Ethical Divorce Made Simple – CATWOE Model

ETHICAL DIVORCE MADE SIMPLE

CATWOE Model

By

VIKRAM KARVE

During my professional career – I implemented many management techniques at work.

I tried my best to use the same management techniques in my personal life too.

For example – I successfully used Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to quit smoking.

I used a Project Management Technique called “Force Field Analysis” to quit drinking – and to ensure I didn’t start smoking again.

And – I have extensively used the Soft Systems Methodology (SSM) “CATWOE” Model to help me understand and resolve many ethical dilemmas that I faced from time to time.

Dear Reader – let me explain the CATWOE Model in brief.

CATWOE Model

The CATWOE model adapted from Soft Systems Methodology (SSM) is a useful decision-making technique in ethical situations which helps resolve ethical dilemma and helps you take an “ethical” decision.

Ethical dilemma occurs due to mismatch in ethical perspectives of various stakeholders involved in the ethical situation.

Every person (or entity) that is likely to be affected by your decision is a “stakeholder” with a moral claim on you (the decision-maker).

Sometimes – when you take a decision in a hurry – you don’t even realise how many “stakeholders” exist – who are going to be affected by your decision.

A CATWOE analysis will help you identify all stakeholders involved in a decision and analyse their respective ethical perspectives.

CATWOE is an acronym to categorize various stakeholders:

CATWOE

C = CUSTOMERS – “CLIENTS” OF THE DECISION

A = ACTORS – “AGENTS” WHO CARRY OUT THE DECISION

T = TRANSFORMATION PROCESS – THE DECISION MAKER

W = WELTANSCHAUUNG – “WORLD VIEW” PREDOMINANTLY HELD

O = OWNERS – OWNERSHIP OF THE DECISION

E = ENVIRONMENT – ENVIRONMENTAL IMPOSITIONS

To elaborate a bit:

C:   The “customers” of the decision. In this context – ‘customers’ means those who are on the receiving end of your decision. Is it clear from your definition of “C” – as to who primarily will gain or lose from your decision…?

A:   The “actors” – meaning those who would actually carry out the activities envisaged in the implementation of the decision.

T:   The “transformation process”. What does the system do to the inputs in order to convert them into the outputs…?

W: “Weltanschauung” – The “World View” pertaining to the Ethical Situation.

O:   The “owner(s)” – those who have sufficient formal power to stop the decision.

E:   The “environmental constraints” – in which the decision is being taken.

DIVORCE – an Ethical Situation  

Any time one human being intervenes in the life of another human being directly or indirectly – an ethical situation arises.

Ethical Situations are frequently charged with emotions.

When you divorce your spouse – you “intervene” in the life your spouse – so – divorce is an “ethical situation”.

In fact – in addition to your spouse – many others are also affected by your divorce – yes – there are many “stakeholders” that may be affected by your decision to divorce your spouse.

Let us try to identify and categorize the “stakeholders” affected by a divorce.

(Dear Reader – let me add a disclaimer that I don’t have any first-hand experience of divorce – so – this is “hypothetical” – an “illustrative example” – to demonstrate how to use the CATWOE model in reaching an “ethical” decision – after considering the perspectives of various of stakeholders. Also – the “stakeholders” – and their perspectives may vary in different situations)

CATWOE – The Dramatis Personae in a Divorce and their Ethical Perspectives

CUSTOMERS

The main “customers” in a divorce are the husband and wife who want to divorce.

Are both on the same page as far the decision to divorce is concerned…?

(This may be the case in amicable divorce with mutual consent)

Or – do they have differing perspectives…?

(In which case the divorce may be contested entailing acrimonious litigation involving nasty court battles)

Are there any other “customers” who are affected by the divorce – like children, parents, relatives etc…?

Or maybe – are there any lover(s) of the husband/wife – who are interested in the divorce – since the lover(s) want to marry the husband/wife after they get divorced…?

What are the perspectives of these “customers”…?

Do the children want their parents to divorce – or – are they opposed to it…?

What about the parents of the husband and wife – and their relatives and friends…?

What are their perspectives in this divorce situation…?

In this divorce situation – you may be either the husband – or you may be the wife – but – before you make your decision – you must introspect with vicarious empathy – and try to envisage, comprehend and appreciate the perspectives of all “customers” – both “primary” (you and your spouse) – and “secondary” (children, parents, relatives, friends, lovers etc.)

