Praisophobia – a funny “Phobia”

Why My Wife Never Praises Me

My Wife never has a good word for me.

Surely – I am not saying that I am an “angel” – a perfect husband.

But – neither am I that terrible a husband.

Surely – I have at least one good quality – or – surely – I have done at least one good deed in my entire life.

But - my wife has never ever praised me even once in our more than 36 years of married life.

The reason – my wife suffers from “Praisophobia”

Dear Reader: Do you also suffer from “Praisophobia”...?

Do you know what is “Praisophobia”...?

Let me delve into my “HUMOR IN MARRIAGE” Archives – and post for you an updated and abridged version of an article I wrote more than 5 years ago in March 2013 on “Praisophobia”...

PRAISOPHOBIA 

A Funny “PHOBIA”

(Not to be confused with “Prosophobia” – which means the “fear of progress”)

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

PRAISOPHOBIA – MEANING AND DEFINITION

I have coined a new term – “PRAISOPHOBIA”

“Praisophobia” is the “FEAR OF PRAISE”.

“Praisophobia” is the fear that if you praise someone – then that person’s behaviour may change for the worse 

You fear that if you praise something – then something adverse may happen

(“Praisophobia” is not to be confused with “Prosophobia” which means “Fear of Progress”)

PRAISOPHOBIA IN ACTION

Let me give you an example of PRAISOPHOBIA.

30 years ago – if you asked my wife what was the worst thing she did not like about me – she would unhesitatingly say that she hated my drinking and smoking habits.

In fact – my wife particularly disliked my love for drinking alcohol.

Yes – I must confess that I indeed loved to drink alcohol.

I had my first drink after I joined the Navy in the 1970’s.

I started enjoying drinking alcohol in earnest on my first ship – where the wardroom bar was well stocked with the choicest varieties of alcoholic beverages – wines, spirits, liquors, liqueurs, beers etc 

You name it – and the drink was available. 

Those days drinking was quite affordable – since the booze was duty-free on Navy warships.

And – along with drinking – we started smoking too. 

The main incentive for smoking was the attraction of the best imported brands of cigarettes – which we got at duty-free rates on Navy Ships.

I sampled and tasted all the types of choicest liquor available in the ship’s bar.

After experiencing all varieties and types of alcoholic drinks – I discovered that I liked two brands of liquor:

1. A Blended Scotch Whisky called Chivas Regal (which I drank in on board warships in the Ships’ Wardrooms)

and

2. An Indian Dark Rum called Hercules XXX Rum (which I drank ashore in Navy Wardrooms and Military Officers’ Messes and Clubs). 

We did not get duty-free liquor ashore. 

And – after developing a taste for Scotch Whisky – I found the Indian Whiskies of those days quite raw, coarse and rough for my palate.

In contrast – Indian Dark Rum was probably the best in the world – and famous brands Indian Rum like Hercules, Sea Pirate and Old Monk were particularly good and mellow.

Hey – I am digressing – so let me get to the point.

As I told you – my wife hated my drinking.

In contrast – I loved drinking so much that I used to eagerly wait for sunset – so that I could pour my first peg of the day.

As a rule I avoided drinking in daytime – since I did not enjoy it.

I drank quite regularly – almost every day – and – I am sure my wife was very worried that I may become alcohol dependent or even an alcoholic.

My wife religiously fasted on Mondays – and – I am sure she prayed to God that I should stop drinking alcohol.

Probably – my regular drinking was the biggest problem in her married life.

Then – all of a sudden – one day – I stopped drinking and smoking.

Yes – I quit drinking alcohol forever. 

On the same day – I also quit smoking forever.

This happened around 16 years ago in the year 2002 – and since then – I have remained a teetotaller and non-smoker.

I thought that my wife would be delighted that I had stopped drinking and smoking.

Yes – I thought that my wife would be filled with joy that her prayers had been answered.

