Musings on our 35th Wedding Anniversary

MUSINGS ON OUR 35^th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY 

We – my wife and I – we got married on 30 May 1982.

Today – on 30 May 2017 – we complete 35 years of married life – and – we enter the 36^th year of our marital life. 

So – let me introspect on our enduring marriage... 

PROLOGUE 

“LOVE MARRIAGE” versus “ARRANGED MARRIAGE”

A “Love Marriage” happens due to the “Pull Factor”

You are “pulled” into “Love Marriage” due to “mutual attraction”.  

In contrast – “Arranged Marriage” happens due to the “Push Factor” 

You are “pushed” into “Arranged Marriage” due to many factors – internal and external. 

External Factors that “push” you into “Arranged Marriage” may include parental pressure, peer pressure, social pressure etc. 

Internal Factors that “push” you into “Arranged Marriage” may include “anuptaphobia” (fear of remaining unmarried) or security/safety fears etc. 

A “Love Marriage” is more likely to be a happy marriage – since the partners are attracted to each other – and – they love each other – and so – they don’t have to work on their marriage to make it a success – their “mutual attraction” which has pulled them together is likely to make their marriage blossom into a natural relationship of love. 

In contrast – an “Arranged Marriage” has to be “endured” – especially if the partners are mutually incompatible. 

In such conditions – how do you “survive” an arranged marriage...?

How do you have an “enduring” arranged marriage...?

AN “ENDURING” MARRIAGE

Musings on our 35th Wedding Anniversary

By

VIKRAM KARVE

We – my wife and I – we got married on 30 May 1982.

Today – on 30 May 2017 – we complete 35 years of married life – and – we enter the 36^th year of our marital life.

Ours was an arranged marriage.

There was no “love” involved.

We are certainly not a “made for each other” couple.

In fact – we were – and we still are – a terribly incompatible couple.

Many married couples describe their marriages with superlative adjectives.

I once heard a young couple describe their marriage as “awesome”.

Ours is certainly not an “awesome” marriage.

I have married only once – and – therefore – I do not have the extensive experience of many marriages – and – hence – I am not an “Authority” on the subject of “Marriage”.

I do not know whether our marriage is a “happy” marriage.

I am quite happy with my “Better Half”.

But – I do not know whether my “Better Half” is happy with me.

Maybe my wife prefers to continue living with me for “administrative convenience” – since I am quite efficient at managing various domestic matters.

Since our marriage has lasted for so long – it may be best to describe our marriage as a “Durable” Marriage – or – better still – you can call our marriage an “Enduring Marriage” – since we have “endured” each other for 35 years.

I am not going to give my wife a “gift” on the occasion of our 35^th wedding anniversary – and – neither is my wife going to give me any “gift”.

It will be business as usual – my wife will go to work – and – I will attend to my “househusband” duties.

Since today – the 30^th of May 2017 – is a Tuesday – my breadwinner “Better Half” will be working – so – I may march down to the Sweet Shop and get her some of her favourite “Malai Barfi” or some “Rasgullas” – or take her out for a “Romantic” Dinner. 

Since ours is a rather “prosaic” marriage – it is not mandatory for us to indulge in “niceties” like giving each other gifts – or – celebrating occasions like birthdays and anniversaries by ostentatious parties. 

We are not going to say “I love you” to each other.

A love marriage entails mutual obligation to make a show of “love” to each other. 

But – since ours is not a “love” marriage – we are not obligated to make a show of “love” to each other.

We do not indulge in “lovey-dovey” Public Displays of Affection (PDA).

By the way – I once knew a “PDA Couple” who just couldn’t get their hands off each other.

The “passionate” manner in which they would express their love to each other – even in full public view – was most embarrassing for “prudes” like us.

A few years later – I was aghast to learn the “lovey-dovey” marriage of the “PDA Couple” had ended in a bitter divorce.

(I have mentioned the story of the “PDA Couple” in my blog post on “Public Display of Affection” – and – I shall post the story once more in my blog for your perusal)

Coming back to our marriage – we – my wife and I – we do not say “I Love You” at the end of phone conversations

We just “tolerate” each other – and – we continue to co-exist together.

It is like a dog and a cat living together under one roof – they learn to “endure” each other.

If you have lived in a boarding school dormitory, a college hostel or on a Navy Ship – it is easy – since you are accustomed to getting used to whoever is assigned as your room-mate or cabin-mate.

(In “love marriage” you choose your “life mate” – but – in “arranged marriage” you have no such choice – and – have to adjust with whoever is “assigned” to you).

Of course – I have seen some “arranged marriage” couples who later “fall in love” with each other – and – become “soul-mates” – but sadly – we don’t happen to be in that category.

However – 35 years of “much married” relationship has made us quite comfortable with each other – and – yes – we can be totally ourselves with each other without any “masks”.

With my “Better Half” – I can be myself – and – vice versa.

So – we will just wish each other “Happy Wedding Anniversary” – and we will “Bash on Regardless”.

INCOMPATIBLE COUPLE

A few days before our marriage – in mid-May 1982 – I took my “fiancée” on a bike to IAT Pune to personally invite my Navy friends for our wedding on the 30^th of May 1982.

