How to Feel Good

Are you a moody person...?

Do you have “mood swings”...? 

Do you want to be always in a “good mood”...?

I constantly try to be in a “good mood”. 

Being in a “good mood” makes me “Feel Good”. 

Let me tell you how I try to do this. 

Long ago – I read a story called THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY 

The protagonist of the story, Walter Mitty, fantasises that he leads an exciting and heroic life in order to escape his humdrum existence.

It was from this story that I got the idea that you can use your thoughts to drive your feelings and swing your moods.

It is easier said than done – but I keep trying my best. 

Let me share my Self Help “Mantra” for Moody Persons with you.

ARE YOU A “MOODY” PERSON ?

Self Help – How to be Happy 

By

VIKRAM KARVE

I am a “moody” person.

That is my nature.

Since I am a “moody person” – I have “mood swings”.

Owing to my “mood swings” – I am prone to negative emotions like anger and depression – and worse – I wear my emotions on my sleeve – so everyone can see my “mood”.

Hence – whenever I start feeling depressed, angry or experience negative emotions – I try to “swing” my mood to the positive side.

Mostly – I succeed – but – on a few occasions – I am not so successful in “swinging” my mood totally. 

Since I cannot fake my emotions – I endeavour to change my emotions – and I keep trying my best to get into a “good mood”. 

Before I “pontificate” on how to “swing” your mood – let me tell you a bit about the “Emotion – Mood – Temperament” continuum – and why it is important for you to remain in a “good mood”.

“EMOTION” – “MOOD” – “TEMPERAMENT”

EMOTION is a response to a “stimulus” (or situation).

This “stimulus” can be either external (outside you) or internal (inside you).

MOOD is a long duration feeling as compared to emotion.

Emotions come and go – but Mood persists.

Emotion is short-lived – it remains as long as the trigger (stimulus) remains.

But – Mood remains for some time – even after the stimulus goes away.

And – sometimes – mood may not need a specific stimulus.

TEMPERAMENT – When Mood persists for a long period it becomes Temperament.

Yes – “Temperament” is “Long Term Mood”

In turbulent situations – Emotion comes First – for example – whenever you are in danger – leading to impulsive action to save you from that danger (fight or flight response).

In normal situations – Thought comes First – and then – Emotion Follows. 

However – there are some moody persons (like me) – who are volatile by nature – and they wear their emotions on their sleeve – so they emotionally react impulsively without thinking. 

This impulsive emotional nature affects their mood and if repeated over time it affects their temperament too. 

I am one such moody and temperamental person – and – I am trying my best to practice what I am going to preach below. 

THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS

It is desirable that THOUGHT precedes EMOTION.

If you can manage your THOUGHTS – you can manage your EMOTIONS – and consequently – you will be able to manage your MOOD and TEMPERAMENT.

This may be easy for you – but for a “moody” person like me – this is easier said than done.

DO FEELINGS DRIVE YOUR THOUGHTS...?

Thoughts play a very important role in your life – whereas your feelings can make or break you – and also affect the lives of others around you.

Very often – we let our Attitudes or Feelings hold sway over our lives – rather than let our Thoughts govern our lives.

You let your Feelings drive your Thoughts.

You do not realize that Thoughts drive Actions – and – Actions produce Results.

These Results produce more Feelings.

And these Feelings – in turn – drive your Thoughts.

This leads to a “vicious circle” – which may ultimately lead to loss of self-control.

If you start off with negative feelings – you start this “vicious circle”: 

 

“Feeling –> Thought –> Action –> Result –> Feeling –> Thought –>…” 

This vicious cycle where feelings control your life can spiral into depression or anger.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS

Feelings are not totally controllable – especially for a “moody” person like me. 

You may try to “fake” your emotions to the outside world – but inside – you know what you feel. 

Many times – Feelings are produced by external circumstances beyond your control.

If “Negative Feelings” are allowed to drive your “Thoughts” and “Actions” – then Undesirable “Results” may emanate.

These “Undesirable Results” in turn produce further “not-so-good Feelings” – and – the vicious cycle continues.

This is true for any unpleasant or negative “Feelings” – like anger, envy, worry, disgust or hatred – which tend to drive our “Thoughts” and “Actions” – and negativity quickly takes charge of our lives.

An analysis of other options indicates that both “Actions” and “Results” are not suitable alternative drivers – since they are not totally controllable – and will not always be pleasing.

The best solution is to establish “THOUGHT” as the driver – because it is controllable – and – we can get good “Results”.

