Sunday, December 9, 2012



Part 1 - CAUSE


Frustration can be a major cause of stress in your daily life.

Have you ever wondered why you get frustrated?

Let us ponder on the various reasons for your frustration.

You often become frustrated when you have to choose between fulfilling your personal desires and pleasing other people.

Frustration can happen at home and at work. 

You can get frustrated at home in your personal life and this can cause discord in the family and even marital discord with your spouse

You can get frustrated at work with your job or career or in your professional life and this can cause stress at the workplace and adversely affect interpersonal relationships with your colleagues.

There is an internal conflict within you when your personal goals clash with your interpersonal relationships:

Should you accord top priority to fulfilling your personal desires 


Should you give priority to pleasing other people

There are five basic ways in which people react in such situations of conflict between personal goals versus interpersonal relationships.

And each of the five types of response when there is conflict between personal desires and interpersonal relationships (pleasing other people) can be a source of frustration. 


Depending on the way you respond in such situations you can be categorized as an Egoist, Altruist, Wheeler Dealer, Hermit or Compromiser.


First of all, a person may pursue personal desires and forget about interpersonal relationships

The individual so described would be the EGOIST who cares little about stepping on others as long as he or she gets to the top of the ladder or achieves his or her personal goals. 

An Egoist’s frustration emanates from the displeasure of others. 

The others may outwardly smile at him because of his power but they secretly would like to “stab him in the back” and the egoist knows this and it inwardly pricks his conscience deep inside.


Second, a person may try to please everyone by setting aside his own aspirations

This individual is afflicted by “The Disease to Please” and is a person who can never say “NO”. 

His frustration results from lack of personal achievement and the realization that complete altruism is not always self-satisfying.


Third, a person may try to achieve all his personal ambitions and also simultaneously try to please everyone

This person is the typical “Wheeler-Dealer”. 

He is maximally frustrated, since it is virtually an impossible task to be all things to all people and please everyone, including his own self, all the time in all the situations.


Fourth, a person may decide to be an ostrich and bury his head in the sand

This describes the HERMIT. 

He also becomes very frustrated because he achieves nothing and pleases no one, not even himself.


Fifth and finally, one may choose to go halfway and adopt a middle-of-the-road approach

Such a person is the compromiser or the person who can’t seem to make up his mind. 

But even he is frustrated because he may sacrifice worthwhile personal goals or fail really to please some important people, since he has decided on a middle course.

Part 2 - CURE

Dear Reader, sit in silent solitude, close your eyes, reflect, introspect, think of your recent situations of conflict between your personal desires and pleasing others.

Are you an egoist, altruist, wheeler-dealer, hermit or a compromiser?

Or are you somewhere in between?

Does your behaviour vary from situation to situation? 

Does it depend on who are the people you want to please and what are your desires you want to fulfill.

Do you change your stance with different personal desires and different people?

O is your behaviour consistent with everyone?

You have to work out own solution. 

Understanding yourself is the first step so first find out where you stand on the frustration grid. 

Reflect, contemplate, analyse your past behaviour especially when you felt frustrated  and ask yourself: 

Are you an Egoist, Altruist, Wheeler Dealer, Hermit or Compromiser or a combination thereof? 

Once you know why you are frustrated, you can start working on alleviating your frustration.

Yes, it is important to know the cause of your frustration before you start thinking of how to cure your frustration.

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like reading this article? 
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
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Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a large number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

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