Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Food Date

Fiction Short Story

My mobile phone gave a notification sound.

It was a “WhatsApp” Message from my wife:

“Call when you are free...”

I called my wife immediately.

“Is your “date” over…?” my wife asked me.

“No. She has gone to the washroom…” I said.

“I saw the pictures on Facebook. She seems very beautiful…” my wife said.

“Yes. She is much more beautiful in real life than in her pictures…” I said.

“Why did you take her to that Biryani joint…?” my wife said, “you should have treated her to a lavish lunch in a 5-Star hotel…”

“She insisted on going there…” I said, “she is a Biryani lover and wanted to eat “authentic” Biryani…”

“Did she like the Biryani…?” my wife asked.

“Yes…” I said, “she loved the Biryani – and the Kebabs too…”

“That’s good…” my wife said, “what are your plans now…?”

“I’ll drop her home…” I said.

“It’s only 2 o’clock. Take her shopping to the mall, or for a movie – or – the monsoon weather is so lovely – why don’t you take her for a “romantic” drive to some picturesque place – Tamhini, Sinhagad, Lonavala – and enjoy the sunset view together. Ask her what she wants to do…” my wife said.

“Thanks…” I said to my wife, “I’ll ask her…”

“By the way – I really liked the “selfie” you took with her…” my wife said.

“You liked the “selfie” – I am so happy to hear that. I am still learning how to take good “selfies”. I had to hold her really tight and close while taking this one…” I said.

“Yes…” my wife said, “tight and close – quite an intimate “selfie”…!!!”

Suddenly – I saw that my “date” had come out of the washroom and was walking towards me.

“She is coming…” I said to my wife.

“Okay. All the Best with your “date”…” my wife said and disconnected the phone.

As my “date” came closer – I was surprised to see that she was giving me an “angry” look.

I smiled to greet her – but – she did not smile back at me.

Instead – she seemed to become even more livid.

She did not sit down – but remained standing.

So – I rose from my seat.

“Are you crazy…?” my “date” shouted at me.

“Why…? What happened…?” I said, surprised.

“Why have you uploaded our pictures all over the Social Media…?” she said angrily.

“The photos were so good…” I said.

“Oh Yes…” she interrupted, “the photos are “too good” – especially that “selfie” where you seem to be rubbing your cheeks on mine…”

“You didn’t like our “selfie”…?” I asked.

“Well – my sister-in-law has certainly “liked” it…” she said with sarcasm in her voice.

“Sister-in-Law…?” I asked.

“My husband’s sister – who hates me…” my “date” said.

“Oh…” I mumbled.

“And – by now – I am sure my bitchy sister-in-law has shared that “selfie” with everyone – all over the social media…” my “date” said, with anxiety in her voice.

“Oh – she saw it…?” I said, “But your sister-in-law is not my “friend”. How did she see the “selfie”…?”

“Because you “tagged” me – you fool. And – my sister-in-law is my “friend” on Facebook. Why the hell did you “tag” me…?” she said.

“I thought…” I mumbled.

“You should have asked my permission…” she said, angrily.

“I asked you before taking the “selfie”…” I said.

“I thought you are taking it as remembrance – for our private viewing…” she said, “I never imagined that you would publicly share our pictures with the whole world on the social media…”

“I am sorry if I have annoyed you…” I said to her, “Okay. I’ll cheer you up – let’s go on a long drive to some nice place – Tamhini, Sinhagad, Lonavala – wherever you want – and we can see sunset together…”

“Are you mad or something…? Do you think I am going to stay for even a single minute with you after what you have done…?” my “date” said angrily to me.

Suddenly – there was a notification sound on her mobile phone – so – she looked at her phone.

“Oh My God…” she said, “it’s my husband. He wants me to call him urgently.”

“But – it must be midnight over there…” I said.

“I am sure my sister-in-law has shown these pictures to my mother-in-law – especially that scandalous looking “selfie” – and my devious mother-in-law must have called up my husband immediately…” she said.

“Or maybe – he has seen the selfie” on Facebook – or Twitter – or Instagram – all my Social Media Accounts are connected – once I post a picture – it gets shared everywhere …” I said.

“You just shut up…!!! Let me figure out what I should say to my husband…” she said.

“You haven’t told your husband about this “date” with me…?” I said, curious.

“Of Course Not…!” she said, “have you told your wife…?”

“Yes. I tell my wife everything. In fact – she is the one who told me to ask you out for a “date” after seeing our Tweets, DMs and Facebook Messages to each other…” I said.

“What…? You share private messages with each other…? You people seem to be real weirdos…” she said, scornfully.

“I’ll delete the photos…” I said, contrite.

“It’s too late now – the damage is already done. But still – you please delete all those pictures – especially the “selfie”. I only hope my sister-in-law hasn’t taken a “screenshot”…!!!” she said.

“Okay. I will delete all pictures and status updates of our “date”…” I said, “But – you don’t worry – nothing will happen – if you want – I will talk to your husband – and mother-in-law…” I said.

“Please – you have done “enough” for the day. I am going now. And – I never want to see your face again – so – don’t try to contact me – online or offline. In any case – I am blocking you everywhere…” she said, angrily.

And – she walked away – out of the restaurant.


I went home – and – I told me wife everything.

“Don’t feel sad…” my wife said to me, “you have so many friends on the Social Media – we’ll find someone good for your next date…”

“It’s strange…” I said, “she hadn’t told her husband she was having a “date” with me. Aren’t husbands and wives supposed to tell each other everything…? Don’t I tell you everything…?”

“Everyone is not “You”…” my wife said – and she gave me a loving hug. 

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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