Saturday, November 22, 2014

Humor in Uniform - SEA DOGS and SEA DOLLS

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

SEA DOGS and SEA DOLLS
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this spoof only if you have a sense of humor. This article is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. The terms “dog” and “doll” are used in a metaphorical sense.
2. This spoof is for mature adults only, so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this post.
3. This spoof is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

SEA DOGS and SEA DOLLS – A Spoof by Vikram Karve

When I joined the Navy, in the 1970’s, I observed that there were two types of Naval Officers:

1. Sea Dogs

2. Sea Dolls

Now, before you jump the gun and accuse me of “gender insensitivity”, please note that the term “Sea Doll” is not being used for women naval officers – there were no women naval officers when I joined the navy, except a few “landlubber quack chicks” in the medical branch.

Even today, women naval officers adorn only “soft” shore billets and do not have to undergo the tough strenuous life of a naval officer on warships at sea, so maybe I will have to conjure up some other epithet (without the prefix “sea”) for these feminine landlubber ladies in white uniform.

I have digressed – so let me come back to the topic of “Sea Dogs and Sea Dolls”.

As a young naval officer, I realized that there are two navies within the navy:

1. The Operational Navy – comprising all aspects pertaining to warfighting at sea – warships, submarines, aircraft, the dockyards and various frontline units supporting the fleet..

2. The Ceremonial Navy – comprising all the “showmanship” activities like parades, fleet reviews, “shop windows”, events like navy week and navy ball, public shows, parties, social events et al…

Sea Dogs ran the “gristly, gritty and grimy” operational navy.

Sea Dolls ran the “spick and span” ceremonial navy.

Sea Dogs were rugged masculine looking men.

In contrast, Sea Dolls adorned the “fair and handsome” genteel “metrosexual” look.

Most Sea Dogs sported rough and tough “Full Set” Beards.

Sea Dolls preferred to have an elegant and pretty “clean-shaven” look.

There were some exceptions.

I have seen some clean-shaven non-bearded “Sea Dogs”.

But I have never seen a bearded “Sea Doll”.

Whether bearded or not, Sea Dogs preferred the natural look – a seaman’s robust grooming and robust brawny turn out.

Sea Dolls were obsessed with maintaining a suave polished appearance and chic glamorous turn out.

Sea Dogs were “tough cookies”.

Most Sea Dogs had an abrasive personality – like rough and tough sailors.

Sea Dolls were “smooth operators”.

All Sea Dolls had a pleasing personality – like slick charming corporate executives.

In earlier days, it was the “Sea Dogs” who dominated the senior ranks in the Navy – but gradually the tide seems to have turned in favour of the “Sea Dolls”.

I wonder whether the same applies to the Army and Air Force – and what are the equivalents of Sea Dogs and Sea Dolls.

By the way, have you read the classic military novel Catch-22 ?

Yes?

Then, let me give you a metaphorical example.

If “Catch 22” was a Navy Novel – a “Sea Dog” would be someone like the character of General Dreedle – and a “Sea Doll” would be someone like General Peckem.

If you have read Catch-22, you’ll understand what I mean.

I can go on and on about “Sea Dogs” and “Sea Dolls” till the cows come home – but by now, I am sure you have got the drift.

So, the next time you meet a Naval Officer – have some fun and amuse yourself – have a good look at the Navy Officer – and try to judge for yourself – whether he is a “Sea Dog” or a “Sea Doll”.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This post is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This article is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
 
Post a Comment