I expected that my wife would be happy and grateful that her alcohol loving husband had turned a new leaf and was living a life of temperance and sobriety.

In fact – I thought that she would be full of praise for me. 

However – since the day I quit drinking – my wife has never praised me even once for having the resolve and willpower to free myself from the clutches of alcohol – which I loved so dearly.

In my opinion – for an alcohol lover like me to have quit drinking permanently was a commendable act deserving of the highest praise – especially from my wife who hated my drinking habit.

Yet – my wife has never uttered a word of praise for my good deed – either in private or in public.

Yes – in all these 16 years since I quit drinking and smoking – my wife has never praised me for having given up drinking and smoking.

The reason – PRAISOPHOBIA

My wife is afraid of the “consequences of praise”. 

My wife feels that if she praises me – then I may start drinking and smoking again.

So Dear Reader: 

The moral of the story is this:

If you do a praiseworthy deed and someone does not praise you – then please do not get disappointed – and do not think that those persons are unappreciative.

Maybe that person suffers from “Praisophobia”.

Think about it. 

Do you suffer from Praisophobia...? 

Is your spouse afflicted by Praisophobia...?

Or – do you know someone who is Praisophobic...?

Have you observed “Praisophobia”?

Do tell us of your experiences with “Praisophobia” and other such crazy phobias you have come across in your life.

Remember – if someone does not praise you for a good deed – just ask that person:

“Do you suffer from PRAISOPHOBIA...?”

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This article is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Updated Version of my Article written by me Vikram Karve in March 2013 on PRAISOPHOBIA and Earlier Posted Online by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at 3/14/2013 11:01:00 AM at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/03/praisophobia.html   and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/12/praisophobia-fear-of-praise-humor-in.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/11/praisophobia-weird-phobia.html and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/07/humor-in-marriage-praisophobia-why-my.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2016/07/praisophobia-fear-of-praise.html etc

Don’t You Perform Rituals without understanding their significance…?

PREFACE

I once met a young “Indian-American” couple.

Actually – in their case – the term “Indian-American” is a misnomer – because – they were full-fledged American Citizens with US Passports.

They had migrated to the US to realize their “American Dream” – and – having successfully achieved their ambitions – they had relinquished their Indian Citizenship and acquired US Citizenship.

They had permanently settled down in America – and – they had no intention of returning back to India.

Their Indian Origins combined with their American Passports gave them the exalted status of PIO (Persons of Indian Origin) who are treated like “celebrities” and enjoy better prestige in India than even “Resident Indians”.

Yes – India is one of the few countries where “Expats” (who leave India for greener pastures abroad) are treated better than “Residents” 

Yes – “Non-Resident Indians” are treated better than “Resident Indians” by everyone – the Government and Indian Society.

Now – let me tell you about the “Indian-American”.

On one of their visits to India – they performed the “Munja” of their son on a very extravagant scale in a luxurious resort. 

In ancient India – the “Munja” (“Upanayana”) was a traditional “rites of passage” ritual ceremony performed on a boy before the parents sent the boy away from home to a Guru to study in the “Gurukul”

I was curious as to why this “Indian-American” couple was performing this traditional Indian ritual on the wholly “American” son – who had been born and brought up in the USA.

“You are “Americans” – so – why are you performing all these “Indian” rituals…?” I asked them.

“How can we forget our culture…?” they said.

I smiled to myself – but – I refrained from saying what was in my mind.

So – I asked them: “Do you know the significance of these rituals…?”

“Isn’t “Munja” performed on all boys around 8 years of age…?” they said.

“In earlier times – the “Munja” ceremony was performed when the boy left his home and went away to live in a “Gurukul” to study – after his “Munja” – the boy left his parents and went away to live with his Guru…”

“Oh…”

“In today’s times – it is the equivalent of going to “Boarding School”. Aren’t “Boarding Schools” the modern equivalent of “Gurukuls”…? So – after his “Munja” – are you going to send your son away from home to study in a “Boarding School”…?” I asked the parents.

