Wednesday, March 19, 2014

COUGAR IN UNIFORM

HUMOUR IN AND OUT OF UNIFORM

COUGAR IN UNIFORM
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This yarn is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This story is for mature adults only, so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this post.
3. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


COUGAR IN UNIFORM – A Spoof By VIKRAM KARVE

Once upon a time, there was a “cougar” in uniform – a macho type female “fauji” – always on the hunt for cute and handsome young men, in and out of uniform.

One evening, while on an outstation visit, shopping in the market, she spotted a good-looking young man and was instantly attracted towards him.

Before she could make her move, she saw that there was a young woman accompanying the handsome young man – and from their body language, the way they were talking to each other – it was obvious that they were husband and wife.

“Cougar” returned to her room disappointed.

Next morning, she put on her uniform, and went to the local Station HQ, ready to hear the sob stories of women officers from all the units in that area, for which she had been sent down from Headquarters.

She was pleasantly surprised to see the first woman officer in uniform – she was the same woman accompanying the handsome young man in the market the previous evening.

“Cougar” looked carefully at the woman standing in front of her – “good from far but far from good” – a typical “fauji” type.

“Cougar” wondered how such an ordinary-looking woman had managed to get such a good-looking husband.

“So this is the wife of my quarry, and she has walked right into my lair – now I must carefully spring the trap,” Cougar said to herself in her mind.

Cougar looked at the young lady officer and said, “Yes, what’s your problem?”

“Ma’am – I want my posting cancelled. I want to stay here for some more time,” the young lady officer said.

“Why?”

“I got married two years ago. Almost immediately, my husband was posted to field and I had to stay all alone over here. Now, he has managed a posting here, and they are posting me out to a field area.”

“So, your husband is in the army?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Yes Ma’am.”

Cougar was pleased to hear this.

Everything was falling into place.

It was easier to proposition a man directly, rather than coerce a woman to convince her husband.

Cougar had done this before – stolen the affections of her so-called “sister” officers’ husbands.

In most cases it was a one night stand – but in this case, the man was so attractive that Cougar was thinking of a long term affair.

“Suppose we post both of you – you and your husband – to Headquarters for three years – full 3 year tenure?” Cougar said.

The young lady officer could not believe her ears – three years together with her husband in a big city and a comfortable 5 day week 9 to 5 job.

“Is it possible? I will do anything for it,” the young lady officer said excitedly.

“I will make it possible. But I will need your cooperation.”

“Cooperation – of course, Ma’am – I am willing to do anything.”

“You don’t have to do anything – you just send your husband to see me in my room at 7:30 in the evening. I want to talk to him, know more about him, so I can manage things in Headquarters.”

“Of course, Ma’am, we both will come – or why don’t you come for dinner…”

“No,” Cougar interrupted, “Send your husband alone – I want to discuss things with him in private.”

The young lady officer was baffled.

Why did this senior lady officer want to meet her husband alone?

And that too in her room?

Could it be…???

“What are you thinking?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Nothing Ma’am...”

“There is no free lunch in this world. It is all give and take. You talk to your husband and decide what you want. Do you want to enjoy three years of blissful married life living together in a big city? Or do you want a hard posting in the field and continue to suffer a long distance marriage for a few more years? The choice is yours,” Cougar said, and she stood up from her chair, indicating that the interview was over.

The young lady officer saluted, and walked towards the door.

As she reached the door, the young lady officer heard Cougar’s voice, “tell your husband – 7:30 – I will be waiting for him.”

At 7:15 Cougar was ready for action – bathed, perfumed, titivated.

She poured a drink for herself, rum and coke, sipped her drink, lit a cigarette, and waited for her quarry.

At precisely 7:30 there was a knock on the door.

Cougar opened the door in anticipation.

She was expecting to see the cute and gorgeous young man.

Instead, there was a ferocious looking brute standing in front of her – a huge hulk of a man, ugly, hideous.

Cougar had never seen a man so unsightly, so repulsive, so terrible …

“Good evening, Ma’am…” the man started to speak, “may I come in?”

“You get out from here…” Cougar shouted, and banged the door shut.

Next morning, Cougar summoned the young lady officer.

“You think you are too damn smart! I asked you to send your husband and you send that horrible hideous brute to my room?” Cougar shouted at the young lady officer.

“But Ma’am…”

“Shut up – you will regret this – I will make sure you are posted to such a tough place…”

“Ma’am, please listen – I send my husband to your room – I promise…”

“Are you trying to tell me that the horrible looking man who came to my room last evening is your husband?”

“Yes, Ma’am…”

“Then who was that handsome young man with you in the market…?”

“In the market…?”

“Yes – day before yesterday – in the evening – you were shopping – and there was a smart good-looking young man with you…”

“Oh, that – he is my sahayak

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 
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