How to Build Trust and Reduce Trust Deficit

This is an updated version my article How to Build Trust and Reduce Trust Deficit written by me 30 years ago in the early 1990s for a print journal. The article has been suitably edited for easy reading on the digital screen.

TRUST DEFICIT 

“Old Fogies” like me feel dismayed at the increasing TRUST DEFICIT in all spheres of life, at both the macro and micro level. 

It seems that no one trusts each other. 

This trust deficit is visible at all levels, in organizations, in politics, in personal relationships too.

I am quite an open person. 

My well-wishers often scold me: 

“Why do you tell everything about yourself to everyone...?” 

“To build trust...” I say. 

Yes – “Self Disclosure” builds Trust. 

On the other hand – “Secrecy” breeds Mistrust. 

Trust is most important in all relationships – Personal, Professional and Social. 

Trust is especially important in Marriage. 

In fact – Trust is more important that Love. 

“Should you tell your would-be spouse everything about your past...?”

“Should you share your sexual past with your soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your would-be spouse about your “ex”...?”

The answers are obvious – you should tell your would-be spouse everything.

But – does everyone do so...? 

Trust matters on Social Media too. 

Those who disclose more about themselves are trusted more than those who are secretive or try to hide behind anonymity. 

Here is an article I wrote many years ago on “How to Build Trust and Reduce Trust Deficit”... 

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HOW TO BUILD TRUST IN RELATIONSHIPS (AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT)

Trust Management Using JOHARI WINDOW

By

VIKRAM KARVE

From my Academic (Management Lecture) Archives:

For many years – I used to teach and lecture on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management – especially in project management – and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional – at home and at work – is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT. 

So, a few years ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW. 

On request from an erstwhile student of mine – I am re-posting the article on application of the JOHARI WINDOW in reducing TRUST DEFICIT – which I had written long back based on my management lectures – and which I had posted on my blog a few years ago.

As always – I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback.

TRUST MATTERS

I trust people.

Depending on the way you look at it, one of my chief virtues (or shortcomings) is that I trust people. 

That is why it is easy for anyone to take me for a ride, and make an “April Fool” of me, as so many have done.

Yes – I have a trusting nature.

That’s why I did not try my hand at business.

By nature – I am an honest, straightforward, outspoken person and I like to be transparent.

I am not a “smooth operator”.

I do not have the “talent” to indulge in one-upmanship.

I do not possess the “tact” to be opaque, secretive and “diplomatic”.

It is because of my trusting nature that have I avoided taking up a profession where one has to put on a mask of pretense, hide things, indulge in mendacity and be Machiavellian to succeed.

In the Navy of yesteryear – we trusted each other.

Yes – Naval Officers of the “old-mould” attached great value to Trust.

In fact – mutual trust was the main factor on which the Navy system worked.

On a ship – everyone trusted the Captain – and – the Captain in turn trusted his officers and crew.

Sailors trusted Officers –and – in return – Officers trusted Sailors.

It has been my experience that trust is the key ingredient in any relationship, personal or professional – and – it is always best to associate with trustworthy individuals.

Trust is greater than Love.

That is why arranged marriages based on trust may be more enduring than marriages based purely on love.

Trust matters a lot at work too.

One of the plus points I experienced in my career in the Navy was the atmosphere of trust which made work stress-free, productive and enjoyable.

I feel that trust is the bedrock of a good relationship.

This is why “old fogies” like me feel dismayed at the increasing TRUST DEFICIT in all spheres of life, at both the macro and micro level.

It seems that no one trusts each other.

Opposition Parties do not trust the Government and vice versa.

There is mutual trust deficit between the military and bureaucrats. 

Organizations do not trust each other.

Bosses do not trust their subordinates and junior do not trust their seniors.

Even in personal relationships, trust deficit is on the rise.

Husbands and wives do not trust each other.

Parents do not trust their children and children do not trust their parents.

There is trust deficit between teachers and students too.

I do not know whether it is true, but a young Naval Officer told me that nowadays there is increasing Trust Deficit in the Navy too and he has seen cases where even course-mates do not trust each other.

The moot question, therefore, is: 

Can this problem of Trust Deficit be tackled and mitigated?

Are there any methods to reduce Trust Deficit?

