Mickey Finn – A Story from My Navy Days – for Holi

Tomorrow – Dear Friends – is the festival of Holi.

Holi is associated with Humor and free-for-all fun and frolic. 

Here is a “Memoir” from my Navy Days – apt for the occasion...

MICKEY FINN

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

Naval Academy Cochin (now called Kochi)

Mid 1970’s 

WHY DID YOU JOIN THE NAVY…? 

The moment we reported to the Naval Academy (NAVAC) at Cochin (Kochi) – we were asked the quintessential question: 

“Why did you join the Navy…?”

Most of us gave unimaginative stereotyped answers which everyone had heard before.

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was different.

Sub Lieutenant “M” said: 

“I joined the Navy to drink good Booze...”

(Those days – the Junior-most Officer Rank in the Army/Navy/Air Force was Second Lieutenant (2^nd/Lt), Acting Sub Lieutenant (Ag Sub Lt) and Pilot Officer (P/O) respectively. 

In the year 2004 – thanks to the AVS Cadre Review Bonanza – this junior-most officer rank was abolished – and Defence Officers were commissioned directly as Lieutenants/Sub Lieutenants/Flying Officers in the Army/Navy/Air Force respectively – which were the ranks above the erstwhile “2^nd Lt”/“Ag Sub Lt”/“Pilot Officer” – the lowest officer ranks earlier) 

Dear Reader: After this digression – let me start telling you the story again: 

The moment we reported to Naval Academy (NAVAC) Cochin (Kochi) – we were asked the quintessential question: 

“Why did you join the Navy…?”

Most of us gave unimaginative stereotyped answers which everyone had heard before.

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was different.

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” said: 

“I joined the Navy to drink good Booze...”

“What did you say...?” the Officer-in-charge bellowed at Acting Sub Lieutenant “M”

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” nonchalantly said: 

“Sir – I said that I joined the Navy to drink good booze...” 

The Officer-in-charge and Staff Officers of NAVAC thought that Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was joking. 

But – Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was dead serious. 

He had indeed joined the Navy to drink good booze.

We were “University Entry Officers”.

We were selected via the “University Entry Scheme” (UES) – an “Earn while you Learn” Recruitment Scheme – which was highly successful in attracting the best Engineering Talent.

Under the UES – Navy Selection Teams visited premier Engineering Colleges/IITs/RECs (NITs) at the beginning of our pre-final year – and they interviewed and shortlisted suitable candidates – who had to appear before a Services Selection Board (SSB) at Allahabad, Bhopal or Bangalore.

Those selected by the SSB – and found medically fit – were offered a commission as an Officer in the Navy from the beginning of their final year of Engineering.

So – we were Naval Officers drawing handsome pay during our final year of Engineering – owing to which we enjoyed great prestige and relative affluence as compared to our fellow student classmates.

On completion of our B. Tech. / BE courses – we joined the Naval Academy – for Basic and Divisional (B&D) Training.

We had heard that – during his final year in Engineering College – “M” had taken his appointment letter (as an officer in the Indian Navy) to a Military Unit near his college – and he had managed to get a Liquor Card from the Unit CSD Canteen which enabled him to enjoy his full “Booze Quota” of “Military Rum” during his final year of Engineering.

Coming back to the Naval Academy – on our very first “liberty” a month after joining training – while we headed for Movie Halls and Restaurants in Ernakulam Town – Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” rushed to nearest Bar to get gloriously drunk.

In fact – “M” enjoyed himself so much – downing peg after peg of Rum – to “cure” his “thirst” – that he passed out “dead drunk” in the Bar.

Luckily for “M” – a “Good Samaritan” saw his Navy ID Card.

The “Good Samaritan” carried the blissfully “comatose” Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” into his car – then he drove down to the Naval Base – and deposited “M” outside the OOD’s Office.

This episode resulted in some heavy “punishments” and “restrictions” for “M” – including cancellation of his “liberty” (“shore leave” in Navy Jargon) till the end of the term.

The “powers-that-be” realized that Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” meant business – as far as his reason for joining the Navy was concerned.

However – “M” was not to be deterred from his aim. 

And – within a few days – he used his initiative to get access to booze.

As I told you – we were already Officers when we joined the Naval Academy (NAVAC) – and we were drawing full pay and allowances.

So – we dined in the Officers’ Wardroom – the Southern Naval Area (SNA) Wardroom Officers’ Mess.

(Yes – those days it was a Naval Area – not a Naval Command. A few years later – SNA was upgraded to SNC (Southern Naval Command)...)

