Humor – A “Freudian Slip”...?

A “FREUDIAN SLIP”...?

Story from My Navy Days

By  

VIKRAM KARVE 

This story happened around 17 years ago – when I was in the Naval Dockyard Mumbai.

This a story of a “Dockyard Matey” – as we affectionately call Dockyard Workmen. 

“Dockyard Matey” is the traditional nickname for Non-Navy Civilian Personnel working in a Naval Dockyard. 

You will be surprised to know that the Navy probably has more civilian personnel than men in uniform – yes – there are a large number of “Naval Civilians” in dockyards, depots, repair yards, shore establishments etc 

In fact – most of the maintenance and logistics units of the Navy have a significant proportion of civilian personnel.

A large majority of the Naval Civilian Personnel work in the two premier Naval Dockyards which play the vital role in keeping warships and submarines in good repair – seaworthy and fighting fit. 

“Dockyard Mateys” are tradesmen – ranging from highly skilled/experienced technical experts right down to to semi-skilled/unskilled workers (the designation “unskilled” is a misnomer because even the USLs (Unskilled Labour) are highly proficient workmen). 

Except for a handful of Navy Sailors in a few departments – Naval Dockyards are staffed entirely by Civilian Personnel – but – Naval Dockyards are entirely managed by Uniformed Naval Officers.

Yes - the Admiral Superintendent, General Managers, Managers, Deputy Managers and Assistant Managers are Technical Officers of the Navy – and – for a Naval Officer of the Technical Branches – a Dockyard Appointment is considered a Prestigious “Criteria” Appointment. 

(I have served a total of 10 years of my long Navy career in both the premier Naval Dockyards in Mumbai and Vizag)

Whereas the Naval Fleets/Flotillas are the frontline afloat component of the Navy – the Naval Dockyards (which keep the Warships/Submarines in good repair and fighting fit) can be considered as the “frontline” shore-based component of the Navy.

Hey – I have digressed.

Now – let me get back to my story. 

The “Dockyard Matey” (Dockyard Worker) in the story was a USL (Unskilled Labour).

The beauty about him was that he took immense pride in speaking English.

He insisted on answering in English – even if someone spoke to him in Hindi or Marathi – which was his mother tongue.

He was cleaning my office one morning – when the phone rang.

So – the “Dockyard Matey” picked up the phone.

A Naval Officer from Delhi wanted to speak to me.

“He is no more...” the “Dockyard Matey” answered.

“He is “no more”...?” the Naval Officer from Delhi asked – stunned on hearing these words.

The Officer from Delhi was totally shocked and taken aback by the shocking news of my untimely and sudden “death”.

Still recovering from the shock – the Officer from Delhi commiserated with the “Dockyard Matey” – and – the Naval Officer said to the worker: 

“Oh – I really did not know that “he is no more” – I am very sorry to hear this...”

With these words of condolence – the Officer from Delhi disconnected the phone.

The “Dockyard Matey” felt good.

He felt proud that he had communicated superbly in English. 

In fact – he had matched the Naval Officer from Delhi – word for word – in the English Language.

After a few moments – the concerned Officer from Delhi rang up the General Manager (GM) of the Dockyard to enquire about me.

“He is sitting right in front of me...” the GM said. 

“What...?” the Officer from Delhi exclaimed over the phone, surprised. 

Then – the Officer from Delhi told the GM about the phone call – that he had been told by someone in my office that I was “no more” 

“Oh – he has been transferred to another department – He is no longer Manager XXX – now he is Manager YYY...” the GM said.

We all had a good laugh.

The worker had said: “he is no more”.

What he meant to convey was: “he is no more here” (in this department).

He had just missed out one word: “here”  

And – the meaning had changed. 

I was assumed to be dead. 

In Navy parlance – I was “consigned” to the “Davy Jones’ Locker”.

Or – was it a “Freudian slip”...?

Not likely – since the “Dockyard Matey” – an innocent USL – was really a nice guy – who just wanted to show off his proficiency in the English Language.

It was just a case of “Effective” Communication.

So – next morning – I went back to my old office – and – I gifted him a copy of the book on “English Speaking and Conversation”. 

PS: 

During my long career in the Navy – I received immense love and loyalty from my sailors. 

