Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

A Book for My Girlfriends – The Ladies’ Oracle

THE LADIES ORACLE

A Fascinating Book

VIKRAM KARVE

BIBLIOTHERAPY

Reading can be fun.

Reading can also be therapeutic.

Bibliotherapy may be defined as the use of books to help people solve problems.

Yes – you can benefit from bibliotherapy – use books to solve issues that you may be facing at a particular time

Many of us use bibliotherapy without realizing it.

Reading is ameliorative in nature – and – an enjoyable read always cheers you up – and puts you in a good mood.

Whenever I am in a blue mood – I browse through my bookshelves and pick up a good book.

For me – reading is the greatest of all joys.

The moment I start reading a book – I enter a different world – and this change of environment has a positive effect on my mood and emotion – and lo and behold – my spirits are uplifted.

Those who do not have the habit of reading remain imprisoned in their moods and immediate surroundings.

I have just picked up a delightful little book called “The Ladies Oracle” by Cornelius Agrippa from my bookcase.

Here is a picture of the book:

THE LADIES’ ORACLE By Cornelius Agrippa

Let me tell you about this intriguing book The Ladies’ Oracle and you will see how this book can cheer you up and lifts your spirits too – an ideal book for BIBLIOTHERAPY .

Whenever I buy a book – I write down the date and place of purchase on its first page.

I have duly recorded that I bought The Ladies Oracle on 14 February 1989 on the pavement bookstalls opposite the Central Telegraph Office (CTO) near Hutatma Chowk (Flora Fountain) at Fort in Mumbai (then called Bombay).

I don’t remember what prompted me to buy The Ladies Oracle.

Maybe to present it to my darling wife – or maybe – because there was no such book as “The Gentleman’s Oracle” – available at the pavement bookstall.

But that is not important now.

So – let’s talk more about this amusing little book.

HOW TO USE THE LADIES ORACLE FOR BIBLIOTHERAPY

Let’s get down to using this delightful oracle.

First choose a question from the ninety five listed in the book from pages (v) to (viii) numbered 5 to 100

(I wonder where the first five questions are?)

I select question number 35: – Shall I always enjoy good health...?

Now as per the the instructions, I turn to page (i), close my eyes and put my finger on the table of signs.

I open my eyes and see that I have placed my finger on the sign representing a single square.

Now I consult the table starting from page ten, follow the line marked by the number of the question (35^th line) till I arrive at the column which has the chosen sign over it, and this figure gives me the number of the page (74).

I open page 74 and look the sign traced by my finger ( a single square) and alongside it I find my answer: – You will always have joy, health and prosperity...!

Fantastic...! I’m feeling good already.

Bibliotherapy seems to be working.

Now the next question, number 15: – How many lovers shall I have...?

I follow the same earlier procedure as stipulated in the instructions and the Oracle gives me the answer: – A great many, but those that have so many generally choose the worst...!

Hey, I have to be careful in love…!

The next question, number 91: – What opinion has the world of me...?

The Oracle answers: – You are thought to have had more than one adventure...!

Wow...!

Have I really sown my wild oats that much...?

Shall I be happy in love...? I ask next.

And the oracle says: – You will find more pain than pleasure...!

Oh, Dear…!

I better steer clear of falling in love...!

So I ask: Will my reputation be always good...?

The oracle answers: It will always be as you make it...!

I must take care to build up a good reputation!

Shall I go many long voyages...?

The oracle answers:

You will do well not to voyage farther than round your own room...!

Great...!

That puts an end to all my travel plans...!

All I am going to do my entire life is go round and round in my room...!

What a gloomy answer...!

And I thought browsing books was supposed to lift my spirits...!

Okay, just one last question, and the answer better be something good to cheer me up or else no more ‘bibliotherapy’ for me!

I select question number 74: – What is the person that I am thinking about doing at this moment...?

and the Oracle answers: – She regrets not being with you...!

Really…?

My, My...!

It seems to good to be true…!

So I call her up.

She says in her sweet loving voice:

“What a coincidence. I was just thinking of you and the good times we had together – I wish you were here with me…”

Wow…!

Bibliotherapy really works.

I feel thrilled, jubilant, ecstatic, on cloud nine, in seventh heaven and right on top of the world as I rush off to surprise my beloved sweetheart.

And just imagine, I thought that she never even thought about me...!

Looks like it is the end of what I thought was my one way unrequited love and the beginning of a new exciting romantic relationship.

Yes, things are looking up…!!!