LET THOUGHTS DRIVE YOUR FEELINGS

Your “Thoughts” are in your control – because you can choose what you want to think about.

Moreover – there is a matter of choice.

It is very much in your control to think “Good and Interesting Thoughts”.

The happiest persons are those who think the most interesting and good thoughts.

The human mind cannot totally prevent poor quality thoughts from arising – but you can choose whether or not to dwell on them.

You can move your mind from dwelling on poor quality thoughts by selecting alternative beneficial or pleasant thoughts to focus on.

Choosing to be driven by “Thoughts” – and – then controlling those “Thoughts” – will get you the best possible “Results”.

Positive Thoughts lead to good performance (right actions) 

Right Actions yield desirable results. 

Desirable Results in turn produce good feelings.

Good Feelings are conducive to better thoughts. 

And – progressively – this positively reinforcing cycle facilitates a high degree of self-control – and an overall feeling of happiness.

When good thoughts are combined with good potential – the results can be remarkable.

Thus – the very basis of self-control is:

Refuse to allow our Feelings to control our Responses. 

Instead – dwell on good, pleasant, joy-producing Positive Thoughts.

Develop and apply your skill to control your thoughts.

Certain NLP techniques like Swish Pattern are highly effective in achieving this.

By “Positive Thinking” you can gain mastery over controlling your thoughts and thereby letting your thoughts govern your lives.

“Good Thoughts” will make you “Feel Good”.

“Feel Good” will generate “Positive Feelings”.

“Positive Feelings” will make you perform “Good Actions”.

“Good Actions” will produce “Good Results”.

“Good Results” in turn will produce “Good Thoughts”.

And – this positive reinforcing spiral will keep you in a good mood.

That is the key to a happy and healthy life.

It works.

You can take my word for it.

Let me end with a quote from the famous Stoic philosopher Epictetus:

Some things are under our control – others are not. 

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: 

Some things are within our control – and some things are not. 

It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule – and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control – that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.

~ Epictetus

Remember: 

Thinking “interesting thoughts” is fully within your control. 

On the other hand – your “feelings” may be dependent on things beyond your control.

Hence – Dear Reader: 

Do not let your feelings drive your thoughts – but – take charge of your thoughts – and – try to ensure that your thoughts drive your feelings – and – “swing” your mood by thinking happy thoughts.

Yes – you can “swing” your mood by thinking “happy thoughts” 

And – when you are in a “good mood” – you will “Feel Good”

Cheers.

Be Happy.

May you always keep your emotions in check by thinking interesting thoughts.

May you always be in a good mood – and may you have a happy, optimistic and calm temperament.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views. This technique may or may not work for you. Please do your own due diligence while adopting self-help techniques and selecting a philosophy of life.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Revised Version of my Article LET THOUGHTS DRIVE YOUR FEELINGS written by me around 27 years ago in early 1990s and Posted Online Earlier by me Vikram Karve in my blog at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2009/06/monday-morning-meditation.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/types-of-human-feelings-emotion-mood.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/09/feel-good-by-positive-thinking-key-to.html and https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/02/emotion-mood-and-temperament.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/10/self-help-mantra-for-moody-persons.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/mood-swings-how-to-control-your-mood.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/12/how-to-swing-your-moods.html  etc 

How to Deal with Guilty Conscience

GUILTY CONSCIENCE

Do You Have a “Guilty Conscience”…?

How to Deal with Guilty Conscience

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“Guilty Conscience” is the opposite of “Resentment”.

“Resentment” is a sense of bitterness because of “perceived injustice”.

You experience “resentment” against a person – if you feel that he/she has done “injustice” to you.

“Guilty Conscience” is a feeling of remorse experienced by you – if you feel that you have done “injustice” to someone.

Let me try to illustrate by a simple example.

Suppose a married man has an “extra-marital affair” – a “one-night stand” with a female colleague in his office.

The cheater husband is caught red-handed by his wife.

The wife will feel “resentment” towards the husband for cheating on her.

The husband may have a “guilty conscience” for cheating his wife.

If you feel wronged by someone – you feel a sense of “resentment”.

If you feel that you have wronged someone – you have a “guilty conscience”.

In a nutshell:

If someone does a wrong to you – you feel a sense of resentment 

but 

If you do a wrong to someone – you experience a feeling of guilty conscience 

Both “resentment” and “guilty conscience” are attributable to your “perception” – and so – they exist in your mind’s eye – in your imagination.

In generic terms – both “resentment” and “guilty-conscience” can be directed against any entity – animate and inanimate.

