Showing posts with label orderly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label orderly. Show all posts

Thursday, August 31, 2017

“Sahayak” – a Colonial “Relic” of the Raj

Before 1947 – the British ruled India. 

Hence – British Officers – Civil, Police and Military – considered themselves are “Rulers” – and – British Officers treated the Indian Civilian Employees and Soldiers serving under them as their “Subjects”. 

I read somewhere that British Officers were called “Laat Sahab” (Indianised Version of “Lord Officer”

Since they were de facto “Lords” – British Officers – Civil, Police and Military – were given subordinate staff for their personal use. 

This personal staff (comprising Indian “subjects”) were called by various names in different civil services – “Orderly” “Attendant” “Bungalow Peon” Telephone Attendant cum Dak Khalasis (TADK)” “Household Staff” etc

A British Army Officer was provided a Soldier as a “Batman” 

Whatever the names given to the personal staff – they were basically personal servants of the civil, police and military officers.

(However – there was no such practice in the Navy and Air Force – probably because of their more egalitarian culture – though Admirals/Captains were provided Retinue/Stewards at Sea) 

India became independent in 1947 – but these “imperialistic” colonial practices of the British Raj continued – some even till today. 

(The Indian Army derived most of its customs and traditions from the British Army. I wonder whether the British Army still has the system of providing a “Batman” to an Officer)

This morning – I read news items about Army Structural Reforms and Chairman Railway Board ordering withdrawal of railwaymen engaged by officers as domestic staff at their residences

This reminded me of a spoof I had written a few years ago...

“SAHAYAK” 
(aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Attendant” aka “Runner”)
RELIC OF THE RAJ
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

“SAHAYAK” 
(aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Attendant” aka “Runner”)

The CTC (Cost To Company) of an Army Officer is much higher than his equivalent Navy or Air Force Officer.

In addition to the pay and perks (which are roughly the same) 
 an Army Officer gets another “perk” called a “Sahayak” (aka “Batman” or “Orderly”).

Long back
 I was posted as faculty in a tri-service training institution.

On the faculty 
 there were officers of the Army, Navy and Air Force – and all officers did exactly the same job.

We were all instructors 
 and – whether you were in the Army, Navy or Air Force – the job was identical – to teach.

But 
– only the Army Officers had “Sahayaks”.

The presence of 
“Sahayaks” was starkly evident in the evenings  when we all went for long walks.

I had a pet dog.

My neighbour was a senior Air Force Officer 
– a Group Captain – who also had a pet dog.

We used to personally take our dogs for a walk in the evenings (and in the mornings too).

A number of Army Officers had pet dogs too.

But very few Army Officers would take their dogs for a walk. 


“Dogwalking” was the “duty” of the “Sahayak”.

Yes 
 walking the Sahib’s dog was the Sahayak’s job.

Maybe 
 it was “below the dignity” for an Army Officer to take his dog for a walk.

I noticed that the practice of 
“Sahayaks” walking Officers’ Dogs was quite a common sight in Army cantonments and tri-service institutions.

In fact 
 some of my Army friends used to leave their pet dogs with their Sahayaks when they went home on leave – or went outstation on courses.

One Army officer’s wife even commented that looking after their dog was the Sahayak’s job.

And 
– I observed that what she said was true – the “Sahayak” took full care of the dog – the dog’s food, the dog’s walks, the dog’s grooming, bath, everything...

In fact 
 the “Sahayak” was the de facto “Master” of the officer’s pet dog.

Every time a discussion on “sahayaks” comes up 
 most Army Officers are quick to defend this ancient practice saying that Sahayaks are required for Officers in the “field”.

Agreed. 


Army Officers may require Soldiers as “Sahayaks” in the “Field”.

But 
– how can you justify Soldiers being deputed as “Sahayaks in Peacetime Family Stations...?

Why must only Army Officers get “sahayaks” especially in inter-service establishments 
 where you have Navy and Air Force Officers doing exactly the same work as Army Officers...?

What rankles even more in inter-service training institutions is when some resourceful “student officers” from the Army manage to get their “Sahayaks” and flaunt them in front of senior Navy and Air Force Officers on the Staff. 


Is there any need for providing “Sahayaks” to Army Officers working in Headquarters in New Delhi – when their Navy and Air Force counterparts are able to do the same work without the assistance of “Sahayaks”. 


WHY DOES ONLY THE ARMY OFFICER NEED A SAHAYAK (BATMAN)...?