Long live The Ladies Oracle

Oh, Yes – The Ladies Oracle is a delightful little book you can consult from time to time on matters of love and life.

Believe me – you’ll enjoy reading and using this marvellous book.

It may be called The “Ladies” Oracle – but I feel that even men can consult it with satisfying results.

Dear Reader – why don’t you try it out…?

I am sure you can easily get a copy of THE LADIES ORACLE online or at your bookstore.

It is delightfully entertaining reading – guaranteed to lift your spirits.

I always carry this oracle in my pocket to enliven my moments of waiting – waiting at airports, railway stations, while travelling.

Take it with you everywhere and you will never be bored.

It is a small book – pocket-size – easy to carry everywhere.

Get a copy of this interesting book – The Ladies Oracle

By the way – while surfing the net – I discovered that The Ladies Oracle is available as a free download for your smartphone at the link -> http://the-ladies-oracle.soft112.com/

(Please do due diligence before you download – and – download and use the oracle at your own risk – and – just for fun)

Then just ask the questions you always wanted to ask – and enjoy the answers…!!!

Do tell us whether you found the oracle useful in matters of love and life.

Long live Bibliotherapy

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

This Article was Written By Me more than 25 years ago in the early 1990s and first posted on my creative writing blog in the year 2004 at url: http://creative.sulekha.com/bibliotherapy_173419_blog and reposted a number pf times in my blogs including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/11/bibliotherapy-aka-book-therapy.html and http://creative.sulekha.com/bibliotherapy_173419_blog and http://creative.sulekha.com/the-ladies-oracle_290719_blog and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/02/oracle-for-valentines-day.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2010/04/bibliotherapy-ladies-oracle-by.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/05/bibliotherapy-made-simple.html etc

Humor in Uniform – My Horrible Boss and His Lovely Wife

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

MY HORRIBLE BOSS AND HIS LOVELY WIFE
Unforgettable Memories of My Delightful Navy Days
A Spoof

VIKRAM KARVE

When I was in the Navy – I used to jokingly say:

There are two types of Senior Naval Officers – “Alcoholics and Workaholics”.

I had my share of both.

But – going by my own experience – I prefer an alcoholic boss any day – rather than a workaholic boss.

Let me tell you a hilarious story of one such workaholic boss and his vivacious wife.

OUR WORKAHOLIC BOSS AND HIS VIVACIOUS WIFE

This happened long back – almost 39 years ago – in the late 1970’s.

Now – Dear Reader – you must try to transport yourself back in time almost 40 years to the Mumbai of the 1970’s – and remember – that there were no mobile phones those days.

On my ship – I had an “alcoholic” boss.

Like most “alcoholic” bosses – he was a good guy.

He had quite a laissez-faire approach and he gave us a free hand.

So – we had an enjoyable time on board this ship.

Sadly – after completing his “sea time” of one year – this amiable “alcoholic” boss was transferred out.

The “alcoholic” boss was replaced by a “workaholic” boss.

Now – this new workaholic boss was a terrible chap.

He could not tolerate the department being run in our informal laissez-faire style – and he decided to “crack down”.

He told us that he did not appreciate the hands-off approach of his predecessor – and he warned us that he was going to whip things into shape.

At sea – he made our life hell by his constant interference.

Even in harbour – he would remain on board ship till late evening – sometimes even into the night – even if there was no work.

The problem was that – even on a ship in harbour – in the navy – there was a tradition that a junior officer was required to take permission to proceed ashore – if the Captain or HOD is on board – irrespective of working hours.

This was the practice in the old Navy of those days – but things may have changed now – with the advent of a more permissive atmosphere in the navy.

Those days – even an HOD would seek permission from the Captain to proceed ashore.

Seeking permission to proceed ashore was okay in working hours.

But – unfortunately for us – “working hours” for our workaholic boss would extend till late evening – sometimes even into the night.

If we went to ask him for permission to proceed ashore to enjoy the delights of Mumbai – our painful killjoy workaholic boss would start asking us all sorts of questions – and – in fact – he would create work for us and ensure that we stayed on board ship.

Apart from being a workaholic – our boss had one more weakness – “Bridge”

(By the term “Bridge” – I am referring to the card game – also called “Contract Bridge”)

Like many officers of those days – our workaholic boss was addicted to playing Bridge.

After our boss finished his work on board – he would go to CCI or US Club to play a few rubbers of Bridge – and he would return home late in the night.

Even on Sundays and Holidays – or whenever he got time – our boss would play bridge in his club.

Our boss spent all his time doing only two things – he “worked” or he played “Bridge.