For example – you can feel resentment or have a guilty conscience towards an organization – like – the organization where you work – or the institution where you study – or the “government” – or – you may feel resentment or guilty conscience towards a “group” or “system”.

However – to keep it simple – I will discuss “guilty conscience” in the context of personal relationships.

GUILTY CONSCIENCE

Both “resentment” and “guilty conscience” are detrimental to your “inner peace”.

Living with “resentment” can make you bitter.

Similarly – living with a “guilty conscience” can affect your emotional health.

(I have discussed “How to Deal with Resentment” in the preceding blog post – and now – I will discuss “How to Deal with Guilty Conscience”)

HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILTY CONSIENCE

In most cases – you may have a “guilty conscience” towards someone if you feel that you have done some “injustice” to him/her in the past – or – if you are doing some wrong to that person in the present – or - in rare cases – you may feel a “guilty conscience” because you are going to do some “injustice” to a person in the future.

“FUTURISTIC” GUILTY CONSCIENCE

In the 3^rd case – if your “guilty conscience” is due to some perceived “wrong” you are going to commit in the future – you have two options:

OPTION 1

You can introspect – and – you can try to “rationalize” and “justify” your course of action.

For example – you can “convince” yourself that it is a part of your “duty” – or – the action is for the “greater good”.

As I said earlier – the “guilt” exists is in your mind – and – if you can “alleviate” your “guilt” – this will act as a “salve” to assuage your “guilty conscience”. 

OPTION 2

If you cannot “rationalize” your futuristic action to yourself – the best option is to reconsider your course of action – so that you can avoid doing the “wrong” which you know is going to give you a “guilty conscience”.

Let is discuss some “illustrative examples”.

At Work:

As a Human Resource (HR) Executive – suppose you are asked to make “false promises” to new recruits about career prospects during the placement process – or give “false assurances” to employees regarding their demands during negotiations – you can try and “rationalize” your actions to yourself – that you are doing this to “save your own job” – or – for the “greater good” of the organization and society.

In Personal Life:

During Pre-Matrimonial “Dating” – you “hype” yourself – you hide “facts” from your prospective wife/husband – you conceal your “peccadillos” and “frailties” – you do all this just to “impress” your matrimonial “date” and persuade them into marriage.

Can you “rationalize” the pretense on the pretext that you are doing all this just to achieve your “goal” of getting married to the person…?

Or – as a parent of a groom/bride – will you “justify” a bit of “mendacity” – by “rationalizing” to yourself – that you are doing it for the “greater good” of your family…?

If you are able to “rationalize” your “wrong” actions to yourself – well and good – otherwise –you will suffer from a “guilty conscience” – in which case – it is better to avoid these actions.

Politicians are experts in “rationalizing” their “wrongs” – and maybe – that is why politicians develop a “thick skin” and they never suffer from a “guilty conscience”.

“PRESENT” GUILTY CONSCIENCE

In the 2^nd case – where you feel that your present actions – something you are doing right now – this is going to cause “injustice” to someone – you can stop and correct your actions.

If you have seen the movie Dr. Zhivago – you may remember the scene where Yuri (Dr. Zhivago) and Lara (the Nurse) are together for the last time – and are going to go back to their respective homes since the war is over.

While serving in the army on the battlefront during wartime – Dr. Yuri Zhivago (who is married) falls in love with Lara (a political activist’s wife) who helps Dr. Zhivago as his nurse.

Both Yuri and Lara are married – but soon – their intimacy at work develops into deep love – and – on their last night together – they feel immense attraction towards each other.

Yuri cannot control his passion – and he wants to make love to Lara.

Even Lara feels immense attraction towards Yuri – but she controls herself on the spur of the moment – Lara stops Yuri – and she says to Yuri:

“Let’s not do anything that we will be ashamed of – Let’s not do anything that we will have to lie about…”

And – they control themselves.

(I don’t remember the exact dialogue – but – the gist of the dialogue is that Lara tells Yuri that they must not “cross the line” and do something that will give them a “guilty conscience”)

So – in the present moment – if an “alarm bell” rings in your mind that your actions may lead to a “guilty conscience” – if possible – it is best to stop immediately and correct yourself.

If it is not possible to stop – at least pause for a moment and “rationalize” your present actions to yourself – so that your conscience becomes clear.

Trying to “rationalize” your “wrong” actions may put you in an “ethical dilemma”

If you can resolve your “ethical dilemma” by “situational ethics” – it is fine – otherwise – this may cause you internal stress.