Of course – since we were not allowed to wear stripes during training – we dined in a separate “Gun Room” – but – we were full-fledged members of the Wardroom Officers Mess.

There were no “free” authorized rations those days – so – as officers – we paid for our food – unlike cadets – who dined in cadet dining halls in the Academy and got free food.

During Basic Training – we were not officially allowed to drink liquor – but we were permitted to smoke – and we bought our cigarettes at the Wardroom Bar by signing chits – since we were full-fledged members of the Wardroom Mess.

On working day evenings – we dined in “Red Sea Rig” uniform.

On Weekends/Sundays/Holidays – we were permitted to wear “civvies”.

One Sunday evening – while we were buying cigarettes at the Bar – “M” asked the steward for a Large Peg of Rum – and – with confident flourish – “M” signed a chit for the Rum.

The steward served “M” a Large Peg of Rum.

It was as simple as that.

From then on – every evening – “M” would sneak out from his cabin during the pre-dinner “Study Hour” – and head for the Wardroom Bar for his daily quota of Rum – and then – after quickly downing a few pegs of Rum “down-the-hatch” – “M” would  join us for dinner in the “Gun Room”.

Once our Basic Training was over – and we passed out of the Naval Academy – we could officially drink all the liquor we wanted to – especially top class premium “duty free” foreign liquor on ships.

For Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” – the choicest “duty free” foreign liquor was a bonanza – the very raison d’être – for which he had joined the Navy. 

“M” had a great time in the Navy – especially on board ships – drinking all the booze he wanted to his heart’s content – fully realising his cardinal aim of joining the Navy –> “I joined the Navy to drink good Booze...”

10 Years Later 

IAT Pune

Mid 1980’s

“M” enjoyed his bachelor days “soaked in alcohol” – imbibing all the booze he could lay his hands on.

For “M” – it was the happiest time of his life – and the Navy was the best thing that had happened to him.

Sadly – one day – “M” got married.

And – even worse – “M” got a “tough cookie” teetotaller wife – who cracked down heavily on his drinking.

In fact – his redoubtable wife banned alcohol in the house – and she kept an “eagle eye” on her husband at parties.

So – “M” would surreptitiously gulp a few quick “down-the-hatch” pegs of Rum whenever he got an opportunity – followed by some cardamom (Elaichi) to mask the smell of alcohol.

A few years later – “M” landed up as a “student” for an advanced specialization course at IAT Girinagar Pune – where I was his instructor.

Every evening – “M” would tell his wife that he wanted to “clear some doubts” about the subject I was teaching him – and he would land up in my house.

Of course – there were no academic “doubts” he wanted cleared.

“M” would have three quick pegs of Rum at my place.

And then – “M” would head home feeling “high” and “happy”.

When his wife questioned him on his “happy” state – “M” would plead that I was his instructor – and I had offered him a drink. 

“M” told his wife I would get annoyed if he refused my generous offer of a drink – and this may affect his grades in the course.

M’s wife blamed me for “spoiling” her husband.

One day – M’s wife had her revenge on me.

On Holi evening – I was taking a long evening walk to sober up from the boisterous drunken Holi celebrations in the morning. 

M’s wife waved out to me – and – she called me to her lawn.

“M” was probably sleeping inside – “dead drunk”.

While celebrating Holi with full gusto – “M” had “passed out” in the morning after surreptitiously downing huge amounts of a deadly cocktail of  “Rum and Beer”. 

(“M” had taken advantage of the fact that his “beloved” wife had magnanimously permitted “M” to have one bottle of Beer – as a special case for the occasion of HOLI 

So – “M” had heavily “fortified” his Beer with plenty of Rum – he had poured almost half a bottle of Rum into his bottle of Beer. 

After imbibing this huge amount of booze in a short time – “M” got totally drunk – and soon – “M” collapsed unconscious into drunken stupor – and he had to be carried home...) 

Coming back to our story...

On HOLI evening – when I was taking a long evening walk to sober up from the boisterous morning celebrations – M’s wife waved out to me and she called me to her lawn. 

“M” was probably sleeping inside – still in drunken stupor – after his “glorious” Holi “celebration” in the morning. 

I walked across the lawn to the M’s wife.

M’s wife looked charmingly at me.

“You drank too much in the morning. I will give you something really good to cure your hangover...” M’s wife said with a tender smile.

I accepted her kind invitation.

M’s wife asked me to sit on a chair in the verandah – and then – she went inside.

After some time – M’s wife emerged from kitchen – and – with an innocent smile – she served me a glass of Khus “Sherbet” cool drink.

