Showing posts with label misuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label misuse. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Humor in Uniform - SAHAYAK (aka BATMAN aka ORDERLY aka RUNNER) - a Relic of the Raj

“SAHAYAK” (aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Runner”) – A RELIC OF THE RAJ
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this spoof only if you have a sense of humor. This piece is a spoof, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


“SAHAYAK” (aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Runner”) – A RELIC OF THE RAJ

The CTC (Cost To Company) of an Army Officer is much higher than his equivalent Navy or Air Force Officer.

In addition to the pay and perks (which are roughly the same), an Army Officer gets another “perk” called a “Sahayak” (aka “Batman” or “Orderly”).

Long back, I was posted as faculty in a tri-service training institution.

On the faculty, there were officers of the Army, Navy and Air Force and all officers did exactly the same job.

We were all instructors and whether you were in the Army, Navy or Air Force, the job was identical – to teach.

But only the Army Officers had “Sahayaks”.

This was starkly evident in the evenings when we all went for long walks.

I had a pet dog.

My neighbor was a senior Air Force Group Captain who also had a dog.

We used to personally take our dogs for a walk in the evenings (and in the mornings too).

A number of Army Officers had pet dogs too.

But not a single army officer would take his dog for a walk.

“Dogwalking” was the “duty” of the “Sahayak”.

Yes, walking the Sahib’s dog was the Sahayak’s job.

Maybe it was “below the dignity” for an army officer to take his dog for a walk.

I noticed that the practice of Sahayaks walking officers’ dogs was quite a common sight in army cantonments and tri-service institutions.

In fact, some of my army friends used to leave their dogs with their sahayaks when they came home on leave or went on courses.

One army officer’s wife even commented that looking after their dog was the sahayak’s job.

And I observed that what she said was true – the “sahayak” took full care of the dog – the dog’s food, walks, grooming, bath, everything.

In fact, the “sahayak” was the de facto “Master” of the officer’s pet dog.

Every time a discussion on “sahayaks” comes up, most army officers are quick to defend this ancient practice saying that sahayaks are required for officers in the “field”.

Agreed – army officers require soldiers as “sahayaks” in the field.

But how can you justify soldiers being deputed as “sahayaks” in peacetime family stations?

Why must only Army Officers get “sahayaks” especially in inter-service establishments where you have Navy and Air Force Officers doing exactly the same job as Army Officers?

What rankles even more in inter-service training institutions is when some resourceful “student officers” from the army manage to get their “sahayaks” and flaunt them in front of senior navy and air force officers on the staff.


WHY DOES ONLY THE ARMY OFFICER NEED A SAHAYAK (BATMAN)?

What is the genesis of this practice – why does an army officer need a “sahayak”?

An old-timer army veteran once told me that a sahayak (batman) is not a private servant and he is not provided to an army officer to perform the duties of a domestic help.

The sahayak is not a domestic orderly.

The sahayak or batman is a combat soldier.

(The word “batman” is short form of “battle-man”)

The batman is actually a “runner” who always accompanies the officer in battle and his primary duty in combat operations is to convey the orders of the officer to his subordinates, particularly when the wireless is not functioning.

Besides his primary task as a “runner, the sahayak or batman is supposed to look after the officer’s needs, his equipment and uniform, act as a bodyguard and protect the officer and generally be his “buddy” while the officer is engaged in combat operations.

Thus the batman was the officer’s “battle-man”, his buddy in combat, and there was no question of a batman being employed on any nature of domestic work, especially in peacetime family stations and in the homes of officers.

This is what the old-timer told me.

Unfortunately the perception created in the minds of people is quite different.

It may not be entirely correct, but unfortunately, the general impression today is that the sahayak or batman is a personal servant of the army officer and his family.

Again I say that this may not be a correct picture.

But then what will be the impression created in the minds of people when they observe army officers using their sahayaks to take their dogs for walks, send them to the market for shopping, and to perform various types of domestic work, menial jobs and household chores.

This is visible to everyone in peacetime stations and cantonments, sometimes even in civilian areas where army officers live.

A recently retired army officer’s wife told me that the one thing she misses the most is her “sahayak”.

Long back I heard a bizarre story which may be apocryphal.

A “resourceful” officer who was posted to a non-family field area “managed” to arrange a “sahayak” for his wife who was living in separated married quarters in a peace station.

The irony was that the smart “sahayak” turned out to be even more “resourceful” and was having a rolicking affair with the officer’s wife stealing her affections while the officer was slogging it out in the field.

Yes, it can be hazardous to let a sahayak get too intimate with families, especially wives and daughters.

With the advent of women officers in the army, I wonder if they too are provided male sahayaks.

Or are lady army officers provided female attendants?

Do some officers “manage” sahayaks after they retire from the army?