Perspectives may differ among “customers” – primary and secondary.

For example – a husband may want a divorce – but the wife may not want a divorce – and – vice versa.

Even among children, parents, relatives etc. – there may be various perspectives.

You may introspect and evaluate various perspectives – and assess whether they are “justified” or not.

As far as the main “customers” (husband/wife) are concerned – there are two types of divorce:

1. “Pull” Divorce – your attraction for someone else is the reason for you wanting to divorce your spouse – in order to enable you to marry/cohabit with your “lover”.

2. “Push” Divorce – some internal issues are “pushing” you out of your marriage – incompatibility issues, infidelity/cruelty/insanity/impotence/alcoholism of spouse etc. – which are causing irretrievable breakdown of your marital relationship – and “pushing” you out of marriage.

Is your divorce – a “pull’ divorce – or – a “push” divorce…?

Are you being “pulled” out of your marriage…?

Or – are you being “pushed” out of your marriage…?

Think about it – do you really want to breakup your marriage…? 

Think about all the other “customers” and their perspectives – before you take a decision.

In one case of “amicable” divorce by mutual consent – the divorcing parents did not anticipate the extent to which their teenage daughter would get upset by their divorce – the daughter became rebellious and wayward and took to drugs and was psychologically scarred for life.

In another case – the mother (of the divorced wife) went on a guilt trip and blamed herself for the divorce of her daughter thinking that she hadn’t brought up her daughter well.

Where the marriage is an arranged one – the parents of the divorced couple may get upset.

Remember – there are a lot of “customers” who will be affected by your decision to divorce – and – there may be a lot of “collateral damage” because of your divorce.

So – you must take a soft holistic “systemic” view – before you take a final decision.

ACTORS

Actors include all the persons/agencies involved in the divorce process – counsellors, lawyers, family courts etc.

They too have their own perspectives.

For Example – a marriage counsellor may try to “save” the marriage.

Divorce Lawyers will try to “win” the case and get the best “deal and maximum “benefits” for their “client”.

The Family Court will have a “legal” perspective.

TRANSFORMATION PROCESS

This is the process which “transforms” a marriage into a divorce – the lawful procedure to split the legal bond between husband and wife.

Different countries and different religions may have different divorce procedures.

You have to consider the perspectives of the “transformation process” – under which law were you married – on what grounds are you seeking divorce – various aspects like alimony/maintenance, property distribution, children’s custody etc.

WELTANSCHAUUNG

Weltanschauung (World View) on Divorce will vary depending on the prevailing culture of the society to which you belong or the place you live in.

In “modern” societies – divorce is easily acceptable – and indeed – a part of life.

In “conservative” societies – divorce may carry a “stigma” – not only for the divorcees – but for their children, parents and siblings/relatives of the divorcees as well. 

In “dogmatic” societies – perspectives may be even more rigid, harsh and unsympathetic – maybe gender-biased too – and divorcees may even be “ostracized”.

Before you take a decision to divorce – you must consider the Weltanschauung (World View) on how divorce is perceived in your society – and introspect on the likely social ramifications of divorce – and – once you take a decision to divorce – you must be prepared for the repercussions.

(As an aside – you may be surprised to know this – but – many years ago – in the “cantonment culture” of the military – divorce was frowned upon. Maybe – this was due to the vestiges of the “Victorian” culture of the colonial days of the British Raj…)

OWNER

The “owner” is the entity who has the formal power to stop the divorce.

This depends on place to place.

Can courts stop a divorce…?

In ethnic societies – can community leaders stop a divorce…?

In some countries – can religious authorities stop a divorce…?

Well – I request experts to please throw some light on this aspect – about – who has the formal power/authority to stop a divorce.

ENVIRONMENTAL CONSTRAINTS/IMPOSITIONS

Do you live in a modern urban metropolis or cosmopolitan city…?

Or – do you live in the “mofussil” – in a rural town or village…? 

Do you live in a Joint Family…?

Or – are you a Nuclear Family living all by yourself…?

Are you financially independent…?

Is your environment safe for a divorced “single” person…?  

Which country do you live in…?

Well – though Environment is linked to Weltanschauung (World View) – there is a slight difference.

Weltanschauung (World View) is connected with “culture” – whereas – Environmental Constraints encompass other “administrative” aspects and support systems for day-to-day “ease of living” - especially for divorcees and single parent families.