What is the genesis of this practice...? 


Why does an Army Officer need a “sahayak”...?

An old-timer Army Veteran once told me that a 
sahayak (batman) is not a private servant and he is not provided to an Army Officer to perform the duties of a domestic help.

The 
sahayak is not a domestic orderly.

The 
sahayak or batman is a combat soldier.

(The word “batman” is short form of “battle-man”)

The batman is actually a “runner” who always accompanies the officer in battle 
 and his primary duty in combat operations is to convey the orders of the officer to his subordinates – particularly when the wireless is not functioning.

Besides his primary task as a “runner
  the sahayak or batman is supposed to look after the officer’s needs, maintain his equipment and uniform, act as a bodyguard and protect the officer  and generally be his “buddy” – while the officer is engaged in combat operations.

Thus 
 the batman was the officer’s “battle-man” – his buddy in combat  and  there was no question of a batman being employed on any nature of domestic work  especially in peacetime family stations and in the homes of officers.

This is what the old-timer told me.

Unfortunately 
 the perception created in the minds of people is quite different.

It may not be entirely correct 
 but unfortunately  the general impression today is that  the sahayak or batman is a personal servant of the Army Officer and his Family.

Again I would like to say
  this may not be a correct picture.

But then 
 what will be the perception created in the minds of people when they observe Army Officers using their sahayaks to take their dogs for walks – or send them to the market for shopping – and to perform various types of domestic workmenial jobs and household chores...?

This is visible to everyone in peacetime stations and cantonments 
– sometimes even in civilian areas where Army Officers live.

A recently Retired Army Officer’s Wife told me that the one thing she misses the most is her “sahayak”.

Long back 
– I heard a bizarre story which may be apocryphal.

A “resourceful” Army Officer who was posted to a non-family field area “managed” to arrange a “sahayak” for his wife who was living in separated married quarters in a peace station.

The irony was that the smart “sahayak” turned out to be even more “resourceful” and was having a rolicking affair with the officer’s wife 
 stealing her affections – while the officer was slogging it out in the field.

The story may be apocryphal 
– but – it imparts a lesson – that  it can be hazardous to let a sahayak get too intimate with families  especially wives and daughters.

With the advent of Women Officers in the Army 
– I wonder if they too are provided male sahayaks.

Or 
– are Lady Army Officers provided female attendants...?

Do some resourceful Senior Army Officers “manage” to get uniformed 
sahayaks even after they retire from the Army...?

I do not think it is permitted 
 but someone once mentioned that some resourceful senior Army Officers do “manage” to get sahayaks even after retirement.

Another argument Army Officers use to justify the institution of sahayak is that even other Civilian Officers (IAS, IPS, Railways, PSUs, etc) have various government employees deputed as “attendants” in their homes for similar domestic duties. 


Two wrongs dont make a right

Does citing examples of Police/Civilian Officers misusing attendants” justify Army Officers misusing sahayaks...?

I wonder whether other modern Armies still provide “sahayaks” (batmen) to Officers...?

Do Civil-Service Officers, Diplomatic Officers and Police Officers of modern nations get “attendants” for their domestic work...?

Is it true that 
even Diplomats and IFS Officers are entitled to take “attendants” and servants on postings abroad...?

Well 
 it seems that we still remain a feudal society with the same old colonial culture  and  these “Relics of the Raj” are not going to go away in a hurry.

Is it possible to get rid of this colonial feudal practice of sahayaks in the Army and attendants in the Civil/Police Services...? 


Or – in the name of jointmanship – will this facility of sahayaksbe extended to Navy and Air Force Officers too...?

One can argue that when almost everyone at Officer Level 
 most Army Officers – and most Civilian/Police Officers – when all of them get sahayaks” or “attendants”  why leave out only the Navy and Air Force Officers...?

Yes 
 if the “powers-that-be want to continue providing Sahayaks/Attendants to Army/Police/Civilian Officers – then – will they consider providing “sahayaks” to Navy and Air Force Officers too...?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional humorous spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 


This is a revised repost of my fictional spoof posted online earlier at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/the-army-sahayak-batman-anachronism-or.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/humor-in-uniform-sahayak-aka-batman-aka.html  and  https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/WHY-DOES-ONLY-THE-ARMY-OFFICER-NEED-A-SAHAYAK-BATMAN?srid=5Hkq&share=7a93e7d8 and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/the-sahayak-controversy.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/if-navy-and-air-force-can-work-without.html etc

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

If Navy and Air Force can work without the Sahayak System – Why not the Army...?

