Ethical Divorce Made Simple – CATWOE Model

ETHICAL DIVORCE MADE SIMPLE

CATWOE Model

By

VIKRAM KARVE

During my professional career – I implemented many management techniques at work.

I tried my best to use the same management techniques in my personal life too.

For example – I successfully used Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to quit smoking.

I used a Project Management Technique called “Force Field Analysis” to quit drinking – and to ensure I didn’t start smoking again.

And – I have extensively used the Soft Systems Methodology (SSM) “CATWOE” Model to help me understand and resolve many ethical dilemmas that I faced from time to time.

Dear Reader – let me explain the CATWOE Model in brief.

CATWOE Model

The CATWOE model adapted from Soft Systems Methodology (SSM) is a useful decision-making technique in ethical situations which helps resolve ethical dilemma and helps you take an “ethical” decision.

Ethical dilemma occurs due to mismatch in ethical perspectives of various stakeholders involved in the ethical situation.

Every person (or entity) that is likely to be affected by your decision is a “stakeholder” with a moral claim on you (the decision-maker).

Sometimes – when you take a decision in a hurry – you don’t even realise how many “stakeholders” exist – who are going to be affected by your decision.

A CATWOE analysis will help you identify all stakeholders involved in a decision and analyse their respective ethical perspectives.

CATWOE is an acronym to categorize various stakeholders:

CATWOE

C = CUSTOMERS – “CLIENTS” OF THE DECISION

A = ACTORS – “AGENTS” WHO CARRY OUT THE DECISION

T = TRANSFORMATION PROCESS – THE DECISION MAKER

W = WELTANSCHAUUNG – “WORLD VIEW” PREDOMINANTLY HELD

O = OWNERS – OWNERSHIP OF THE DECISION

E = ENVIRONMENT – ENVIRONMENTAL IMPOSITIONS

To elaborate a bit:

C:   The “customers” of the decision. In this context – ‘customers’ means those who are on the receiving end of your decision. Is it clear from your definition of “C” – as to who primarily will gain or lose from your decision…?

A:   The “actors” – meaning those who would actually carry out the activities envisaged in the implementation of the decision.

T:   The “transformation process”. What does the system do to the inputs in order to convert them into the outputs…?

W: “Weltanschauung” – The “World View” pertaining to the Ethical Situation.

O:   The “owner(s)” – those who have sufficient formal power to stop the decision.

E:   The “environmental constraints” – in which the decision is being taken.

DIVORCE – an Ethical Situation  

Any time one human being intervenes in the life of another human being directly or indirectly – an ethical situation arises.

Ethical Situations are frequently charged with emotions.

When you divorce your spouse – you “intervene” in the life your spouse – so – divorce is an “ethical situation”.

In fact – in addition to your spouse – many others are also affected by your divorce – yes – there are many “stakeholders” that may be affected by your decision to divorce your spouse.

Let us try to identify and categorize the “stakeholders” affected by a divorce.

(Dear Reader – let me add a disclaimer that I don’t have any first-hand experience of divorce – so – this is “hypothetical” – an “illustrative example” – to demonstrate how to use the CATWOE model in reaching an “ethical” decision – after considering the perspectives of various of stakeholders. Also – the “stakeholders” – and their perspectives may vary in different situations)

CATWOE – The Dramatis Personae in a Divorce and their Ethical Perspectives

CUSTOMERS

The main “customers” in a divorce are the husband and wife who want to divorce.

Are both on the same page as far the decision to divorce is concerned…?

(This may be the case in amicable divorce with mutual consent)

Or – do they have differing perspectives…?

(In which case the divorce may be contested entailing acrimonious litigation involving nasty court battles)

Are there any other “customers” who are affected by the divorce – like children, parents, relatives etc…?

Or maybe – are there any lover(s) of the husband/wife – who are interested in the divorce – since the lover(s) want to marry the husband/wife after they get divorced…?

What are the perspectives of these “customers”…?

