Thursday, August 24, 2017

The “Honeytrap”

Humor in Uniform

SNATCH 22
The Honeytrap
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Dear Readers: 

Thank you for your feedback that you don’t like my “serious” stories and giving me your esteemed advice that I should stick to Humor 

So – in deference to your wishes – let me dig deep into my Humor” archives and pull out a rather ribald Humor in Uniform story for you to enjoy  and to have a hearty laugh. 

It is just a fictional yarn  humorous satire  a spoof  no offence meant to anybody – so take it in the right spirit of Holi – like they say: 

But before you read this story  Dear Reader – first check whether you have a sense of humor – and only after you confirm that you indeed have a sense of humor should you then continue reading ahead.

Yes – please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. 

This fiction story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a hearty laugh. 

Also, this story is for mature adults only, so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this blog post.

If you are game for some satire, a spoof – read on and have a laugh...

“COUGAR” IN UNIFORM – FEMALE “FAUJI” ON THE PROWL

From my Humor in Uniform Archives:

In the Military  Stealing the Affection of a Brother Officer’s Wife is strictly taboo. 

The term “stealing affection” is the military euphemism for “adultery”.

Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is deemed to be conduct unbecoming of an officer and conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline and is considered an offence.

In most cases  in order to avoid a scandal  if an officer is caught having an affair with a fellow officer’s wife  he is politely asked to put in his papers and quit the service  especially if the affair is between consenting adults  and none of the cuckolded spouses complains.

Now  with the entry of women as officers in the Defence Services  a new possibility has opened up – Stealing the Affection of a Sister Officer’s Husband.

If a male officer can steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife – surely there is a possibility that a female officer can steal the affections of a sister officer’s husband – especially in these modern times of gender equality.

Here is a fiction story  a hilarious spoof  about a cougar in uniform  a female “fauji” on the prowl  who wants to steal the affections of a sister officer’s husband.

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this apocryphal fictional story only if you have a sense of humor. This fiction story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This story is for mature adults only, so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this post.
3. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

COUGAR IN UNIFORM – A Fictional Spoof By VIKRAM KARVE

Once upon a time  there was a “cougar” in uniform.

She was a macho type female “fauji”.

And this female “fauji” (cougar in uniform”) was always on the prowl searching for prey – yes  she was always on the hunt for cute and handsome young men  in and out of uniform.

One evening  while on an outstation visit  cougar in uniform went shopping in the market.

There  in the market  she spotted a good-looking young man.

She was instantly attracted towards him.

Before “cougar” could make her move  she saw that there was a young woman accompanying the handsome young man.

“Cougar in uniform observed the handsome man and the young woman – and from their body language  the way they were talking to each other – it was obvious that they were husband and wife.

“Cougar in Uniform” returned to her room disappointed.

Next morning  the female “fauji” (cougar in uniform”) – put on her uniform  and she went to the local Station HQ  ready to hear the sob stories of women officers from all the units in that area  for which she had been sent down from Headquarters.

She was pleasantly surprised to see the first woman officer in uniform – this young lady officer was the same woman accompanying the handsome young man in the market the previous evening.

“Cougar” looked carefully at the young woman officer standing in front of her – she looked a typical “fauji” type : “good from far  but far from good”

“Cougar” wondered how such an ordinary-looking woman had managed to get such a good-looking husband.

“So this is the wife of my quarry, and she has walked right into my lair – now I must carefully spring the trap,” Cougar said to herself in her mind.

Cougar looked at the young lady officer  and she asked her: 

“Yes – young lady  what’s your problem...?”

“Ma’am – I want my posting cancelled. I want to stay here for some more time...” the young lady army officer said.

“Why...?”

“I got married two years ago. Almost immediately  my husband was posted to field area  and I had to stay all alone over here. Now  he has managed a posting here  and they are posting me out to a field area.”

“So  your husband is in the army...?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Yes Ma’am...” the young lady army officer said.

Cougar was pleased to hear this.

Everything was falling into place.

From experience – Cougar knew that it was easier to proposition a man directly  rather than coerce a woman to convince her husband.

Cougar had done this before – she had stolen the affections of many of her so-called “sister” officers’ husbands.

In most cases it was a one night stand – but in this case  the man was so attractive that Cougar was thinking of a long term affair.

“Suppose we post both of you – you and your husband – to Headquarters for three years – a full 3 year tenure...?” Cougar said to the young lady officer.

The young lady officer could not believe her ears – 3 years together with her husband in a big city and a comfortable 5 day week 9 to 5 job.