So – if you cannot convince yourself that your actions are justified – it is best to avoid actions which give you qualms of conscience.

But – if you have to do something that you feel causes “injustice” to someone – try to “rationalize” – so that you don’t have a “guilty conscience”.

Let me give you an illustrative example.

I recently met an “NRI” classmate – he had migrated to the US more than 40 years ago for higher studies and he had permanently settled down in USA and acquired American Citizenship.

He said that his middle-class parents had “sacrificed” a lot trying to give him the best of education.

He told me that he had tried to convince his parents to relocate to America to live with him – but his parents had preferred to stay on in their home in India.

After the death of his father – his mother lived alone in their home.

However – she had developed dementia – due to which she could not live alone.

It was not possible for my classmate to take his mother to the US because of her state of health due to advanced age.

So – my classmate had come from the US to shift his mother into an “old age home” with assisted living facility.

His mother was most unhappy to leave her own home and go to the old age home.

However – my classmate had no choice but to admit his mother into to old age home.

He was feeling terrible guilty about it – and said to me:

“My mother looked after me so lovingly – and now – I have put her in an old age home where she is miserable…”

“There is no use having a “guilty conscience”…” I said to him.

“What do you mean…? How can I not have a “guilty conscience”…?” he said to me.

“Can you take your mother with you to America…?” I asked him.

“No…” he said, “her “Green Card” expired long back since she stopped visiting me in America after she crossed 80 due to her health…”

“So – you can’t take your old mother to America – but – can you relocate here to India to look after your mother…?” I asked him.

“How is that possible…? My family is there – and – I am still “working” – I also have my businesses to run and investments to look after – there – you don’t permanently “retire” in your 50’s and sit at home doing nothing – like you are doing…” he said.

“You can’t take your mother with you to the US. You can’t relocate to India to look after her. So – the only option you have is to put your mother in the old age home…?”

“Yes…” he said.

“Then – what are you feeling “guilty” about…? Why do you have a “guilty conscience” when you can do nothing about it…” I said.

Yes – Dear Reader – that is the truth.

Why have a “guilty conscience” about something about which you can do nothing…?

What is the point of having a “guilty conscience” about things beyond your control…?

There is no point in having a “guilty conscience” about reality.

Also – think twice before destabilizing your organized life and disturbing your equilibrium by taking disorganizing actions just to assuage your “guilty conscience”.

Instead of wallowing in mental misery due to “guilty conscience” – sometimes – it is better to be “hard-hearted” and “insensitive” (like “thick-skinned” politicians) – to get rid of your “guilty conscience” – and put the matter out of your mind.

The “out of sight” = “out of mind” dictum may be effective in mitigating “guilty conscience” in some cases.

Dear Reader – each person is different – some are more sensitive than others – and – you have to find what works best for you – rationalizing – forgetting ­ and moving on.

Sometimes – it is best to perform your actions – good or bad – and never think of them again – what is done is done.

Yes – today – “what is done is done” – will soon become a thing of the “past”.

“PAST” GUILTY CONSCIENCE

You may feel that you have “wronged” someone in the past – you realize that you have done “injustice” to that person – you regret your past actions – and this feeling of remorse creates a “guilty conscience” inside you.

In order to exorcise your “guilty conscience” for past deeds – the best thing to do – if possible – is to correct the “wrong” – but – if that is not possible – the next best thing is to do – is to own up your “mistake” to the “wronged” person and apologize to them.

Well – if the “wronged” person has so much “resentment” against you that he doesn’t accept your apology – you have no choice but to forget about it and move on.

In cases where there is nothing you can do about it – there is no need to keep having a “guilty conscience” about your past deeds.  

HAVE A “CLEAR” CONSCIENCE

A “guilty conscience” causes “emotional disharmony” and “internal stress” – and disturbs your “internal peace”.

If you want to live a harmonious stress-free life – it is best to have a “clear conscience”.

A clear conscience will give you inner peace, good health and sound sleep. 

There is a Russian Saying:

“A Clear Conscience is the Softest Pillow…”

Dear Reader:

If you want to be in harmony with yourself – never live with a “guilty conscience” – either – you can try to “rationalize” your “wrong” actions and “clear” your conscience – but – if cannot do so – it is best to avoid those actions that give you a “guilty conscience”.

Do you agree…? 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views. They may or may not work for everyone. Please exercise your own due diligence in your life. 

2. It is easy to preach, but difficult to practice what you preach. I try my best to practice what I preach (and preach what I practice) to the extent feasible.

3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved