Wednesday, February 25, 2015

WHY WOMEN JOIN THE ARMY - Humor in Uniform - A Spoof

Here is a story from my Humor in Uniform Archives to liven you up on this dreary Wednesday afternoon:

WHY WOMEN JOIN THE ARMY
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Sometime ago I was invited to deliver a lecture at my erstwhile institution.

In the audience  comprising officers of the army, navy and air force  I noticed a familiar face.

She was wearing army uniform.

She was the only lady officer in the lecture hall.

“Hello,” I said to her, during the tea break, when she came to greet me, “what a pleasant surprise to see you in uniform. I did not know you had joined the army.”

“Yes Sir,” she said.

“Tell me  the last time we met  you were doing your computer engineering  weren’t you?” I asked her.

“Yes Sir,” she said.

“I thought you would join some Software Firm and work in the IT Sector – or maybe go abroad for further studies. So I am really surprised. What are you doing here in the army?”

“I am looking for a husband, Sir,” she said.

On hearing this – I almost choked with surprise  and the teacup nearly fell out of my hands.

Seeing the expression on my face, she said, “Sir, I will be frank with you. I have no illusions about how I look. There is too much competition in the Software Sector. In an IT firm  where there are so many attractive “Techie” girls  do you think that any decent boy will give me a second look?”

“Don’t say that. You look quite pretty  and you are a smart young woman.”

“Beauty is all relative  isn’t it, Sir? Out there in the IT Sector  almost 50% of the Techies are girls  so many beauties – there is just too much competition. Here  in an army unit  I am the only girl. Sir  just look there – see the way all those male officers are eyeing me?”

I looked.

She was right.

She was indeed the centre of attraction.

Most of the male officers were looking at her with undisguised affection. 

Some of the more desperate officers drooled in anticipation.

I looked at her, smiled and said, “You have a point.”

“You see, Sir – here, in the army  I have no competition  so I can pick and choose,” she said impishly.

So you joined the army for better marriage prospects?” I asked.

“Yes, Sir – that is exactly why I joined the army – to find a good husband. You are quite surprised by what I am saying  aren’t you, Sir?” she said.

“Yes  at first I was surprised. But now I can understand. Your logic seems perfectly rational to me,” I said.

For some time we sipped tea.

“So have you found anyone?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes Sir – I have found quite a few prospective “fauji” grooms. Now I am shortlisting the candidates,” she said, with a naughty smile on her face.

“It’s a good career move too – both husband and wife in the army,” I said.

“Sir  to be frank  I am not a career type of girl. In fact  I want to get married – to have children  and to settle down to a life of cozy domesticity.

What?” I asked, surprised.

“Yes, Sir. Once I get married  I will quit the army at the very moment my first short service commission tenure of 7 years is over – maybe even before that if they allow me to leave, But first – I have to find a suitable “fauji husband,” she said. 

“You want to quit the army once you find a husband? So you joined the army just to find a husband?” I asked in amazement.

Tell me sir  what can be better than being the wife of an army officer?” she said.

“You do have a point there. Being an army officer may be tough. But an army memsahib really enjoys a good life,” I said.

I always dreamt of being a fauji memsahib and living a good life – I love the ambience of the cool tranquil cantonments  the clubs, the parties, the social life, so many perks  and most importantly  the batmen and sahayaks to do all your work,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Ah – batmen and sahayaks – so that’s why you did not join the navy.”

“Maybe,” she said tongue-in-cheek, “but there is one more reason.”

“What?”

“The competition is much tougher in the navy – there are so many women officers are in one place – and besides, you have to compete with the chic and savvy beauties in Mumbai – well, male naval officers have so much to choose from  and  frankly  I knew that with my looks  I just would not stand a chance out there in the navy – here in the army  I am like a beauty queen,” she said, candidly.

Then she looked mischievously at me – and then she gestured with her eyes at all the young male army officers ogling hungrily at her  and she said, “Sir, look at all those desperate fauji officers. Almost every guy is looking at me  waiting for me to give them the slightest cue. Here  in the army  it is me who can pick and choose  isn’t it? As they say  I can have the pick of the litter ... !!!  

I laughed. 

She laughed. 

We laughed together.

Everyone was looking at us. 

It was quite embarrassing.

Mercifully  the tea break was over  and we all went in for the remaining part of my lecture.


EPILOGUE

FROM “FAUJI OFFICER” TO “FAUJI MEMSAHIB”

Later  while driving home  I thought about it.

There was a ring of truth in what the smart young lady army officer had said.

Most women army officers seem inclined to marry their male colleagues (so-called “brother officers” in service parlance).

There are so many “in-service” marriages – it happens quite a lot in the army.

And I have seen such “incestuous relationships between “brother officers” and “sister officers” happening in the navy and air force too  where erstwhile “sister officers” metamorphose into memsahibs

The defence services seem to encourage such romantic fraternization which transforms into matrimony.

Yes  in the army  today’s “sister officers” stand a good chance of becoming tomorrow’s memsahibs.

Maybe the army can coin a new recruitment slogan for attracting young women into the army:

Join the Army   The Easiest Way to Become a “FAUJI MEMSAHIB”

VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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This is Part 2 of the story written by me and posted by me on my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on 08 July 2013 titled LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND Musings on Career Women and Marriage Prospects which featured Two Stories - THE SMART YOUNG WOMAN and THE LADY ARMY OFFICER at url:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/07/looking-for-husband-career-women-and.html
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