Fiction Short Story
THE HYPOCHONDRIAC
Fiction Short Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE
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Part 1 – COVID PHOBIA
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“Your husband is crazy…” the man says to the woman.
“Why…? What happened…?” the woman
says.
“Your husband – he kept on saying
– “I want to be tested – I want to be tested…”
“So – what did you tell him…?”
“Well – I told him that there is nothing
wrong with him – but – he went on and on and on – “I want to be tested – I
want to be tested…”
“I told you that my husband is a
hypochondriac – didn’t I…? Earlier – he would imagine he had other diseases –
but – ever since COVID has come – he keeps imagining that he has COVID…”
“Does he have any symptoms…?”
“Not at all – you spoke to him –
didn’t you…? And – I saw him in the morning before I came to work – he is
absolutely fine – no symptoms at all – it’s all in his mind – just extreme
anxiety – “hypochondria” – that’s all…”
“A case of severe “COVID
Phobia”…?”
“Yes – he is terrified of getting
COVID. And because of that – the last one year has been hell for me…”
“Last one year…? Hell for you…?”
“The COVID Pandemic started more one
year ago – in March 2020 – isn’t it…? Since then – my husband is working from
home – and he is obsessed with COVID – and he gets more and more paranoid –
sitting at home 24/7 – imagining things…”
“These “IT Nerds” are lucky –
they can sit at home safely and do their work – while we doctors have to risk
our lives every day…”
“That’s why they call us “COVID
Warriors” – don’t they...? And by the way – when you talk to my husband – don’t
call him an “IT Nerd” – he gets furious – call him a “Software Techie”…”
“You said your “work from home”
husband has made your life hell…?”
“I told you – he is paranoid
about getting infected with COVID. And – I have to come to work every day to
the hospital. He thinks that I may infect him – so – he has gone crazy taking
precautions. The way he “ostracizes” me
– I feel that he has almost excommunicated me from his life…”
“What…? “Ostracized”…? “Excommunicated”…?
What are you saying…?”
“It is true. The way he behaves –
I feel that way. We live in the same house – but we stay separately in
different rooms – he even wanted me to move out and live in the hospital – but
– I put my foot down…”
“That’s insane…”
“He insists that we wear masks
inside the house – maintain “social distance” – stay totally separate – avoid
contact – washing and sanitizing all the time – it’s crazy – only I know the
misery I am going through…”
“Avoid contact…? Are you telling
me that you haven’t slept together for the last one year – since COVID
started…?”
“Sleep together…? Ha Ha. He
doesn’t even allow me to get near him. I told you – we sleep in separate rooms
– we use separate bathrooms attached to our rooms – he remains cooped up in his
room – working day and night – and – he even avoids coming near me when I am
home. I am fed up with his paranoia – OCD – constantly washing hands –
sanitizing – masks – social distancing – we take more precautions inside our
house than people take outside…”
“This is unbelievable. Your
husband seems to have really gone crazy due to “COVID Phobia”…”
“Yes – that’s why I gave him your
number and asked him to speak to you…?”
“Does he know that I am a
psychiatrist…?”
“No. I told him that you were a
“COVID Specialist”…” the woman says with a mischievous smile.
“That’s very wicked of you, Uma…”
the man says, “you don’t seem to have changed from your college days – the same
“naughty” Uma…”
The woman smiles and says to the
man: “I am so happy you came here, Rohan. Now – at least – I have someone to
talk to. Most of the guys out here are boring “old-fogies”…”
“Yes, Uma – I never imagined you
would be in Pune…” the man says.
“I relocated to Pune after my
marriage – 3 years ago…” the woman says.
The man’s mobile phone starts
ringing – so – he picks it up from the table – looks at the number – and says
to the woman: “It’s your husband again…”
“You talk to him…” the woman says,
“I have a “C-Section” scheduled – we will meet at lunch in the canteen – there
you can tell me all about your entertaining conversation with my husband…”
The woman goes away – and – the
man connects the call and starts speaking to the woman’s husband.
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Part 2 – THE GYNAEC AND THE
PSYCHIATRIST
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Dear Reader – let me tell you about the two characters who were talking to each other in Part 1 of the story – Dr. Uma (the woman) – who is an obstetrician and gynaecologist (aka – gynaec) – and Dr. Rohan (the man) – a psychiatrist.
Both of them are 30 years old –
they were classmates and good friends during their MBBS – later – they went to
different colleges in faraway cities for the specializations – and gradually –
as it happens when people get busy – they lost contact with each other.
Dr. Uma – the moment she became a
gynaec – at the age of 27 – she got married to Ashok – an “IT Nerd” (Software “Techie”)
– and relocated to Pune – where her husband lived – and now – she works in a
prestigious hospital.
Dr. Rohan – the psychiatrist –
who was earlier working in Delhi – started working in the same hospital (as
Uma) recently – he joined just a few days ago – and the two classmates – Uma
and Rohan – they renewed their friendship.
Rohan is still unmarried – maybe
– waiting for his career to take off.
Of course – with the second wave
of COVID proliferating in Pune – Rohan hasn’t visited Uma’s home yet – in fact
– no one has visited Uma’s house yet – there is no question of her “COVID
Phobic” husband Ashok allowing visitors into their house.
