Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Arranged Marriage Date Interview – The First Question

If you have had an arranged marriage - do you remember the first question you asked your prospective spouse on your Arranged Marriage Date” aka “Matrimonial Interview...? 

Here is a story of an Arranged Marriage Date. 

Please read the story carefully – because – there is a quiz question at the end...

ARRANGED MARRIAGE DATE aka MATRIMONIAL INTERVIEW
A Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

Pune – Circa 1982

It was a typical Arranged Marriage Date.

Yes – a Boy Girl Seeing Kande-Pohe Ceremony in Pune...(aka Matrimonial Interview)

The very first question the Boy asked the Girl was: 

“Do you drink Liquor – do you Booze…?”

The Girl was shocked. 

(Remember – this story happened 36 years ago in 1982 – when girls were not as “liberated” as today and alcohol was taboo for middle-class girls)

So – the Girl was shocked when the Boy asked her this question right in the beginning: 

“Do you drink liquor – do you booze…?”

She had not expected this to be the very first question from the Boy.

Also – she had not rehearsed for this question.

But – the Girl recovered her wits – and  the Girl said truthfully to the Boy: 

“No – I do not drink liquor – in fact – I have never touched alcohol in my life…” 

“That is good…” the Boy said. 

The Girl was curious to know why the Boy had asked this question right in the beginning.

Maybe – the Boy was a strict teetotaller who never touched alcohol.

So – the curious Girl asked the Boy: 

“Please tell me – why did you ask me this question whether I drink alcohol – and that too  right in the beginning…?” 

The Boy looked at the Girl and he said to her:

“Ha Ha Ha...

I asked you whether you drink  because I drink heavily – yes – I am a drunkard”.

I am a heavy drinker – and – I love alcohol. 

So – if you drink alcohol too – and – we both are drunkards – that will be terrible – isn’t it…? 

We do not want to be a husband-wife team of drunkards in the house – do we…? 

Just imagine  how disastrous it will be for our children  if both the father and the mother are drunkards…” 

After speaking these words of wisdom – the Boy smiled at the Girl.

The Girl was amazed by this logic.

The Girl smiled at the Boy.

She seemed rather amused.

Then – the Girl asked the Boy:

“Can I ask you a Question…?”

“Sure – you can ask me anything you want…” the Boy said.

“Do you know how to cook…?” the Girl asked the Boy.

“Yes – I know how to cook – in fact – I can cook quite well…” the Boy said.

“That is good…” the Girl said.

“That is good…? What do you mean by “that is good”…? Why did you ask me whether I knew how to cook…?” the Boy asked the Girl.

The Girl looked at the Boy – and  she said to the Boy: 

“Because – I do not know how to cook – and  it will be a total disaster  if our children have to starve – because both of us don’t know how to cook – isn’t it…?”

This Boy and Girl are “happily” married for 36 years now.

The Boy quit drinking alcohol long back – yes – the Boy gave up drinking more than 16 years ago (in the year 2002) – and – the drunkard” Boy is now a strict teetotaller who does not touch even a drop of alcohol.

But – the Girl still does not know how to cook. 

Dear Reader: Can you guess who are the Boy and the Girl...?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Humor in Uniform : Do you want to be a “fauji” – or – do you want to appear to be a “fauji”...?

Do You Want to Join the Defence Services...? 

NB: 
1. The generic term “MILITARY” includes all the three Armed Forces – Army, Navy and Air Force
2. The generic word “Fauj” refers to all arms of the Military (Army, Navy, Air Force) and the term “Fauji” or “Soldier” refers to all military personnel in uniform of the Army, Navy and Air Force (Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen)]

CAREER ADVICE – LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP
Story of a Boy who wanted to Appear to be a Naval Officer
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE


PROLOGUE

There is a difference between being a “fauji and to appear to be a “fauji.

I am sure the same holds true for civilian professions as well.

Here is the story of one such officer who wanted to “appear to be a Naval Officer” – rather than  “be a true Naval Officer”


STORY OF A BOY WHO WANTED TO APPEAR TO BE A NAVAL OFFICER

Long back  around 30 years ago  a young boy  accompanied by his parents came to see me at my home in Pune where I was spending my annual leave.

The boy  15 years old – was studying in the 11th Standard (Class).

He wanted to join the Navy.

His parents  who lived nearby  were from a business background.

I talked to the boy.

I talked to his parents.

Then  from what I had learnt the hard way from my own experience  I advised the boy not to join the Navy.

His parents were angry with me – and they said: “Why are you saying so? Is our son not fit to join the Navy? Our son is very good – look at his personality, his physical fitness, his intelligence, his smartness. Don’t you feel that our son has the aptitude to be selected for the Navy?”

Of course  he has the APTITUDE... I commented, “but – does he have the right ATTITUDE...?”

At first – the boy and his parents seemed confused at what I had said.

Then  the parents looked at me angrily – and it seemed that they were getting upset.

Before the parents could react  I said: 

“Well  I feel that your son does not have the appropriate attitude for the Navy...”