ETHICAL DIVORCE

Once you have identified and categorized all “stakeholders” affected by your decision to divorce – and analyzed their perspectives – you will now be better equipped to take an ethical and informed decision to divorce or not to divorce. 

Dear Reader – I would love to hear your views and feedback. Please comment here or on Social Media (Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn) 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 

1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This is a fictional spoof, satire, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Monday Motivation – Self Help – NLP in Daily Life – Perceptual Positions

NLP in DAILY LIFE – PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS

A Concept from NLP for Analyzing Problems and Interpreting Behaviour 

By

VIKRAM KARVE

In order to get a holistic view of a situation – or see the “big picture” – sometimes – there is a need to view things from a distance . 

They say that:

You cannot solve a Problem – if you are a Part of the Problem

So you must “step out” of the problem and view the situation from outside in a detached dispassionate way.

This may help you in analyzing the problem properly and help you in arriving at a solution. 

In your personal life too it may be of great advantage if you develop the ability to watch your own life from a distance.

In fact, the ability to see things from a distance is the sine qua non for self improvement and personal development. 

Think about it. 

If you are in the middle of trees you may not be able to see the whole forest.

Likewise, being in the middle of a situation may prevent you from seeing the “bigger picture”.

Tell me, in the personal and professional domains of your life, haven't you encountered situations where it would have been best to adopt a “detached” stance...?

Is it not better to view a situation from multiple perspectives...?

Is it not true, what I said earlier – that – you cannot solve a problem if you are a part of the problem – especially an ethical dilemma.

I am sure you have heard people saying: 

“If I were in your position...” 

or 

“I can see your point of view...”

 

Have you ever put yourself in someone else’s shoes and had the experience of seeing the world or situation through the eyes of someone else..?

 

Have you ever tried to be an observer – detached and rational – and looked at a situation as if you are not a part of it...?

 

Understanding and empathizing with other points of view is the sine qua non of effective communication.

 

Also – it is said – that – to solve a problem – you should not be a part of the problem – or inside the problem – but you must view the problem from a distance.

 

The Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) concept of Perceptual Positions can help you see a situation – or a problem – from different points of view – in new ways – dispassionately – from a “distance” – with emotional detachment. 

It will help you get the “bigger picture” – maybe even the “the holistic picture”. 

You will be able to visualize and analyse a situation – especially an ethical dilemma – from the viewpoints of all stakeholders.

 

Yes – the first step towards solving a problem is to properly analyse the problem – to get to the root cause of the problem – and this technique of perceptual positions will help you do formulate the Root Definition of the problem or ethical situation and facilitate implementation of Soft System Methodology, especially in the formulation of the CATWOE and SIPOC models, which is the next step in solving the problem. 

Dear Reader – Before we move on to the NLP concept of Perceptual Positions – let me tell you that I used another concept from NLP called Anchoring (along with Force Field Analysis) to Quit Smoking more than 15 Years ago.

Here is the link to my self help article on HOW TO QUIT SMOKING (Do Click the Link if you are keen on quitting smoking or helping a smoker quit – the link will open in a new window – so you can complete reading this article on PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS now – and you read the Quit Smoking article later – Link Url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/world-no-tobacco-day-blog-post-how-to.html )

 

THE FIVE PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS

FIRST PERCEPTUAL POSITION

My Perspective – or – the Self Perspective 

 

Seeing the situation or world completely through your own eyes. 

The first position enables you to be clear about what is important to you and discover your own personal values and beliefs. 

If you are in the first position you are very much within your own body and you are subject to strong emotional feelings. 

In NLP parlance – the experience of being in the first position is called being “associated”.

The disadvantages of being associated are that it may be difficult to critically review your own feelings – and sometimes you can get swayed by your own emotions. 

The advantage of being associated is that you feel involved in the situation.

SECOND PERCEPTUAL POSITION

Your Perspective – or – the “Other” Perspective  

 

Seeing the situation or world from through the eyes of – and from the point of view of – someone else. 

This perceptual position will help you get into the other person’s shoes and you will get a sense of their perspective and how they see the situation. 

In common parlance – this is called empathy.  

In NLP parlance – the experience of being in the second position is called being “dissociated”.

This is because, in contrast to the first position you are able to be detached and you are able to observe yourself from a different perspective. 

The disadvantage of being in a dissociated state is that it can desensitize your emotional responses and give others the impression that you are being cold and distant.

