HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
BREAKING BOUNDS –
JAUNDICE AND ICE CREAM
Memories of my Halcyon Navy Days
An
Apocryphal Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer:
1. Please read this post only if you have a Sense of Humour. This is a spoof, light-hearted humor, just for a laugh. So take it with a pinch of salt and have a hearty laugh.
2. This story is a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve all rights reserved
JAUNDICE AND ICE CREAM – Memories of my Halcyon Navy Days
An Apocryphal Story by Vikram Karve
Sometime
in the late 1970’s there was an outbreak of jaundice in Mumbai (then known as
Bombay).
This
rampant spread of jaundice badly affected the Navy, and assumed almost epidemic
proportions, with large numbers of naval officers and sailors on ships getting
afflicted by the disease.
Special
jaundice wards were opened in the Naval Hospital, and some ships were almost down
to half-strength.
A
bout of jaundice meant a week or two in hospital, followed by a month of sick
leave at home, then back to hospital for downgrading and re-categorization of
medical category, and, finally, the worst consequence of jaundice – no alcohol
for at least 6 months.
This
last fear, of 6 months without alcohol post-jaundice, resulted in a drinking
spree, with most lovers of Bacchus downing peg after peg, consuming enormous
amounts of alcohol every evening, as if it were the last day of their lives.
It
was the last opportunity to drink to your heart’s content till the dreaded scourge
of jaundice got hold of you in its clutches.
So
you could see wardrooms full of officers on drinking binges, and sailors drinking
away in sailors’ home, till they fell into drunken stupor.
The
biggest joke that was most of these heavy drinkers did not get afflicted by
jaundice but they landed up getting alcohol dependent.
The
powers-that-be panicked at the increasing number of jaundice cases heading for
hospitalization every day and the consequent depletion of crew on ships.
It
was a precarious situation, and if this jaundice induced exodus continued, there
would be no one left to man the ships.
So,
it was decided to take some drastic measures.
The
powers-that-be thought that the reason for this jaundice epidemic was because
sailors were eating unhygienic jaundice-infected food outside in Mumbai city
when out on liberty.
So,
two orders were passed:
1.
All food joints in Mumbai were put “out of bounds” for naval personnel.
2.
Shore Leave (Liberty) would now be in uniform till further orders.
Order
No. 2 was to ensure that any officer or sailor entering a restaurant or eating
outside was instantly spotted and rounded up.
In
order to implement this preventive measure, naval shore patrols were sent out
on the streets of Mumbai, especially to those areas and food joints frequented
by sailors.
On
the very first day, a hilarious incident occurred.
The
Fleet Commander spotted the shore patrol from our ship drinking sugarcane juice
in resplendent full dress uniform at a most unhygienic sugarcane juice stall right
opposite the dockyard gate.
The
culprits were promptly arrested by the Naval Police and handed over to the ship
for necessary disciplinary action.
On
being questioned, the shamefaced sailors pleaded that they had heard that
drinking sugarcane juice prevented jaundice and hence they had decided to fortify
themselves with sugarcane juice before they headed for patrolling the
jaundice-infected areas.
Since
there was a severe shortage of sailors (with half the sailors in hospital with
jaundice) the wayward shore patrol was not punished severely, but let off with
a warning and a few extra shore patrol duties as punishment.
The
next evening they were found drinking rum in the sailors’ home, but then the
sailors’ home was not “out of bounds”.
After
a few days we officers were fed up of the wardroom food on board the ship so we
decided to venture out to enjoy the culinary delights the city of Mumbai had to
offer.
Parading
in uniform of the streets of Mumbai was unthinkable, so we adopted a simple modus operandi.
We
carried a bag containing civilian clothes with us, smartly walked out of the dockyard
gate in uniform, and then headed for the Jehangir Art Gallery in Kalaghoda.
Here,
we would enter the well-appointed washrooms and change from uniform to civilian
clothes, and then venture out to enjoy the delights Mumbai had to offer.
On
the way back we would use the change-rooms at the Taj or some suitable hotel
and return back to our ships smartly dressed in uniform.
One
evening, after a movie at Eros followed by a hearty meal at Gaylord in Churchgate,
we enjoyed stroll on Marine Drive and then decided to end the day with some
delicious Ice Cream at the Yankee Doodle Ice Cream Parlour.
Our
plan was that after enjoying our ice cream, we would use the change-rooms of
the adjoining Natraj Hotel to change back into uniform and then we would walk
back in uniform to our ship.
While
my friends wanted to eat cones, I ordered the signature ice cream of Yankee Doodle
– Banana Split – three huge scoops of your choice of ice-cream placed on a
sweetened split banana and topped up with yummy fruits and nuts, and
embellished with sweet creamy sauces.
This
inimitable ice cream was prepared at a special counter and took some time to be
assembled.
When
my banana split was ready, I picked up the dish and looked around for my
friends, but I could not see them anywhere.
Maybe
they were taking a walk on Marine Drive licking their cones while watching
pretty young things.
I
decided to focus on my magnificent banana split ice cream.
As
I was about to dig into my ice cream I noticed that, standing bang in front of
me, was our redoubtable Captain.
At
first I was terrified.
I
had been caught red-handed at an “out of bounds” place and that too wearing
civilian clothes when I should have been in uniform.
I
looked at my Captain.
He
too was dressed in civilian clothes.
Then
I saw that he too was eating an ice cream – a chocolate sundae – and next to
him stood his wife relishing a mixed fruit sundae ice cream.
I
wished him and his wife – they smiled back.
We
talked – but the conversation was strictly restricted to the topic of ice cream
and we discussed the various exotic ice cream flavours you got all over Mumbai.
On
seeing the Captain, the other officers had disappeared into the darkness and they
surfaced only when the Captain and his wife had left.
They
anxiously asked me if the Captain had seen them and I assured them that he had
not.
Next
morning when I saluted the Captain he still had his formidable demeanour, but
there was a slight twinkle in his eyes.
EPILOGUE
I
don’t know whether it is true or not, but someone told me later that the
outbreak of jaundice was due to contaminated drinking water (as a result of
leaky sewage lines and cracked porous water pipes) and not due to infected food
which was suspected to be the cause.
And
yes, I was lucky not to get jaundice during that epidemic – but I did become “alcohol
dependent” for sure!
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this book review.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
NB:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
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About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925
Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9
About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com
Twitter: @vikramkarve
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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