Are You Dependent on the Kindness of Strangers...?

I don’t know why – but – I remembered this story I had written almost 8 years ago in January 2012. 

Sadly – the protagonist of this story – Mrs. J – she passed away a few years ago. 

OLD AGE WOES
Do You Depend on the Kindness of Strangers...?
Musings of a Veteran 

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

Pune (Circa 2012) 

Sometime ago – during my early morning walk – I passed by Mrs. J’s house. 

I saw J – an 84 year old widow – struggling to walk in her garden. 

I wished J good morning – and I asked her how she was. 

She answered: 

“I depend on the kindness of strangers.”

For a moment – I was speechless. 

Then – slowly – I let her words sink in – and perambulate in my mind – “I depend on the kindness of strangers” – and – these words struck a chord. 

I was transported back in time – more than 38 years ago – to the year 1981 – if my memory serves me right – when I had seen the play called A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE which had a lasting impression on me. 

I witnessed a performance of the indigenous Indian Production of this 1948 Pulitzer Prize winning masterpiece by Tennessee Williams at the Kamani Auditorium in New Delhi directed by Alyque Padamsee with terrific performances by Dalip Tahil as Stanley Kowalski and Sabira Merchant as Blanche DuBois. 

I still remember the heart-rending scene – when – after being totally destroyed by Stanley, while being taken away to a mental asylum, a shattered Blanche holds onto the doctor’s hand and says: 

“Whoever you are – I have always depended on the kindness of strangers”.

Though the context in the play is different – I realized the universal all-encompassing truth encapsulated in those profound words – which were spontaneously uttered by the old lady J – who I am sure has not read or seen the play “A Streetcar Named Desire”.

As I observe in Pune – I realize that there are so many senior citizens living alone – so many old people who “depend on the kindness of strangers” – especially in the middle-class. 

In most cases – their children live abroad in the USA pursuing their American Dream – while their parents live a life of loneliness awaiting their deaths back home in India. 

Also – I notice that the longevity of women seems to be more then men – since there are far more senior citizen widows who heavily outnumber the widowers.

Before you blame the “ungrateful and selfish children” for “abandoning” their “hapless” parents – I think you must consider the fact that there are always two sides to a coin (or two “points of view” in every story).

MIDDLE CLASS DREAMS

Let me give you a bit of a background.

In the 1960’s and 1970’s – I lived in a “middle-class” locality in Pune – where parents had two dreams:

1. First – their son must get into an IIT and go abroad to USA to realize the American dream and achieve “success”.

2. Second – they must get their daughters married to a “successful” American NRI so that she too could go the USA to live a life of prosperity and happiness there.

Many such parents – like the old lady J – achieved their dreams.

And – they are paying the price today.

Even today – I see so many parents who are desperate to send their kids abroad for higher studies and to settle down there. 

In the earlier “pre-globalization pre-liberalization” days prior to 1991 – it was difficult to go to America unless you graduated from an IIT or topped from a premier University. 

Today – it is much easier to go abroad for studies or for work. 

Post liberalization – in the globalized world of today – if you are willing to spend your money – you can easily go for higher studies abroad – or you can go there via the “IT Route” – by first going abroad to work onsite – and then sidestepping into a job over there in America.

This is the main reason why there is a beeline for jobs in the IT/ITES industry – it is the easiest way to migrate overseas.

Then or now – the fact of the matter is that it is the parents themselves who encourage and monetarily facilitate their children to go abroad.

Parents inculcate ambitious values that create in the minds of their children the urge to migrate to America or some other prosperous country for a “better life”.

So who is to blame – the parents or the children?

I ask the old lady “J” : 

“Why don’t you go and live with your son or daughter in America...? Have they refused to take you there...? Are your children unwilling to have you live with them...?”

“No – not at all. Far from it...” the old lady says, “my children want me to live with them over there and keep calling me to relocate permanently to America and stay with them in the US. I have gone there so many times – but I don’t want to live there with them in America. I don’t like it over there.”

I am puzzled. 

It seems very strange. 

Why should the old lady prefer to live a difficult lonely life out here in India – full of hardship – when she can live a comfortable life of luxury in America with the best of facilities and healthcare – and in the company of her children and grandchildren...?

Why do so many senior citizens prefer to live alone in India and depend on “the kindness of strangers” – when they can enjoy the evening of their lives by migrating abroad to live with their NRI children and exulting in the love and care of their near and dear ones...?

Is it ego? 

Is it something else? 

Is there some other reason?

I don’t know. 