After delivering our wedding invitation cards – we were treated to lunch at the home of one of my closest friends who had also been my shipmate.

He had got married a few months earlier – and – since I was a frequent visitor to their home for food and drink – his wife knew me quite closely – and – she was well aware of my wild hard-drinking ways and love for non-vegetarian food – especially sea-food.

Accordingly – she had cooked chicken and fish dishes – and – she had not bothered to make a vegetarian dish.

So – she was astonished when she learnt that my “fiancée” was a “pure vegetarian”.  

She hurriedly cooked a pure vegetarian dish – and – while she and my “fiancée” were in the kitchen – she observed my “would-be-wife” closely. 

Afterwards – she commented to her husband that our marriage would not last for even 10 days.

My friend landed up on our 10^th wedding anniversary with a bottle of champagne – and – his wife had to eat her words.

But – what the lady had said did have a ring of truth in it.

My wife and I am indeed an incongruous couple – we are poles apart in all aspects.

We have huge differences of opinion on almost all matters – we fight a lot – we criticize each other – we shout at each other – we never hide our feelings especially when we don’t like something – and – we call a spade a spade.

Like I told you – we do not indulge in lovey-dovey Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

We do not say “I Love You” when we end phone conversations.

We don’t indulge in “niceties” like giving each other gifts or celebrating occasions like birthdays and anniversaries.

Ours may be a rather volatile and “loveless” relationship.

But – there is nothing “fake” about our relationship.

Maybe – since we are not in “love” with each other – we do not have to “fake” emotional feelings towards each other.

So – we do not waste our emotional and material resources trying to “please” each other.

We try to live one day at a time.

Or – to put it another way – we make our marriage “survive” one day at a time.

In these modern times when even passionate “love marriages” break up and end in divorce – why is it – that our rather prosaic marriage has stood the test of time…?

I really don’t know the reason why.

Maybe – a “No Expectations – No Disappointments” relationship results in a durable marriage. 

PS:

I once heard a “marriage counselor” advise a “clingy couple” that they must give each other “space” in their relationship.

Ha Ha Ha – in our marriage – there is plenty of “space” – a truly “spacious” relationship…!!! LOL  

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 

How to Drink – Musings on the Art of Drinking Alcohol by a Retired “Drunkard”

HOW TO DRINK (AND NEVER HAVE A HANGOVER)

Musings on the Art of Drinking Alcohol by a Retired “Drunkard”

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

HANGOVER – “MORNING-AFTER” THE “NIGHT-BEFORE”

A Hangover is a terrible experience. 

You wake up in the morning with a throbbing headache.

You feel a disgusting nausea.

You may even throw-up and vomit.

Your mouth becomes dry due to dehydration.

Your whole body aches.

You feel dizzy.

Sometimes your hands tremble – and you experience the “shakes” (Delirium Tremens or DT).  

You curse yourself for drinking so much at the party the previous night. 

You know that – the more you “enjoy” on the “night-before” – the more miserable you feel on the “morning-after”. 

A hangover is the worst way to ruin your Sunday morning after your weekend partying. 

But – despite this terrible experience – you repeat the same binge-drinking at the next party – and you land up suffering a hangover on the morning-after. 

Drink – Hangover – Drink – Hangover...

It is a vicious cycle – that seems to become the rule with your partying. 

But – how do you stop this vicious circle of drinking and hangover...?

Your friends tell you about so-called “cures” for a hangover – like the “hair of the dog” – and so many other mythical cures.

But soon you realize that nothing works for a terrible hangover.

The only thing you can do is suffer in silence – and “sleep out” the hangover.

There is a saying: 

“Prevention is Better than Cure” 

This applies to hangovers too. 

How do you prevent a hangover...?

The sure-shot way to avoid a hangover is to stop drinking alcohol and become a strict teetotaller.

But obviously – you don’t want to do that.

How can you give up all your enjoyment and your partying – how can you give up your social life...? 

You want to enjoy drinking alcohol – but you also want to ensure that you do not get a hangover the next morning.    

The aim of drinking alcohol is to feel good. 

If I ask you: “Why do you drink...?”

You will say: “I drink because I want to “feel good”...”.

So – whenever you drink – you must drink enough to raise your spirits and feel good. 

There is no point in drinking for the sake of appearances.

Why drink so little alcohol – that you do not feel anything...?

Yes – you must drink enough to feel good – but you must also make sure you don’t get a hangover next morning. 

Hangover – Prevention is Better than Cure

HOW TO PREVENT A HANGOVER

You want to drink alcohol.

But – you want to avoid a hangover.

So – how do you drink in such a way as to avoid a hangover...?

Is there a way where you can enjoy your drinks – yet prevent a hangover on the “morning after”...?  

Yes – there is a way.

It is simple. 

Just follow these 2 simple steps to prevent a hangover: 

1. DRINK ONE GLASS OF WATER BEFORE YOUR FIRST DRINK

and 

2. DRINK ONE GLASS OF WATER AFTER YOUR LAST DRINK 

Before you have your first drink – have a glass of water. 