“No. Why should we send him away to Boarding School when he can stay at home and study…?”

“Oh – so you are going to keep your son at home with you. If that is so – then – why are you performing the “Munja” ceremony on your son if you don’t want to send your son away to study in a “Gurukul” …?” I asked.

“It is an important RITUAL – everyone does it…” they said.

“Oh – so you are just performing the RITUAL without following the significance of the ritual…?” I said.

Look around you.

Don’t we perform many RITUALS without understanding their significance…?

Aren’t some rituals observed even when they have outlived their utility…?

When a particular Ritual is started – there is some cogent reason for it.

But – over time – the reason for the ritual is forgotten.

Also – over the years – circumstances may have changed – and – the reason for the ritual may no longer be relevant in contemporary times.

But – we keep blindly performing the ritual – without understanding the significance of the ritual.

In fact – some rituals are celebrated as “events” – rather than solemn ceremonies.

This was true of the lavish “Munja” ceremony of the “American” Boy – where the focus was on celebrating the event with “pomp and show” at an exotic location – rather than have a simple ceremony. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN RITUALS...?

Food for Thought 

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Do you believe in rituals? 

Or – do you follow customs and traditions? 

Are you superstitious? 

Even Military follows rituals, customs and traditions – some have historical explanations – and some are unexplained. 

Yes – the military is steeped in tradition.

There are many customs, traditions and rituals.

I remember – there was a custom in the Army – in the Artillery – where you do not light more than two cigarettes with a single matchstick.

There was a logical reason for this practice during World War I – when – in the darkness of the night – an enemy sniper or gun observation post – first saw – then took aim – and fired on the third light.

But today – this tradition seems archaic and meaningless.

In the Navy – we do not clink glasses while drinking or making a toast. 

Yes – Sailors don’t clink glasses

This is plain and pure Naval superstition.

In the Navy – if we asked the reason for a certain custom which we found meaningless – our seniors would admonish us and say: 

“This is the Naval Tradition”  

Even in our day to day life – in the name of tradition – we unquestioningly follow customs, traditions and ceremonies and perform all types of religious, social and superstitious rituals without understanding the spirit behind the ritual. 

 

A Ritual is an action performed purely for Symbolic Value. 

 

In many cases there is no logic or rational explanation for the ritual. 

Hey – I am digressing.

Let me come back to the moot point of RITUALS – how they start – and – how they continue to be blindly observed till eternity – even when the rituals have lost their significance.

Here is a story which illustrates this… 

 

This apocryphal story from ancient wisdom “The Mystical Cat” illustrates how customs, traditions and rituals begin.

The story also tells you how due to repeated repetition over the years these customs and rituals are gradually established and become a part of culture. 

And then – once established – customs, traditions and rituals are blindly followed for years and years, despite the fact that, in most cases, these customs and traditions have lost their significance and the rituals have outlived their utility and meaning.

 

THE MYSTICAL CAT

An Ancient Wisdom Teaching Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

A seeker joined a monastery to learn meditation and the art of living. 

Every evening – all students and disciples assembled in the large meditation hall for a discourse by the Spiritual Guru – followed by group meditation.

Just before the meditation session commenced – the disciples would catch a cat. 

The disciples would tie up the cat. 

Then – the disciples would place the tied up cat on the lap of the Spiritual Guru. 

The Guru would then start caressing the cat – and he would begin the discourse and meditation session. 

After the meditation session was over – the cat would be untied and set free.

This was the established daily ritual.

The Guru would start the meditation session only after the tied up cat was placed on his lap. 

He was extremely particular about this.

Once – when the cat could not be found – the Guru refused to start the meditation session. 

The Guru demanded that the tied up cat be placed on his lap.

So – the meditation session was delayed. 

And – all the disciples launched a desperate hunt for the cat.

The disciples searched for many hours.

Finally – they found the cat.