Do the children want their parents to divorce – or – are they opposed to it…?

What about the parents of the husband and wife – and their relatives and friends…?

What are their perspectives in this divorce situation…?

In this divorce situation – you may be either the husband – or you may be the wife – but – before you make your decision – you must introspect with vicarious empathy – and try to envisage, comprehend and appreciate the perspectives of all “customers” – both “primary” (you and your spouse) – and “secondary” (children, parents, relatives, friends, lovers etc.)

Perspectives may differ among “customers” – primary and secondary.

For example – a husband may want a divorce – but the wife may not want a divorce – and – vice versa.

Even among children, parents, relatives etc. – there may be various perspectives.

You may introspect and evaluate various perspectives – and assess whether they are “justified” or not.

As far as the main “customers” (husband/wife) are concerned – there are two types of divorce:

1. “Pull” Divorce – your attraction for someone else is the reason for you wanting to divorce your spouse – in order to enable you to marry/cohabit with your “lover”.

2. “Push” Divorce – some internal issues are “pushing” you out of your marriage – incompatibility issues, infidelity/cruelty/insanity/impotence/alcoholism of spouse etc. – which are causing irretrievable breakdown of your marital relationship – and “pushing” you out of marriage.

Is your divorce – a “pull’ divorce – or – a “push” divorce…?

Are you being “pulled” out of your marriage…?

Or – are you being “pushed” out of your marriage…?

Think about it – do you really want to breakup your marriage…? 

Think about all the other “customers” and their perspectives – before you take a decision.

In one case of “amicable” divorce by mutual consent – the divorcing parents did not anticipate the extent to which their teenage daughter would get upset by their divorce – the daughter became rebellious and wayward and took to drugs and was psychologically scarred for life.

In another case – the mother (of the divorced wife) went on a guilt trip and blamed herself for the divorce of her daughter thinking that she hadn’t brought up her daughter well.

Where the marriage is an arranged one – the parents of the divorced couple may get upset.

Remember – there are a lot of “customers” who will be affected by your decision to divorce – and – there may be a lot of “collateral damage” because of your divorce.

So – you must take a soft holistic “systemic” view – before you take a final decision.

ACTORS

Actors include all the persons/agencies involved in the divorce process – counsellors, lawyers, family courts etc.

They too have their own perspectives.

For Example – a marriage counsellor may try to “save” the marriage.

Divorce Lawyers will try to “win” the case and get the best “deal and maximum “benefits” for their “client”.

The Family Court will have a “legal” perspective.

TRANSFORMATION PROCESS

This is the process which “transforms” a marriage into a divorce – the lawful procedure to split the legal bond between husband and wife.

Different countries and different religions may have different divorce procedures.

You have to consider the perspectives of the “transformation process” – under which law were you married – on what grounds are you seeking divorce – various aspects like alimony/maintenance, property distribution, children’s custody etc.

WELTANSCHAUUNG

Weltanschauung (World View) on Divorce will vary depending on the prevailing culture of the society to which you belong or the place you live in.

In “modern” societies – divorce is easily acceptable – and indeed – a part of life.

In “conservative” societies – divorce may carry a “stigma” – not only for the divorcees – but for their children, parents and siblings/relatives of the divorcees as well. 

In “dogmatic” societies – perspectives may be even more rigid, harsh and unsympathetic – maybe gender-biased too – and divorcees may even be “ostracized”.

Before you take a decision to divorce – you must consider the Weltanschauung (World View) on how divorce is perceived in your society – and introspect on the likely social ramifications of divorce – and – once you take a decision to divorce – you must be prepared for the repercussions.

(As an aside – you may be surprised to know this – but – many years ago – in the “cantonment culture” of the military – divorce was frowned upon. Maybe – this was due to the vestiges of the “Victorian” culture of the colonial days of the British Raj…)

OWNER

The “owner” is the entity who has the formal power to stop the divorce.