Well, let me suggest one method – JOHARI WINDOW

For many years I have taught and lectured on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management, especially in project management and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional, at home and at work, is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT.

 

So, a few months ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW.

On the request of some of my friends I am posting the article below once again. 

As always, I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback. 

TRUST and RELATIONSHIPS

“Should I tell my would-be spouse everything about my past?”

“Should I share my sexual past with my soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your spouse about your ex?”

These are common questions which arise in the minds of young people and you can see so many about-to-be married youngsters asking similar questions to “agony aunts”.

Conventional wisdom says that the answer is: 

“Yes. It is best to be open and honest with your spouse. Be transparent and do not hide anything. There should be no secrets between husband and wife.”

But – to my surprise – I have seen some “agony aunts” giving advice that “being totally honest may not always be desirable and it would be wise to hide your past affairs”...

I find this quite shocking. 

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship – especially a lifelong relationship like marriage – in fact – trust is the cement that bonds the marriage. 

Once trust is broken – the “cement” holding together the bonds will disintegrate – and the marriage will collapse like a pack of cards. 

How can you build a marriage on the foundations of mistrust...?

There is one more danger if you hide things and keep secrets from your spouse. 

You will forever live under the “Fear of being Found Out”...

The “fear of being found out” is a terrible fear – which causes great internal stress which can be detrimental to your health – both physical and mental. 

This – in turn – will adversely affect the marital relationship.

Trust deficit has the potential to totally destroy a relationship, and even if it does not totally destroy a relationship, trust deficit will certainly inhibit the relationship from realizing its full potential.

There was a Marathi Serial a few years ago on Zee TV Marathi called Tu Tithe Mee which depicts the dangers of hiding your past from your spouse. 

The story of Tu Tithe Mee portrays in dramatic fashion how a marriage can crumble once a husband unexpectedly finds out secrets about his wife’s past life that his wife has hidden from him.

The story shows how even the smallest seed of mistrust can amplify into a demon of suspicion and create huge distrust which can shake the very foundations of marriage.

It is not only in marriage – but – trust is the essential ingredient in any successful relationship. 

Whether that relationship is between two people, between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, between friends, between parents and children, between relatives, between neighbours and acquaintances or within a family.

Even at the Workplace – for optimal functioning – Trust is a must between boss and subordinate – between peers and colleagues – in project teams – in business and partnerships – in Customer Relationship Management (CRM) – and – all professional relationships.

In many cases – employers are secretive – and employees hide things from their employers – because of Trust Deficit. 

One example of Trust Deficit is the prevailing trend of “Pay Secrecy” in the Private Sector – particularly in MNCs and the IT industry.

In our daily life in Society too, whether it be in the social community, in sports teams, and at schools and colleges, between teachers and students, or a relationship in any facet of life – Trust Deficit can be detrimental.

At the macro level too – trust between the citizens and the government is essential for effective and efficient functioning of governance. 

Trust is the cardinal element that allows the relationship to function effectively.

That is why it is sad to see “Trust Deficit” everywhere. 

People do not trust each other anymore. 

Yes – we humans do not implicitly trust each other now-a-days. 

You can see absolute and total trust only in canine-human relationships – yes – dogs unconditionally trust their human masters and and most human beings trust their pet dogs too.

How can we reduce Trust Deficit...? 

How can we enhance Mutual Trust...?

Well – there is a management tool called JOHARI WINDOW which can help. 

HOW TO USE THE JOHARI WINDOW TO ENHANCE MUTUAL TRUST AND TO REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT

The concept of the Johari Window is relatively simple. 

Assume that you are the wife (self).

There are things about yourself that you know and there are things about yourself that you don’t know.

Also, there are things about you that your husband knows and there are things about you that your husband does not know.

Now it is the same with your husband (other). 

There are things about himself that he knows and there are things about himself that he does not know. 

Also, there are things about him that you know and there are things about him that you don’t know.

Now put yourself in the place of Self and put your husband in the place of Other and have a look at the picture below (called Johari Window based on contraction of the names Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham who developed this tool to help people understand and improve their interpersonal relationships). 

The TRUST in a relationship is directly proportional to the OPEN Area 

The other areas (HIDDEN, BLIND AND UNKNOWN) are sources of TRUST DEFICIT. 