“Is it really possible...? I will do anything for it...” the young lady officer said excitedly.

“I will make it possible. But I will need your cooperation...” Cougar said.

“Cooperation – of course, Ma’am – I am willing to do anything...” the young lady army officer said eagerly.

Cougar in Uniform looked into the eyes of the young lady officer and said: 

“You don’t have to do anything – you just send your husband to see me in my room at 7:30 in the evening. I want to talk to him – I want to get to know more about him  so I that can manage things in Headquarters.”

“Of course, Ma’am  we both will come – or why don’t you come for dinner…”

“No...” Cougar interrupted, “You need not come. You send your husband alone – I want to discuss things with him in private.”

The young lady officer was baffled.

Why did this senior lady officer want to meet her husband alone...?

And that too  in her room...?

Could it be…???

“What are you thinking...?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Nothing Ma’am...” the young lady officer said.

Cougar said matter-of-factly: 

“There is no free lunch in this world. It is all give and take. You talk to your husband – and you decide what you want. Do you want to enjoy 3 years of blissful married life living together in a big city...? Or do you want a hard posting in the field and continue to suffer a long distance marriage for a few more years...? The choice is yours.” 

After saying these words  Cougar stood up from her chair  indicating that the interview was over.

The young lady officer saluted  and walked towards the door.

As she reached the door  the young lady officer heard Cougar’s voice: 

“Tell your husband to come to my room at sharp 7:30 – I will be waiting for him.”

At 7:15 PM in the evening – Cougar was ready for action – bathed, perfumed, titivated.

She poured a drink for herself  rum and coke.

Cougar sipped her drink  lit a cigarette  and waited for her quarry.

At precisely 7:30 PM – there was a knock on the door.

Cougar opened the door in anticipation.

She was expecting to see the cute and gorgeous young man.

Instead  standing in front of her – there was a ferocious looking brute – a huge hulk of a man.

The man looked ugly, scary, hideous. 

The man standing in front of her looked like a monster – he was the ugliest and most ghastly man she had ever seen in her life.

Yes – Cougar had never seen a man so horrible, so unsightly, so repulsive, so terrible – and she trembled with intense revulsion at the sight of the man.

The horrible looking man smiled at Cougar  and he started to speak: 

“Good evening, Ma’am. My wife asked me to see you. May I come in...?”

“You get out of here right now…” Cougar shouted  and she banged the door shut – her heart thumping with anxiety and anger.

Next morning  Cougar summoned the young lady officer.

“Do you think you are too damn smart...? I asked you to send your husband to me  and you sent that horrible hideous brute to my room...?” Cougar shouted at the young lady officer.

“But Ma’am…”

“Shut up – you will regret this – I will make sure you are posted to such a tough place…”

“Ma’am  please listen – I had sent my husband to your room – I promise…”

“Are you trying to tell me that the horrible looking man who came to my room last evening is your husband...?”

“Yes, Ma’am…”

“Then  who was that handsome young man with you in the market…?”

“In the market…?”

“Yes – on the day before yesterday – in the evening – you were shopping – and there was a smart good-looking young man with you  who is he...?” Cougar asked the young lady army officer.

“Oh  that man with me in the market – he is my sahayak...” the young lady officer answered.

“What...? Are you trying to tell me that the handsome young man who was with you in the market was your sahayak – your batman...? Is that smart man really your sahayak...?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Yes, Ma’am – that handsome young man is my sahayak  he is my batman…” the young lady officer said.

“Oh – so that tough ferocious-looking man you sent to my room yesterday is your husband – and that cute” handsome man who was with you in the market is your sahayak...?” Cougar said.

“Yes, Ma’am. The man who came to your room is my husband  and the man who was with me in the market is my sahayak...” the lady officer said.

“You are lucky – you have a nice sahayak…” said the female fauji Cougar in Uniform with a contemplative look on her face.

It seemed that the Female Fauji Cougar” in Uniform was already planning her next move...

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This fiction story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This Story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Inappropriate Love

INAPPROPRIATE LOVE
Fiction Short Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Place: A Corporate Office in Mumbai

Dramatis Personae:

A Man
A Woman (His Ex-Wife)
Their Daughter (Pooja)
A Lady Office Colleague of the Man (Mala)

Inappropriate Love – A Story by Vikram Karve

The moment the man sees the woman – he shouts at her:

“What are you doing here…?”

“I came to see you…” the woman says.

