Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Humor in Uniform : Salute the Rising Sun

Humor in Uniform


SALUTE THE RISING SUN
Hilarious Memories of my Unforgettable Navy Days
A Spoof 
By
VIKRAM KARVE

This happened long back  20 years ago  in the mid 1990’s  when I was in IAT Pune.

We had a very dashing Commodore, highly ambitious, as our Director of Studies.

I was the Officer-in-Charge of a prestigious naval advanced postgraduate course.

The Commodore called me to his office.

“The valedictory function of your course is just 2 months away. We have to decide on the Chief Guest for the valedictory function. Can you suggest some names?” the Commodore asked me.

“Rear Admiral “A” would be the ideal Chief Guest for the valedictory function,” I said.

“Rear Admiral “A”...? Why him...?” the Commodore asked.

“Sir  Rear Admiral “A” has done this very course 20 years ago – in fact he topped the course and won the trophy – and then he was an instructor and the Officer-in-Charge of the course over here when he was a Commander. He is very conversant with the training here at IAT  and this course, Sir. And Rear Admiral “A” is technically brilliant too. I feel he would be the apt choice for Chief Guest,” I said.

“How do you know he is technically brilliant?”

“Sir  I have worked with him in the Dockyard,” I said.

“Oh  so you are his bloody crony,” the Commodore remarked.

“Sir, it’s not that …”

“Listen,” the Commodore interrupted me, “all what you say may be fine. But we are not going to call Rear Admiral “A” for the valedictory function...

“But  why, Sir...?

 “Because I have decided to call Rear Admiral “B” for the valedictory function. Just put up a draft letter inviting Rear Admiral “B”…”

“Rear Admiral “B”? Why Rear Admiral “B”, Sir?” I said, quite taken aback.

“Why...? What’s wrong with him...?” the Commodore asked.

“Sir  he has not done this course?”

“So what...? Where does it say that the Chief Guest has to be qualified in this course...?”

“Sir  he is from a different branch...”

“What bloody branch? At that level, branches don’t matter. He is a technical officer, isn’t he? Now don’t argue with me. I have decided to invite Rear Admiral “B”. You put up a draft letter and program...” the Commodore said.

“Sir  I have a question. What’s wrong with Rear Admiral “A”...? Why are you insisting on Rear Admiral “B” as Chief Guest...?”

“It is simple – in the Navy  you must salute only the Rising Sun.”

“Rising Sun?”

“Keep it to yourself – I have just heard a buzz that Rear Admiral “B” is being cleared for promotion to Vice Admiral.”

“Oh!”

“There is just one vacancy  so your ex-boss Rear Admiral “A” will have to go home under the 4 year tenure rule once he is passed over for promotion. It is the end of the road for him  so he doesn’t matter anymore.”

So Rear Admiral “A” is like the setting sun – and there is nothing to be gained by saluting the Setting Sun...

“That is correct. Now you are beginning to understand. Draft a nice letter inviting Rear Admiral “B” to the valedictory function and put it up to me,” the Commodore said.

“Aye, Aye, Sir,” I said.

I hesitated  and then I spoke, “Sir  you will have to speak to Rear Admiral “A” also.”

“Why? Why should I speak to Rear Admiral “A”...? We are not inviting him here.

“Sir  I spoke to him yesterday seeking his convenience for the valedictory function…” I mumbled.

“Are you crazy...? Who asked you to be over-smart and go over my head and speak to him? Anyway  I am not going to waste my time speaking to the passed over Rear Admiral “A” – you speak to him – give him some excuse – that’s your problem,” the Commodore said.

I felt terrible.

I knew Rear Admiral “A” quite well.

How could I tell him the truth that the Commodore had vetoed his name?

And worse  how could I tell him the real reason why his name had been vetoed  because he was the “setting sun” – and that “rising sun” Rear Admiral “B” was being invited instead?

What excuse could I give him?

It was going to be very embarrassing for me  and I did not know what to do.

So – I decided to sleep over it  and decide in the morning.

Late at night  after dinner  the phone rang in my house.

It was the Commodore speaking excitedly, “Did you call up Rear Admiral “A” about cancelling his name as Chief Guest for the valedictory?”

“No, Sir,” I said.

“Thank God.”

“What happened, Sir? I was going to call him up in the morning.”

“No. No. You don’t call up Rear Admiral “A”. I will call him in the morning and personally invite him as Chief Guest for the valedictory function,” the Commodore said.

“What...? You want to call Rear Admiral “A” as the Chief Guest...? I thought you wanted Rear Admiral “B” as the Chief Guest,” I asked, bewildered.

“Don’t you know what has happened...? I just came to know. It is a big surprise  and most unexpected. Rear Admiral “A” has been cleared for promotion to Vice Admiral – and now Rear Admiral “B” is out of the reckoning...” the Commodore said.

“So now things are reversed  and now Rear Admiral “A” is the Rising Sun  and Rear Admiral “B” is the Setting Sun...?” I asked tongue-in-cheek.

“Yes. You can say that – Rear Admiral “B” will now have to retire in a few months under the 4 year rule  and his career in the navy is more-or-less over. And yes  now Rear Admiral “A” is certainly the Rising Sun...” the Commodore answered.

“And we must salute only the Rising Sun...?” I quipped.

“Absolutely right – you must salute only the Rising Sun...” the Commodore said emphatically, and then he disconnected the phone.

VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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