After much persuasion by Uma –
her husband Ashok agreed to called Rohan – to talk about COVID.
Uma’s husband Ashok – he called Rohan
briefly in the morning saying: “I want to be tested – I want to be tested…”
Rohan had told him to call later –
so now – he is calling Rohan again.
Of course – Uma had told her
husband that Rohan was a “COVID Specialist” – she didn’t tell him that Rohan
was a psychiatrist.
Now – Dear Reader – while Dr. Uma
performs the “C-Section” – let us hear the telephonic conversation between the
psychiatrist Dr. Rohan and Uma’s husband Ashok.
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PART 3 – THE HYPOCHONDRIAC AND
THE PSYCHIATRIST
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“Hello Ashok…” the psychiatrist Dr. Rohan says on the smartphone to Dr. Uma’s husband Ashok.
“The Second Wave of COVID has come
in Pune – I want to be tested…” Ashok says, with desperation in his voice.
“Don’t worry – there is no way
you can get COVID – you haven’t come in contact with anyone – you even wear a
mask in the house – and you keep “social distance” from your wife…” Dr. Rohan
says.
“She told you…?”
“Yes…”
“Everything…?”
“Yes…”
“Is she there…?”
“No – she has gone to perform a
“C-Section” – a delivery – but we are meeting at lunchtime – in case you want
me to tell her something…” Dr. Rohan says to Uma’s husband Ashok.
“No – I don’t want you to tell
her about this conversation – what I am going to tell you is strictly
confidential…” Ashok says.
“Of course – what you tell me
will remain confidential – just between you and me – you are my patient – and –
I will never breach patient-doctor confidentiality…” Dr. Rohan says.
“I am sure I have got COVID…”
Ashok says.
“How is that possible…?” Dr.
Rohan says – you haven’t come in contact with anyone – you even keep away from
your wife – and I am sure she doesn’t have COVID – I see her every day – I saw
her a few minutes ago – so – you don’t worry – there is no possibility of you
having COVID – it is all in your mind…” Dr. Rohan says to Ashok.
“But – I want to be tested – can
you send someone home…?” Ashok says.
“See – I told you – there is no
need for a test – you have no symptoms – you haven’t
come in contact with anyone…” Dr. Rohan says.
“Please – for my mental
satisfaction…”
“Okay – I will send someone from
the Lab after 2 or 3 days…”
“Today – send the Lab person
today…!” Ashok says, with desperation in his voice.
“It is not possible today – the
Lab is overloaded – there is a huge rush to get tested – and I already told you
that there is no urgency to test you– you have no symptoms – you haven’t come
in contact with anyone…” Dr. Rohan says – getting exasperated.
“Actually – I have come in
contact with someone…” Ashok stammers – nervously.
“What…? You have come in contact
with someone…? Who…?” Dr. Rohan asks Ashok.
“My colleague…” Ashok says.
“Your colleague…? I thought you
were working from home…” Dr. Rohan says.
“Yes. My colleague had come home.
We live in the same building…”
“When was this…?”
“On Monday…”
“Today is Thursday – so – it was
3 days ago. Did you tell Uma this…? She didn’t mention it to me…”
“No. No. I didn’t tell her. You
are the first person I am telling. Please don’t tell her…”
“Okay. You don’t worry – I will not
tell her or anyone else – I will keep our conversation strictly confidential…”
“Thank you…”
“When you met your colleague –
were both of you were wearing masks…?”
“Of course – I am very particular…”
“I know – Uma told me that you wear
a mask 24/7 – even inside your house…” Dr. Rohan says, “you don’t worry – you won’t
catch COVID from a momentary contact with someone…”
“It was not a momentary contact…”
Ashok says.
“How long were you together…?”
Dr. Rohan asks Ashok.
“Around one hour…”
“One hour…? I hope you were
maintaining social distance…”
“I don’t know how to tell you
this – but – we made love…”
“What you made love…? You had sex…?”
“Yes – but we took all precautions
– we had “masked sex” – and – we used “COVID appropriate positions”…”
“What…? “COVID appropriate
positions”…? Are you mad…? There are no “COVID safe sex positions” – don’t you
know the COVID Safe Sex Guidelines – “you are your safest sex partner” – the only
“COVID safe sex” is “do it yourself” sex…”
“I am sorry…”
“I feel sorry for you. You are a
disgrace. You don’t sleep with your own wife saying you are afraid of getting
COVID – and you brazenly have sex with another woman…”
“It wasn’t a woman – it was a man…”
“What…? A man…?”
“Yes – there is something else –
he has tested COVID Positive…”
“When…?”
“He just called up – he was going
to fly to Delhi tomorrow for some work – so – he got himself tested…” Ashok
says.
Dr. Rohan takes a deep breath to “digest”
the bizarre story Ashok has just told him.
Uma’s husband Ashok – the bugger says
he had sex with male colleague – who is now COVID Positive.
Dr. Rohan decides to do three
things:
First – to send the Lab guy
immediately to Uma’s house to get her husband Ashok tested for COVID.
If Ashok turns out COVID Positive
– he will have to convince Uma to get tested.
And if Uma is COVID Positive – he
– Dr. Rohan – he will have to get himself tested – after all – he and Uma – they
had a “quickie” in the morning – and they certainly didn’t use a “COVID
appropriate position”.
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