ETHICAL DIVORCE MADE SIMPLE
CATWOE Model
By
VIKRAM KARVE
During my
professional career – I implemented many management techniques at work.
I tried my best to
use the same management techniques in my personal life too.
For example – I
successfully used Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to quit smoking.
I used a Project
Management Technique called “Force Field Analysis” to quit drinking – and to
ensure I didn’t start smoking again.
And – I have
extensively used the Soft Systems Methodology (SSM) “CATWOE” Model to help me understand
and resolve many ethical dilemmas that I faced from time to time.
Dear Reader – let me
explain the CATWOE Model in brief.
CATWOE Model
Ethical dilemma occurs due to mismatch in ethical perspectives of various stakeholders involved in the ethical situation.
Every person (or entity) that is likely to be affected by your decision is a “stakeholder” with a moral claim on you (the decision-maker).
Sometimes – when you take a decision in a hurry – you don’t even realise how many “stakeholders” exist – who are going to be affected by your decision.
A CATWOE analysis will help you identify all stakeholders involved in a decision and analyse their respective ethical perspectives.
CATWOE is an acronym to categorize various stakeholders:
CATWOE
C = CUSTOMERS – “CLIENTS” OF THE DECISION
A = ACTORS – “AGENTS” WHO CARRY OUT THE DECISION
T = TRANSFORMATION PROCESS – THE DECISION MAKER
W = WELTANSCHAUUNG – “WORLD VIEW” PREDOMINANTLY HELD
O = OWNERS – OWNERSHIP OF THE DECISION
E = ENVIRONMENT – ENVIRONMENTAL IMPOSITIONS
To elaborate a bit:
C: The “customers” of the decision. In this context – ‘customers’ means those who are on the receiving end of your decision. Is it clear from your definition of “C” – as to who primarily will gain or lose from your decision…?
A: The “actors” – meaning those who would actually carry out the activities envisaged in the implementation of the decision.
T: The “transformation process”. What does the system do to the inputs in order to convert them into the outputs…?
W: “Weltanschauung” – The “World View” pertaining to the Ethical Situation.
O: The “owner(s)” – those who have sufficient formal power to stop the decision.
E: The “environmental constraints” – in which the decision is being taken.
DIVORCE – an Ethical
Situation
Any time one human
being intervenes in the life of another human being directly or indirectly – an
ethical situation arises.
Ethical Situations
are frequently charged with emotions.
When you divorce your
spouse – you “intervene” in the life your spouse – so – divorce is an “ethical situation”.
In fact – in addition
to your spouse – many others are also affected by your divorce – yes – there
are many “stakeholders” that may be affected by your decision to divorce your
spouse.
Let us try to
identify and categorize the “stakeholders” affected by a divorce.
(Dear Reader – let me add a
disclaimer that I don’t have any first-hand experience of divorce – so – this
is “hypothetical” – an “illustrative example” – to demonstrate how to use the
CATWOE model in reaching an “ethical” decision – after considering the
perspectives of various of stakeholders. Also – the “stakeholders” – and their
perspectives may vary in different situations)
CATWOE – The Dramatis Personae in a Divorce and their Ethical Perspectives
CUSTOMERS
The main “customers”
in a divorce are the husband and wife who want to divorce.
Are both on the same
page as far the decision to divorce is concerned…?
(This may be the case in amicable
divorce with mutual consent)
Or – do they have
differing perspectives…?
(In which case the divorce may be
contested entailing acrimonious litigation involving nasty court battles)
Are there any other
“customers” who are affected by the divorce – like children, parents, relatives
etc…?
Or maybe – are there
any lover(s) of the husband/wife – who are interested in the divorce – since
the lover(s) want to marry the husband/wife after they get divorced…?
What are the
perspectives of these “customers”…?
Do the children want
their parents to divorce – or – are they opposed to it…?
What about the
parents of the husband and wife – and their relatives and friends…?
What are their
perspectives in this divorce situation…?
In this divorce
situation – you may be either the husband – or you may be the wife – but – before
you make your decision – you must introspect with vicarious empathy – and try
to envisage, comprehend and appreciate the perspectives of all “customers” –
both “primary” (you and your spouse) – and “secondary” (children, parents,
relatives, friends, lovers etc.)
Perspectives may
differ among “customers” – primary and secondary.
For example – a
husband may want a divorce – but the wife may not want a divorce – and – vice
versa.
Even among children,
parents, relatives etc. – there may be various perspectives.
You may introspect
and evaluate various perspectives – and assess whether they are “justified” or
not.
