – they will stop pestering me – once they know I am married…” the woman says.

“Yes. Let’s get married …” they say together.

They clink their glasses and raise a toast:

“To a “clean” marriage” 

And so – the man and the woman – they got married.

Their “clean” marriage was a great success.

Dear Reader: 

You may be wondering – How do I know that their marriage was a success…?

Well – around 10 years after they got married – I met the couple in Café Samovar at the Jehangir Art Gallery.

They looked so happy – the man – the woman – and their two children – a boy and a girl – “byproducts” of their “clean” marriage.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.


Disclaimer:
  1. This blog post is a fictional spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my original blog post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/02/an-unfinished-love-story-clean-marriage.html
Story continued from my blog post UNFINISHED STORY url:  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/02/13/inchoate-love-story-a-clean-marriage/     and https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/04/24/unfinished-story-the-clean-marriage/ and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/06/12/an-unfinished-story-the-clean-marriage/and  http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/01/unfinished-story-clean-marriage.html

Friday, February 1, 2019

Do You Have “Hurry Sickness”...? Remember the Proverb: Hurry Burry Spoils the Curry

I have slowed down in life. 

However – sometimes – I find myself in a “hurry”.

So – I need to post my own “self help” article on “Hurry Sickness” – for myself – for me to read and reflect on. 

It is easy to “preach” – but – difficult to “practice” what you “preach”. 

S– “self styled” Gurus like me need to read my own “preachings” – and ponder over whether I am myself practising what I preach. 

Dear Reader – Here is the article on Hurry Sickness...

I WAS A “MAN IN A HURRY”

Once upon a time – I suffered from “Hurry Sickness” 

I was a “man in a hurry”. 

Then – I slowed down – and – I decided to enjoy the finer aspects of life. 

Now – I am no longer “man in a hurry” – I have become so slow and relaxed – that – sometimes  my “Better Half” feels quite miffed when she has to get me moving. 

Do you suffer from “Hurry Sickness”...? 

Here are some tips to cure yourself from “Hurry Sickness” 

Slow Down – get rid of “Hurry Sickness”.

Remember the saying: Hurry Burry Spoils the Curry


HURRY SICKNESS
Hurry Burry Spoils the Curry
Musings of a Retired Navy Veteran
By 
VIKRAM KARVE 


HURRY SICKNESS  DEFINITION and MEANING
 
A central element of lifestyle management is the skill to creatively balance achievement and work success with leisure activities, family life and social involvements.
         
Another critical aspect is the ability to feel comfortable at work and at home and to enjoy the experience of whatever is being done at that moment.
 
But nowadays, most of us are obsessed with getting results or completing one’s task. 

When task completion becomes more important than enjoying the task in hand – and understanding the work or activity one is doing at the given moment  a sure victim of “hurry sickness” is born.
 
The resultant constant sense of urgency is the trap of hurry sickness. 

You rush to “get things done” to the point where it becomes an obsession.
 
Breaking this syndrome requires that you learn to enjoy experiences for the pleasure they give. 

When you gain pleasure from an experience  there is no need to get things done painstakingly.
        
Enjoy experiences  not rewards  and things will get done automatically without any constant stressful sense of urgency.
 
Hurry Sickness can be defined from a psychological perspective as follows:

HURRY SICKNESS 
– is a pervasive and progressively urgent need to complete task – in order to obtain rewards at completion  without regard for other aspects of the work experience – and by using maladaptive time strategies...”


OBSESSION FOR TASK COMPLETION
 
They key causal factor in hurry sickness is the progressive need for task completion.

Enjoying what you are doing is neglected with a morbid urge to getting it done as quickly as possible 
 no matter what the activity.
 
The need for task completion extends to non-work involvements as well.

For example – Hurry Sickness affects activities like eating, playing, romance, making love, sex, leisure, having fun, loafing, taking a stroll, recreation, leisure, sports, pastimes, hobbies, holidaying, exercising, lazing around, dozing, enjoying music, cooking, gardening, and – even – doing nothing. 

Your Hurry Sickness interferes with the enjoyment of these experiences because of the persistent inclination to hurry up and finish it off.
 
Getting things done has become such a strong need  because the payoffs or rewards for completion have assumed primary importance.

Your work experience has taught you that rewards always come at the end of the activity 
 after you have put forth great effort to achieve a goal. 

You do not realize that: 

“Happiness is not a Destination – but the manner of Travelling...
 
Not only do you feel a sense of personal satisfaction from your achievements  but tangible rewards  such as promotion, cash incentives, awards, and advancements are given to you as well. 

With time  these rewards have become clearly linked with your self-esteem.
 
Each time you “succeed”  your ego  your inner self  sends an internal message to you  which says: 

“You have done well. You are a commendable person because you succeeded again.” 

Your need for this kind of reassurance has become stronger than you would care to admit.


TIME URGENCY
 
Time-Urgency quickly becomes a strong internal driving force towards task completion. 

Your life becomes a frenzy of completing one task after another. 

You are obsessed with time  and wasting time becomes almost a mortal sin.
 
You strive to maximize your productivity by using time ever more efficiently  but you also have a sense that you are controlled by time  and you don’t like it. 

Time is both your challenge  and your enemy.

A telling sign of hurry sickness is that even while relaxing  you constantly fight the time-urgency that causes you unrest.
       
Another way to seek to increase your output is to adopt maladaptive time management strategies. 

These questionable tactics may help you get more done over the short run  but you pay a heavy emotional price.


MULTI-TASKING – A MALADAPTIVE TIME MANAGEMENT STRATEGY
 
You now do everything faster  you have learned to “multi-task”  or “double up”  to do many things at once  and you are constantly preparing for what is coming next  before you are finished what you are doing now. 