Hence, in order to enhance TRUST  and reduce TRUST DEFICIT all you have to do is to increase the OPEN area (also called Arena) and reduce the HIDDEN Area (also called Facade) by Disclosure (Telling) and also reduce the BLIND area (also called Blind Spot) by obtaining Feedback (Asking). 

The UNKNOWN Area will also start reducing over time as the bonds of your mutual relationships become stronger and stronger and you get to know each other better and better.

TELL (disclosure) each other and ASK (feedback) each other and COMMUNICATE(give yourself interactive TIME together) to reduce the hidden, blind and unknown areas respectively.


 



Here is how the Johari Windows will look Before and After :


BEFORE

JOHARI WINDOW AT THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP 

[Open Area or Arena Represents TRUST and the other three areas (Blind, Facade, Unknown) represent TRUST DEFICIT]

AFTER

JOHARI WINDOW AFTER YOU WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP

[Notice how the Open Area of Arena (TRUST) has increased and the other three areas (TRUST DEFICIT) are reduced]

So now you know what you must do in order to reduce Trust Deficit in a relationship.

Whether it is a home or at work or any other relationship.  

Just sit together and work on JOHARI Window. 

Both of you must use Self Disclosure and Feedback to enhance Mutual Trust and reduce Trust Deficit and consequently improve your relationship. 

After you succeed in a one-on-one (two person) situation, you can extend this technique to multiple participants too.

This works for me. 

Why don’t you try out the JOHARI WINDOW and see if it works for you. 

Try it out with your boss and colleagues at work. 

If you are in the service industry try it out with your customers, and if you are in business, try it out in your business relationships.

Try it out at home with your spouse and kids. 

If you are in a relationship, try it out with your boyfriend or girlfriend while dating and courting and having a relationship. 

When you make friends, remember that deep friendships based on Mutual Trust are more enduring and truly fulfilling than superficial “Hail-Fellow-Well-Met” type of casual friendships.

Did it work...? 

Did the Johari Window Technique help build trust and reduce trust deficit...? 

What was your experience...?

Dear Reader: Please comment - I look forward to your views and feedback. 

_______

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views. Please do your own due diligence while applying these techniques.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 

This is a repost of my article TRUST DEFICIT written by me around 30 years ago in the early 1990s and posted by me Vikram Karve online earlier at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/07/trust-deficit.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/johari-window-how-to-reduce-trust.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/01/trust-matters-how-to-build-trust-and.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/how-to-build-trust-in-relationships.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2018/02/how-to-build-trust.html  and https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/03/how-to-build-trust-and-reduce-trust.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/11/relationship-management-how-to-build.html and https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2021/01/how-to-build-trust-and-reduce-trust.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2021/05/how-to-build-trust-and-reduce-trust.html etc 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Success “Mantra”

SELF HELP

________

 

SUCCESS “MANTRA”

How to “succeed” in your career

Tips by Vikram Karve

_______

 

PROLOGUE

_______

Tips on “How to Succeed” are best written by “Failures”.

If you have failed to succeed – in hindsight – you can introspect – and discover why you “failed” – and – why others “succeeded”.

I am a “failure” – I have “failed” in almost all aspects of life – personal and professional.

That’s why I keep giving “tips” in the numerous “self-help” articles I write on various aspects of life – and try to enunciate them in my fiction stories too.

As far as my Navy Career was concerned – I was “passed over” for promotion – or – to put it metaphorically – I “fell by the wayside”.

So – let me “pontificate” on “how to succeed in your career”.

Though I learnt this “truth” the hard way in the Navy – I feel this applies to all professions and organizations – civil, military, bureaucracy, academia, corporate, business – even politics.

________

 

IS PERFORMANCE THE KEY TO SUCCESS…?

________

I thought that factors like performance, diligence, professional competence, hard work, delivering results etc. were the key to success.

I was wrong.

My classmates, my course-mates, my shipmates, my work colleagues, my juniors, and, even my seniors – they will vouch for my professional proficiency, work competence, sincerity, ingenuity and consistent performance.

In fact – even after I was superseded for promotion – and I had no external motivation to perform well at my job – I performed superbly and delivered results in whatever job I was entrusted with.

However – on the whole – it can be said that I “failed” in my career – since – in the navy (and military) – getting promoted to high rank is the only measure of career success.

