How to Improve Yourself

SELF IMPROVEMENT MADE SIMPLE

NURTURE YOUR STRENGTHS and IGNORE YOUR WEAKNESSES

Self Help Musings

By

VIKRAM KARVE

SELF IMPROVEMENT MANTRA

1. DO WHAT DO YOU ENJOY DOING 

2. AVOID DOING WHAT DO YOU HATE DOING 

If you have a natural talent for doing something – you will enjoy doing it.

My wife is good at parenting. 

She loves children. 

She enjoys parenting.

She enjoys playing with children and teaching them.

My wife likes doing these things because she has a natural aptitude for parenting and teaching children.

If you don’t have a natural aptitude for doing something – you will hate doing it. 

Yes – you will hate doing things that you don’t have the aptitude for.

My wife is bad at cooking. 

She hates cooking food.

When we were newly married – my wife had “zero knowledge” about cooking.

She did not even know how to make Tea properly and I had to teach her how to make Tea.

My wife hates cooking because she does not have a natural aptitude for cooking.

I realised that my wife hates cooking.

But – I noticed that my wife was good with children (though we did not have any children at the time of our marriage).

Whereas even cooking the simplest dish would cause her great stress – she could be very patient with even the most ill-behaved children.

My wife was good at handling children and she enjoyed it.

We got a dog – a cute little two month old Lhasa Apso Puppy – as a wedding gift. 

Seeing the way she brought up the dog – I knew that my wife loved parenting – and she would be good at bringing up children.

Soon – we had children of our own.

Though I did not spell it out in so many words – I tacitly encouraged my wife to focus on parenting and forget about improving her culinary skills.

Even whatever little efforts she made towards improving her cooking was for the sake of our children.

Parenting was always her top priority – and our children will agree with me when I say that my wife has certainly proved to be a very good parent. 

In fact – I sometimes say that she is a better mother than a wife.

The “moral of the story” is simple:

1. Give Priority to Doing Things that You Like to Do

2. Avoid Doing Things that You Don’t Like to Do

You must “focus your efforts on things” that you are “good at doing”

And – you must “forget about things” that you are “not good at doing”

Do not waste your time trying to improve yourself doing things for which you have no aptitude – because the results will not be commensurate with your efforts.

Instead – if you spend the same amount of effort doing things for which you have the aptitude – you will get rich dividends.

My wife followed this principle.

Instead of wasting her time trying to learn how to cook – she nurtured her natural talent with children – and she has proved to be a excellent parent and accomplished teacher.

Even if she had put in ten times the effort in trying to learn cooking – I doubt whether she would have become a top-notch chef – simply because she hates cooking.

We avoided calling over people for dinner because my wife would start getting nightmares (about cooking the meal) many days before the event.

Even if we rarely did call someone for dinner – we tried to get food from outside – or – I cooked the main dish – and she managed the simple dishes.

In contrast – her efforts at parenting – caring for children and teaching small children – yielded rich dividends.

WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS AND YOUR WEAKNESSES...?

Every individual has some “plus points” or positive attributes.

Also – every individual has some negative attributes as well.

Yes – we all have some virtues and good qualities.

And – we all have our faults and frailties.

We all possess some strengths – and – we all possess some weaknesses.

You are good at some things – and – you are not so good at some things.

You have your virtues (good qualities) – and – you have your faults (bad qualities).

Close your eyes – introspect – and reflect on your strengths and weaknesses.

CONVENTIONAL “SELF IMPROVEMENT” WISDOM 

TRY TO IMPROVE ON YOUR WEAK POINTS 

(Not Recommended)

Most of us are excessively self-conscious about our weaknesses – and – we spend too much energy and resources in the process of trying to correct our imperfections and shortcomings.

You tend to take for granted your good qualities – your plus points and positive features – your skills and talents – your forte and strong points – and you do not bother about them.

Hence – you tend to neglect nurturing and building up our strengths. 

In your constant endeavour to overcome your weaknesses and correcty our imperfections – you ignore working on our good points.

You do not spend enough effort in nurturing our strengths – since most your our time and effort is spent on trying to remedy your so-called faults, frailties, imperfections and weaknesses 

This is because you keep thinking of our faults and weak points all the time – and you take your plus-points for granted.

Sometimes – you become so obsessed with mitigating your weaknesses and shortcomings – and you devote so much of your time, efforts and resources in trying to remedy your imperfections – that you do not have any time, energy or inclination for improving upon your natural talents and strong points. 

You also see this same attitude with your parents, your teachers, your elders, your near and dear ones and well-wishers.

Most of the time – these well-meaning people tend to point out your shortcomings – rather than appreciate your plus-points.

Everyone keeps giving you never-ending advice on how to overcome your weaknesses and correct your shortcomings.

This applies to parenting too.

Let us take an example.

