Monday, June 12, 2017

How to Build Self-Esteem

How to Build Self-Esteem 


Self-Esteem is much more than Self-Confidence. 

The word “esteem” is derived from the Latin word aestimare which means “to put a value on”

Thus – your “Self Esteem” is the “value you put on yourself”.

Your self-esteem is your conviction that you are uniquely valuable.

When you have High Self-Esteem  you will have the capacity to live creatively  stand by your values, beliefs and principles  and you will have the competence to accomplish something vital to your individuality.

Is it possible to assess self-esteem...? 

How do you recognize whether a person has self-esteem...?

It is easy.

Persons with High Self-Esteem do not need to prove themselves.

Yes – if you have high self-esteem – you do not feel the need to prove yourself to the outside world – you do not need to prove yourself to others.

Conversely  persons with Low Self-Esteem will be observed trying to prove themselves – they boast  they put others down – they show off  drop names  speak excessively  and they always talk about their themselves and try to hog the conversation  they keep telling you about their achievements and display snobbish behaviour. 

People with low self-esteem are extremely self-conscious about their appearance  and – they desperately fish for compliments. 

People with low self-esteem are unduly concerned about what other people think about them. 

They are desperate to create a good impression.

They may talk in an imperative tone of voice  they try to pull rank and emphasize their authority and show-off their status, position or wealth – they act in a boastful manner – they always seem “keyed up” and move around in an excited manner as if in a perpetual hurry “to get the job done” and try to “dominate” others. 

Look around your workplace and among your friends. 

If you observe someone behaving in this way  be sure that he/she has low self-esteem.

Close your eyes and recall some of your own interactions in the recent past  professional and social  at work and with your friends. 

Imagine as if you have gone outside your body – and you are watching yourself from the outside as you interact and converse with others. 

Reflect and Introspect: 

Did you display any indicators of low self-esteem...? 

Remember  an important internal indicator of low self-esteem is that you feel excessively self-conscious as you try to "prove yourself" to others around you – wondering what they think about you – and this sometimes causes you to feel internally stressed-out.

You can recognize individuals with high self-esteem by their body language. 

When they speak to you  they make good eye contact – and they are relaxed, calm, measured in movement  yet firm and decisive. 

A person with good self-esteem will exhibit a quiet confidence – and will not fish for compliments.

However  if you do compliment them – they will calmly say “Thank You” – and accept your compliment with politeness and humility. 

They are honest, humble and modest – and are genuinely interested in other people and their achievements. 

They do not bother about external recognition – as they have confidence in their own abilities.

Persons with high self esteem are always genuine and never “fake it”.

The bedrock of self-esteem is self-acceptance

If you have high self-esteem – you will accept yourself as you are – and you will not indulge in “image management”. 

Hence – you will never be afraid of being “found out” – since you will always project what you actually are – since you don’t have to “prove yourself” to others.  

People with low self-esteem are always desperate to “prove themselves” to the outside world and impress others.

Such persons with low self-esteem often fall prey to image management techniques.

Since low self-esteem persons try to project an exaggerated or contrived (fake) image of themselves  they constantly live under the fear of being found out.

Do you want to enhance your self-esteem...? 

It is simple. 

Just start liking yourself

First – accept yourself as you are. 

And then  learn to like yourself. 

Don’t bother about proving yourself to others. 

Take pride in your individuality. 

Be your own hero

Start enjoying yourself  be proud of yourself  and when you feel you have done something good  don’t seek praise from others  but reward yourself for what you do – and praise yourself. 

Remember to do this in all aspects of your life – at work and in your personal life as well.

Continual self-evaluation, self-acceptance and self-reward will produce a paradigm shift in your behaviour from being other-directed to being inner-directed. 

As you build up your self-esteem – you will develop a strong sense of self. 

You will start liking yourself – and you will start believing in yourself.

On the other hand – if you do not learn to reinforce yourself – and if you succumb to the temptations of image management to seek approval of others and get obsessed with “proving yourself” – you may slip and fall into the downward spiral of low self-esteem.

I will end by paraprasing a quote from Samuel Butler:

The advantage of doing your praising for yourself is that you can lay it on so thick and exactly in the right places 

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

1. This article is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. Please do your own due diligence.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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This is a consolidated revised and abridged repost of my self-help articles including the following posted online by me earlier at urls:  and  and etc

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