“SAHAYAK” 
(aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Attendant” aka “Runner”)
RELIC OF THE RAJ
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

“SAHAYAK” 
(aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Attendant” aka “Runner”)

The CTC (Cost To Company) of an Army Officer is much higher than his equivalent Navy or Air Force Officer.

In addition to the pay and perks (which are roughly the same) 
 an Army Officer gets another “perk” called a “Sahayak” (aka “Batman” or “Orderly”).

Long back
 I was posted as faculty in a tri-service training institution.

On the faculty 
 there were officers of the Army, Navy and Air Force – and all officers did exactly the same job.

We were all instructors 
 and – whether you were in the Army, Navy or Air Force – the job was identical – to teach.

But 
– only the Army Officers had “Sahayaks”.

The presence of 
“Sahayaks” was starkly evident in the evenings  when we all went for long walks.

I had a pet dog.

My neighbour was a senior Air Force Group Captain 
– who also had a pet dog.

We used to personally take our dogs for a walk in the evenings (and in the mornings too).

A number of Army Officers had pet dogs too.

But very few Army Officers would take their dogs for a walk. 


“Dogwalking” was the “duty” of the “Sahayak”.

Yes 
 walking the Sahib’s dog was the Sahayak’s job.

Maybe 
 it was “below the dignity” for an Army Officer to take his dog for a walk.

I noticed that the practice of Sahayaks walking Officers’ Dogs was quite a common sight in Army cantonments and tri-service institutions.

In fact 
 some of my Army friends used to leave their pet dogs with their Sahayaks when they went home on leave – or went outstation on courses.

One Army officer’s wife even commented that looking after their dog was the Sahayak’s job.

And 
– I observed that what she said was true – the “Sahayak” took full care of the dog – the dog’s food, the dog’s walks, the dog’s grooming, bath, everything...

In fact 
 the “Sahayak” was the de facto “Master” of the officer’s pet dog.

Every time a discussion on “sahayaks” comes up 
 most Army Officers are quick to defend this ancient practice saying that Sahayaks are required for Officers in the “field”.

Agreed. 


Army Officers may require Soldiers as “Sahayaks” in the “Field”.

But 
– how can you justify Soldiers being deputed as “Sahayaks in peacetime Family Stations...?

Why must only Army Officers get “sahayaks” especially in inter-service establishments 
 where you have Navy and Air Force Officers doing exactly the same job as Army Officers...?

What rankles even more in inter-service training institutions is when some resourceful “student officers” from the Army manage to get their “Sahayaks” and flaunt them in front of senior Navy and Air Force Officers on the Staff. 


Is there any need for providing “Sahayaks” to Army Officers working in Headquarters in New Delhi – when their Navy and Air Force counterparts are able to do the same work without the assistance of “Sahayaks”. 


WHY DOES ONLY THE ARMY OFFICER NEED A SAHAYAK (BATMAN)...?

What is the genesis of this practice...? 


Why does an Army Officer need a “sahayak”...?

An old-timer Army Veteran once told me that a 
sahayak (batman) is not a private servant and he is not provided to an Army Officer to perform the duties of a domestic help.

The 
sahayak is not a domestic orderly.

The 
sahayak or batman is a combat soldier.

(The word “batman” is short form of “battle-man”)

The batman is actually a “runner” who always accompanies the officer in battle 
 and his primary duty in combat operations is to convey the orders of the officer to his subordinates – particularly when the wireless is not functioning.

Besides his primary task as a “runner
  the sahayak or batman is supposed to look after the officer’s needs, maintain his equipment and uniform, act as a bodyguard and protect the officer  and generally be his “buddy” – while the officer is engaged in combat operations.

Thus 
 the batman was the officer’s “battle-man” – his buddy in combat  and  there was no question of a batman being employed on any nature of domestic work  especially in peacetime family stations and in the homes of officers.

This is what the old-timer told me.

Unfortunately 
 the perception created in the minds of people is quite different.

It may not be entirely correct 
 but unfortunately  the general impression today is that  the sahayak or batman is a personal servant of the Army Officer and his Family.

Again I would like to say
  this may not be a correct picture.