Suppose your son is good in ARTS – but he is poor in MATHEMATICS.

What would you do...?

Most likely – you would make him undergo Tuitions in Mathematics – and – you would make him put in Maximum Efforts in Mathematics.

Since time and effort are finite – it is obvious that your son would not be able to put in maximum best efforts in his favourite subject ARTS – since he is concentrating on MATHEMATICS.

The End Result:

1. It is unlikely that your son would get top-notch marks in Mathematics (since he does not have a basic aptitude for Mathematics).

2. He will not be able to achieve his full potential in Arts too – since he was busy focussing his efforts on Mathematics.

3. So – neither will he excel in Mathematics – nor will he achieve excellence in Arts.

Just imagine the end result if you had allowed your son to concentrate all his time and efforts on Arts – which he is good at – and he enjoys doing.

NEW AGE WISDOM

FOCUS ON YOUR “FORTE” (Your Strength or Métier)

(Recommended)

Why not forget about your weaknesses, your imperfections, your shortcomings – and focus all your efforts and resources on improving your strong points...?

If you study the biographies of great persons you will realize that this principle has been their leitmotif.

Yes – these individuals became great because they focused on their one main strength – and – they forgot about everything else.

They devoted all their energies to nurturing their forte – their strongest point.

Great Achievers just ignore their frailties – and they concentrate all their efforts on enhancing and bettering their strong points – boosting their forte – and this is the secret of how they achieve great heights. 

They do not fritter away all their energies on trying to rectify their weaknesses.

They apply these energies in improving their strengths to even higher levels.

So – that is the way to excellence:

NOURISH YOUR STRENGTHS – and – IGNORE YOUR WEAKNESSES

It works - you can take my word for it.

FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS – and – IGNORE YOUR WEAKNESSES

If you constantly worry about your faults and weaknesses – and you spend your internal resources and your entire effort trying to rectify your shortcomings – this will physically sap you – drain your emotional energy – and demoralize you – since you will never be able to achieve the desired results.

If you apply the same effort to improving your strengths – the results will be much more encouraging and fruitful.

This is because – working on improving your strengths and positive points will fill you with zest and enthusiasm – since you will always enjoy working on something that you are good at doing – and you will enjoy doing something you like.

So – even the results are sure to be encouraging – and this will further raise your morale – and fill you with cheer. 

You will always enjoys doing what you are good at doing – and the results will be commensurate too. 

On the contrary – you are likely to become fatigued and disheartened doing something you are not good at doing – or doing something that you do not like to do. 

Hence – in such cases – the results will not be commensurate with the time and efforts you put in – and the resources you expend.

So – why waste your valuable time, effort and resources in doing things which you are not good at doing...?

Why slog at doing things that you don’t like doing and which are not your true metier...?

SELF IMPROVEMENT MANTRA 

You must do 3 things:

1. Introspect – and identify your Strengths and Weaknesses. 

2. Accept your Weaknesses as they are – and forget about your Weaknesses. 

3. Focus on your Strengths – and deploy all your resources towards improving your Strengths.

Once you have forgotten about your faults, frailties, imperfections, shortcomings and weaknesses – just ignore them.

That is the key – you must accept your weaknesses as they are – and forget about them. 

Do not waste your efforts, your resources and your energy on trying to overcome your shortcomings.

Instead – concentrate all your efforts on reinforcing, enhancing and boosting your strengths. 

It is just not worth it to waste your energies and deplete your resources trying in vain to correct your shortcomings.

Instead – it would be much better to direct all your efforts and apply your resources on further enhancing and improving your “plus-points”.

As far as your so-called weaknesses and shortcomings are concerned – it is best to accept yourself as you are.

Keep thinking about your “plus-points” – and do not waste your time thinking about your so-called flaws, blemishes and minus-points.

Just forget about your weaknesses – and get them out of your mind.

Thinking good thoughts about your “plus-points” and positive attributes will make you feel good and confident.

Then – just focus all your efforts on improving your strengths – and see yourself rise from strength to strength.

SELF IMPROVEMENT RESOLUTION

Make your “Self Improvement Resolution” right now:

“I will spend time doing things that I like to do.

I will try my best to avoid doing things that I do not like to do.

I will focus my efforts, time and resources on things I am good at and on things I enjoy doing.

I will not fritter away my energy, efforts, time and resources on doing things I am not good at doing and things that I hate doing.

In fact – I will try and spend so much time doing what I like to do – that I will have no time left to do what I do not like to do...”

It works – you can take my word for it.  

Try this Self Improvement Mantra – Focus on your Strengths and Ignore your Weaknesses.

And – see the results for yourself.

Tell us of your experience. 

Parents can use this “mantra” for their children – to enable their children to achieve excellence in the strong areas – motivate your children by focussing on their strengths rather than nagging them on their weaknesses.