The cat was duly tied up and placed on the Guru’s lap – and only then – did the Guru start his discourse-cum-meditation session.

The seeker was quite perplexed at the mystery of the tied up cat. 

He could not understand the significance of this ritual and how it was connected to meditation. 

The seeker wondered: 

“What is the significance of the “tied up Cat” placed on the Guru’s lap...? 

What is the correlation of the “tied up Cat” with meditation...?” 

The seeker asked everyone in the monastery – but no one knew the answer.

One day – someone told him to ask a ‘wise old man’  – who lived in a cave up the hills.

So – the curious seeker trudged up the hills to meet the ‘wise old man’. 

When the seeker met the ‘wise old man’ – the seeker asked the ‘wise old man’ the significance of this time-honoured ritual. 

The ‘wise old man’ said to the seeker:

“It is like this... 

One evening – many years ago – when the then Spiritual Guru and his Disciples began their evening meditation – a Cat that lived in the monastery started running around. 

The Cat started making so much noise that it distracted the Spiritual Guru and his Disciples and disturbed the meditation practice. 

So – the Guru ordered that the CAT WAS TO BE TIED UP during the evening discourse-cum-meditation practice – so that – once the Cat was tied up – it would not run around and create a nuisance. 

This practice of tying up the Cat before meditation practice continued – so much so – that even after the Teacher died – the next Guru continued this tradition – and the Cat continued to be tied up during the meditation session.

When the Cat died – another cat was brought to the monastery to be tied up during the evening meditation session.

And when that cat died too – they brought another cat to be tied up during meditation practice. 

And then – as and when the cats died – they kept replacing the dead cats with new cats – and – the practice of tying up a cat during meditation continued.

With the passage of time this became an established ritual – to tie up a cat during meditation practice. 

Once precedence has been established – no one can dare to question it. 

So – once the ritual of tying up the cat was established – no one could dare to question the “sacrosanct” ritual. 

With the passage of time – this “tying up a cat” during meditation – it became an established ritual.

Once precedence has been established – no one can dare to question it. 

So – it has become a custom, tradition and established ritual to tie up a cat during the meditation session.” 

Hence – it has become a custom, tradition and established ritual – to tie up a cat during the meditation session...” 

Satisfied by this story – the seeker came down to the monastery. 

And – from then onwards – the seeker actively participated in the daily evening pre-meditation “tying up the cat” ritual.

Many years passed – but the ritual of tying up the cat during the meditation session – it continued and continued – till it became an eternal established ritual.

The seeker – who by then had become the Spiritual Guru – he wrote a scholarly treatise about the significance of tying up a cat for meditation practice.

DO YOU BLINDLY FOLLOW RITUALS, CUSTOMS, TRADITIONS AND SUPERSTITION WITHOUT QUESTIONING THE LOGICAL BASIS OR RATIONALE...?

I wonder why we accept customs and traditions without understanding their significance...?

Just like a blind man lead by others who are blind – why do we blindly follow rituals without examining the meaning, logic and significance of that ritual using our own intelligence and judgement?

Why do we follow customs, traditions and rituals that are obsolete...? 

Why observe rituals that have lost their significance and outlived their utility...?

If you see any ritual, custom or tradition being blindly followed by people – and for which there seems to be no rational or logical explanation – remember this story of “The Mystical Cat”.

Ask questions – and find out the logical basis for the ritual, custom or tradition. 

Is there some logic or rationale for the belief – or is it just superstition...?

And – if you are not convinced – isn’t is better to stop blindly following rituals that have become meaningless in the modern world of today...? 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This is a revised version of my article written by me more than 25 years ago in the 1990s and posted online an number of times on my various blogs including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2010/09/meditation-and-mystical-cat.html  and http://creative.sulekha.com/meditation-and-the-mystical-cat_485601_blog and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/06/learning-from-humor-customs-traditions.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/why-we-follow-rituals-customs-and.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/do-you-believe-in-rituals.html etc