I saw that the furious parents now felt that I was demeaning their son.

They were in no mood to listen to any further explanations  so I kept quiet. 

Their ego was hurt.

I could see that now the boy was even more determined than ever to join the Navy just to prove me wrong  as if it were a prestige issue.

The boy cleared the UPSC Exam.

Then  he sailed through the SSB.

Of course  in the Services Selection Boards (SSBs)  they assess “aptitude” – but I wonder if they evaluate “attitude”.

In due course  the smart young boy joined the academy as a cadet for basic training.

I lost track of the boy as I was busy with my own Navy career. 

10 YEARS LATER

Ten years later  the same boy  looking smart in his spotless white uniform of a Navy Lieutenant  was sitting in my office in Mumbai.

He had come to ask me a favour.

He desperately wanted to get out of the Navy.

And – he was wondering  if I could help him out to get out of the Navy

“But why do you want to quit the Navy...?” I asked him with surprise, “You are just beginning your career in the Navy  and you have such a bright future ahead.”

“I just don’t like it over here – I just can’t tolerate my life being controlled all the time – the bloody rules, regulations  and all the bullshit – I can’t stand it anymore,” he complained bitterly.

“So – you don’t like the regimentation  the Navy way of life...?” I asked.

“Yes. I remember what you said 10 years ago when we had come over to your place in Pune. You said that I did not have the right attitude for the Navy. You were right. I should have listened to you...” he said, quite contrite.

Of course  then he went on to list many reasons why he wanted to quit – family pressures (his father was not keeping well and wanted him to look after their family business)  a matrimonial alliance (the girl did not want to marry a defence officer)  and so many other reasons. 

But – the crux of the issue was the Attitudinal Mismatch problem.

I frankly told him that it would be very difficult for him to leave the Navy since he was a permanent commission cadet entry officer.

I advised him that now that he had joined the Navy  it was best for him to continue serving in the Navy  as he had a bright career ahead.

But  I saw that the young Lieutenant sitting in front of me was in no mood to listen to my platitudinous advice.

He had not listened to my advice when I told him not to join the Navy.

Now  again  he did not listen to me when I told him to continue serving in the navy.

I politely told him that I could not help him out in this matter  and that it was best he continue in the Navy at least till he completed 20 years pensionable service. 

But – the young Lieutenant was adamant on quitting the navy. 

He kept submitting his resignation again and again  giving different pretexts each time  and  he made his own life miserable  and – he made everyone else’s life miserable too.

Later  I learnt that his perseverance to quit the Navy had paid off.

He had finally managed to get out of the Navy after a struggle of nearly 3 years  relentlessly pushing his papers  pulling strings  using connections  begging and pleading his case.

13 years of his productive life were wasted  both to him and to the Navy – and finally  he left the Navy with a feeling of bitterness.


MORAL OF THE STORY

During my long Navy career I have seen many such cases of officers who realised that they were misfits in the Navy – and  sadly  they wasted many frustrated years of their lives in misery trying to get out of the Navy.

I am sure you will find similar examples in other professions as well – but – in the civilian world – it is easy to quit your job – and change over to something else.

That is why  before you take up a career – especially a military career  make sure you have the right attitude suitable for that career – LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP


EPILOGUE 

“MILITARY” CAREER IN A NUTSHELL

Many youngsters keep asking me about life and career prospects in the Armed Forces (Defence Services) – Army, Navy and Air Force.

So – here are the salient aspects of a Military Career in a Nutshell.

12 UNIQUE ATTRIBUTES OF A MILITARY CAREER IN THE DEFENCE FORCES
Tips from a Military Veteran

By
VIKRAM KARVE


(The generic term “MILITARY” includes all the three Armed Forces – Army, Navy and Air Force)

A career in the Defence Services or Armed Forces like the Army, Navy and Air Force is different from most other civilian careers. 

The unique attributes of a military career entail a distinctive “way of life” that makes a career in the Armed Forces totally different as compared to a career in the civilian world.

Many young persons join the defence services without fully understanding the unique aspects of a Military career and then they feel out of place, mismatched, frustrated and regretful.

During my long Naval career I have seen so many officers who realised that they were misfits in the navy and wasted many frustrated years of their lives in misery trying to get out of the navy.

Please do not let that happen to you.

Do join the Army, Navy and Air Force  but do so with due diligence  with your eyes open and with full awareness. 

It may prove foolhardy to join on a sudden impulse or in a wave of jingoism. 

You must be realistic about choosing your career – whether in the Defence Services or elsewhere – because your career is probably the most important part of your life.

If you have the right attitude and compatible mindset – then a Military career is very satisfying and fulfilling.

But if your attitude in not in sync with the military way of life  then you may get frustrated and your life may become miserable.

That is why  before you join the defence services  make sure you have the right attitude suitable for a career in the armed forces.


