Wednesday, February 18, 2015

NAVY WIFE AND THE OTHER WOMAN - Humor In and Out of Uniform

HUMOUR IN AND OUT OF UNIFORM

NAVY WIFE AND THE OTHER WOMAN
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

MARRIED TO THE NAVY

I once knew a very ambitious naval officer.

He was a total careerist and he had no other interests.

His favourite line was: “I am married to the navy”.

He would have been happy to remain a bachelor all his life and focus all his attention totally on his naval career and achieve his sole aim of becoming an Admiral.

But his parents insisted that he get married.

So he agreed to see a girl.

He honestly told the girl about his career ambitions.

He clearly told her that his navy career would come first above everything else.

He made it clear that even his family would be secondary to his career.

And he emphatically quoted his favourite dialogue: “I am married to the navy”.

The girl liked this career-conscious officer mainly since he did not have any vices  the naval officer was a strict teetotaller and non-smoker – yes  he did not touch alcohol or tobacco – which was a rarity in the navy those days.

And – even as other major and minor naval vices were concerned  he was quite unlike most other sailors.  

The girl thought he would change after marriage.

She was sure he would “accommodate” her as the “other woman” in his “marriage” with the navy.

She was okay with his being married to the navy as long as he treated her as his “mistress”.

She was wrong.

This devoted sailor was strictly a “one woman man”.

He was so loyally and devotedly married to the navy that he had no time for “other women” like his lawfully wedded human wife.

Fed up of being neglected  she (the “other woman”) walked out of the marriage  so that her husband could devote himself to his “first wife” (Navy).

(By the way  in contrast to the above story  I have seen some navy wives who actively help their naval husbands achieve success in their naval careers by willingly playing second fiddle.
Such ambitious naval wives are ready to go to any extent to promote the careers of their husbands).

So – if you are thinking of marrying a navy officer – of a fauji officer – remember the moral of this story: NEVER MARRY A MAN MARRIED TO THE NAVY (or Fauj

Well, that was the Naval Yarn.


HUMOR OUT OF UNIFORM

WIFE AND MISTRESS (THE OTHER WOMAN)

Now I am facing a similar predicament.

Till I was in the navy I had only one woman in my marriage  and that was my lawfully wedded wife

(Unlike the ambitious careerist naval officer  I was not “married” to the navy).

But ever since I retired from the navy and became a creative writer I am in a quandary.

Sometimes I feel the same way as the famous writer Anton Chekhov (a doctor by profession)  who so aptly expressed his dilemma in a letter to a friend:

“Medicine is my lawful wife  and literature is my mistress. 

When I get fed up with one  I spend the night with the other. 

Though it is irregular  it is less boring this way  and besides  neither of them loses anything through my infidelity.”

In my case – ever since I have retired from the navy  my wife is my lawful wife  and my writing is my mistress.

Or is the other way round?

I really don’t know.

It is difficult to live a dual life.

I have never had a mistress before  so I really do not know how to simultaneously handle a “wife” and a “mistress”.

Ever since I acquired this “mistress” of writing  my wife has started cribbing. 

My wife hates my “mistress”.

But now that I am bitten by the “writing bug” – I love my “mistress” deeply  and I cannot get rid of her.

Of course – I do not want to get rid of my much married darling wife of 33 years too.

Maybe my wife may dump me as she hates my writing.

She may give me an ultimatum to get rid of my “writing mistress” saying that there can be only one woman in a marriage.

I love my wife  and I love my “mistress” too.

Soon I may start writing my ambitious novel – so I will have to devote a lot of attention to my “mistress”.

How will my wife react?

It is going to be a difficult life.

Will I be able to “handle” both my wife and my “mistress”?

Can they both co-exist in harmony?

I do not know what to do.

I seek your advice  especially if you are one of those lucky ones who have the dexterity to simultaneously handle a wife and a mistress (the other woman).

Maybe you have been one of those fortunate ones to have a “girl in every port” and you can give me some tips on how to co-exist in harmony with a wife and a mistress (the other woman).

VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This blog post is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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