I don’t have the answer. 

Do you?

If you do have the answer – or wish to share your views on this subject, please comment and let us know.

And – you better start thinking – about the evening of your life – when you become 70 or 80. 

In Old Age – you have to decide from these 3 Choices:

1. Do you want to live with your children...?

2. Do you want to live alone...? 

3. Do you want to live in an old age home (retirement community) which has assisted living facilities and where you will be well cared for and looked after...?

Remember – if you choose the second or third choice above – you will be dependent on the kindness of strangers.

Think about it.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This article is just “food for thought”, my musings, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt.

2. While planning your old age – please do your own due diligence. 

3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Unfinished Stories – Mother and Daughter – Part 1

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”

This quote by American Poet Maya Angelou is so true – at least in my case.

I have so many untold stories inside me – and – I want to tell them as quickly as possible – to alleviate the “agony” of bearing untold stories inside me.

Dear Reader:

The story I am going to tell you – it was perambulating inside me – for a long time – untold – and – I was quite hesitant to tell this story – but now – I must tell you this story – and mitigate the “agony” of carrying the burden of untold stories.

Most stories are born from “observation” and “feeling” – at least for me.

If I observe something – and – I feel about it – a story is born in my mind.

You observe so many things – but you write only about those things that stir your “feelings” – your emotions.

This story too was born many years ago – when I observed something – and the incident aroused feelings in me.

Of course – it was a simple incident – certainly not as melodramatic as the story.

But then – a writer uses his imagination to dramatize a simple observation – and convert a simple incident into fiction.

That is what fiction is all about – a dramatized version of real life.

I have been carrying this untold story inside me for a long time.

Now – it is time for me alleviate the “agony” of bearing this untold story inside me – by telling the world this story.

So – Dear Reader – let me write the story and post it on my blogs.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

Fiction Short Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“If you get married – I will kill myself…” the 15 year old daughter tells her 39 year old mother.

The daughter says this publicly – during her mother’s engagement ceremony.

“It’s just emotional blackmail…” someone says.

“It’s just a tantrum…” someone else says.

“She is bluffing…” another person says.

But – the girl isn’t bluffing.

She goes into the kitchen – picks up a knife – and she cuts her wrist.

Luckily – her mother has followed her into the kitchen.

She screams in horror – seeing the blood gushing out from her daughter’s wrist.

Everyone rushes to the kitchen and sees the ghastly sight.

They rush the daughter to hospital – and her life is saved.

As the daughter lies convalescing in the hospital bed – her mother asks her:

“Why did you do this…?”

The daughter says to her mother:

“I had told you very clearly that I don’t want you to get married – but still – you went ahead – the matrimonial ad – meeting men – and then – getting engaged . At every stage I warned you – but you refused to listen…”

The daughter’s grandmother (her mother’s mother) – she says to the young girl:

“Your mother is still young. It is better to have a man in the house…”

The young girl says to her grandmother:

“We don’t need a man in the house. We have got enough money. Papa has left us enough – and – Mamma has a good job….”

“It’s not only money…” the grandmother says, “Your family will be complete again. And you will get a father too…”

“No one can take the place of Papa – do you understand…?” the girl says angrily, “and we – Mamma and I – we are very happy as a family. We don’t need any outsider…”

“Try to be reasonable…” the grandmother says to the girl.

“You are the root cause of all this…” the girl says accusingly to her grandmother, “you are instigating her to get married…”

“Of course your mother has to get married – she is just 39 – tomorrow you will get married and go away…”

“I am not getting married tomorrow…”

“I mean – in a few years from now – you will get married and go away. Then – who will look after your mother in her old age…?”

“I will look after my mother…” the girl says, “I will finish my school, my college – get a good job – and – I will look after my Mamma for her entire life – I will not get married till she is alive…”

“You are talking nonsense…” the grandmother says.

“I am not talking nonsense…” the girl says, “I will look after my mother…”

Then – the girl looks at her mother and says:

“Mamma – I promise – I will look after you – I promise – I will not get married…”

“Okay – Okay – you take rest…” the mother says to her daughter.

“What “okay –okay”…?” the grandmother says to the mother, “the boy is very good – you will be very happy…”

“You please go away…” the girl tells her grandmother, “please leave us alone and go back to your home. We will look after ourselves…”

Then – the girl looks at her mother and says:

“Mamma – I am telling your very clearly – if you get married – I will commit suicide – and – next time – I will not fail- I will make sure that I die…”

The mother hugs her daughter and says: “Okay – I will not get married…”

The grandmother leaves for her home in the evening.

