The
“DEPENDENT” Old Man
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM
KARVE
“I am not ‘dependent’ on anyone. Do you understand…?” I saw Mr. K shouting at the Canteen Manager.
“Please, Sir…” the Canteen Manager pleaded,
trying to console him.
I decided to intervene.
I walked across – and – I asked Mr. K: “Sir – what is the matter…? Can
I help you…?”
“This man is saying that I am ‘dependent’ on my son. I am a retired
Forest Officer. Even though I am retired – I earn more than my son – I have
invested well – and I earn enough to live in top style – even my bloody pension
must be more than my son’s salary…” Mr.
K said angrily
“I understand, Sir…” I said, trying to calm
him down.
“Do you know – I have a bungalow in the prime
locality of Pune – in fact – my son took money from me when he wanted to book a
measly flat in that AFNHB housing scheme in the ‘back of beyond’ – and – I gave
him money to buy a car too – so – it is my son who is ‘dependent’ on me – and –
this man says that I am ‘dependent’ on my son…” said Mr. K – still looking very upset.
Dear Reader – let me digress a bit – and –
tell you what had happened.
Mr. K was the father of my “next door neighbor” Lieutenant Commander K (a Naval Officer
posted on a “Hydro” Survey Ship).
Lieutenant
Commander K had gone on a long sailing.
Lieutenant
Commander K’s wife (Mrs.
K “Junior”) worked as a Manager in a Bank in Vizag City – and she had long
working hours.
So Lieutenant
Commander K had requested his parents
to come over to Vizag for “Nanny Duties” to look after Lieutenant Commander K’s small children.
Lieutenant
Commander K had two small children who were looked after
full-time by the grandmother (Lieutenant
Commander K’s mother – Mrs. K “Senior”).
In India – a ‘Career Woman’ requires someone
to look after her children.
Earlier – Mrs. K “Junior” had called her own mother to “hold the fort” – during
both her pregnancies and for subsequent “Nanny Duties” – but – now – her NRI
sister had called her mother for “Nanny Duties” – so her mother had gone
overseas to the US for “Nanny Duties” and she was going to stay there for at
least 6 months.
Hence – Mrs.
K “Junior” had requested her husband Lieutenant
Commander K to summon his mother Mrs.
K “Senior” for “Nanny Duties”.
As is generally the case – Mrs. K “Junior” hated her mother-in-law Mrs. K “Senior” – but – she had no
choice but to tolerate her for the sake of her children – and – more
importantly – for the sake of her own career.
At first – Mrs. K “Senior” had come alone – but – 15 days later – her husband
– Mr. K arrived in Vizag from Pune.
Mr. K felt lonely without his wife Mrs. K “Senior” – so he too had come over to Vizag to be with his
wife.
In fact – Mr. K wanted to take his wife
Mrs. K “Senior” back to Pune – but – their son Lieutenant Commander K and daughter-in-law Mrs. K “Junior” pleaded with them to stay for “Nanny Duties” till Lieutenant Commander K returned from
sailing – after which he would try and make some arrangements.
The mother’s heart melted – and – Mrs. K “Senior” agreed to stay – so –
much against his will – Mr. K was
stuck in Vizag for at least 3 months.
One morning – Mr. K walked across to the INCS Canteen to buy some groceries.
(INCS stands for “Indian Naval Canteen
Service” which is akin to the Army CSD “Canteen Stores Department”)
After buying groceries – Mr. K looked at the impressive display outside the “Liquor Section” of INCS.
Mr. K saw a bottle of his favourite whisky in the display – so
he walked into the Liquor Section to buy a few bottles of his favourite whisky.
There – Mr.
K was in for a rude shock.
“Sir – we don’t issue liquor to
‘dependents’…” the salesman at the Liquor Counter said.
“I am the Officer’s father…” Mr. K said.
“Sir – the Officer has to come in person to
collect liquor – we don’t issue liquor to ‘dependents’…” the INCS Salesman
said.
“Why
are you calling me “dependent”…? I told you that I am the Officer’s father.
That man over there in that section didn’t have any problem giving me items on
this card…” Mr. K said, pointing at
the INCS Card which he had kept on the counter.
“Sir – that is the groceries section –
‘dependents’ can take groceries – but liquor is issued only to officers…”
“Why are you calling me “dependent” again and
again…” Mr. K shouted angrily.
On hearing the commotion – the Canteen
Manager reached the spot – and – he tried to explain to Mr. K that liquor could not be issued to ‘dependents’.