But then 
 what will be the perception created in the minds of people when they observe Army Officers using their sahayaks to take their dogs for walks – or send them to the market for shopping – and to perform various types of domestic workmenial jobs and household chores...?

This is visible to everyone in peacetime stations and cantonments 
– sometimes even in civilian areas where Army Officers live.

A recently Retired Army Officer’s Wife told me that the one thing she misses the most is her “sahayak”.

Long back 
– I heard a bizarre story which may be apocryphal.

A “resourceful” Army Officer who was posted to a non-family field area “managed” to arrange a “sahayak” for his wife who was living in separated married quarters in a peace station.

The irony was that the smart “sahayak” turned out to be even more “resourceful” and was having a rolicking affair with the officer’s wife 
 stealing her affections – while the officer was slogging it out in the field.

The story may be apocryphal 
– but – it imparts a lesson – that  it can be hazardous to let a sahayak get too intimate with families  especially wives and daughters.

With the advent of Women Officers in the Army 
– I wonder if they too are provided male sahayaks.

Or 
– are Lady Army Officers provided female attendants...?

Do some resourceful Senior Army Officers “manage” to get uniformed 
sahayaks even after they retire from the Army...?

I do not think it is permitted 
 but someone once mentioned that some resourceful senior Army Officers do “manage” to get sahayaks even after retirement.

Another argument Army Officers use to justify the institution of sahayak is that even other Civilian Officers (IAS, IPS, Railways, PSUs, etc) have various government employees deputed as “attendants” in their homes for similar domestic duties. 


Two wrongs dont make a right. 

Does citing examples of Police/Civilian Officers misusing attendants” justify to Army Officers misusing sahayaks...?

I wonder whether other modern Armies still provide “sahayaks” (batmen) to Officers...?

Do Civil-Service Officers, Diplomatic Officers and Police Officers of modern nations get “attendants” for their domestic work...?

Is it true that
even Diplomats and IFS Officers are entitled to take “attendants” and servants on postings abroad...?

Well 
 it seems that we still remain a feudal society with the same old colonial culture  and  these “Relics of the Raj” are not going to go away in a hurry.

Is it possible to get rid of this colonial feudal practice of sahayaks in the Army and attendants in the Civil/Police Services...? 


Or – in the name of jointmanship – will this facility of sahayaksbe extended to Navy and Air Force Officers too...?

One can argue that when almost everyone at Officer Level 
 all Army Officers – and most Civilian/Police Officers – all of them get sahayaksor “attendants”  why leave out only the Navy and Air Force Officers...?

Yes 
 if the “powers-that-be want to continue providing Sahayaks/Attendants to Army/Police/Civilian Officers – then – will they consider providing “sahayaks” to Navy and Air Force Officers too...?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional humorous spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 


This is a revised repost of my fictional spoof posted online earlier at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/the-army-sahayak-batman-anachronism-or.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/humor-in-uniform-sahayak-aka-batman-aka.html  and  https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/WHY-DOES-ONLY-THE-ARMY-OFFICER-NEED-A-SAHAYAK-BATMAN?srid=5Hkq&share=7a93e7d8 and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/the-sahayak-controversy.html etc

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Do Army/Police/Civilian Officers Need Sahayaks/Batmen/Orderlies/Attendants...?

My @Quora post: 

WHY DOES ONLY AN ARMY OFFICER NEED A SAHAYAK (BATMAN)...? 

Musings on Archaic System of “SAHAYAK” aka “BATMAN” aka “ORDERLY” aka “ATTENDANT” aka “Runner”…  

Click Link Below and Read Article.

Article is also posted below for your convenience...

https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/WHY-DOES-ONLY-THE-ARMY-OFFICER-NEED-A-SAHAYAK-BATMAN?srid=5Hkq&share=7a93e7d8 

“SAHAYAK” (aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Attendant” aka “Runner”) – A RELIC OF THE RAJ
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

“SAHAYAK” 
(aka “Batman” aka “Orderly” aka “Attendant” aka “Runner”)

The CTC (Cost To Company) of an Army Officer is much higher than his equivalent Navy or Air Force Officer.

In addition to the pay and perks (which are roughly the same), an Army Officer gets another “perk” called a “Sahayak” (aka “Batman” or “Orderly”).

Long back, I was posted as faculty in a tri-service training institution.

On the faculty, there were officers of the Army, Navy and Air Force and all officers did exactly the same job.

We were all instructors and whether you were in the Army, Navy or Air Force, the job was identical – to teach.