THIRD PERCEPTUAL POSITION

The Observer Position 

 

Looking at a situation as an external impartial observer – dissociated and emotionally detached from the situation. 

This perceptual position will enable you to have a balanced approach – especially in emotionally charged situations. 

This entails both the individual – and with whom she is interacting – are both being observed at the same time from a distant position – outside all persons in the interaction.

You may step back and “watch yourself watch yourself” – it is like seeing the situation on a movie screen – or on TV.

FOURTH PERCEPTUAL POSITION

The System Viewpoint – or – the Bird’s Eye View 

 

Adopting a “systems approach” and looking at a situation from the perspective of the whole system – integrating perspectives of all stakeholders in the system using soft systems methodology – in order to visualize the overall “system perspective”.

FIFTH POSITION

The Universal Perspective or the World View (Weltanschauung) 

 

Seeing the “whole picture” by analyzing multiple perceptual positions. 

This is a most vital soft skill you must develop using various soft system models like CATWOE, Archetypes etc.

HOW TO ADOPT PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS  –  Benefits and Pitfalls

Close your eyes and think of various recent situations – especially situations of conflict – and then – try to visualize the situations from different perceptual positions. 

 

You can consciously develop the ability to visualize and adopt different perceptual positions.

Not only will this help you improve your conflict management and decision making abilities – but this will greatly enhance your communication skills.

You must be flexible and try to move between perceptual positions in a dynamic manner to achieve optimal results.

Spending too much time in the FIRST PERCEPTUAL POSITION – may lead you to be excessively emotional, self-centered and lacking in empathy.

Always trying to be in the SECOND PERCEPTUAL POSITION may result in you falling a victim to the “disease to please” syndrome – leading to overemphasis in helping others – to the detriment of your own interests and personal well-being.

Spending too much time in the THIRD PERCEPTUAL POSITION may make you cold, hard-hearted, uncaring and insensitive towards others – so you must always try and develop the flexibility and agility to see different points of view from various perceptual positions.

Therefore – it is best to adopt a Triple Description – which entails considering the situation from the three basic Perceptual Positions – the FIRST –  the SECOND – and – the THIRD Perceptual Positions – and then – combining the experience of all the 3 Perceptual Positions.

 

In the words of Robert Dilts:

“Excellence is a passionate commitment to something from the SELF position.

WISDOM is the ability to consciously move back and forth between SELF – OTHER – and – OBSERVER Perceptual Positions.”

As you consciously practice the concept of perceptual positions – you will develop the ability of creative visualization to shift between perceptual positions at your own will.

In some situations you can experiment shifting between all the five perceptual positions – and – when you combine the experience this will develop in you statesmanlike qualities which all great leaders possess.

This “multiple description” ability to shift between perceptual positions and combining the experience will enhance your resourceful thinking process – and it will improve your ability to deal effectively and positively with a variety of people and situations. 

(By the way – this is easier said than done – and – I have not been able to achieve this in most situations – but – I keep trying)

On a lighter note – this NLP concept of Perceptual Positions will help you in personal life situations too – especially as you grow older. 

The Perceptual Positions Concept is useful to retired senior citizen “old fogies” like me as well.

You must have observed that – as you grow older – slowly but surely – you are made to feel redundant.

Your views are not sought – and – you are relegated to a position of an observer. 

It is great to be an “distant” observer.

Looking at situations from different points of view by adopting perceptual positions will make you enjoy various situations. 

And this will certainly help you in ascertaining divergent ethical perspectives of various stakeholders for ethical analysis in an ethical situation.

 

Let me paraphrase one of my favorite quotes:

If you want to be seen – stand up

If you want to be heard – speak up

If you want to be appreciated – shut up 

(and appreciate the situation using the technique of perceptual positions)

Try out this NLP concept of Perceptual Positions in your daily life – at work – at home – everywhere – even while roaming on the streets. 

You will be amazed by the results.

Have a Happy Week Ahead. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please do due diligence before trying out this technique.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 

This is an abridged updated version of my lecture written 12 years ago in 2004 and posted by me online earlier a number of times including at urls:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/02/nlp-in-daily-life-perceptual-positions.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/different-views-perceptual-positions.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2010/12/business-ethics-lecture-series-part-26.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/05/perception-and-organizational-behaviour.html  and  http://creative.sulekha.com/neuro-linguistic-programming-nlp-for-self-improvement-part-3-perceptual-positions_478770_blog  etc