Humor in Uniform – ACR English

Humor in Uniform

ACR ENGLISH

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

THE “UNASSUMING” OFFICER

The word “unassuming” has a positive connotation.

“UNASSUMING” means MODEST.

Modesty is a virtue.

For an Officer in the Defence Services – Modesty is considered an “Officer Like Quality” (OLQ).

A Navy Friend was rendering the Performance Appraisal of an Officer called “XXX”.

In the Defence Services – the Performance Appraisal Form is called the Annual Confidential Report (ACR).

While filling up the ACR Form – my Friend (the Initiating Officer or IO) wrote in the “pen picture” column:

“…XXX is an unassuming officer…”

My friend was summoned by his Boss (the Reviewing Officer or RO). 

The Boss (RO) said to my Friend (IO):

“There is a mismatch in this ACR. 

You have given very high numerical points to the officer in performance rating column. 

But – you have given him an “adverse report” in the “pen picture”. 

In the “pen picture” – you have written – 

“…XXX is an “unassuming” officer…” 

You better rewrite the ACR. 

If you want to give him an “adverse report” – lower the numerical points – and – please get the officer’s signature on the “adverse remark”...” 

On hearing these words from his Boss – my Friend was nonplussed. 

My Friend said to his Boss: 

“Sir – the word “unassuming” – it is not an “adverse remark”…” 

The Boss said to my Friend:

“Of course it is an “adverse remark”. 

The word “unassuming” means that he does not “assume” things. 

Well – let me tell you that – officers are supposed to “assume” things – officers are supposed to take initiative, be innovative, have vision... 

Yes – officers are supposed to be “assuming” – not “unassuming”…” 

On hearing this logic – my Friend said to his Boss: 

“Sir – in my opinion –being “unassuming” is a positive attribute. 

To the best of my knowledge – “unassuming” means being “modest” – being “down-to-earth” – “humble” and “unpretentious” – being a “gentleman” – yes – being “unassuming” is a “gentlemanly” trait. 

Tell me, Sir – Officers are supposed to be “gentlemen” – aren’t they…?” 

On hearing this argument – the Boss glared at my Friend and said: 

“Stop bullshitting me…” 

My friend looked at his Boss and said: 

“Sir – please ask your Staff Officer to get a dictionary – I will show you what the word “unassuming” means…” 

“Are you trying to teach me English…?” the boss angrily said to my friend.

“No – Sir. I am just trying to prove my point that my use of the word “unassuming” is correct and it has a positive connotation...” my friend said to his boss.

The Boss (RO) looked angrily at my Friend (IO) and said:

“Now – you listen to me. 

You may know what “unassuming” means. 

I may understand what “unassuming” means. 

But – will those buggers up there in Headquarters understand…? 

Let me tell you that if you call the officer “unassuming” – it will be considered as an “adverse remark” – and – this officer will be “written off”. 

Do you want to “write off” this officer...?

Is he so bad and useless – that you want to finish off his career…?” 

“No – Sir. He is a very good officer…” my friend said. 

The Boss smiled at my Friend and said: 

“Then please take back this ACR form – and write a fresh one. 

You can replace the word “unassuming” with some “standard term” which everyone understands – like “sincere” – “hardworking” – “diligent” etc – use words that everyone can understand easily – especially the “bigwigs” upstairs…” 

MORAL OF THE STORY 

Well – there was a time when “Proficiency in English” was considered an essential “Officer Like Quality” (OLQ) 

But today – highfalutin jargon, magniloquent language and pompous words are not relevant anymore. 

What is important is to use words that everyone can understand easily. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Revised repost of my story “FAUJI” ENGLISH posted online by me Vikram Karve earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on April 19, 2015 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/04/humor-in-uniform-fauji-english.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/09/humour-in-uniform-acr-english.html etc

Humor – A “Freudian Slip”...?

A “FREUDIAN SLIP”...?

Story from My Navy Days

By  

VIKRAM KARVE 

This story happened around 17 years ago – when I was in the Naval Dockyard Mumbai.

This a story of a “Dockyard Matey” – as we affectionately call Dockyard Workmen. 

“Dockyard Matey” is the traditional nickname for Non-Navy Civilian Personnel working in a Naval Dockyard. 

You will be surprised to know that the Navy probably has more civilian personnel than men in uniform – yes – there are a large number of “Naval Civilians” in dockyards, depots, repair yards, shore establishments etc 

In fact – most of the maintenance and logistics units of the Navy have a significant proportion of civilian personnel.

A large majority of the Naval Civilian Personnel work in the two premier Naval Dockyards which play the vital role in keeping warships and submarines in good repair – seaworthy and fighting fit. 

“Dockyard Mateys” are tradesmen – ranging from highly skilled/experienced technical experts right down to to semi-skilled/unskilled workers (the designation “unskilled” is a misnomer because even the USLs (Unskilled Labour) are highly proficient workmen). 

Except for a handful of Navy Sailors in a few departments – Naval Dockyards are staffed entirely by Civilian Personnel – but – Naval Dockyards are entirely managed by Uniformed Naval Officers.