But only the Army Officers had “Sahayaks”.

This was starkly evident in the evenings when we all went for long walks.

I had a pet dog.

My neighbor was a senior Air Force Group Captain who also had a dog.

We used to personally take our dogs for a walk in the evenings (and in the mornings too).

A number of Army Officers had pet dogs too.

But not a single army officer would take his dog for a walk.

“Dogwalking” was the “duty” of the “Sahayak”.

Yes, walking the Sahib’s dog was the Sahayak’s job.

Maybe it was “below the dignity” for an army officer to take his dog for a walk.

I noticed that the practice of Sahayaks walking officers’ dogs was quite a common sight in army cantonments and tri-service institutions.

In fact 
 some of my army friends used to leave their dogs with their sahayaks when they went home on leave or went on courses.

One army officer’s wife even commented that looking after their dog was the sahayak’s job.

And I observed that what she said was true – the “sahayak” took full care of the dog – the dog’s food, walks, grooming, bath, everything.

In fact 
 the “sahayak” was the de facto “Master” of the officer’s pet dog.

Every time a discussion on “sahayaks” comes up, most army officers are quick to defend this ancient practice saying that sahayaks are required for officers in the “field”.

Agreed – Army Officers require soldiers as “sahayaks” in the field.

But 
– how can you justify soldiers being deputed as sahayaks in peacetime family stations...?

Why must only Army Officers get “sahayaks” especially in inter-service establishments where you have Navy and Air Force Officers doing exactly the same job as Army Officers...?

What rankles even more in inter-service training institutions is when some resourceful “student officers” from the army manage to get their “sahayaks” and flaunt them in front of senior navy and air force officers on the staff.


WHY DOES ONLY THE ARMY OFFICER NEED A SAHAYAK (BATMAN)...?

What is the genesis of this practice – why does an army officer need a “sahayak”?

An old-timer army veteran once told me that a sahayak (batman) is not a private servant and he is not provided to an army officer to perform the duties of a domestic help.

The sahayak is not a domestic orderly.

The sahayak or batman is a combat soldier.

(The word “batman” is short form of “battle-man”)

The batman is actually a “runner” who always accompanies the officer in battle and his primary duty in combat operations is to convey the orders of the officer to his subordinates, particularly when the wireless is not functioning.

Besides his primary task as a “runner, the sahayak or batman is supposed to look after the officer’s needs, his equipment and uniform, act as a bodyguard and protect the officer and generally be his “buddy” while the officer is engaged in combat operations.

Thus the batman was the officer’s “battle-man”, his buddy in combat, and there was no question of a batman being employed on any nature of domestic work, especially in peacetime family stations and in the homes of officers.

This is what the old-timer told me.

Unfortunately the perception created in the minds of people is quite different.

It may not be entirely correct, but unfortunately, the general impression today is that the sahayak or batman is a personal servant of the army officer and his family.

Again I say that this may not be a correct picture.

But then what will be the impression created in the minds of people when they observe army officers using their sahayaks to take their dogs for walks, send them to the market for shopping, and to perform various types of domestic workmenial jobs and household chores.

This is visible to everyone in peacetime stations and cantonments, sometimes even in civilian areas where army officers live.

A recently retired army officer’s wife told me that the one thing she misses the most is her “sahayak”.

Long back I heard a bizarre story which may be apocryphal.

A “resourceful” Army Officer who was posted to a non-family field area “managed” to arrange a “sahayak” for his wife who was living in separated married quarters in a peace station.

The irony was that the smart “sahayak” turned out to be even more “resourceful” and was having a rolicking affair with the officer’s wife stealing her affections while the officer was slogging it out in the field.

Yes, it can be hazardous to let a sahayak get too intimate with families, especially wives and daughters.

With the advent of women officers in the army, I wonder if they too are provided male sahayaks.

Or are Lady Army Officers provided female attendants?

Do some Army Officers “manage” to get uniformed 
sahayaks even after they retire from the Army?

I do not think it is permitted, but someone once mentioned that some resourceful senior Army Officers do “manage” to get sahayaks even after retirement.

Another argument army officers use to justify the institution of sahayak is that even other Civilian Officers (IAS, IPS, Railways, PSUs, etc) have various government employees deputed as “attendants” in their homes for similar domestic duties.

I wonder whether other modern Armies still provide “sahayaks” (batmen) to officers...?