It is, therefore, quite clear that performance does not guarantee success in your career.

Then – what is the key to success…?

The answer – “Patronage”.

________

 

PATRONAGE

________

When I observed those who had “succeeded” – I realized that most of them had powerful “patrons” who helped them rise in their careers.

Some “patrons” were unashamedly visible – and – in some cases the “patronage” was more subtle.

I have observed – that in all walks of life – having a “patron” is a much more effective way to success than conventional ways like diligence, competence and performance etc.

______

(A “patron” is someone higher than you in your organization who can help you rise in your career)

______

So – if you want to “succeed” in your career – you must acquire a “patron” as early as possible in your career.

Professional Competence and Performance alone (without “patronage”) may not be sufficient to guarantee “success” – but – if your job performance is excellent and you have a strong “patron” too – then it is a winning combination.

Yes – the combination of “Performance + Patronage” will ensure great “success” in your career.

However – sometimes – mere “Patronage” can help you rise in your career – as I have observed in many cases.  

So – if you want to succeed in your career – wherever you are – you must acquire a “patron” as early as possible in your career.

_______

 

HOW TO ACQUIRE A “PATRON”

_______

When you join an organization – the first thing you must do is to acquire a “patron”.

As I said earlier – a “patron” is a person higher than you in the organizational hierarchy who can help you rise in your career.

So:

1. Firstly – your “patron” must be at a higher position than you in the organizational hierarchy

and

2. Secondly – and most importantly – your “patron” must be in a position to help you rise in your career – your “patron” must have the power and clout to help you in your career.

_______

Sometimes – to start with – your boss may be a suitable “patron”.

Or – if your boss himself has no clout in the organization – or – is “out of favour” with the “top brass” – then your boss may a liability as a “patron”.

You need to find the best “patron” who can help you rise in your career.

Once you have done your “research” and found out a suitable “patron” – you need to “motivate” the “patron”.

There is a saying:

“An unmotivated patron is no patron”.

Your “patron” must have something to gain by helping you.

On the other hand – your “patron” must have something to lose by not helping you.

What is it that you can give your “patron”…?

How can you “motivate” your “patron” to help you…”

Think about it.

If you observe – you will see many examples of how people “motivate” their “patrons” – some “pleasant” – and some “sleazy” – some “bizarre”.

_____

Dear Reader – please don’t confuse “patronage” with “friendship”.

Friendship is different from the relationship between a patron and his protégé.

In friendship – there is no “quid pro quo” – you help a friend without expecting anything in return.

In the patron-protégé relationship – there is always a “quid pro quo” or some mutual benefit to both – tangible or intangible. It is transactional relationship.

________

 

BE “FLEXIBLE” IN CHANGING PATRONS

________

You must have your antennas up and ears to the ground about the fortunes of your “patrons” and be adept at changing patrons – if the need arises.

Suppose you realize that your “patron” can no longer help you rise in your career – you must “dump” him and quickly find a new “patron”.

Remember – if your “patron” falls out of favour with the “top brass” – you may be “victimized” – if you are branded as being in his “coterie”.

Or – your “patron” may leave the organization – or be transferred.

You must be adept at switching patrons when the need arises.

______

(In the Military/Navy – your boss is “useful” to you as long as he is writing your ACR – so – it is wise to practice “ACR Patronage”…)

______

 

HAVE MULTIPLE “PATRONS”

______

“Patronage” is “synergistic” in nature.

The combined effect of multiple patrons is much more than the sum of individual effect of each patron.

This is because all your patrons will discuss your “qualities” among themselves and this will reinforce your “spoken reputation” which will greatly help your career prospects.

Also – having multiple patrons makes it easy for you to dump a patron who has ceased to be useful to you.

One has to be ruthless – there is no concept of loyalty in patronage.

I had said earlier that “patronage” and “friendship” are different.

Loyalty is important in friendship – but – in patronage it is “quid pro quo” – tangible or intangible.

There is no “ethics’ in patronage – it is only “utility value”.

______

 

PATRONAGE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS

______

If you look carefully – you will observe that patronage is the key to success in most walks of life – politics, business, corporate, industry, academia, bureaucracy, even in the military.

Blood Relationships – or acquired relationships via marriage or acquaintance [old-school-tie, alumni, institutional and regimental loyalties, caste, creed, linguistic, social and regional groups, same-place-types, similar interests groups (golf, racing, hobbies etc.)] – these types of “Nepotism Patronage” seems quite prevalent.