But – I have a special place in my heart for the “Dockyard Mateys” with whom I worked in both the Naval Dockyards – I can never forget the genuine warmth and affection with which they cared for me and looked after me. 

By the way – even after retirement – I am still in touch with the “Dockyard Matey” in the story – and – yes – even now – he speaks to me in English – in flawless English. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

This story was written by me Vikram Karve 17 years ago in the year 2000 and posted online by me a number of times in my various blogs including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/effective-communication.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/humor-in-uniform-freudian-slip-or.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/humor-in-uniform-sudden-death.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/humor-in-uniform-english-vinglish.html

Art of Frivolous Conversation - “SMALL TALK” and “STATUS GAMES”

“SMALL TALK” and “STATUS GAMES”

Art of Frivolous Conversation

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“SMALL TALK” and SOCIAL CONVERSATION

When I was in the Navy – I had to attend many official parties and social functions.

On most occasions – I knew many persons – and we enjoyed talking freely about topics of common interest.

However – there were some occasions – especially when I was “detailed” as a “rep” to attend formal inter-service parties or social functions in the civilian world where I hardly knew anybody.

What do you do when you land up in a place where you are a stranger – and nobody is keen to talk to you?

1. You can get bored all by yourself – and wait for the “torture” to end.

2. You can try to strike up a polite conversation about some mundane topic like the weather with someone who is not interested in talking to you.

3. You can have fun talking to people and enjoy yourself (and maybe the person you are conversing with will enjoy the tête-à-tête too).

Before I tell you how – let’s get back to the basics.

WHY DO WE TALK TO EACH OTHER

Why do people talk to each other?

Why do we converse with other people?

Conversation is a medium of verbal communication.

The “professed aim” of conversation is to exchange information.

However conversation may have ulterior motives too – besides exchanging information.

Sometimes you may speak to “get it off your chest” – or to express emotions like happiness or anger or frustration.

Another reason for you to converse with someone is to establish the “pecking order” – or to put it precisely – you want to establish your place in the pecking order (determining your status).

Or maybe you talk to someone because you want to alter your status – to raise or to lower your “status” relative to the other person (altering your status).

REASONS FOR VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Thus – to put it in a nutshell – there are 3 reasons for verbal communication:

1. Exchanging Information

2. Expressing Emotions

3. Determining and Altering Status

DETERMINING AND ALTERING STATUS BY CONVERSATION

Since we are talking about “STATUS GAMES”, let us discuss the third reason for conversation – Determining and Altering Status.

Consciously – or sub-consciously – people are competing with each other for status when they speak to each other.

Different individuals have different attitudes towards status.

Some are blatant about flaunting their status while others do so in a more subtle manner.

Some like to establish their superior status – while others prefer to tone down their own status relative to the other person.

DETERMINING STATUS

Let me give you some examples of Determining Status:

If a stranger asks you where you live – he may not be doing so only for information purposes.

He may be doing it for ascertaining or establishing relative status.

See this example of determining status by seemingly innocuous queries.

Here is a simple conversation – at an alumni meet – a man asked me:

“Where do you live?”

“I live in Wakad” (middle-class suburb of Pune)

“Oh – I live on Boat Club Road.” (High-brow posh locality of Pune)

(In Mumbai – I lived in near Churchgate – which “enhanced” my “status”)

A snooty wife of a navy colleague once asked me at a party in the presence of others:

“In which school do your children study?” she asked me.

“Kendriya Vidyalaya,” I answered.

“Oh. My children study in XXX School,” she said with an upturned nose – taking the name of a most elite school which was known more for its snob appeal than academic achievements.

In the first example – the person did not know where I lived – and he was trying to “gauge my status” in comparison with his own.

In the second example – the snobbish lady knew where my children studied and she was trying to show-off her “higher” status as compared me to other naval officers and families.

In the civilian world - status is determined by material things like your wealth, the car you own, the locality where you stay, the school your children attend, or who you know. 

Where you work also determines your status.

Working for a prestigious organization adds to your status.

Your intellectual accomplishments – the educational institution where you studied – an “Ivy League” College, IIT or IIM – this aspect also contributes to your status.

In the Military World (Defence Services) – things like your material wealth and intellectual accomplishments do not matter.

In the Army Navy and Air Force your status is determined by your Rank.

Yes – Rank is the only factor which determines your place in the pecking order in the military.

