Sunday, March 2, 2014

MARRIED TO THE NAVY

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

“MARRIED” TO THE NAVY
An Apocryphal Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This yarn is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2.  This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


MARRIED TO THE NAVY

I once knew a very ambitious naval officer.

He was a total careerist and had no other interests.

His favourite line was: “I am married to the navy”.

He would have been happy to remain a bachelor all his life and focus all his attention totally on his naval career and achieve his sole aim of becoming an Admiral.

But his parents insisted that he get married so he agreed to see a girl.

He honestly told the girl about his career ambitions.

He clearly told her that his career would come first above everything else and emphatically quoted his favourite dialogue: “I am married to the navy”.

The girl liked this career-conscious officer mainly since he did not have any vices.

The “married to the navy” officer was a strict teetotaller and non-smoker.

 He did not touch alcohol or tobacco  a rarity in the navy those days.

Yes, as far as other major and minor vices were concerned too, he was quite unlike most other sailors - no wine, no women, no horses.  

She thought he would change after marriage.

She was sure he would “accommodate” her in his “marriage” with the navy even if he treated her as the “other woman”.

She was wrong.

This devoted sailor was strictly a “one woman man”.

And the only woman he was devoted to was the navy.

Yes, this officer was so loyally and devotedly married to the navy that he had no time for “other women” like his lawfully wedded human wife.

Fed up of being neglected, she (the “other woman”) walked out of the marriage so that her husband could devote himself to his “first wife” (Navy).

By the way, in contrast to the above story, I have seen some navy wives who actively help their naval husbands achieve success in their naval careers by willingly playing second fiddle and such ambitious naval wives are ready to go to any extent to promote the careers of their husbands.

Of course, there are those navy wives who seek other diversions to compensate for the neglect by their husbands who are married to the navy”. 

I think this applies in all situations where individuals love their jobs more than they love their spouses, and due to their passion for their work they do not have the time or energy for conjugal duties towards their legally wedded human wives .


MY WIFE  AND MY MISTRESS 

Well, that was the Naval Yarn.

Now I am facing a similar predicament.

Till I was in the navy I had only one woman in my marriage and that was my lawfully wedded wife.

(Unlike the careerist naval officer, I was not desperately “married” to the navy).

But ever since I retired from the navy I have acquired a “mistress”. 

My “mistress” is my passion for writing and blogging.

Yes, ever since the writing bug bit me, and I became a writer and blogger, I am in a quandary.

Sometimes I feel the same way as the famous writer Anton Chekhov (a doctor by profession) who so aptly expressed his dilemma in a letter to a friend:

Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress

When I get fed up with one, I spend the night with the other. 

Though it is irregular, it is less boring this way, and besides, neither of them loses anything through my infidelity”.

In my case, since I have retired from the navy, my wife is my lawful wife and writing is my mistress.

Or is the other way round?

I really don’t know.

It is difficult to live a dual life.

I never had a mistress before so I really don’t know how to simultaneously handle a “wife” and a “mistress”.

Ever since I acquired this “mistress” of writing, my wife has started cribbing. 

She hates my “mistress”.

But now that I am bitten by the “writing bug” I love my “mistress” so passionately that I cannot get rid of her.

I don’t want to get rid of my much married wife too.

Maybe my wife may dump me as she hates my writing.

She may give me an ultimatum to get rid of my “writing mistress” saying that there can be only one woman in a marriage.

I love my wife and I love my “mistress” too.

Now I am soon going to start writing my ambitious novel so I will have to devote a lot of attention to my “mistress”.

How will my wife react?

It going to be a difficult life.

Will I be able to “handle” both my wife and my “mistress”?

Can they both co-exist?

Or will I have to get rid of one.

I don’t know what to do.

I seek your advice, especially if you are one of those lucky ones who have the dexterity to simultaneously handle a wife and a mistress.

Please tell me what to do.


DO YOU LOVE YOUR JOB MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE ?

I always tell my married to the navy” friends that they must always have a “mistress” to fall back upon, because the navy is a very unreliable wife who can suddenly dump you when you least expect it.

The navy is a “wife” who expects you to be loyal unto death, but does not necessarily offer you the same loyalty in return.

We have seen so many married to the navy” type officers being unceremoniously “dumped” – senior officers, Admirals, even Chiefs.

That is why, instead of being married to the navy” is it not better to be married to your human wife?

And, is it not better to treat the navy like a “mistress” with whom you can enjoy for as long as you want and then say goodbye whenever you want to?

Is it not wise to treat your job as a “mistress” or “lover” with whom you can have a good time and breakup when either you are fed up of your job (or the job is fed up you)?

Is it not dangerous to be married to the navy”?

There is a double risk:

1. Your human wife may get fed up of being neglected and dump you.

2. One day, the navy is sure to dump you too.

And then you will be left high and dry.

The moral of the story is simple:

Workaholics Beware.

Never get “married to your job.

Treat your job like a “mistress” or “lover”  to enjoy, have a good time, and then dump or get dumped, and move on. 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
NB:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com
Twitter: @vikramwkarve
      
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Post a Comment