The glass of water will help you cool down in case you are physically/mentally stressed. 

Also – the water will re-hydrate you in case you are deydrated.

Then – start drinking.

It is a good idea to have plenty of snacks while drinking – yes – snack heavily while drinking – meat based snacks – barbequed meats – tandoori chicken – kebabs – fish fingers are the best. 

After your drinking session is over – have a nice cool glass of water.

Then – proceed for having your dinner.

Do not drink alcohol during your meal. 

Do not drink alcohol after your meal. 

Yes – you must avoid drinking any type of alcoholic beverages while eating your main meal.

Even wines are best avoided if you want to prevent hangover. 

If you feel thirsty while having your meal – you can always drink water.

After your dinner – make sure you eat dessert or pudding – especially a milk-based dessert like ice cream. 

Then – end your meal with a glass of water.

Never have after-dinner drinks like liqueurs or brandy – if you have had alcoholic drinks before dinner.

In case you are fond of liqueurs – do enjoy them after a relaxed meal which has not been preceded or accompanied by alcohol.  

One more tip. 

During your drinking session – if you ever feel tipsy – all you have to do is to just interrupt your drinking – and have a glass of cold water. 

Then – once you feel okay – you can resume your drinking. 

If you still experience tipsiness – keep drinking cold water till your drunkenness disappears – and you feel good again. 

Remember:

The aim of drinking alcohol is not to get drunk

The aim of drinking is to feel “Nice”.

HOW TO CHOOSE WHICH LIQUOR TO DRINK AT THE TIME OF THE DAY 

A Hangover not only depends on the amount of alcohol you drink – but – even the type of alcohol you drink matters.

Your alcoholic drink must match the “colour” of the day.

Look at the sky on top of you at the time of the day – and choose your booze accordingly.

Yes – you must – DRINK AS PER THE COLOUR OF THE DAY – as we say in the Navy.

In the mornings – it is best to drink light coloured liquor like like Vodka, Gin, White Rum, Coconut Feni etc 

(When we were in the Navy – it was rumored that a redoubtable “Sea-Dog” even brushed his teeth with Vodka)

As the day progresses – and – the afternoon approaches – drinks like beer and bright cocktails are suitable. 

As the sun goes down – and – the evening approaches – you will relish “Blended Whisky” with plenty of bubbly Soda in the evening – as a “Sundowner” – with the setting sun in the twilight.

As the night darkens – there is nothing to beat dark Rum. 

You can drink your Rum “on the rocks” – or with water – as “Rum-Paani”.

Avoid combinations like Rum and Coke. 

If you prefer Whisky – slowly sip neat “Single-Malt Whisky” at room temperature – to get you into a mellow mood.

And – if you like the taste of good Brandy – you may like to savour a drink of neat rich Brandy at night. 

Whenever I indulged in serious drinking – I always drank my whisky or rum with plenty of water – and – I avoided cocktails – unless it was just to taste the cocktail – yes – if you like – do drink cocktails for taste – not for the “feel good” effect of alcohol.

And – yes – I always avoided drinking “down-the-hatch” shots. 

I will advise you to avoid “shots” and binge drinking.

Also – you must never “down-the-hatch” your glass – or gulp your drink in a hurry. 

If you are drinking a rich brandy or single-malt whisky – always drink it neat.

Drink unhurriedly.

Take a small sip – close your eyes – roll the liquor on your tongue in a relaxed manner – till the liquid is absorbed by itself.

Never gulp your drink – or swallow booze “down-the-hatch”.

Savour every sip – till the alcohol is absorbed within you – and you will relish the feeling as the alcohol slowly warms your insides and elevates your spirits

Remember the saying: 

मज़ा लेना है पीने का – तो – कम कम – धीरे धीरे – पी  

(If you want to enjoy drinking – drink small sips – and drink slowly)

HANGOVER-FREE DRINKING

Try this technique the next time you drink:

Have a Glass of Cold Water before your First Peg 

and 

Remember to have a Glass of Cold Water after your Last Drink

This is a sure-fire way to “feel good” on the “night-before” – but avoid a hangover on the “morning after”. 

Breathtaking in its simplicity – isn’t it...? 

It is my experience that this – “one-glass-of-water-before – and – one-glass-of-water-after” – “two glasses of water” technique works – you can take my word for it.

Try this – and you will never have a hangover again.

So – if you must drink – enjoy the experience and make sure you feel good.

But – make sure that you prevent that excruciating hangover.

Cheers … !!! 

Enjoy your drinking and have hangover-free mornings ... !!! 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views based on my personal experience. This may or may not work for you. Please do your own due diligence while selecting a hangover prevention technique.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This is an abridged, upgraded and revised version of my post (Part 5) in my HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL (ART OF DRINKING) series written be me Vikram Karve 6 years ago in the year 2010 and posted online earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-5-how-to.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/how-not-to-get-drunk-yet-feel-nice.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/07/hangover-how-to-drink-alcohol-yet-avoid.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/07/hangover-prevention-is-better-than-cure.html etc