And do Civil Servants, Diplomatic Officers and Police Officers of modern nations get “attendants” for their domestic work...?

Due to the feudal culture of India 
 someone told me that even Diplomats and IFS Officers are entitled to take “attendants” and servants abroad.

Well 
 it seems that we still remain a feudal society with the same old colonial culture  and these “Relics of the Raj” are not going to go away in a hurry.

Since it will be impossible to get rid of this time honored feudal practice of sahayaks in the army 
 the best thing to do in the name of jointmanship would be to extend this facility of sahayaks to the navy and air force.

When almost everyone at officer level, all army and most civilian officers, get sahayaks and “attendants” 
 why leave out only the Navy and Air Force Officers...?

Yes 
 how about providing “sahayaks” to Navy and Air Force Officers...?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a humorous spoof, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 


This is a revised repost of my article posted online earlier at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/the-army-sahayak-batman-anachronism-or.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/humor-in-uniform-sahayak-aka-batman-aka.html  and  https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/WHY-DOES-ONLY-THE-ARMY-OFFICER-NEED-A-SAHAYAK-BATMAN?srid=5Hkq&share=7a93e7d8 etc

Friday, September 25, 2015

Humor in Uniform – FEMALE “FAUJI” ON THE PROWL

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

Let me delve into my Humor in Uniform Archives and pull out a spoof for you to have a hearty laugh.

Dear Reader – first check whether you have a sense of humor – only then read ahead.

Yes – please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This fiction story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. Also, this story is for mature adults only, so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this post.

If you are game for some satire, a spoof – read on and have a laugh...

“COUGAR” IN UNIFORM – FEMALE “FAUJI” ON THE PROWL

From my Humor in Uniform Archives:

In the Military  Stealing the Affection of a Brother Officer’s Wife is strictly taboo. 

The term “stealing affection” is the military euphemism for “adultery”.

Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is deemed to be conduct unbecoming of an officer and conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline and is considered an offence.

In most cases  in order to avoid a scandal  if an officer is caught having an affair with a fellow officer’s wife  he is politely asked to put in his papers and quit the service  especially if the affair is between consenting adults  and none of the cuckolded spouses complains.

Now  with the entry of women as officers in the Defence Services  a new possibility has opened up – Stealing the Affection of a Sister Officer’s Husband.

If a male officer can steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife – surely there is a possibility that a female officer can steal the affections of a sister officer’s husband – especially in these modern times of gender equality.

Here is a fiction story  a hilarious spoof  about a cougar in uniform  a female “fauji” on the prowl  who wants to steal the affections of a sister officer’s husband.

COUGAR IN UNIFORM
Fiction Short Story
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This fiction story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This story is for mature adults only, so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this post.
3. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.


COUGAR IN UNIFORM – A Fictional Spoof By VIKRAM KARVE

Once upon a time  there was a “cougar” in uniform.

She was a macho type female “fauji”.

And this female “fauji” (cougar in uniform”) was always on the prowl searching for prey – yes  she was always on the hunt for cute and handsome young men  in and out of uniform.

One evening  while on an outstation visit  cougar in uniform went shopping in the market.

There  in the market  she spotted a good-looking young man.

She was instantly attracted towards him.

Before “cougar” could make her move  she saw that there was a young woman accompanying the handsome young man.

“Cougar in uniform observed the handsome man and the young woman – and from their body language  the way they were talking to each other – it was obvious that they were husband and wife.

“Cougar in Uniform” returned to her room disappointed.

Next morning  the female “fauji” (cougar in uniform”) – put on her uniform  and she went to the local Station HQ  ready to hear the sob stories of women officers from all the units in that area  for which she had been sent down from Headquarters.

She was pleasantly surprised to see the first woman officer in uniform – this young lady officer was the same woman accompanying the handsome young man in the market the previous evening.

“Cougar” looked carefully at the young woman officer standing in front of her – she looked a typical “fauji” type : “good from far - but far from good”

“Cougar” wondered how such an ordinary-looking woman had managed to get such a good-looking husband.

“So this is the wife of my quarry, and she has walked right into my lair – now I must carefully spring the trap,” Cougar said to herself in her mind.

Cougar looked at the young lady officer  and she asked her: “Yes – young lady  what’s your problem?”

“Ma’am – I want my posting cancelled. I want to stay here for some more time,” the young lady army officer said.

“Why?”

