Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Humor in Uniform - DOCKYARDS and JUNKYARDS



A Spoof

During my long service in the navy, especially in dockyards, I have observed that it is easy to create a junkyard.

All you have to do is to dump some trash at the selected site for a few days.

Soon, others will follow suit, and start dumping their garbage, junk, litter, and debris (whatever they want to get rid of) at the same place and in due course you will have a full fledged garbage dump or junkyard in place over there.

This is exactly what happened in a Naval Dockyard.

A desperate Manager was conducting a frantic “full-night overtime” last minute “cleanship” of his department workshops for a sudden VIP visit the next morning.

All the junk, scrap, litter and debris removed from the shop-floors were meticulously piled up in a newly created trash-heap.

The Foreman was careful to ensure that this newly created junkyard was strategically located well away from his department.

The Foreman believed in the dictum: “Never keep your shit in front of your doorstep. Shift it in front of someone else’s doorstep”

That is why he had ingeniously located the new garbage dump near the entrance of a unit which did not belong to the dockyard, though it was located inside the premises of the dockyard.

The VIP visit was a success, and the top brass complimented the Manager on the cleanliness of his workshops.

Meanwhile, the newly created garbage dump started growing in size as everyone nearby conveniently started using it to dump their garbage there rather than carry it to conservancy bins located some distance away.

Some construction work was in progress nearby, and workers found it convenient to dump debris here, rather than cart it all the way to the officially designated debris dumping site.

In a matter of days, the place looked like a full-fledged junkyard with all sorts of rubbish, waste, junk, scrap, litter and debris heaped up in a huge pile of garbage.

I am sure a few officers, including me, must have noticed the trash heap, but in typical mentality they must have thought: “It is not my job to clear garbage, so why should I bother about it”.

(Of course, this did not prevent them from conveniently dumping their own garbage in that “junkyard”)

One day, the unit adjoining the “garbage dump” was visited by an Admiral from Headquarters, who was the direct boss of the Officer-in-Charge (OIC) of the unit.

The Admiral was appalled to see the trash-heap near the entrance gate of the unit.

He ordered the OIC to remove the garbage pile immediately and render a completion report by evening.

The OIC “officially” asked Yard Conservancy Services to remove the garbage dump.

Yard Conservancy Services “officially” told the OIC to “hop”.

Yard Conservancy Services said that this junkyard did not fall under their jurisdiction as it was not in their official list of garbage dumps.

The hapless OIC then personally went across to Manager Yard Services and pleaded before him.

“Okay, I will have the debris cleared next week when the scrap dealer comes to take away the scrap,” the Yard Services Manager said.

“No, No, my boss, Admiral “X” wants a completion report today evening. Please help me…” the OIC was on the verge of tears.

Seeing the pitiable state of the OIC, the Yard Services Manager decided to help him.

But the real reason was that the Yard Services Manager wanted to make some brownie points with Admiral “X”, who was a rising star.

“Okay, I will relocate the garbage dump to a temporary place till the scrap dealer comes next week,” the Yard Services Manager assured the OIC.

“Thanks,” the OIC said gratefully.

“And you don’t bother about making the completion report to your boss. I know Admiral “X” very well – I will personally make the completion report to him once the job is done,” the Yard Services Manager told the OIC of the unit.

The trash heap was relocated in the evening, after working hours.

By a strange irony, the garbage pile was dumped near the entrance of the very same department which had created the “junkyard” in the first place.

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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