That is why your military rank is prefixed to your name – even after you retire.

The Armed Forces are highly status-conscious organizations.

Rank (or the rank of your spouse) governs social graces in the services.

That is why most senior officers (and their wives) will immediately state their rank – so that they can assume a higher status.

However – on occasions – I have observed some senior officers not mentioning their ranks while talking “incognito”.

They make efforts to deliberately lower their status – so that the persons who they are talking to warm up to them and open up – and they do not get intimated by the high rank of the officer.

STATUS GAMES

Once – at a ladies club function – an army officer’s wife was desperately trying to find out from my newly-married wife whether I was senior to her husband – or was her husband senior to me – so that she could appropriately establish herself in the pecking order.

My wife was quite clueless about my precise seniority.

During the conversation my wife mentioned the name of our neighbor – a senior army officer – who she said was my close friend.

The lady assumed that I was senior to her husband – and she showed due deference to my wife.

Later it transpired that her husband was much senior to me and the army wife was quite miffed at having been fooled by an unintentional status game.

You can have fun when talking to a stranger by intentionally initiating and playing status games.

I once met a social-bee in Mumbai who asked me what I did for a living.

“I am in the Navy,” I told her.

She immediately started dropping names – and mentioned the name of a very Senior Naval Officer who she claimed was her close acquaintance.

(“Name-Dropping” is a sure indicator of “Status Games”. The lady was obviously trying to raise her status relative to me – so I decided to play a game and alter status).

I casually said that the officer who she had named was my subordinate.

First – she looked at me in disbelief – then she looked at me with a hint of awe.

I decided to go in for the kill – and I asked her in detail about herself – and I brought her down to mother earth.

In the Armed Forces there are two types of Officers – ex-NDA officers who are trained at the National Defence Academy and Direct Entry Officers who are trained at the other Military Academies.

Ex-NDA Officers are terrible “seniority conscious” – whereas Direct Entry officers are more egalitarian.

You can recognize an ex-NDA officer easily – the first time he meets you, he will try to determine your “seniority” by playing status games – he will be desperate to find out whether you are senior to him or junior to him – and will ask you all sorts of questions – “which course are you from” – “what is your NDA equivalent course” – “who are you ex-NDA batchmates” etc.

You can enjoy playing “status games” with these rank conscious ex-NDA types by masquerading as being more senior than you actually are.

Recently, I realized that even the civil services play “status games”.

The other day I met an old school classmate of mine after almost 40 years.

I could not even recall him properly – since he had been quite an undistinguished student – and a mediocre backbencher.

However – he had joined government service and plodded along – and thanks to Assured Career Progression (ACP) – he had reached a reasonably high position.

He mentioned his position – he said that it was the civilian equivalent of Brigadier – and then he asked me: “At what rank did you retire from the navy?”

I was amused – since I was sure that he knew all about me.

After all he had got my details from another classmate, who had been in the navy with me.

This guy was simply trying to ‘show off’ his status.

“How does my navy rank matter to you?” I said, “I retired long back.”

“I want to know. Tell me,” he insisted.

“Admiral – I retired as an Admiral,” I said, tongue-in-cheek.

“Oh. XXX said that you retired as a Commander,” he said, “You worked at a university also, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I was faculty at YYY University,” I said.

He immediately started “name-dropping” – saying that the present vice-chancellor of that university was a close acquaintance of his (in an attempt to raise his own status).

He was playing “status games” with me.

Of course – I put him in his place by discussing his academic “achievements” and “sissy” effeminate behaviour during our student days – for which he had been ragged severely.

Going up and down a person’s timeline is a good way of altering status.

Later – in my blog – I will tell you many such anecdotes of the delightful fun I have had playing “status games” while talking to people.

Meanwhile – Dear Reader – whenever someone starts asking too many questions to you – do try to discern whether the person is genuinely seeking information or expressing emotions – or whether the individual is playing “status games” with you.

Then – you know what to do.

Of course – the next time you land up at a boring party or function – just walk up to someone you do not know – and have fun by initiating and playing conversation “status games”.