This depends on place to place.

Can courts stop a divorce…?

In ethnic societies – can community leaders stop a divorce…?

In some countries – can religious authorities stop a divorce…?

Well – I request experts to please throw some light on this aspect – about – who has the formal power/authority to stop a divorce.

ENVIRONMENTAL CONSTRAINTS/IMPOSITIONS

Do you live in a modern urban metropolis or cosmopolitan city…?

Or – do you live in the “mofussil” – in a rural town or village…? 

Do you live in a Joint Family…?

Or – are you a Nuclear Family living all by yourself…?

Are you financially independent…?

Is your environment safe for a divorced “single” person…?  

Which country do you live in…?

Well – though Environment is linked to Weltanschauung (World View) – there is a slight difference.

Weltanschauung (World View) is connected with “culture” – whereas – Environmental Constraints encompass other “administrative” aspects and support systems for day-to-day “ease of living” - especially for divorcees and single parent families.

ETHICAL DIVORCE

Once you have identified and categorized all “stakeholders” affected by your decision to divorce – and analyzed their perspectives – you will now be better equipped to take an ethical and informed decision to divorce or not to divorce. 

Dear Reader – I would love to hear your views and feedback. Please comment here or on Social Media (Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn) 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 

1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This is a fictional spoof, satire, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Story for Holi

Tomorrow – Dear Friends – is the festival of Holi.

Holi is associated with Humor and free-for-all fun and frolic. 

Here is a “Memoir” from my Navy Days – apt for the occasion...

STORY FOR HOLI 

Mickey Finn 

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

Naval Academy Cochin (now called Kochi)

Mid 1970’s 

WHY DID YOU JOIN THE NAVY…? 

The moment we reported to the Naval Academy (NAVAC) at Cochin (Kochi) – we were asked the quintessential question: 

“Why did you join the Navy…?”

Most of us gave unimaginative stereotyped answers which everyone had heard before.

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was different.

Sub Lieutenant “M” said: 

“I joined the Navy to drink good Booze...”

(Those days – the Junior-most Officer Rank in the Army/Navy/Air Force was Second Lieutenant (2^nd/Lt), Acting Sub Lieutenant (Ag Sub Lt) and Pilot Officer (P/O) respectively. 

In the year 2004 – thanks to the AVS Cadre Review Bonanza – this junior-most officer rank was abolished – and Defence Officers were commissioned directly as Lieutenants/Sub Lieutenants/Flying Officers in the Army/Navy/Air Force respectively – which were the ranks above the erstwhile “2^nd Lt”/“Ag Sub Lt”/“Pilot Officer” – the lowest officer ranks earlier) 

Dear Reader: After this digression – let me start telling you the story again: 

The moment we reported to Naval Academy (NAVAC) Cochin (Kochi) – we were asked the quintessential question: 

“Why did you join the Navy…?”

Most of us gave unimaginative stereotyped answers which everyone had heard before.

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was different.

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” said: 

“I joined the Navy to drink good Booze...”

“What did you say...?” the Officer-in-charge bellowed at Acting Sub Lieutenant “M”

Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” nonchalantly said: 

“Sir – I said that I joined the Navy to drink good booze...” 

The Officer-in-charge and Staff Officers of NAVAC thought that Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was joking. 

But – Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” was dead serious. 

He had indeed joined the Navy to drink good booze.

We were “University Entry Officers”.

We were selected via the “University Entry Scheme” (UES) – an “Earn while you Learn” Recruitment Scheme – which was highly successful in attracting the best Engineering Talent.

Under the UES – Navy Selection Teams visited premier Engineering Colleges/IITs/RECs (NITs) at the beginning of our pre-final year – and they interviewed and shortlisted suitable candidates – who had to appear before a Services Selection Board (SSB) at Allahabad, Bhopal or Bangalore.

Those selected by the SSB – and found medically fit – were offered a commission as an Officer in the Navy from the beginning of their final year of Engineering.