“I got married two years ago. Almost immediately  my husband was posted to field area  and I had to stay all alone over here. Now  he has managed a posting here  and they are posting me out to a field area.”

“So  your husband is in the army?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Yes Ma’am,” the young lady army officer said.

Cougar was pleased to hear this.

Everything was falling into place.

From experience – Cougar knew that it was easier to proposition a man directly  rather than coerce a woman to convince her husband.

Cougar had done this before – she had stolen the affections of many of her so-called “sister” officers’ husbands.

In most cases it was a one night stand – but in this case  the man was so attractive that Cougar was thinking of a long term affair.

“Suppose we post both of you – you and your husband – to Headquarters for three years – a full 3 year tenure?” Cougar said.

The young lady officer could not believe her ears – 3 years together with her husband in a big city and a comfortable 5 day week 9 to 5 job.

“Is it really possible? I will do anything for it,” the young lady officer said excitedly.

“I will make it possible. But I will need your cooperation,” Cougar said.

“Cooperation – of course, Ma’am – I am willing to do anything,” the young lady army officer said eagerly.

Cougar in Uniform looked into the eyes of the young lady officer and said, “You don’t have to do anything – you just send your husband to see me in my room at 7:30 in the evening. I want to talk to him – I want to get to know more about him  so I that can manage things in Headquarters.”

“Of course, Ma’am  we both will come – or why don’t you come for dinner…”

“No,” Cougar interrupted, “You need not come. You send your husband alone – I want to discuss things with him in private.”

The young lady officer was baffled.

Why did this senior lady officer want to meet her husband alone?

And that too in her room?

Could it be…???

“What are you thinking?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Nothing Ma’am...” the young lady officer said.

Cougar said matter-of-factly: “There is no free lunch in this world. It is all give and take. You talk to your husband – and you decide what you want. Do you want to enjoy 3 years of blissful married life living together in a big city? Or do you want a hard posting in the field and continue to suffer a long distance marriage for a few more years? The choice is yours.” 

After saying these words  Cougar stood up from her chair  indicating that the interview was over.

The young lady officer saluted  and walked towards the door.

As she reached the door  the young lady officer heard Cougar’s voice, “Tell your husband to come to my room at sharp 7:30 – I will be waiting for him.”

At 7:15 in the evening – Cougar was ready for action – bathed, perfumed, titivated.

She poured a drink for herself  rum and coke.

Cougar sipped her drink  lit a cigarette  and waited for her quarry.

At precisely 7:30 – there was a knock on the door.

Cougar opened the door in anticipation.

She was expecting to see the cute and gorgeous young man.

Instead  standing in front of her – there was a ferocious looking brute – a huge hulk of a man.

The man looked ugly, scary, hideous.

Cougar had never seen a man so horrible, so unsightly, so repulsive, so terrible.

“Good evening, Ma’am…” the man started to speak, “may I come in?”

“You get out of here right now…” Cougar shouted  and she banged the door shut – her heart thumping with anxiety and anger.

Next morning  Cougar summoned the young lady officer.

“You think you are too damn smart? I asked you to send your husband to me  and you sent that horrible hideous brute to my room?” Cougar shouted at the young lady officer.

“But Ma’am…”

“Shut up – you will regret this – I will make sure you are posted to such a tough place…”

“Ma’am  please listen – I had sent my husband to your room – I promise…”

“Are you trying to tell me that the horrible looking man who came to my room last evening is your husband?”

“Yes, Ma’am…”

“Then who was that handsome young man with you in the market…?”

“In the market…?”

“Yes – on the day before yesterday – in the evening – you were shopping – and there was a smart good-looking young man with you  who is he?” Cougar asked the young lady army officer.

“Oh  that man with me in the market – he is my sahayak...” the young lady officer answered.

“What? Are you trying to tell me that the handsome young man who was with you in the market was your batman...? Is that smart man really your sahayak...?” Cougar asked the young lady officer.

“Yes, Ma’am – that handsome young man is my sahayak  he is my batman…” the young lady officer said.

“Oh – so that tough looking man you sent to my room yesterday is your husband – and that cute looking man who was with you in the market is your sahayak...?” Cougar said.

“Yes, Ma’am. The man who came to your room is my husband  and the man who was with me in the market my sahayak...” the lady officer said.

“You are lucky – you have a nice sahayak…” said the female fauji Cougar in Uniform with a contemplative look on her face  it seemed that she was planning her next move...

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This fiction story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This Story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.