Playing “Status Games” is a good way of “Frivolous Conversation”.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This blog post is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

TEACHERS’ DAY MUSINGS – Part 4 – HOW TO DELIVER A GOOD LECTURE

TEACHERS’ DAY MUSINGS – Part 4 – HOW TO DELIVER A GOOD LECTURE

HOW TO DELIVER A GOOD LECTURE

THE FOUR ASPECTS OF AN EFFECTIVE LECTURE

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Today, the 5th of September, is Teachers Day.

Well, once upon a time, I used to be a Teacher. 

So, on Teachers Day, here are some thoughts I would like to share with you. 

So, let me delve into my creative writing archives and re-post for you a few articles I had written and posted on my blog a few years ago on the occasion of Teachers Day.

I have already posted the first two TEACHERS DAY articles:

TEACHERS’ DAY MUSINGS – Part 1 – Food for Thought on “The Art of Teaching” or “How to Teach”

TEACHERS’ DAY MUSINGS – Part 2 – TEACHING IS A SOFT SKILL – TEACHING IS ALL ABOUT “VIBES” 

TEACHERS’ DAY MUSINGS – Part 3 – 

 FATIGUE LIES IN HALF-HEARTEDNESS 

– YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO FLOWER WHERE GOD HAS SOWN YOU

(If you want to read these articles first, you may click the links above and the blog posts will open in new windows for you to read. But remember to come back to this page and read this post too)

Here is the fourth article.

HOW TO DELIVER A GOOD LECTURE

The lecture is still the most frequently used method of instruction. 

Even if you are not a teacher, in your everyday work you may be constantly using the medium of speech to convey a message or instruction or for informal training or motivational purposes. 

How well you put across your ideas depends to a large extent on now well you have mastered the elements of good public speaking.

An important prerequisite of a good lecture is that it must be carefully prepared to the extent that you have a firm mastery of the topic you are going to discuss and a clear conception in your mind of how you are going to present the subject.

A good lecture has four simple requirements:

1. MESSAGE

The first characteristic of a good lecture is that it must have a message. 

The lecturer must have something to say 

Do not deliver a lecture when you have nothing worthwhile to say.

Also, what the lecturer says must be worth saying and worth listening to 

You must clearly bring out the importance of the topic and why the audience needs to hear you and unambiguously state your message so that the audience understands what you want to say.

You may have heard Aristotle’s dictum on rhetoric:

1. Tell them what you are going to say

 

2. Say what you have to say

 

3. Then tell them what you said to them.

So, to get your message across, this is what you must do:

1. Tell the audience what you are going to tell them

2. Tell them what you want to tell them

3. Tell them what you have told them

2. NATURALNESS

The second attribute of a good talk is naturalness. 

Remember, the audience wants to hear YOU - yes, they want to hear YOU.

So make it your own lecture, your very own talk – speak in your very own natural style. 

Never try to imitate someone and don’t try to copy someone else.

3. SINCERITY

The third feature of an effective lecture is that it must be sincere. 

The audience must be convinced that you believe in what you say, so make sure you talk sincerely and clearly demonstrate that you believe in what you are saying. 

Remember, you cannot fake sincerity so the only way to succeed in giving an impression of sincerity is to genuinely be sincere. 

Do not try to ham, act or pretend – the audience will easily catch on that you do not yourself believe in what you are saying. 

And suppose you do not believe in something or are not fully convinced about a topic? 

Well, why talk about something you do not believe in? 

As a Teacher or Speaker you must be true to your conscience and you must not live a lie and say something you do not believe in. 

Remember the saying of Mahatma Gandhi:

1. What you THINK

2. What you SAY

3. What you DO

Must be in Harmony

Yes, What you THINK what you SAY and what you DO must be in harmony

This harmony of thought, speech and action must be evident to the audience.

4. ENTHUSIASM

Finally, last but not the least, a good lecturer or speaker must radiate enthusiasm and energy. 

An enthusiastic speaker is one who displays great eagerness to have his or her ideas understood, believed and put into practice. 

You should be passionate about what you are speaking about and you must yourself believe in what you are saying. 

If you want your audience to be enthusiastic about listening to you, radiate enthusiasm yourself while speaking.

Four Aspects of an Effective Lecture

So, in a nutshell, before you deliver your next lecture, keep these basic four principles in mind:

1. Message

2. Naturalness

3. Sincerity

4. Enthusiasm

You will deliver a great lecture – you can take my word for it.

All the Best – I am sure you become an effective communicator and deliver excellent lectures and speeches.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.