On hearing the word ‘dependent’ being uttered
again – Mr. K flared up and he shouted
at the Canteen Manager: “I am not “dependent” on anyone. Do you
understand…?”
“Please, Sir…” the Canteen Manager pleaded,
trying to console him.
I decided to intervene.
I walked across – and – I asked Mr. K: “Sir – what is the matter…? Can
I help you…?”
“This man is saying that I am ‘dependent’ on
my son. I am a retired Forest Officer. Even though I am retired – I earn more
than my son – I have invested well – and I earn enough to live in style – even
my bloody pension must be more than my son’s salary…” Mr. K said angrily
“I understand, Sir…” I said, trying to calm
him down.
“Do you know – I have a bungalow in the prime
locality of Pune – in fact – my son took money from me when he wanted to book a
measly flat in that AFNHB housing scheme in the back of beyond – and – I gave
him money to buy a car too – so – it is my son who is ‘dependent’ on me – and –
this man says that I am ‘dependent’ on my son…” said Mr. K – still looking very upset.
“Please, Sir – I will get you what you want…”
I said.
“I don’t want anything…” Mr. K said, “This bloody place is so far from town – that is why I
came here – but – I will never come here again – I will take a taxi – I will go
to Vizag City – and – I will buy whatever I want – including the best of whisky
– I can afford it – I need not come here to get insulted…”
“Sir, we did not insult you…” the INCS
Salesman said.
“Why did you call me ‘dependent’…? I told you
that I am not ‘dependent’ on anyone – but you keep calling me ‘dependent’. I am
a ‘self-made’ man – I have ‘self-respect’ – I am not ‘dependent’ on my son…” Mr. K said.
“Sir – we know you are not ‘dependent’ on
anyone – but – it is just Navy Terminology to call parents as “dependents”…” I
said.
“Yes, Sir – in the Navy – it is the general
practice to call parents as ‘dependents’ – we did not mean to insult you – we
have high respect for you, Sir…” the Canteen Manager said, trying to pacify Mr. K
Mr. K seemed to have calmed down a bit.
So – I asked Mr. K: “Sir – which whisky do you want…?”
Mr. K pointed at a bottle kept in the showcase.
I nodded to the Canteen Manager – and – he
issued a bottle of whisky on my liquor card – and gave it to me.
I dropped Mr. K home on my scooter.
At first – Mr. K refused to take the bottle of whisky – then – he insisted on giving me money – but – I told him that
this bottle was with ‘compliments’ from me – and – he could give me a treat me
later.
In the evening – I saw Mr. K standing outside – so I called out to him: “Sir – would you
like to come for a walk…?”
Mr. K readily accepted my invitation – and – so – Mr. K joined us for our customary
evening walk to the beach below Dolphin’s Nose.
As usual – after our evening walk – we headed
to the Navy Club for a drink.
Mr. K readily accepted our offer of a drink.
Then – he accepted an offer of a cigarette
too – and soon we were drinking and smoking and talking.
After some time – stimulated by the alcohol
in his system – Mr. K started
talking uninhibitedly – and he told us: “I used to be a forest officer – I was
a ‘King’ in my jungle – I love my drinks and food – and just see how my
children turned out to be – it’s pathetic – I put both my sons in the defence
services – and both turned out to be non-drinkers and non-smokers – it is a
bloody disgrace – and this younger son in the navy – he is a bloody ‘sissy’ –
he is so bloody henpecked – he does not even keep booze in his house – you gave
me a bottle of whisky today – and my daughter-in-law made a big ‘hungama’ when she saw the bottle in the evening – and
– my daughter-in-law has told my wife that she doesn’t allow alcohol in the
house – so – I shouldn’t drink at home…”
“Sir – you are always welcome to join us in
the evenings…” I said to Mr. K.
“I am really enjoying drinking with you all…”
Mr. K said.
We drank – we smoked – we nibbled the small
eats – and we talked.
The old man was a natural raconteur – and he
regaled us with yarns of his forest officer days – his adventures in the
jungles – the shikar (hunting) and barbeque parties they had.
When you are enjoying yourself – time passes
quickly – and suddenly – the steward came and asked us for our permission to
close the bar – it was 10 PM.
We ordered the last round of drinks.
I noticed that Mr. K was in high spirits.
“Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum...” Mr. K sang merrily, “that’s what you
Navy boys say – isn’t it…?”
Mr. K swayed happily – as he walked home unsteadily.