If you have a parent or “blood relation” as a patron it is good – otherwise you can marry the daughter or son of a “top brass” in order to win his “patronage”.

You must have seen some “sleazy” and “slimy” ways of winning “patronage” – and some “debauched” and “immoral” ways too.

I shall leave this to your observation and imagination – and I shall not bore you with my “pontification”.

However – in a subsequent blog post – I shall tell you about some bizarre and unique ways of acquiring “patrons” – that I observed during my long Navy Career.

_______ 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

3. E&OE

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

________

Short Fiction – The Woman in the Park

SHORT FICTION 

_____ 

THE WOMAN IN THE PARK

Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

_____

 

My name is Nisha.

I am a woman – 35 years old – I am happily married to a wonderful man – and – I have two children – a boy (9 years old) – and a girl (6 years old) – a perfect family.

A few days ago – my husband relocated abroad – to take up a lucrative job offer – and – I decided to stay back in Pune for the sake of my children’s education.

As per my routine – early in the morning – after putting my children in the school bus at 7 AM – I went to the park for my morning walk.

After half an hour of brisk walking – I sat on a bench to meditate – when – I saw a woman walking towards me.

Her face was familiar – she lived in our building – and – every morning – I saw her walking in the park too.

But – as it is in urban society – with her – it was a “hail-fellow well-met” type of superficial acquaintanceship – rather than a close friendship.

“May I sit down…?” she asked me, “I want to talk to you…”

“Of course – please sit…” I said – taken aback – wondering what she wanted to talk to me.

I shifted a bit – to make enough place for her on the bench.

“I heard that your husband has relocated abroad…?” she asked me – and she named the country where my husband has gone.

“Yes…” I said, “he went last week…”

“And you…? When are you going to join him over there…?” she asked me.

“I am going to stay here in Pune…” I said to her.

“Oh – but why…?” she asked me.

“For children’s education…” I said to her.

“Your children can go to school over there…” she said to me.

“We felt that it would be best if our children were educated over here…” I said to her, “my children study in the best school in Pune…”

“But there are good schools over there…” she said, “you can even put your children in an international school…”

I wondered how the woman knew so much about that place.

The woman seemed to have read my mind – she gave me a canny smile before speaking.

“I know what you are thinking – how do I know so much about that place – well – my husband worked there for 15 years…” she said to me.

“Oh…” I said to her, “so – you have lived there…?”

“No – I made the same mistake that you are making now…” she said to me.

“Mistake…?” I asked her.

“Yes – just like you – I stayed back in Pune for my children’s education – and my husband lived there alone – we had a long-distance relationship for 15 years…” she said to me.

“Oh…” I said – wondering why she was telling me all this.

“I must have been around your age when my husband went abroad – and – just like you – I had two school-going children – a boy and a girl – of roughly the same ages as your children…” she said to me.

“That’s good…” I said – maybe she was telling me all this because she saw a bit of her younger self in me.

The woman looked at me – into my eyes – and spoke.

“When you are young and married – it is not wise to let your husband live separately – all alone – in a foreign land…” she said to me.

I felt a bit peeved at her insinuation.

“My husband is a virtuous man – I am sure he won’t have an affair…” I said to her.

“I am not talking about that – I am talking about something else…” she said.

“Something else…?” I asked her – curious.

“Your husband may learn to live alone…” she said to me.

“Learn to live alone…?” I said – a bit bemused – wondering what she was trying to tell me.

“If you let your husband stay alone – he may learn to live with himself – and after some time – he may start preferring to live with himself – like it happened to my husband…” she said.

“Isn’t that a good thing…?” I asked her.

“It depends. If you are loner – a person who doesn’t need the company of people – it is okay – but if you are an emotionally needy person – like me – it will become difficult for you – later in life – when your children go away – and – you are left alone with your husband – and – he doesn’t “need” you…” she said.

“I really don’t understand…” I said to her.

She pointed to a man walking in the park.

“That is my husband…” she said, “he prefers to walk alone – even at home – he likes his solitude – living alone for so many years had made him independent – he doesn’t need me – but – I need him…” she said.

“He must be giving you everything – looking after your needs…” I said to her.