Dear Reader: 

Do let us know whether this “self improvement mantra” worked for you.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This self improvement mantra is based on my personal experience. Please do your own due diligence before you use it on yourself.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This is an updated, abridged and revised version on my lecture prepared 25 years ago in the 1990s and first posted on my blog on 08 March 2012 Posted by Vikram Karve at 3/08/2012 04:19:00 PM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/03/way-to-excellence-build-on-your-plus.html  and a number of times later including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/05/self-improvement-mantra-nurture-your.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/self-improvement-made-simple.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/09/self-help-guide-self-improvement-made.html and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/self-improvement-mantra-build-on-your.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/11/self-improvement-mantra-focus-on-your.html

New Year’s Resolution 2017 – “Not To Do” and “Not To Meet” Life Management Strategy

My New Year’s Resolution 2017 is to Make “Not To Do” and “Not To Meet” Lists and Follow Them to the extent feasible.

Here is how I am going to do it.

Why don’t you try it out too...?

“TO DO” or “NOT TO DO”  –  “TO MEET” or “NOT TO MEET”

My New Year’s Resolution 2017 

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

“TO DO” LIST  

When I was in the Navy – I always had a “to do” list or a “slop chit” (in Naval parlance).

It was standard Naval Practice for Navy officers to carry a “slop chit” in their pocket at all times – especially in work-intensive appointments like those on board Warships and in Naval Dockyards.

At the start of the day – we wrote down all the jobs to be done on the “slop chit”.

When a task was completed – we struck off that entry – and whenever there was a new job to be done – we added that job to the “slop chit”.

The tasks which remained incomplete at the end of the day – we transferred to the next day’s page.

I am sure you maintain such “to do” lists too – nowadays you can maintain these “slop chits” in digital form on your mobile cellphone, smartphone, ipad, tablet – or on your laptop too.

At work – these “to do” lists are “obligations” you have to perform in return for the money your employer pays you as salary.

Sometimes, the “obligations” can be non-monetary too – like marital obligations towards your spouse – or familial obligations towards your family, children, parents or relatives – or a commitment you have made to someone.

In short – “to do” lists are related to “obligations”.

“NOT TO DO” LIST

Now that I have retired – I have a “not to do” list.

Now – for a Veteran like me – there is no need for a “to do” list as far as “work” is concerned.

Once you retire – you don’t work for anyone – you do not have an employer who pays you money – so you have no obligations as far as “work” is concerned.

There is no “job” for you to do – and hence – there is no need to maintain a “slop chit” or “to do” list as far as “work” is concerned.

In most cases – by the time you retire – your children have “flown away” from your nest – so you do not have any parenting responsibilities either.

Yes – even after retirement – you may have some “bare minimum inescapable obligations” – like essential daily chores, paying bills etc.

In India – even after retirement – they hassle you with sundry issues.

For example – all pensioners have to visit their banks in November every year to render a “life certificate” in person in order to prove that they are alive.

Various types of bills and taxes are to be paid, returns are to be filed, banking work has to be done – but you can reduce these to the bare minimum inescapable requirements.

You must try to delegate these tasks to someone else.

Or you can use information technology to do these tasks online with minimal effort.

To put it in a nutshell – once you retire – your aim should be to minimize these sundry tasks to bare minimum.

Now – once you have reduced these so-called “inescapable” tasks to the bare minimum – almost zero – then you will find there is no need to maintain a daily “slop chit” or a “to do list” for these very few “inescapable” tasks.

However – in order to enjoy bliss – you must make sure you do not get tied down in unnecessary “obligations” which will eat into your time (like Parkinson’s Law).

In fact – after retirement – what you must do every day – is to maintain a daily “not to do” list.

Yes – you must maintain a “not to do” list.

“TO DO” or “NOT TO DO” – The Secret of Blissful Retirement

After retirement – you are supposed to enjoy a peaceful and blissful retired life “doing nothing”.

Every person has a different concept of how to enjoy “blissful retirement”.

I like to spend my time reading, writing, blogging, social networking, watching TV and taking long walks – especially food-walks.

Some of my ex “fauji” friends like to play golf every morning followed by chilled beer with their Navy buddies talking of the “good old days”.

There is a crazy guy who is enjoying his retired life indulging in adventure sports – despite his age.

Some like to spend their time indulging in spiritual activities.

Others travel – many take up a hobby – and some involve themselves in social activities.

Everyone has different ideas of “Bliss” – “to each his own bliss” – as they say.

I know what “blissful retirement” means for me.

You know what “blissful retirement” means for you.

Every individual knows his or her idea of “Bliss”.

So – after retirement – “blissful retirement” will be the only item on your daily “slop chit” or “to do” list.

Yes – after retirement – ideally – there will be just one item on your “to do” list – to enjoy “BLISSFUL RETIREMENT”.