Yes - the Admiral Superintendent, General Managers, Managers, Deputy Managers and Assistant Managers are Technical Officers of the Navy – and – for a Naval Officer of the Technical Branches – a Dockyard Appointment is considered a Prestigious “Criteria” Appointment. 

(I have served a total of 10 years of my long Navy career in both the premier Naval Dockyards in Mumbai and Vizag)

Whereas the Naval Fleets/Flotillas are the frontline afloat component of the Navy – the Naval Dockyards (which keep the Warships/Submarines in good repair and fighting fit) can be considered as the “frontline” shore-based component of the Navy.

Hey – I have digressed.

Now – let me get back to my story. 

The “Dockyard Matey” (Dockyard Worker) in the story was a USL (Unskilled Labour).

The beauty about him was that he took immense pride in speaking English.

He insisted on answering in English – even if someone spoke to him in Hindi or Marathi – which was his mother tongue.

He was cleaning my office one morning – when the phone rang.

So – the “Dockyard Matey” picked up the phone.

A Naval Officer from Delhi wanted to speak to me.

“He is no more...” the “Dockyard Matey” answered.

“He is “no more”...?” the Naval Officer from Delhi asked – stunned on hearing these words.

The Officer from Delhi was totally shocked and taken aback by the shocking news of my untimely and sudden “death”.

Still recovering from the shock – the Officer from Delhi commiserated with the “Dockyard Matey” – and – the Naval Officer said to the worker: 

“Oh – I really did not know that “he is no more” – I am very sorry to hear this...”

With these words of condolence – the Officer from Delhi disconnected the phone.

The “Dockyard Matey” felt good.

He felt proud that he had communicated superbly in English. 

In fact – he had matched the Naval Officer from Delhi – word for word – in the English Language.

After a few moments – the concerned Officer from Delhi rang up the General Manager (GM) of the Dockyard to enquire about me.

“He is sitting right in front of me...” the GM said. 

“What...?” the Officer from Delhi exclaimed over the phone, surprised. 

Then – the Officer from Delhi told the GM about the phone call – that he had been told by someone in my office that I was “no more” 

“Oh – he has been transferred to another department – He is no longer Manager XXX – now he is Manager YYY...” the GM said.

We all had a good laugh.

The worker had said: “he is no more”.

What he meant to convey was: “he is no more here” (in this department).

He had just missed out one word: “here”  

And – the meaning had changed. 

I was assumed to be dead. 

In Navy parlance – I was “consigned” to the “Davy Jones’ Locker”.

Or – was it a “Freudian slip”...?

Not likely – since the “Dockyard Matey” – an innocent USL – was really a nice guy – who just wanted to show off his proficiency in the English Language.

It was just a case of “Effective” Communication.

So – next morning – I went back to my old office – and – I gifted him a copy of the book on “English Speaking and Conversation”. 

PS: 

During my long career in the Navy – I received immense love and loyalty from my sailors. 

But – I have a special place in my heart for the “Dockyard Mateys” with whom I worked in both the Naval Dockyards – I can never forget the genuine warmth and affection with which they cared for me and looked after me. 

By the way – even after retirement – I am still in touch with the “Dockyard Matey” in the story – and – yes – even now – he speaks to me in English – in flawless English. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

This story was written by me Vikram Karve 17 years ago in the year 2000 and posted online by me a number of times in my various blogs including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/effective-communication.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/humor-in-uniform-freudian-slip-or.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/humor-in-uniform-sudden-death.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/humor-in-uniform-english-vinglish.html

Do You the Know Difference between “Sympathy” and “Empathy”...?

“Sympathy” and “Empathy”

Musings

By

VIKRAM KARVE

In my college days – in the early 1970s – and – in the pre-internet days – till the end 1990s – I would always carry a diary with me whenever I visited a library – to note down any interesting information (or quote) for future reference.

This morning while browsing through one of my old diaries – I found this jotting:

SYMPATHY and EMPATHY

I was always confused about the meanings of “Sympathy” and “Empathy” - do they mean the same thing – or – are they different – and – if so – what is the difference between “sympathy” and “Empathy”.  

I was surprised to see that many dictionaries treat “sympathy” and “empathy” as synonyms.

So – when I found the meaning of the two words (“sympathy” and “empathy”) explained clearly somewhere – I jotted it down in my diary (surprisingly – I did not jot down the reference like I usually do).

“Sympathy” is derived from the Greek word “sympatheia” – which means “sharing feelings”.

“Empathy” is derived from the German word “einfulung” – which means “feeling into”.

When you sympathize with people – you get emotionally involved with those persons – since – you “share their feelings”.  

When you empathize with people – you understand their feelings – but – you do not get emotionally involved.

So – in “Sympathy” – the Emotional Aspect is predominant.

And – in “Empathy” – the Perceptive Aspect is predominant. 

Hence – if you want to Empathize – you must remove Emotion from Sympathy.

Thus – “Empathy” is “Sympathy” minus the Emotion 

In a nutshell: 

EMPATHY = SYMPATHY – EMOTION

Dear Reader: Do You Agree…? 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/sympathy-and-empathy.html