“I am not talking about material needs – I am talking about emotional needs. As I told you – I am an emotionally needy person. First – we were living happily together – my husband, me and our two children – those days – we were a nice close-knit happy family – and my emotional needs were fully satisfied – then – when my husband went abroad – my children satisfied my emotional needs – but now – my children have flown away from the “nest” – pursuing their own careers abroad – and though my husband has retired and we are physically living together – emotionally – I am all alone and I feel lonely – since my husband has learnt to live with himself and doesn’t need me – in fact – sometimes I feel that he doesn’t want me around…” she said – with a wistful look.

I looked at her – I didn’t know what to say.

“I am sorry for telling you all this…” the woman said to me, “but I felt that you are making the same mistake that I made many years ago. Of course – in your case – the long-distance relationship may work perfectly. I wish you all the best. You just forget whatever I told you – please consider it as the gibberish of an old woman…” she said to me.

Then – the woman gave me a warm smile – she got up from the bench – and – she walked away.

I pulled out my smartphone – I called my husband – and I told him that I had decided to join him over there – the children could study in the international school over there – and – we would all live together as a family.

He was delighted.

“What made you suddenly change your mind…?” my husband asked me.

“I don’t want you to learn to live with yourself…” I said to him – in a loving voice.

______ 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

3. E&OE

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Humor : Family Planning : Unfinished Story

Humor  

________

“FAMILY PLANNING”

Fiction Short Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

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Circa 1970’s

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PART 1

HORNY

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“They are not going to chop off your balls…” I said to Horny, “it’s just a minor incision…”

“No. No. I don’t want to do it…” Horny pleaded, in an apprehensive voice.

“It’s not “castration” – it’s a simple vasectomy…” I said to him.

“I am enjoying a good sex life…” he said, “I don’t want anyone meddling over there…”

“Your sex life won’t be affected – in fact – your sex life will improve…” I said, trying to assure him.

“Improve…? How…?” he asked, still unconvinced.

“You will ejaculate normally – only – your semen won’t have sperm – so – there will be no fear of pregnancy – so – you can enjoy unrestrained sex…” I said, trying to convince him.

But – Horny wouldn’t budge.

“I don’t want to do this vasectomy operation…” he said, with a tone of finality.

“Okay…” I said, “I’ll have to tell the CO…”

_______

It all started with that letter on “Family Planning” from Headquarters.

The letter said that all married personnel with two or more children were to be “motivated” to get sterilized.

The Commanding Officer (CO) was required to forward a “completion report” within 15 days.

On our ship – there were quite a few potential “candidates” – most had 2 children – a few had 3 children – and “Horny” topped the list with 4 children.

_______

“You’ve got four children…!!!” the CO bellowed at Horny.

“Sir – it’s not my fault…” Horny said to the CO.

“What do you mean “it’s not your fault”…? You made her pregnant – didn’t you…? Or – is someone else screwing your wife…?” the CO shouted at Horny.

“No, Sir – we had 2 daughters – we wanted a son – so – we took a 3^rd chance – and – twins were born – what can I do, Sir – I expected a son – but – I got twins…” Horny said to the CO.

“Twins…? Both daughters…?” the CO asked Horny.

“One Son and One Daughter…” Horny said.

“That’s good. So – your desire to have a son is fulfilled. Now – just get that “family planning operation” done pronto – okay…?” the CO said to Horny.

‘Sir – I don’t want to…” Horny was speaking – when the CO rudely interrupted him.

“What do you mean “You don’t want to”…? You will bloody well have to do it – that’s an order – do you understand…?” the CO hollered at Horny, “Now – get out my sight…”

_______

After Horny had left – the CO looked at me.

“Tell me – “Doc” – what about the others…?” the CO asked me.

“Sir – I have made a list of those with 2 or more children – some have already undergone vasectomy – like you, Sir…” I said to the CO.

“I know that…” the CO shouted, “what about the others…?”

“Sir – all those who are unsterilized – they are being “motivated” – most of them have agreed…” I said to the CO.

“And when are you going to get the job done…? I have to submit a completion report to Headquarters – they are taking it very seriously…” the CO said to me.

“Sir – there is a special sterilization camp in the Dockyard Dispensary tomorrow – I have already spoken to the Medical Officer…” I said to the CO.