Once – we had returned to harbour after a long sailing.

We were eagerly waiting to go ashore on “liberty” – but unfortunately – our boss remained on board.

All married officers had rushed home the moment the ship arrived in harbour.

But – our boss was “busy” on board – and he was showing no inclination of going home to his wife.

We dared not ask him permission to proceed ashore – as he would create some infructuous work for us – like making a defect list for a refit that was many months away.

We decided to teach our “workaholic” boss a lesson.

In the evening – we changed into civvies – and quietly left the ship – without taking his permission.

We had picked up a bottle of perfume and some chocolates from the ship’s canteen.

We went straight to the home of our boss on Marine Drive.

Our boss’s wife opened the door.

She was quite surprised to see us.

She welcomed us in.

She was delighted when we gave her the perfume and chocolates.

Then – we told our boss’s wife that her husband had invited us for dinner.

Our boss’s wife seemed surprised – and she looked quite bewildered on hearing this.

“My husband hasn’t come home yet – I thought he was still working on board the ship,” she said, looking confused.

“No, Ma’am – your husband left the ship in the afternoon the moment we arrived in port,” my friend said.

“Maybe – he has gone to CCI to play a game of Bridge,” I added, nonchalantly.

The moment she heard me – our boss’s wife seemed to be getting angry.

She hated her husband’s Bridge addiction.

Like there are “Golf Widows” – our boss’s wife was a “Bridge Widow”.

“I think we have come at a wrong time…” I said.

“Sorry, Ma’am – when he left the ship – we thought your husband was coming straight home in the afternoon – and he would inform you that he has invited us for dinner,” my friend commiserated.

Our boss’s wife looked at us and she said, “That is very strange of him – the ship came back in the afternoon – and now it is late evening – I wonder why he hasn’t come home yet – and he should have told me that he has invited you for dinner.”

“It is okay Ma’am – we know that Bridge is his first love. But we did not know that he would get so engrossed in his Bridge game – that he would forget to come home after so many days of sailing.” I said.

“Ma’am – sorry for disturbing you – we will come some other time,” my friend said.

Our boss’s wife looked at us – and then she said: “No, No. You two sit down and pour yourself a drink – I will rustle up some dinner for you.”

“Ma'am – why not go out for dinner – to someplace nearby in Churchgate – say – to Gaylord – or to Kamling,” I said.

She looked at us – a bit hesitant.

“Please Ma’am – don’t say ‘No’ – tonight we will treat you – and you can cook us a nice dinner some other time,” my friend said.

Her face lit up – and she said, “Okay. That sounds good. I’ll go inside and get ready.”

So – we took our boss’s wife for a lovely “dinner date” at Gaylord – followed by Ice Cream at Yankee Doodle Ice Cream Parlour – and then we had a nice stroll down Marine Drive in the cool sea breeze.

It was 11 PM by the time we returned to her place for coffee.

I cannot describe the expression of shock on our boss’s face when he opened the door.

“Where were you guys? I was looking for you all over the ship,” he shouted at us.

Our boss’s wife looked at her husband sternly for some time – and then she said to her husband: “You don’t shout at them. And you don’t lie to me and tell me that you were working on your ship. I know that you were at CCI playing Bridge...” the boss’s wife said.

Our boss looked stunned.

After some time he recovered – and he said to his wife: “What are you saying...? CCI...? Bridge...? Who told you that...? I was on the ship doing some important work. I have just returned half an hour ago – and I find you missing from home...”

“Please don’t tell me lies. I know you left the ship in the afternoon and you were playing bridge at CCI...” our boss’s wife said angrily to him.

“That is not true – who told you that...?” our boss asked his wife.

“Let’s not argue – I don’t want to spoil the lovely evening I have enjoyed after so many years...” our boss’s wife said firmly to her husband, our boss.

Our boss looked at his wife – then he looked at us – and he had a queer look on his face.

We quickly excused ourselves and we quickly left the scene – leaving it to our boss and his wife to fight it out.

It was best not to get into a fight between husband and wife.

Next morning – our workaholic boss summoned us to his cabin.

Our boss seemed quite demoralized.

It seemed that – after the previous evening’s fiasco – his wife had hauled him over the coals and given it to him nice and proper.

Our Boss looked at us – and he said to us:

“From now on – you can go ashore whenever you want to – you need not take my permission before proceeding ashore on liberty...”

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

A Book for My Girlfriends – The Ladies’ Oracle

Humor in Uniform – My Horrible Boss and His Lovely Wife

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