So – we were Naval Officers drawing handsome pay during our final year of Engineering – owing to which we enjoyed great prestige and relative affluence as compared to our fellow student classmates.

On completion of our B. Tech. / BE courses – we joined the Naval Academy – for Basic and Divisional (B&D) Training.

We had heard that – during his final year in Engineering College – “M” had taken his appointment letter (as an officer in the Indian Navy) to a Military Unit near his college – and he had managed to get a Liquor Card from the Unit CSD Canteen which enabled him to enjoy his full “Booze Quota” of “Military Rum” during his final year of Engineering.

Coming back to the Naval Academy – on our very first “liberty” a month after joining training – while we headed for Movie Halls and Restaurants in Ernakulam Town – Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” rushed to nearest Bar to get gloriously drunk.

In fact – “M” enjoyed himself so much – downing peg after peg of Rum – to “cure” his “thirst” – that he passed out “dead drunk” in the Bar.

Luckily for “M” – a “Good Samaritan” saw his Navy ID Card.

The “Good Samaritan” carried the blissfully “comatose” Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” into his car – then he drove down to the Naval Base – and deposited “M” outside the OOD’s Office.

This episode resulted in some heavy “punishments” and “restrictions” for “M” – including cancellation of his “liberty” (“shore leave” in Navy Jargon) till the end of the term.

The “powers-that-be” realized that Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” meant business – as far as his reason for joining the Navy was concerned.

However – “M” was not to be deterred from his aim. 

And – within a few days – he used his initiative to get access to booze.

As I told you – we were already Officers when we joined the Naval Academy (NAVAC) – and we were drawing full pay and allowances.

So – we dined in the Officers’ Wardroom – the Southern Naval Area (SNA) Wardroom Officers’ Mess.

[Yes – those days it was a Naval Area – not a Naval Command. A few years later – SNA was upgraded to SNC (Southern Naval Command)...]

Of course – since we were not allowed to wear stripes during training – we dined in a separate “Gun Room” – but – we were full-fledged members of the Wardroom Officers Mess.

There were no “free” authorized rations those days – so – as officers – we paid for our food – unlike cadets – who dined in cadet dining halls in the Academy and got free food.

During Basic Training – we were not officially allowed to drink liquor – but we were permitted to smoke – and we bought our cigarettes at the Wardroom Bar by signing chits – since we were full-fledged members of the Wardroom Mess.

On working day evenings – we dined in “Red Sea Rig” uniform.

On Weekends/Sundays/Holidays – we were permitted to wear “civvies”.

One Sunday evening – while we were buying cigarettes at the Bar – “M” asked the steward for a Large Peg of Rum – and – with confident flourish – “M” signed a chit for the Rum.

The steward served “M” a Large Peg of Rum.

It was as simple as that.

From then on – every evening – “M” would sneak out from his cabin during the pre-dinner “Study Hour” – and head for the Wardroom Bar for his daily quota of Rum – and then – after quickly downing a few pegs of Rum “down-the-hatch” – “M” would  join us for dinner in the “Gun Room”.

Once our Basic Training was over – and we passed out of the Naval Academy – we could officially drink all the liquor we wanted to – especially top class premium “duty free” foreign liquor on ships.

For Acting Sub Lieutenant “M” – the choicest “duty free” foreign liquor was a bonanza – the very raison d’être – for which he had joined the Navy. 

“M” had a great time in the Navy – especially on board ships – drinking all the booze he wanted to his heart’s content – fully realising his cardinal aim of joining the Navy –> “I joined the Navy to drink good Booze...”

10 Years Later 

IAT Girinagar Pune 

Mid 1980’s

“M” enjoyed his bachelor days “soaked in alcohol” – imbibing all the booze he could lay his hands on.

For “M” – it was the happiest time of his life – and the Navy was the best thing that had happened to him.

Sadly – one day – “M” got married.

And – even worse – “M” got a “tough cookie” teetotaller wife – who cracked down heavily on his drinking.