As far as the main “customers”
(husband/wife) are concerned – there are two types of divorce:
1. “Pull” Divorce –
your attraction for someone else is the reason for you wanting to divorce your
spouse – in order to enable you to marry/cohabit with your “lover”.
2. “Push” Divorce –
some internal issues are “pushing” you out of your marriage – incompatibility
issues, infidelity/cruelty/insanity/impotence/alcoholism of spouse etc. – which
are causing irretrievable breakdown of your marital relationship – and
“pushing” you out of marriage.
Is your divorce – a
“pull’ divorce – or – a “push” divorce…?
Are you being
“pulled” out of your marriage…?
Or – are you being
“pushed” out of your marriage…?
Think about it – do
you really want to breakup your marriage…?
Think about all the
other “customers” and their perspectives – before you take a decision.
In one case of
“amicable” divorce by mutual consent – the divorcing parents did not anticipate
the extent to which their teenage daughter would get upset by their divorce –
the daughter became rebellious and wayward and took to drugs and was
psychologically scarred for life.
In another case – the
mother (of the divorced wife) went on a guilt trip and blamed herself for the
divorce of her daughter thinking that she hadn’t brought up her daughter well.
Where the marriage is
an arranged one – the parents of the divorced couple may get upset.
Remember – there are
a lot of “customers” who will be affected by your decision to divorce – and –
there may be a lot of “collateral damage” because of your divorce.
So – you must take a soft
holistic “systemic” view – before you take a final decision.
ACTORS
Actors include all
the persons/agencies involved in the divorce process – counsellors, lawyers,
family courts etc.
They too have their
own perspectives.
For Example – a
marriage counsellor may try to “save” the marriage.
Divorce Lawyers will
try to “win” the case and get the best “deal and maximum “benefits” for their
“client”.
The Family Court will
have a “legal” perspective.
TRANSFORMATION PROCESS
This is the process
which “transforms” a marriage into a divorce – the lawful procedure to split
the legal bond between husband and wife.
Different countries
and different religions may have different divorce procedures.
You have to consider
the perspectives of the “transformation process” – under which law were you
married – on what grounds are you seeking divorce – various aspects like
alimony/maintenance, property distribution, children’s custody etc.
WELTANSCHAUUNG
Weltanschauung (World
View) on Divorce will vary depending on the prevailing culture of the society
to which you belong or the place you live in.
In “modern” societies
– divorce is easily acceptable – and indeed – a part of life.
In “conservative”
societies – divorce may carry a “stigma” – not only for the divorcees – but for
their children, parents and siblings/relatives of the divorcees as well.
In “dogmatic”
societies – perspectives may be even more rigid, harsh and unsympathetic – maybe
gender-biased too – and divorcees may even be “ostracized”.
Before you take a
decision to divorce – you must consider the Weltanschauung (World View) on how divorce is perceived in your society – and introspect
on the likely social ramifications of divorce – and – once you take a decision
to divorce – you must be prepared for the repercussions.
(As an aside – you may be
surprised to know this – but – many years ago – in the “cantonment culture” of
the military – divorce was frowned upon. Maybe – this was due to the vestiges
of the “Victorian” culture of the colonial days of the British Raj…)
OWNER
The “owner” is the
entity who has the formal power to stop the divorce.
This depends on place
to place.
Can courts stop a
divorce…?
In ethnic societies –
can community leaders stop a divorce…?
In some countries –
can religious authorities stop a divorce…?
Well – I request experts to please
throw some light on this aspect – about – who has the formal power/authority to
stop a divorce.
ENVIRONMENTAL
CONSTRAINTS/IMPOSITIONS
Do you live in a
modern urban metropolis or cosmopolitan city…?
Or – do you live in
the “mofussil” – in a rural town or
village…?
Do you live in a
Joint Family…?
Or – are you a
Nuclear Family living all by yourself…?
Are you financially
independent…?
Is your environment
safe for a divorced “single” person…?
Which country do you
live in…?
Well – though Environment
is linked to Weltanschauung (World View) – there is a slight difference.
Weltanschauung (World
View) is connected with “culture” – whereas – Environmental Constraints
encompass other “administrative” aspects and support systems for day-to-day “ease
of living” - especially for divorcees and single parent families.
ETHICAL DIVORCE
Once you have identified
and categorized all “stakeholders” affected by your decision to divorce – and analyzed
their perspectives – you will now be better equipped to take an ethical and
informed decision to divorce or not to divorce.
Dear Reader – I would love to hear your views and feedback. Please comment here or on Social Media (Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn)
VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This is a fictional spoof, satire, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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