And – the woman – the mother of the girl – she gives up all thoughts of marriage. 

Story To Be Continued in Part 2...

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

What are you doing after retirement...?

A few days ago – on Sunday – we had a Navy Veterans Get-Together in NDA Khadakwasla Pune. 

I met many of my erstwhile Navy Colleagues and Shipmates – all Navy Veterans – some Senior to me – and some Junior to me – in Service and Age – but most of them were Senior Citizens. 

When I interacted with them – I realised two things: 

1. Everyone else was a “Success

”

 – and – I seemed to be the only “Failure

” (aka 

“Loser

”)

2. 

I was the only one 

“Doing Nothing” 

Let me dwell on the second point – “Doing Nothing”

Many of my fellow Navy Veterans were busy with their “Second Innings

”.

Most of them said that t

hey were “working” (or had worked) 

after retirement in various careers. 

A

ll had “Success Stories

”. 

M

ost had “succeeded

” in the Navy. 

Many had “succeeded” 

after retirement from the Navy

 – 

in their post-retirement second careers in the civilian world. 

I seemed to be the only 

“Failure

” 

– a consistent “Failure

”. 

I had consistently “succeeded” at “Failure” – both – before retirement (in the Navy) – and – after retirement (as a Navy Veteran). 

Yes – I seem to have a talent on “how to fail consistently

 ”. 

Am

ong my fellow Navy Veterans – I am probably the only one who excels at “Doing Nothing”. 

During our Navy Veterans Meets – or whenever the meet me – many Officers 

– serving and retired 

 – they a

sk me the same 

quintessential question:  

“What are you doing after retirement...?” 

And –

 I give them the same answer

 : 

“Nothing. I am 

“

doing nothing

 

 

...”

  

Hearing my 

 

truthful answer that I am 

“

doing nothing

”

 

after retirement 

– they seemed perplexed. 

With a look of disbelief on their faces 

– they ask me: 

“But 

– how can you 

“

do nothing

”

...? 

Sometimes 

– in jest – I say tongue-in-cheek: 

“I practised “

doing nothing

” when I was “working”. Then 

– 

I used to “

do nothing

” in uniform. Now 

– 

I “

do nothing

” in “civvies” (civilian clothes)...!”

A few years after my retirement 

– I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from one my students – a Scientist. 

I had taught her at IAT Pune in 1985/86 (at the Post Graduate Masters in Engineering level). 

She was now in a Senior Position in a Research Laboratory and she wanted to invite me to deliver a lecture. 

“Actually 

– after retirement – I am quite out-of-touch with the state-of-the-art...” I said, honestly. 

“Sir – please hear the topic...” she said, mischievously. 

“What topic do want me to speak on...?” I asked her. 

“The Topic is: “How to Enjoy Retirement”...!!! Sir – we want you to speak on “How to Enjoy Retirement”...” she said, “I have been following you on Social Media and read your stories on your blog. I particularly liked your your blog post on “

doing nothing

”. I can see that you are really enjoying retired life. We have organised a seminar for Senior Scientists of “Work Life Balance” and I have scheduled your lecture as the Keynote Address – Sir – you have to come and speak...”

My lecture on 

“How to Enjoy Retirement” 

was well received and appreciated. 

By the way 

– a few days later 

– 

after hearing about my lecture (and reading the same article) 

– a

 “Head Honcho” of a premier organisation invited me to deliver a lecture to his senior executives on “The Art of Retirement”. 

Word spread 

 – and I got frequent invitations to deliver this lecture on 

“How to Enjoy Retired Life”. 

Ha Ha 

– it seems most people do not know: 

H

ow to 

“Do Nothing” 

Dear Reader

 

– I am posting below

 the 

article 

titled 

 

“Retirement” means “Doing Nothing” which motivated my student to invite me to deliver the lecture. 

I had written this article many years ago 

– soon 

after my retirement 

– and have suitably updated and edited it for easy reading on the digital screen and smartphone. 

RETIREMENT MEANS “DOING NOTHING”

Musings on WORK LIFE AND BEYOND

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

A few days after I retired – a ex-Navy friend of mine offered me a job in “Civvy Street

 ”.

I politely declined the job offer. 

So – he asked me:

  

“Have you taken up some job...?

 

” 

“No...

  ” I said.

“Oh 

– 

so you must be doing some business...?

” he asked.

“No...

” I said.

“Then – what are you doing after retirement...?” he asked. 

“Nothing. I am “doing nothing”...” I said. 