In fact – his redoubtable wife banned alcohol in the house – and she kept an “eagle eye” on her husband at parties.

So – “M” would surreptitiously gulp a few quick “down-the-hatch” pegs of Rum whenever he got an opportunity – followed by some cardamom (Elaichi) to mask the smell of alcohol.

A few years later – “M” landed up as a “student” for an advanced specialization course at IAT Girinagar Pune – where I was his instructor.

Every evening – “M” would tell his wife that he wanted to “clear some doubts” about the subject I was teaching him – and he would land up in my house.

Of course – there were no academic “doubts” he wanted cleared.

“M” would have three quick pegs of Rum at my place.

And then – “M” would head home feeling “high” and “happy”.

When his wife questioned him on his “happy” state – “M” would plead that I was his instructor – and I had offered him a drink. 

“M” told his wife I would get annoyed if he refused my generous offer of a drink – and this may affect his grades in the course.

M’s wife blamed me for “spoiling” her husband.

One day – M’s wife had her revenge on me.

On Holi evening – I was taking a long evening walk to sober up from the boisterous drunken Holi celebrations in the morning. 

M’s wife waved out to me – and – she called me to her lawn.

“M” was probably sleeping inside – “dead drunk”.

While celebrating Holi with full gusto – “M” had “passed out” in the morning after surreptitiously downing huge amounts of a deadly cocktail of  “Rum and Beer”. 

(“M” had taken advantage of the fact that his “beloved” wife had magnanimously permitted “M” to have one bottle of Beer – as a special case for the occasion of HOLI 

So – “M” had heavily “fortified” his Beer with plenty of Rum – he had poured almost half a bottle of Rum into his bottle of Beer. 

After imbibing this huge amount of booze in a short time – “M” got totally drunk – and soon – “M” collapsed unconscious into drunken stupor – and he had to be carried home...) 

Coming back to our story...

On HOLI evening – when I was taking a long evening walk to sober up from the boisterous morning celebrations – M’s wife waved out to me and she called me to her lawn. 

“M” was probably sleeping inside – still in drunken stupor – after his “glorious” Holi “celebration” in the morning. 

I walked across the lawn to the M’s wife.

M’s wife looked charmingly at me.

“You drank too much in the morning. I will give you something really good to cure your hangover...” M’s wife said with a tender smile.

I accepted her kind invitation.

M’s wife asked me to sit on a chair in the verandah – and then – she went inside.

After some time – M’s wife emerged from kitchen – and – with an innocent smile – she served me a glass of Khus “Sherbet” cool drink.

What I did not know was that M’s wife had laced the cool green Khus “Sherbet” with a heavy dose of “Bhang”.

Yes – M’s wife had spiked the cool drink with deadly intoxicating “Bhang”  (cannabis) 

M’s wife had slipped me a potent “Mickey Finn”.

And – I naively drank the “Bhang” spiked cool drink. 

Yes – I unsuspectingly drank the intoxicating “Bhang” spiked “Sherbet”. 

Soon – the “Bhang” started having effect – and I started feeling “high”. 

I wondered why M’s wife was giving me such a “sweet” smile…? 

Was she trying to...??? 

Dear Reader: 

What do you think happened thereafter…?

Well – that’s another story…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This is a fictional spoof, satire, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Updated, Abridged and Revised Version of My Story WHY DID YOU JOIN THE NAVY posted online by me on November 16, 2015 in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/why-did-you-join-navy-humor-in-uniform.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/01/humor-in-uniform-why-acting-sub.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/humor-in-uniform-why-did-you-join-navy.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/humor-in-uniform-my-coursemate-m.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2018/03/a-humor-in-uniform-story-on-occasion-of.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/03/mickey-finn-story-from-my-navy-days-for.html  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/10/31/humor-in-uniform-unforgettable-characters-i-met-in-the-navy-sub-lieutenant-m/ etc