The insidious trap is that you get something done quickly  even when there is no reason to get anything done at all.
         
Because of your emphasis on task completion  you focus on finishing the task – without regard for other aspects of the experience. 

In short  you have lost the ability to enjoy yourself while doing anything  because of your incessant drive to get to the finish line. 

Because of this change  you have lost the ability to emotionally rejuvenate yourself.

Chronic Fatigue and Pessimism are symptoms of this malady of Hurry Sickness.
   
 
SIGNS AND SIGNALS OF HURRY SICKNESS 
       
Here are some behavioural signs and signals that indicate Hurry Sickness:
 
 
1.     Hurried Eating  
 
You now eat in the office while continuing to work – or you just skip meals altogether.

You multitask while eating.

At home  you finish meals well ahead of everyone else  and eat in bigger bites  without savouring and relishing the taste of food.

Sharing pleasantries at the table is minimal – because you cannot sit long enough.

Ask yourself – are you eating mindfully and relishing every morsel of your food...? 

Are you totally relaxed and unhurried when you eat...? 
 

2.     Hurried Sex
 
Relaxed and romantic sex and leisurely lovemaking is but a pleasant memory.

The frequency of having sex has reduced. 

And  even when you do indulge in sex  it is a quick encounter  no time for foreplay – just a quick premature ejaculation  or – a quick “faked” orgasm – and  you are off to sleep  so that you can finish off your sleep and get up early – to get on with your work and tasks. 

O  you immediately get up after the sexual encounter – and move on to some other “important” or “urgent” activity. 

Sex is less spontaneous and more mechanical these days

Sex is no longer unhurried and relaxed lovemaking.

Like most other activities in your “hurried” life – sex has also become a “hurried” affair. 

Yes – for you – Sex is hurry-up-and-get-it-done activity. 

The climax and orgasm become more important than the foreplay and lovemaking

Worse  you often indulge in “faking it” – so that you can quickly finish off your lovemaking activity. 

You want to get over with and finish off the sexual encounter as fast as possible  in a hurry  so that you can quickly get on with the more “important” and “productive” things in life – your “high priority” activities...!  
 

3. Confused Communications
 
Your interpersonal communication patterns now focus squarely on the negative. 

Feedback to others emphasizes mistakes and failings – and you rarely compliment  or offer sincere support to anyone these days. 

You do not take the time any more for pleasant chats with family and colleagues. 

You make demands instead of working cooperatively with others or team-building.

You even stop talking to yourself (intrapersonal communication). 

And hey  are you on your smartphone most of the time – talking – texting – or – feverishly engaged on the Social Media...?  
 

4. Uneasy Leisure
 
You put aside less time for relaxation  and you enjoy it less  when you actually try to relax. 

Time-off is now more of a hassle than it is worth. 

When you sit still  you feel uncomfortable and uneasy almost immediately.

You have lost the ability to “do nothing” 

It is difficult for you to loosen up – and enjoy an idle hour relaxing  doing nothing. 

Leisure makes you uneasy. 

Even when you are on a vacation or a holiday – you seem to be always in a hurry. 

Ask yourself: 

“Why do I work...? 

Introspect  reflect and contemplate on this question  and  realization will dawn upon you that: 

The primary reason you work is to be able to enjoy your leisure.

Yes  you work to earn money  so that you can enjoy our leisure.

So why aren’t you taking a vacation every day  and learning how to enjoy your leisure with full awareness...? 

Of course  if you are lucky  and you learn how to enjoy your work  then your work will seem like leisure. 
 

5.  Poor Quality of Family Life 
 
Family members now “report” events to you  but you share little of yourself with them. 

You and your spouse argue more than you talk.

The satisfactions of family life have diminished in quality and quantity

Your impatience is just as strong at home as it is in the office. 

In both your work life  and your family life  you display a sense of hurry.


HURRY SICKNESS  –  CURE AND MITIGATION

(HURRY BURRY SPOILS THE CURRY)
  
 
If you are a victim of hurry sickness  your initial tendency is to effect and expedite your “cure” in a hurry too

But  this hurry-up-and-get-it-done” attitude  this may actually sabotage your recovery. 

What is required is patience, perspective and the ability to deal with setbacks in healthier ways.
 
It is easy to blame hurry sickness on the pressures of the job  and what you “have to do to survive” – and on the insensitivity of the complex modern world. 

While each of these perceptions has a grain of truth in it  the fact remains  that most of the responsibility for hurry sickness lies within you.
 
Your drive to get ahead is the real root of the problem  and the fact is that  you have lost all sense of perspective. 

Until you accept personal responsibility for your present state  you will not be in a position to confront and reverse the real mischief, damage and harm caused by hurry sickness. 

Remember the well-known story of the hare and the tortoise. 

Decelerate your life a bit  slow down  walk leisurely instead of driving  and  do not carry your mobile phone  or at least – switch off your cell-phone where you can.

DO NOT MULTI-TASK 

Do one thing at a time  with full awareness and mindfulness  and learn to enjoy the experience of whatever you are doing. 

Ask yourself:

Do you believe in multi-tasking...? 

Are you a victim of HURRY SICKNESS”...?

Why don’t you rid yourself of this malady
 and enhance your quality of life”...

Of course you can get rid of Hurry Sickness...!!! 

Just stop multitasking 

Focus on whatever you are doing at the present moment. 

It is very easy  and – it works  you can take my word for it.

So  Dear Reader  just RELAX 

Remember: 

HURRY BURRY SPOILS THE CURRY


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please exercise due diligence before trying out the tips mentioned in the article.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)