“Why have you come to see me…? I told you very clearly that I don’t want to see your face for the rest of my life…”

“Even I don’t want to see your face – but – I desperately need your help…”

“Help…? You need my help…? What help…?”

“You will have to look after our daughter…”

“What…? You want me to look after Pooja…?”

“Yes. You will have to take care of our daughter Pooja from now on. I want her to live with you…”

“You want Pooja to live with me…?”

“Yes…”

“I just don’t understand. I still remember how viciously you fought the custody battle for Pooja – you called me a “dangerous” man – you said that our daughter’s life would be in danger if she lived with me – because I was a “violent brute” – and now – you want to leave our daughter with me…?”

“I made a mistake…”

“Your lawyer – he threatened me – that if I didn’t give up custody of our daughter – you would even file “domestic violence” and “dowry harassment” cases against me – and you would get me arrested…”

“I am sorry – he told me to do it…”

“You made all sorts of false allegations against me. You told them that I regularly beat up Pooja – you told them that Pooja won’t be safe with me…”

“Please…”

“By peddling all sorts of lies – you managed to win custody of our daughter – and worse – you even managed to curtail my visiting rights by projecting me as an “evil influence” …”

“I told you – what I did was very wrong – I am sorry…”

“And now – you want to hand over our daughter Pooja to me...?”

“Yes…”

“But why…? Why do you want Pooja to live with me…?”

“She is not safe in our house…”

“Pooja is not “safe” at your place…? What do you mean…?”

“My husband…”

“What about him…?”

“I suspect that he indulges in “inappropriate behaviour” with her…”

Inappropriate Behaviour…? What do you mean by “inappropriate behaviour”…?” 

“You know what I mean. Please don’t ask me anything…”

“No. You will have to tell me exactly what “inappropriate behaviour” your husband is doing to Pooja. Is he…?”

“Please. Please. Please. I don’t want to speak on this disgusting topic – otherwise I will break down. You please take Pooja with you. I beg you…”

“Bloody Pervert – Let’s go right now and report him to the police…”

“No. No. Please…”

“What do you mean “NO” – the filthy bugger is sexually abusing our daughter – he must be arrested and taught a lesson he won’t forget…”  

“I don’t have any proof…”

“What do you mean that you don’t have any proof…? You just said that he indulges in “inappropriate behaviour”…”

“I have not actually seen him…”

“You have never seen him doing anything wrong – like touching her inappropriately…?”

“No…”

“Then – how can you…?”

“I can see it in his eyes…”

“What…?”

“The way he looks at her – I can see the lechery in his eyes…”

“So – you just suspect that he has evil intentions…?”

“I know…”

“You know…? Did Pooja say anything…?”

“No – she is too small to understand these things…”

“So – are you just imagining all these things…?”

“No – my “motherly instinct” tells me that something is wrong…”

“Motherly instinct…? I really don’t know whether to believe you or not. Knowing your devious nature – I wonder whether you have some ulterior motive…”

“No. No. Please believe me. He is a filthy pervert. Our daughter Pooja is unsafe with him…”

“Well – when I saw him last – he certainly didn’t look like an obscene pervert – in fact – he looked like a suave gentleman – so refined and soft-spoken…”

“Yes – he looks like a polite gentleman – but – that’s from the outside – for the sake of society. From the inside – behind closed doors – he is a depraved disgusting sadist…” the woman says, and she breaks into tears.

“Did he do anything to you…?” the man asks the woman.

“I don’t want to talk about it. You just take our daughter Pooja away from him…”

“But how can you continue living with such a sadistic pervert…? Why don’t you leave him…?”

“How many husbands can I leave…? My first husband turned out to be an alcoholic – I left him. Then – my second husband – you – you were a “wife-beater”…”

“How dare you call me a “wife-beater”…? I beat you only once – and – you deserved it…”

“What do you mean “I deserved it”…?”

“You committed adultery – you betrayed my trust – you were unfaithful, disloyal – you were cheating on me – and I caught you red-handed in bed with that filthy swine – who is now your husband…”

“You thrashed us badly – violence is not justified…”

“What did you expect me to do in the situation…? I cannot tolerate betrayal of trust – and – you betrayed my trust…”

“Even if I was wrong – you shouldn’t have beaten me so badly…”

“I lost control of myself…” the man says.

The man pauses for a moment – he looks at the woman – and he says to her:

“Tell me one thing. How do you know that I won’t lose control of myself again…? That is why I am asking you again. At the custody hearing – you kept on saying that I am a “violent brute”. If that is so – why do you want to leave Pooja with me…?”