I do not think it is permitted, but someone once mentioned that some resourceful senior army officers do “manage” to get sahayaks even after retirement.

Another argument army officers use to justify the institution of “sahayak” is that even other Civilian Officers (IAS, IPS, Railways, PSUs, etc) have various government employees deputed as “attendants” in their homes for similar domestic duties.

I wonder whether other modern armies still provide “sahayaks” (batmen) to officers?

And do civil servants of modern nations get “attendants” for their domestic work?

Due to the feudal culture of India, someone told me that even Diplomats and IFS Officers are entitled to take “attendants” and servants abroad.

Well, it seems that we still remain a feudal society with the same old colonial culture, and these “Relics of the Raj” are not going to go away in a hurry.

Since it will be impossible to get rid of this time honored feudal practice of sahayaks in the army, the best thing to do in the name of jointmanship would be to extend this facility of sahayaks to the navy and air force.

When almost everyone at officer level, all army and most civilian officers, get sahayaks and “attendants”, why leave out only the Navy and Air Force Officers?

Yes, how about providing “sahayaks” to Navy and Air Force Officers?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

AADHAAR FIASCO - SECURITY IMPLICATIONS OF ISSUING AADHAAR CARDS TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS

AADHAAR FIASCO  
SECURITY IMPLICATIONS OF ISSUING AADHAAR CARDS TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS 
Musings
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

ARE AADHAAR CARDS BEING ISSUED TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS?

Yesterday, the media reported that the Supreme Court had asked the government not to issue Aadhaar Cards to illegal immigrants.


It has been reported in the media that the Supreme Court said that Aadhaar can only be issued to those with proven Indian nationality. The Supreme Court frowned upon the unique identity numbers being issued without verifying the antecedents of individuals and said that if anyone applies for Aadhaar card, then you have to verify whether he is a citizen of India or not and directed that Aadhaar cards cannot be issued to illegal migrants.


I wonder why the Supreme Court had to issue such a directive.

Does the need for such a directive imply that Aadhaar Cards were being issued to illegal immigrants who are not citizens of India?

If Aadhaar Cards have been issued to illegal immigrants, is this not a huge security lapse?

Because, using their Aadhaar Cards, illegal immigrants can:

1. Open Bank Accounts using their Aadhaar Cards. They can use the bank passbook a Proof of Identity (POI) and Proof of Address (POA).

2. Obtain various official documents using their Aadhaar Cards like Ration Cards, Voter ID Cards, PAN, Driving License etc which serve as Proof of Identity (POI) and Proof of Address (POA).

Using the above Proof of Identity (POI) and Proof of Address (POA) documents, an illegal immigrant can obtain an Indian Passport and become a citizen of India.

I hope there is no proposal to give Passports based on Aadhaar Cards, as this will make it even easier for illegal immigrants to become citizens of India.

Did the powers-that-be not anticipate the security implications of giving Aadhaar to non-citizens and illegal immigrants?


INTRODUCER SYSTEM OF ENROLMENT FOR AADHAAR

There is a glaring loophole in the Aadhaar enrolment system called “introducer system” which facilitates illegal immigrants to easily obtain Aadhaar Cards.

Citizens of India are required to furnish documentary proofs for establishing Proof of Identity (POI) and Proof of Address (POA) at the time of enrolment for Aadhaar.

On the other hand, illegal immigrants can take recourse to the “introducer system” where they can be “introduced” for an Aadhaar number by an “introducer”. Thus, illegal immigrants are not required to furnish any Proof of Identity (POI) or Proof of Address (POA) documents.

The requirements to be an introducer are quite vague and loosely defined.

You need not be a government officer to become an “introducer”.

Any local “influencer” can become an “introducer”.

This is huge security risk – whereas government employees can be held accountable for lapses and wrongdoings, can any action be taken against “introducers” who fraudulently facilitate illegal immigrants to get Aadhaar Cards?

Making it easy for illegal immigrants, which may include undesirable anti-national and anti-social elements, to get Aadhaar Cards is thus fraught with serious implications for our national security.

Media has reported from time to time that illegal immigrants have been found with Aadhaar Cards:


However, I wonder what corrective action has been taken by UIDAI to ensure that illegal immigrants are not enrolled for Aadhaar.

Also, has any action been taken to cancel the Aadhaar Cards of illegal immigrants?

It is surprising that UIDAI did not realize the security implications of making Aadhaar accessible to illegal immigrants.

It has required the intervention of the Supreme Court to direct the UIDAI to correct this serious lapse which has implications on our national security.

In addition to the security risk, issuing Aadhaar cards to illegal immigrants will enable them to fraudulently benefit from various Direct Benefit Transfer (DBT) schemes which are meant for Indian Citizens and these subsidies are funded by the Indian Tax Payer.