What I did not know was that M’s wife had laced the cool green Khus “Sherbet” with a heavy dose of “Bhang”.

Yes – M’s wife had spiked the cool drink with deadly intoxicating “Bhang”  (cannabis) 

M’s wife had slipped me a potent “Mickey Finn”.

And – I naively drank the “Bhang” spiked cool drink. 

Yes – I unsuspectingly drank the intoxicating “Bhang” spiked “Sherbet”. 

Soon – the “Bhang” started having effect – and I started feeling “high”. 

I wondered why M’s wife was giving me such a “sweet” smile…? 

Was she trying to...??? 

Dear Reader: 

What do you think happened thereafter…?

Well – that’s another story…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This is a fictional spoof, satire, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Updated, Abridged and Revised Version of My Story WHY DID YOU JOIN THE NAVY posted online by me on November 16, 2015 in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/why-did-you-join-navy-humor-in-uniform.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/01/humor-in-uniform-why-acting-sub.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/humor-in-uniform-why-did-you-join-navy.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/humor-in-uniform-my-coursemate-m.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2018/03/a-humor-in-uniform-story-on-occasion-of.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/10/31/humor-in-uniform-unforgettable-characters-i-met-in-the-navy-sub-lieutenant-m/ etc

How to Drink – Musings on the Art of Drinking Alcohol by a Retired “Drunkard”

HOW TO DRINK (AND NEVER HAVE A HANGOVER)

Musings on the Art of Drinking Alcohol by a Retired “Drunkard”

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

HANGOVER – “MORNING-AFTER” THE “NIGHT-BEFORE”

A Hangover is a terrible experience. 

You wake up in the morning with a throbbing headache.

You feel a disgusting nausea.

You may even throw-up and vomit.

Your mouth becomes dry due to dehydration.

Your whole body aches.

You feel dizzy.

Sometimes your hands tremble – and you experience the “shakes” (Delirium Tremens or DT).  

You curse yourself for drinking so much at the party the previous night. 

You know that – the more you “enjoy” on the “night-before” – the more miserable you feel on the “morning-after”. 

A hangover is the worst way to ruin your Sunday morning after your weekend partying. 

But – despite this terrible experience – you repeat the same binge-drinking at the next party – and you land up suffering a hangover on the morning-after. 

Drink – Hangover – Drink – Hangover...

It is a vicious cycle – that seems to become the rule with your partying. 

But – how do you stop this vicious circle of drinking and hangover...?

Your friends tell you about so-called “cures” for a hangover – like the “hair of the dog” – and so many other mythical cures.

But soon you realize that nothing works for a terrible hangover.

The only thing you can do is suffer in silence – and “sleep out” the hangover.

There is a saying: 

“Prevention is Better than Cure” 

This applies to hangovers too. 

How do you prevent a hangover...?

The sure-shot way to avoid a hangover is to stop drinking alcohol and become a strict teetotaller.

But obviously – you don’t want to do that.

How can you give up all your enjoyment and your partying – how can you give up your social life...? 

You want to enjoy drinking alcohol – but you also want to ensure that you do not get a hangover the next morning.    

The aim of drinking alcohol is to feel good. 

If I ask you: “Why do you drink...?”

You will say: “I drink because I want to “feel good”...”.

So – whenever you drink – you must drink enough to raise your spirits and feel good. 

There is no point in drinking for the sake of appearances.

Why drink so little alcohol – that you do not feel anything...?

Yes – you must drink enough to feel good – but you must also make sure you don’t get a hangover next morning. 

Hangover – Prevention is Better than Cure

HOW TO PREVENT A HANGOVER

You want to drink alcohol.

But – you want to avoid a hangover.

So – how do you drink in such a way as to avoid a hangover...?

Is there a way where you can enjoy your drinks – yet prevent a hangover on the “morning after”...?  

Yes – there is a way.

It is simple. 

Just follow these 2 simple steps to prevent a hangover: 

1. DRINK ONE GLASS OF WATER BEFORE YOUR FIRST DRINK

and 

2. DRINK ONE GLASS OF WATER AFTER YOUR LAST DRINK 

Before you have your first drink – have a glass of water. 

The glass of water will help you cool down in case you are physically/mentally stressed. 

Also – the water will re-hydrate you in case you are deydrated.

Then – start drinking.

It is a good idea to have plenty of snacks while drinking – yes – snack heavily while drinking – meat based snacks – barbequed meats – tandoori chicken – kebabs – fish fingers are the best. 

After your drinking session is over – have a nice cool glass of water.

Then – proceed for having your dinner.

Do not drink alcohol during your meal. 