“MILITARY” LIFE IN A NUTSHELL

To put “Military” Life in a nutshell  here is a list of 12 Unique Attributes that characterize a Military Career in the Armed Forces (Army Navy or Air Force):

1. HOLISTIC ORIENTATION

2. LIFETIME EMPLOYMENT

3. REGIMENTATION 

4. TOUGH DANGEROUS CHALLENGING WORK

5. MODERATE COMPENSATION PACKAGE

6. MODEST CAREER PROSPECTS

7. NON-SPECIALISED CAREER PATH 

8. CONFORMIST ORGANISATIONAL CULTURE

9. RIGID RANK BASED HIERARCHICAL STRUCTURE 

10. INFLEXIBLE HR POLICIES

11. UNSTABLE NOMADIC FAMILY LIFE

12. EARLY RETIREMENT AGE 

If you planning to join the Armed Forces you must ask yourself whether you have the right attitude and compatible mindset to match all these 12 military attributes.

I am sure you understand each of the 12 points mentioned above which are self-explanatory  but  nevertheless  I shall try and elaborate on each point later in my blog. 

In fact – I have already written articles/stories based on most of the above 12 attributes.

Also – it is always a good idea to talk to young officers of your age group to get a first-hand view of life in the respective Defence Service – as serving officers will be more updated and current in this matter.

Remember the Story of the Boy who wanted to Appear to be a Naval Officer” – and – ask yourself: 

Do you want to be a “fauji – or – do you want to appear to be a “fauji...?

All the Best.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. These tips are based on my own experience and represent my personal views which may not be universal in nature and may not apply to you. You must make your own career decisions with due diligence. 
2. This story narrated in the blog post is a fictional spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Happy Ending


HAPPY ENDING
Fiction Short Story
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

“Did you enjoy the massage…?” he asked me.

“No…” I said.

“No…? What happened…? I thought you would enjoy the massage…”

“The masseur got too personal…”

Masseur…? How is that possible…? You had a man give you the massage…?”

“No. No. It was a woman – a girl…”

“Ah. Then the right word is “masseuse”…”

Masseuse…?”

“Yes – “masseuse” is the feminine of “masseur”…”

“Oh…”

“Anyway – what happened…? Why didn’t you enjoy the massage…? Didn’t you feel happy and relaxed after the massage…?”

“No – I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable …”

“You felt uncomfortable…?  Why…?”

“The masseur – I mean the masseuse – she got too close for comfort…”

“What do you mean “too close for comfort”…?”

“She got too intimate…?”

“Intimate…?”

“She was trying to touch me inappropriately at all sorts of places – even my private parts…”

“So what’s wrong…? She was supposed to do that…”

“I thought it will be a “clean” massage…”

“Ha. Ha. “Clean” Massage…!!! This was supposed to be a “sensual” massage – not physiotherapy…!!!”

“Sensual Massage…?”

“Yes. Tell me – wasn’t it a stimulating experience…?”

“Stimulating…? Not at all. For me – it was an uncomfortable experience – I felt uneasy and awkward…” 

“Awkward…?”

“Sir – I told you – she got too close for comfort – first – she took off everything – then – she was rubbing against me all over…”

“Well – that’s what a sensual massage is all about…”

“Sir – you won’t believe what she did next…”

“What…? What did your masseuse do…?”

I told him about the disgusting thing she did.

He started laughing – and he said to me:

“So – she gave you a “happy ending”…?”

“Happy Ending…?” I asked, clueless.

“What she did to you is called “Happy Ending”. Don’t worry – she was supposed to do that – I had paid for it. At least – I hope you enjoyed that part of the massage…!!!” he said.

“I am feeling very guilty…” I said.

“Guilty…? Why are you feeling guilty…?” he asked me.

“The girl – she was so young – she looked so innocent – and – she was doing all these indecent things…”

“That’s her job – as a masseuse…”

“I will never forget her face…”

“Come on. Don’t get sentimental. I hope you haven’t fallen in love with her or something…?”

“I think she was from India…”

“Really…? Well – out here – most of the masseuses are migrants – but a “Kiwi-Indian” masseuse – that’s quite rare…”

“She seemed to be from a good family. I don’t know why…”

“Hey – forget her now. Let’s have a quick beer at a good pub and get back to the ship…”

Next morning – we sailed out from Auckland – from our berth alongside Captain Cook Wharf – towards our next port of call – Osaka – in Japan.

“RoRo” Ships have their pros and cons – you visit the best ports – you are berthed at the most convenient wharfs – but – you stay in port for a very short time – just a day or two at the most.

At the end of the voyage – my sailing contract period was over – and I returned to India on two months leave.

EPILOGUE

I looked at the girl in the framed photo on the mantelpiece.

I recognized the girl at once.

It was the same girl I had met in Auckland – the masseuse who had given me the “happy ending”.

“That is my daughter…” the woman said, “she lives in New Zealand – in Auckland. She is doing really well – she already has a car – and she will be buying her own house soon…” 

“Oh – that’s really good – what does she do…?” I asked the woman. 

“She works in the “hospitality industry”…” the woman said. 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.


Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.