“Pooja will be safe with you. I know that you love her – you will care for her well – you will never harm her…”

“I don’t know about that. But – I can’t trust you. You have a devious and vindictive nature. My inner voice tells me that you have some ulterior motive…”

“Please – I beg you…”

“Tomorrow – you may say that I have kidnapped Pooja – and you will get me arrested…”

“Please – I promise you…”

“Ha Ha – a “promise” – and from a cheat like you…?”

“I will give you whatever you want in writing – I will sign any paper you want…”

“Okay – we’ll see – but – before that – tell me how did you know I would be here today…?”

“I know that you come to the Mumbai Head Office every month…”

“But – how did you know that I will be here today…? Have you got a spy in my office…? Who told you…?”

“I promised her that I will not tell you…”

“Mala…?”

“Yes. Mala told me. In fact – our daughter Pooja is sitting in her office…”

“What…? You have brought Pooja here…?”

“Yes – along with her bags…”

“You packed her bags and brought her here…?”

“You take Pooja with you to Delhi in the evening…”

“Are you crazy…?”

“Mala said that she will manage the air ticket on the same flight…”

“I am not talking about the air ticket. What have you told Pooja…? I doubt she even knows that I am her father. She was so small when you took her away.”

“I have told her about you…”

“You told Pooja that I am her father…?”

“No. I told her that you were an “Uncle” – I have shown her your picture – I have told her you are taking her on a holiday for a few days because I have to go abroad for a few days on work…”

“She doesn’t even know me. She won’t come with me…”

“She will come with you. In fact – she is quite excited about the flight journey and all the things you are going to show her in Delhi…”

“You are a wily scheming woman – aren’t you…? And – what about your husband – that filthy lecherous pervert…?”

“He is away on tour…”

“Have you told him that you are sending Pooja with me…?”

“No…”

“He knows you have custody. He may create trouble later…”

“He cannot do anything. She is my daughter – not his…”

“I am not very comfortable with all this…”

“I told you – I will sign whatever document you want – on “stamp paper” – anything you say…”

“I will talk to Mala – she is the legal…”

“I have already told Mala – she is preparing the papers for us to sign – she said she will get all the formalities done…”

“What…? Mala never told me all this…”

“Please. Don’t say anything to her. She is just trying to help…”

“I am really angry with Mala. She has no business to interfere in my personal life…”

“She is just trying to help. Please try to understand…”

“I still feel that you should leave your husband and live separately with Pooja. If you are short of money – I will try and help you out…”

“I can’t leave him…”

“Why can’t you leave him…? You divorced twice – do it once more. With your “talent” – I am sure you will easily find one more husband. Of course – with your luck – he may turn out to be even worse your previous husbands…”

“Please don’t be cruel…”

“You will have to tell me why you can’t leave this bloody filthy pervert…”

“I love him…”

“What…? You love him – that depraved sadist – the sick paedophile…”

“I can’t leave him. I don’t want to talk about him. You please take Pooja with you. Please – Pooja is your daughter – do you want something terrible to happen to her…? I beg you – please take Pooja with you…” the woman says – and she breaks down totally and collapses into the chair.

“You go and sit in Mala’s office. You are a cunning woman. I am still not sure of your motives. Let me think the whole thing over…” the man says.

The woman composes herself – and she says to the man:

“Please don’t take out your anger on Mala…”

“I need some time to think. You please go and sit in Mala’s office. I will come there and tell you my decision…”

The woman leaves.

The man sits in a chair – he closes his eyes – and thinks about the whole thing.

15 minutes later – his decision made – he picks up the intercom and calls Mala.

Mala picks up the intercom at the other end – and she says:

“Hello…”

The man says to Mala:

“Mala – please tell her to take Pooja and go away – I cannot look after Pooja…”

“You wife has already gone away…”

“She is not my wife…”

“Sorry. I mean your “ex-wife” – she has already gone away…”

“That’s good…”

“But – your daughter Pooja is here in my office…”

“What…?”

“Yes, Sir – your “ex-wife” – she left Pooja here with me – and she went away. She told me that you were taking her to Delhi with you. I have already booked Pooja’s ticket on your flight….”

“Who told you to do that…? I am not taking that girl with me…”

“Sir – your daughter is so cute – she is such a darling – I am bringing her to you – you will love her so much – I am sure you will take her with you…”

Three hours later – the small girl called Pooja – full of innocence – she sits with her father in the car – and they travel to the airport to catch the flight to Delhi. 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)