“But 

– how can you 

“

do nothing

 ”

...?

 

” he said. 

“It is easy 

–

 

I practised 

“doing nothing” 

 

when I was in service...” I said.

“What...?

” 

“Yes. Earlier 

– before retirement – I was “doing nothing” wearing uniform. Now – after retirement – I “do nothing” wearing civilian clothes

...

 ” I said. 

The word spread that I had gone crazy. 

So 

– the post-retirement job-offers stopped. 

At the Navy Veterans Meet – a fellow Navy Veteran asked me same 

quintessential question that everyone asks me: 

“What are you doing after retirement...?” 

And –

 I gave him the same answer

: 

“Nothing. I am 

“

doing nothing

”

 

...”

 

This answer lead to an admonishment: 

“Why are you 

 

“

doing nothing

”

 

after retirement...?” 

I wonder why a truthful answer that I am 

“

doing nothing

”

 

after retirement results in disbelief and admonishment 

– 

as if I was doing something wrong

...?

I retired on superannuation from the Navy many years ago 

– 

and

 

–

 

since then 

–

 

I am leading a truly retired life 

– 

“doing nothing”.

Yes 

–

  

I am “doing nothing”. 

But 

–

 

isn’t that what I am supposed to do...?

Tell me 

–

 

what is the definition and meaning of 

 

“RETIREMENT

 

”...

 

?

“Retirement” means “Doing Nothing” – isn’t it...?

Many persons don’t seem to understand this. 

So whenever I meet my erstwhile colleagues 

–

 and young officers too 

– 

they all ask me what I am doing after my retirement. 

And 

– 

they seem perplexed 

–

 when I honestly answer that I am “doing nothing” after my retirement.

Of course 

–

  

most of my retired colleagues are actually doing nothing.

B

ut 

–

 they try to put on a pretence as if they are very busy. 

T

hey try to masquerade as if they are doing something very important after retirement. 

Maybe 

– 

they indulge in this charade because they feel embarrassed to speak the truth. 

Or 

–

 maybe 

– they 

 

think that they will 

“

lose face

”

 if they truthfully say that they are 

“doing nothing”

.

MILITARY LIFE AND BEYOND – The Retired Veteran

Now let me talk a bit about the topic – RETIREMENT – and discuss some tips on retirement for Military Officers belonging to the Army, Navy and Air Force.

In most jobs you retire at the age of 60.

Sometimes – the retirement age is 65 or 70 – if you are a Professor or a Judge – or you are a Bureaucrat who has managed to get an “extension” – or a cushy post retirement job.

In some vocations – like business and politics – you never retire – and you keep on working incessantly till your death.

However – if you happen to serve in the Defence Services – in the Army, Navy or Air Force – you retire early. 

If you are an officer – it is most likely you will retire on superannuation at the age of 54 – a few lucky ones may pull on to 56.

Only those who attain Flag Rank (and become Generals, Admirals or Air Marshals) – only Flag Officers can remain in service beyond that age – and retire at 58 or 60 – like their civilian counterparts. 

However – owing to the steep pyramidal hierarchical organisational structure – a very small percentage get promoted to Flag Rank.

In the Civil Services 

–

  

you have Assured Career Progression (or ACP).

In the Defence Services 

–

  

owing to the poor career prospects due to the high possibility of supersession and consequent early retirement 

–

  

you have Assured Career Truncation (or ACT).

I do not have the exact figures 

–

 

but 

–

 

from what I have observed 

 

–

  

 

it seems that hardly 1% of the officers who join the Defence Services finally get promoted to Flag Rank

 

– 

whereas 

–

 

due to ACP and NFU 

–

 

in the Civil Services 

–

 

almost everyone becomes a Joint Secretary (equivalent to Flag Rank) before he or she retires 

– and gets monetary benefits too 

due to ACP and NFU.

Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen retire much earlier – most retire after 15 years service at the prime of their life – in their mid-thirties – at around 35 years of age. 

It is not feasible to “settle” your children and complete your familial responsibilities at this young age – so they have no choice – and they have to take up a second career in the “civvy street”.

Officers are caught midway. 

If you want to truly “retire” on your superannuation date – then you must ensure that all your domestic commitments and familial obligations are complete well before you are 54 years of age.  

You must have your own “retirement home” to live in – and you must have enough savings to lead a decent retired life in these days of burgeoning inflation. 

And of course – most importantly – your children should have completed their studies – and must be settled in life.

If you can achieve all this before you retire – then you can indulge in the luxury of “doing nothing” after retirement – and lead a truly blissful retired life.