Do not drink alcohol after your meal. 

Yes – you must avoid drinking any type of alcoholic beverages while eating your main meal.

Even wines are best avoided if you want to prevent hangover. 

If you feel thirsty while having your meal – you can always drink water.

After your dinner – make sure you eat dessert or pudding – especially a milk-based dessert like ice cream. 

Then – end your meal with a glass of water.

Never have after-dinner drinks like liqueurs or brandy – if you have had alcoholic drinks before dinner.

In case you are fond of liqueurs – do enjoy them after a relaxed meal which has not been preceded or accompanied by alcohol.  

One more tip. 

During your drinking session – if you ever feel tipsy – all you have to do is to just interrupt your drinking – and have a glass of cold water. 

Then – once you feel okay – you can resume your drinking. 

If you still experience tipsiness – keep drinking cold water till your drunkenness disappears – and you feel good again. 

Remember:

The aim of drinking alcohol is not to get drunk

The aim of drinking is to feel “Nice”.

HOW TO CHOOSE WHICH LIQUOR TO DRINK AT THE TIME OF THE DAY 

A Hangover not only depends on the amount of alcohol you drink – but – even the type of alcohol you drink matters.

Your alcoholic drink must match the “colour” of the day.

Look at the sky on top of you at the time of the day – and choose your booze accordingly.

Yes – you must – DRINK AS PER THE COLOUR OF THE DAY – as we say in the Navy.

In the mornings – it is best to drink light coloured liquor like like Vodka, Gin, White Rum, Coconut Feni etc 

(When we were in the Navy – it was rumored that a redoubtable “Sea-Dog” even brushed his teeth with Vodka)

As the day progresses – and – the afternoon approaches – drinks like beer and bright cocktails are suitable. 

As the sun goes down – and – the evening approaches – you will relish “Blended Whisky” with plenty of bubbly Soda in the evening – as a “Sundowner” – with the setting sun in the twilight.

As the night darkens – there is nothing to beat dark Rum. 

You can drink your Rum “on the rocks” – or with water – as “Rum-Paani”.

Avoid combinations like Rum and Coke. 

If you prefer Whisky – slowly sip neat “Single-Malt Whisky” at room temperature – to get you into a mellow mood.

And – if you like the taste of good Brandy – you may like to savour a drink of neat rich Brandy at night. 

Whenever I indulged in serious drinking – I always drank my whisky or rum with plenty of water – and – I avoided cocktails – unless it was just to taste the cocktail – yes – if you like – do drink cocktails for taste – not for the “feel good” effect of alcohol.

And – yes – I always avoided drinking “down-the-hatch” shots. 

I will advise you to avoid “shots” and binge drinking.

Also – you must never “down-the-hatch” your glass – or gulp your drink in a hurry. 

If you are drinking a rich brandy or single-malt whisky – always drink it neat.

Drink unhurriedly.

Take a small sip – close your eyes – roll the liquor on your tongue in a relaxed manner – till the liquid is absorbed by itself.

Never gulp your drink – or swallow booze “down-the-hatch”.

Savour every sip – till the alcohol is absorbed within you – and you will relish the feeling as the alcohol slowly warms your insides and elevates your spirits

Remember the saying: 

मज़ा लेना है पीने का – तो – कम कम – धीरे धीरे – पी  

(If you want to enjoy drinking – drink small sips – and drink slowly)

HANGOVER-FREE DRINKING

Try this technique the next time you drink:

Have a Glass of Cold Water before your First Peg 

and 

Remember to have a Glass of Cold Water after your Last Drink

This is a sure-fire way to “feel good” on the “night-before” – but avoid a hangover on the “morning after”. 

Breathtaking in its simplicity – isn’t it...? 

It is my experience that this – “one-glass-of-water-before – and – one-glass-of-water-after” – “two glasses of water” technique works – you can take my word for it.

Try this – and you will never have a hangover again.

So – if you must drink – enjoy the experience and make sure you feel good.

But – make sure that you prevent that excruciating hangover.

Cheers … !!! 

Enjoy your drinking and have hangover-free mornings ... !!! 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views based on my personal experience. This may or may not work for you. Please do your own due diligence while selecting a hangover prevention technique.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This is an abridged, upgraded and revised version of my post (Part 5) in my HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL (ART OF DRINKING) series written be me Vikram Karve 6 years ago in the year 2010 and posted online earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-5-how-to.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/how-not-to-get-drunk-yet-feel-nice.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/07/hangover-how-to-drink-alcohol-yet-avoid.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/07/hangover-prevention-is-better-than-cure.html etc