Why should Indian taxpayers pay for the welfare of illegal immigrants?


WAY AHEAD

1. Firstly, the “introducer” system of Aadhaar enrolment must be immediately stopped. Aadhaar must be issued only after proper verification of Proof of Identity (POI) and Proof of Address (POA) as per the prescribed documents.

2. Secondly, UIDAI must immediately cancel all Aadhaar Cards issued under the “introducer” system. All these persons must be asked to re-enroll for Aadhaar with proper verification of POI and POA.

3. Thirdly, UIDAI must stop outsourcing of Aadhaar enrolment work to private agencies. In view of the national security implications, Aadhaar enrolment must be handled by government agencies who can be held accountable.


SECURITY CONSCIOUSNESS

One of the reasons why India is considered a “Soft State” is due our lack of security consciousness, as is evident from the loose implementation of the Aadhaar Scheme.

We are already paying a heavy price for our lackadaisical approach to security issues.


It is the patriotic duty of UIDAI to take immediate corrective action to ensure that illegal immigrants, many of whom may be inimical to our national interest, do not fraudulently exploit and take undue advantage of the Aadhaar Scheme which is meant for Indian Citizens.


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

JIGGERY POKERY - The Story of the Boneless Meat

JIGGERY-POKERY
The Story of the Boneless Meat
A Naval Yarn
By 
VIKRAM KARVE


There is a hilarious song in the classic 1950s Comedy Movie “At War With The Army” starring Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis with the lyrics “The Navy Gets the Gravy and The Army Gets the Beans” sung by Jerry Lewis.

In the anecdote I am going to narrate the “navy” was indeed getting the “gravy” while a freeloader was getting the “beans”.

It was in the latter half of the year 1980, I think, that I was doing the “bum job” of Wardroom Mess Secretary in a Stone Frigate (a shore establishment)

As I have told you earlier in the Navy you’ve got to be the Jack of all Trades but the Master of One.

We were served mutton twice a week and I noticed that the mutton curry was full of bones and there was hardly any meat.

The other in-living officers had also been complaining about the lack of meat pieces in the “bony curry”.

This was surprising since we bought quite a generous quantity of mutton and as per my calculations each officer should have got a portion of at least 200 grams of mutton which is quite a sizeable quantity (200 grams of meat are about 5-6 chunks of mutton)

On inquiry the steward told me that the PMC was taking three kilograms of mutton on payment every week from the Wardroom.

“But surely you include this amount when you purchase mutton, don’t you?” I asked.

“Yes, Sir,” the steward said, “but he wants Boneless Mutton. He has told me to remove the bones and only then weigh the mutton. But he is to be charged for only three kilograms at the market rate. Sir, the weight of the bones is roughly half the total weight and that is why you in-living officers eating in the mess get more bones in the curry.”

“Oh,” I said, understanding his game, “call me the next time you buy mutton.”

On D-Day I asked him weigh 6 kilograms of mutton.

Then I asked him to remove the bones and weigh the boneless mutton.

As I estimated the boneless mutton weighed roughly 3 kilograms.

“Send the 3 Kilograms of the boneless mutton to his house. Charge him for 6 Kilograms of mutton. And yes, remember to keep the 3 kilograms of bones carefully in the freezer. In case he complains you just tell him what I did and give him his 3 kilograms of bones,” I said.

We did this for three weeks.

As I expected, at the end of the month, when the mess bills were distributed, the PMC came rushing to the mess complaining that he had been overcharged and he was promptly offered the sizeable amount of carefully preserved bones (which were rightfully his, since he had paid for them).

Within a few days it dawned on the powers-that-be that I was overburdened with my main work and it was not fair to make me perform mess secretary duties. A suitable morally pliable officer was appointed as the new Mess Secretary.

I have seen this happening often – the moment someone attains a high rank he thinks that it his prerogative to freeload.

They assume that Freeloading a Privilege of Rank.

Yes, Rank Has Its Privileges (RHIP). 

But I am sure RHIP does not mean that you have the licence to make your juniors pay for what you consume and become a freeloader at someone else’s expense. 

There is no free lunch.

Whenever you eat or drink something, someone has to pay for it.

If you don’t pay for what you consume then someone else has to pay for what you consume. 

When a person misuses his rank or position and “freeloads” then someone else has to bear the brunt (since money does not grow on trees).

In the Navy, in most cases, this someone else may be juniors or the “organisation”. 

Some officers, when they attain high rank, start thinking that it is their privilege to freeload and everything they eat, drink, use and consume must be given to them gratis “on-the-house”.

Freeloading may be petty corruption but it is the first step on the road to grand corruption.

As Lao Tzu wrote in Tao Te Ching:

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step

This is true of corruption as well.

The journey to grand corruption starts with petty corruption like freeloading.


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a large number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

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