If you are in the Navy (or Army or Air Force) – it is best not to marry. 

If you are a Bachelor – you will be well looked after by the service. 

But if you do want to get married – please marry early – and have all your children as early as possible.

Calculating backwards – all your children must be settled in life by the time you reach the retirement age of 54.

This means that you must have all your kids before you reach the age of 30 (assuming that your youngest kid will complete his or her education and get a job by the age of 24).

This is the best case optimistic scenario – assuming that your children study well and are good at academics.

So – you must get married at the stipulated age of 25 (or even earlier if possible). 

Yes – for 

 

“doing nothing” after retirement 

–

 Army, Navy and Air Force Officers must get married as early as possible. 

And – they must have all their children as early as possible too.

Remember – for every child you have after you are 30 – you are putting pressure on your retired life – and you may not be able to afford the luxury of “doing nothing” after retirement.

Some officers marry late or have children late in life. 

I have seen a situation where children were still in school when an officer retired at the age of 54. 

The poor guy had no choice but to take up a job and spend many years of his retired life slogging it out in the “civvy street”.

Of course – if you are married to a “career woman” – then it is really great.

You can enjoy your retirement “doing nothing” while your “breadwinner” wife – she “brings home the bacon” and “puts bread on the table” – to speak metaphorically.

In this respect – Lady Defence Officers are luckier. 

At least in the contemporary societal context in India – where the concept of a “homemaker husband” is yet to take root – a Lady Officer is likely to be married to a “career man” – and she has the luxury of choosing when to “retire” and start “doing nothing”. 

It makes sense for Lady Officers of the Army, Navy and Air Force to marry Civilians – who will keep working till 60 years of age. 

Of course – even for Gentlemen Military Officers who choose to marry a career woman – it is better to marry someone outside the military profession – at least from the retirement point of view. 

The moral of the story is that military officers are at a disadvantage vis-à-vis their civilian counterparts – as far as retirement age is concerned.

If you are a civilian – you will retire at 60 – or later – and by that age – all your familial commitments are likely to be over  –and you can look forward to a blissful retired life – and you will get a higher pension too – due to the additional years of service you enjoy vis-à-vis your disadvantaged military counterpart.

There is great advantage for a military service officer to marry a civil services (IAS, IPS, IRS etc) lady officer – so that he can continue to enjoy benefits and perks of his spouse for a number of years after his own retirement.

Dear Reader – if you are a Military Officer – or are planning to join the Army, Navy or Air Force – remember that you are going to retire early.

It will be good if you can plan your life accordingly – so that you can enjoy the indulgence of “doing nothing” after your retirement.

And when people have the audacity to ask you the quintessential question: 

“What are you doing after retirement...?” 

You can nonchalantly, truthfully and matter-of-factly say: 

“I am doing nothing...”.

AFTERTHOUGHT 

WHY DO “FINANCIALLY SECURE” MILITARY VETERANS “WORK” AFTER RETIREMENT...?

There are some retired officers who are “financially secure” and who have completed all their familial obligations.

They can easily “make ends meet” within their pension.

But – they continue to work even after retirement.

Why is this...? 

Why do financially secure retired officers – who do not financially need to work to earn money – continue to work after retirement...?

I feel that there are 3 reasons why financially secure military veterans keep working after retirement:

1. They are “workaholics” – so – they are incapable of “doing nothing”.

2. They are “greedy” – and do not know when to say “enough is enough” as far as money is concerned. They are never happy with whatever material possessions they have got.

3. They are “not content” with what they have achieved in life – and they want to keep chasing elusive dreams and keep aspiring for more and more “success”. These persons are forever in the “rat race” constantly comparing with others – and either – they have “unrealistic expectations” of themselves – or – they suffer from an “inferiority complex”.

CONCLUSION

The conclusion from this afterthought is:

To be able to “do nothing” after retirement – you must be “happy” wherever you are – and – you must be “content” with whatever you have got.

Wish You a Happy Retired Life “Doing Nothing”.

Let Every Day of your Retired Life be a Blissful Holiday.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please do due diligence before trying out this technique or following this philosophy of life.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my source blog post: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/12/retirement-means-doing-nothing.html 

This is a Revised, Updated and Abridged Version of My Lecture written more than 12 Years Ago and my Article Posted by me Vikram Karve at 1/21/2013 02:27:00 PM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/01/how-to-enjoy-retirement.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/11/fauji-life-early-retirement.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/01/art-of-retirement.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/retirement-means-doing-nothing.html