Thus – there is no need for you to maintain an exhaustive “to do” list.

Now – you have only one “to do” item in your life – to enjoy blissful retirement.

“NOT TO DO” LIST

In order to enjoy retirement – what you must maintain is a “not to do” list.

Your “not to do” list will include all those activities which impede or interfere with the enjoyment of “blissful retirement”.

Whatever hassles you – those burdensome but unnecessary obligations and activities which waste your time and cause you stress – just put them on your “not to do” list.

I have realized that – after retirement – what you decide “not to do” is more important than what you decide “to do”.

The “not to do” list need not be not restricted to activities alone.

You must have a “not to do” list for people too

Maybe v you can call it a “not to meet” list.

Yes – your “not to do” list must include a “not to meet” list as well.

“NOT TO MEET” LIST

Let me give you a simple example of a “not to meet” situation from my life.

Long back – in the Navy – I once had a “toxic” boss who I did not like.

This boss hassled me – and he induced stress in me.

Our “vibes” just did not match.

Even being in his company was stressful for me.

Now – this boss had decreed that he would have a meeting at 9 AM every morning.

He wanted everyone – including me – to be present.

Since I was working in the Navy – I had no choice but to put the 9 AM meeting on the “to do” list – though I would rather have this painful morning meeting with the boss on my “not to do” list.

In the morning – this boss would ask us about our work – and then micromanage – ordering us to report on progress from time to time – and though I hated it – I had to put all this on my “to do” list – the progress reports which entailed meeting or speaking to the boss – which I hated to do.

So – after meeting the bare minimum inescapable requirement of the morning meeting – I put my boss (and other “toxic” types) on my “not to meet” list – and – I adopted a series of “evasive measures” to discourage the boss from meeting me.

After some time – the boss got the message and he stopped trying to micromanage me or monitor me – he would never call me – unless there was a real emergency.

It is best to put people who hassle you on your “not to meet” list.

Now – I have retired – I am my own boss – and I am a “free bird”.

There is no obligation for me to meet anybody.

I can decide who I want to meet – and who I do not want to meet. 

So now I have a “not to meet” list of toxic people I do not wish to meet.

MAKE TWO LISTS  – “NOT TO DO” LIST and “NOT TO MEET” LIST

Yes – you must make two lists:

1. What you do not want to do – you must put on your “not to do” list.

2. The persons whom you do not want to meet – you must put on your “not to meet” list.

FREE CHOICE – “TO DO” or “NOT TO DO” 

Similarly – just before retirement – I was a Professor – and my “to do” list comprised the lecture assignments and guidance of research work which were an “obligation” – since I was paid a salary.

Now – after retirement – I am often invited to deliver guest lectures and conduct training programs – but since I am under no obligation – I am free to decide whether “to do” or “not to do”.

And – if I decide “to do” – then I do so on my own terms.

WHY WAIT FOR RETIREMENT...?

WHY NOT HAVE “NOT TO DO” and “NOT TO MEET” LISTS RIGHT NOW

I will let you in on a secret.

I had started practicing this “not to do” and “not to meet” strategy long back in the early stages of my career – albeit covertly and tactfully.

How did I manage “not to do” and “not to meet” lists during my career...?

Those tricks I will tell you some other time – but I am sure you can use your ingenuity to devise your own techniques.

For example – in order to make your “not to do” and “not to meet” strategy succeed – you may have to project an “abrasive personality” – and – you may have to practice “creative incompetence”.

As you grow wiser with experience – you will realise that the “not to do” and “not to meet” lists are closely intertwined.

So – you need not wait for retirement to make your first “not to do” and “not to meet” lists.

You can do it right now.

During your career you will have to be a bit canny while practising this – I could do it in the Navy.

Of course – once you retire you can do it brazenly.

So – Dear Reader – why don’t you start right now...?

Every morning – instead of a “to do” list – you must make a “not to do” list.

Of course – like I said earlier – the “not to do” list must include “not to meet” list as well.

Decide what “NOT TO DO” rather than what “TO DO”. 

Decide who “NOT TO MEET” rather than who “TO MEET” 

Implement this daily “life management strategy” – and you will see your efficiency rise – your mood become better – and – your stress will disappear.

As I said earlier – you will realize that – deciding what “not to do” may be more beneficial rather than deciding what “to do”.

Dear Reader: Why don’t you try this out in the New Year 2017 – why don’t you make this your New Year’s Resolution...?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

This is an Abridged Version of My Article Earlier Posted Online by me Vikram Karve more than 2 years ago in the year 2014 at 3/28/2014 09:30:00 PM in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/03/to-do-or-not-to-do-key-to-life.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/12/not-to-do-and-not-to-meet-lists-to-do.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/to-do-or-not-to-do-to-meet-or-not-to.html etc