“That’s good…” the CO said, “You will personally march all those “eligible” buggers to the Sterilization Camp and get them “chop-chopped” – do you understand…?” the CO said to me.

“Aye Aye, Sir…” I said to the CO, “they are eligible for 3 days SIQ after vasectomy, Sir…”

“Give them 5 days SIQ – I don’t care …” the CO said, “but I want the job done 100% – all buggers with two or more children are to be sterilized by tomorrow evening – I want to be the first CO to send a 100% completion report to Headquarters…”

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Dear Reader – if you are aware of the situation in the 1970’s – when this story happened – you may understand why the CO was so anxious about rendering the “completion report” on implementation of family planning norms.

The family planning drive was enforced with full “enthusiasm”.

At first – “small family norms” were encouraged – and – there were slogans like “Small Family Happy Family and “Hum Do – Humare Do” [We Two (Parents) and Our Two (Children)] etc.

Initially – birth control measures like condoms, contraceptive pills, IUDs (copper-T) etc. were propagated – to have a gap between children – and – sterilization (nasbandi) was encouraged for those with two or more children – and – various incentives like special increments in pay, family planning allowances, subsidies etc. were offered to those who got themselves sterilized.

Later – though on paper – family planning measures were voluntary and there was no forced sterilization – disincentives were introduced to those who refused to adopt “small family norms” – also – “coercive tactics” were sometimes used – and “sterilization targets” were given to organizations.

An example of these “family planning tactics” was the letter which had landed on the CO’s table directing that all married personnel with two or more children were to be “motivated” to get sterilized and a “completion report” was required to be submitted.

It may not be true – but – there were rumors that some organizations had given individual targets to officers – each officer was required to “sponsor” at least two individuals for sterilization otherwise pay was withheld.

In short – there was immense pressure to get all married persons with two or more children adopt permanent family planning measures (sterilization)

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PART 2

“NASBANDI”

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The next evening – after the “sterilization camp” – I reported to the CO.

“Sir – the sterilization drive has been completed successfully – all vasectomy operations were done today…” I said to him.

“Excellent – Well Done…” the CO said to me, “I want you to immediately send a “completion report” that 100% of personnel with two children and above have been sterilized – also – attach a list of those who have been sterilized today at the camp…”

I looked at the CO – hesitating to give him the “bad news”.

“Sir…?” I mumbled – with a bit of trepidation.

“What is it…?” the CO asked me.

“Sir – Horny…” I hesitated.

“What about Horny…?” the CO asked me – raising his eyebrow.

“Sir – he refused to get the vasectomy done…” I said to the CO.

On hearing this – the CO got furious and blew up into angry rage.

“That bugger is going to screw my ACR…” the CO shouted at me.

“Sir – if he doesn’t want to get sterilized – let him be – Sir – I haven’t understood how it going to affect your ACR…” I said to the CO.

“Are you dumb or something…? Next year is my promotion board – this is my last ACR before the promotion board – a critical ACR – we are a large batch of Captains and there are very few vacancies of Rear Admiral – very stiff competition – just one negative point can ruin my chances of promotion – it will look bad to the “higher ups” if I am the only CO has not been able to implement Family Planning directives. Do you understand…?” the CO said to me.

“Yes, Sir…” I said to the CO.

“I don’t want my career ruined just because of one obstinate bugger…” the CO said, “I want Horny to be sterilized tomorrow – I don’t care how you do it – in fact – why don’t you do his vasectomy in the sick bay right now…?”

“Me, Sir…?” I said, surprised.

“Why not…? It’s a simple operation – isn’t it…?” the CO said to me.

“Yes, Sir – but I don’t know if I am authorized…” I was speaking – when the CO interrupted me.

“Then – get the bloody authority – I see in the news that everyone is doing “nasbandi” operations – even nurses – you get hold of that bugger Horny and just do his “nasbandi” – or get it done – the “completion report” must go tomorrow…” the CO said firmly.

“Aye Aye, Sir…” I said to the CO.

“I’ll tell the XO to put some sense into Horny’s head – and – Horny is not to proceed ashore till he is sterilized…” the CO said to me.

“Yes, Sir…” I said to the CO.

I saluted the CO – and – I exited from his cabin.

______

Story to be continued…

______ 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

3. E&OE

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.