It felt good to see the Mr. K in such high spirits – and I felt pleased – at doing my bit
to make the old man happy – especially after the morning’s episode in the INCS
canteen.
I escorted Mr. K to the door of his son’s (Lieutenant
Commander K’s) house – and – I rang the doorbell.
Mr. K was swaying from the side to side – and – I had to hold
his hand to steady him – Mr. K seemed
to be in the highest of spirits.
His wife Mrs.
K “Senior” opened the door.
As he entered his house – Mr. K was singing on top of his voice:
“Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum – Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum...”
I could see his daughter-in-law Mrs. K “Junior” standing in the drawing
room – looking aghast on seeing her father-in-law Mr. K in this “happy” state.
For the next few days – we followed the same
routine – Mr. K would be waiting for
me in the evening – and – we would go for our evening walk – followed by a
drinking session in the Navy Club.
After a few drinks – Mr. K got into full form – and we enjoyed his tall stories of his
adventurous life as a Forest Officer.
Mr. K told us about the bungalow he had built back home – and
invited all of us to visit him there – and he promised us plenty of booze and
delicious barbeque of various meats.
“Hey – let’s have tomorrow evening’s session
on my ship,” a friend who was commanding a ship said, “I will tell the cook to
prepare some good chicken and mutton dishes – and some fish and prawns for
small eats...”
“Sir – I hope you like fish…” the officer
asked Mr. K.
“Of course, I love fish – I like anything
non-veg – chicken, mutton, fish – as they say – I eat anything that moves…” Mr. K said, “in fact – I am dying to
have some good non-veg food – my daughter-in-law is a pure vegetarian – and –
she doesn’t even allow my wife to cook non-veg in the house…”
That evening – we had a truly wonderful
evening on the ship – drinking the best of Scotch whisky and relishing the best
of food.
As I watched Mr. K swaying happily on his way home – I realized that he was in
even higher spirits than the previous evenings.
As usual – when he entered his house – Mr. K was singing on top of his voice:
“Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum – Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum...”
On the next day – when I came home in the
afternoon for my lunch break – my wife said: “Why do you do these things...? Mrs. K was here this morning on her way
to work. She is very angry with you…”
“Which Mrs.
K – “Senior” or “Junior”…?” I asked.
“Of course it was Mrs. K “Junior” – your friend
Lieutenant Commander K’s wife…”
“So – what did the snooty bank manager have
to say…?”
“Mrs.
K is angry with you…” my wife said.
“Why…? What have I done to her…?” I asked.
“Mrs.
K told me that you were spoiling her father-in-law…” my wife said.
“I am spoiling her father-in-law...? What
nonsense...? The old man is double my age. How the hell can I spoil him...?” I
said.
My wife looked at me – and she said: “Mrs. K was very rude to me...”
“What did she say…?” I asked.
“She said that you were already a big
drunkard – you were a total “kabaabi” and “sharaabi” – and now –
you were converting her father-in-law into a drunkard. Well – Mrs. K has asked me to tell you not to
call her father-in-law for drinks in the evenings…”
“So – Mrs.
K “Junior” doesn’t want her father-in-law to have a good time – but – tell
me – what about Mr. K’s wife – the “Senior” Mrs. K – what does she have
to say…? After all – Mr. K is her husband…”
“I don’t know – she must be so busy looking
after the children that she hardly comes out of the house. But – please – you
do what you want – but – please don’t take Mr.
K with you…” my wife pleaded.
That evening – I saw Mr. K waiting for me – ready for the evening action – a walk and a
booze session.
I told him what had happened – that his
daughter-in-law had warned my wife that I should not take him – Mr. K – for a drink.
“How dare she do that…?” Mr. K said.
“Sir – let’s go for a walk – your daughter-in-law
hasn’t prohibited that…!” I joked.
On our way back – we passed the fish market
near the beach.
There was plenty of fresh catch.
“I have got an idea…” Mr. K said, “The fish looks good. Let’s buy some fish – and prawns –
my wife is an excellent cook – tonight we will have the drinking session in our
place – I still have that bottle of whisky you gave me…”
“Sir – but your daughter-in-law…? She doesn’t
allow booze and non-veg…?” I asked.
“I am not “dependent” on her…” Mr. K said, “in fact – my daughter-in-law
is “dependent” on me – just imagine – if I take my wife away to Pune with me – it
will be my daughter-in-law who will be left ‘high and dry’…”
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
This story is based on my Humor in Uniform Article posted online earlier and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/humor-in-uniform-tale-from-my-vizag.html etc
No comments:
Post a Comment