Showing posts with label hr. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hr. Show all posts

Friday, December 13, 2019

Humor in Uniform – Musings of a “Superseded” Officer – Part 2 – Fulfillment after Supersession


Humor in Uniform

Musings of a “Superseded” Officer
by
Vikram Karve 

Continued from Part 1 – Supersession Day – url: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/05/supersession-day-musings-of-written-off.html

Part 2

Fulfillment after Supersession 

In my previous blog post – I told you that when you are “passed over” for promotion and “superseded” – you have 3 choices:

1. You can Quit the Service immediately by Resigning your Commission (even if it means giving up your pension and forgoing/losing many benefits)

2. You can wait for a few years to complete 20 years pensionable service – and then seek Premature Retirement (PMR).

3. You can serve till you attain the age of “superannuation” (Earlier the minimum superannuation age was 54 years – but I understand that this has now been increased to 57 years – and some officers continue for a few more years on “re-employment”)

This article is for those “superseded” officers who decide to choose the 3rd option and continue serving till they attain the age of superannuation.

YOUR “GIRLFRIEND” HAS “DUMPED” YOU

Let me explain metaphorically.

Suppose you have a steady girlfriend to whom you intend getting married and spending the rest of your life.

You have been loyal, sincere and devoted to your girlfriend.

Suppose she suddenly dumps you.

How will you feel…?

Won’t you feel betrayed…?

Similarly – won’t you feel “betrayed” the moment you are superseded for promotion…?

You have been loyal to the service – but – the service has not been loyal to you in return.

For no apparent reason – the service has “dumped” you.

You faithfully loved your girlfriend – and she dumped you.

You were totally devoted to the service – and the service “dumped” you.

Now – once your girlfriend has dumped you – what are the options open to you…?

Think about it.

You can become vindictive towards her – you can indulge in self-pity and sink into depression – you can plead with your girlfriend to take you back into her life – you can beg and beseech her to reconsider her decision to dump you – or – you can move on in life – and try to acquire a new girlfriend.

Similarly – what are your options when you are superseded…?

1. You can become “bitter” and resentful and start behaving in an acrimonious and spiteful manner. Such rancorous behavior will spoil inter-personal relationships and create “bad blood” in the environment – and – such negative vibes not only affect your own mental and physical health but will affect your family, friends and colleagues as well.

2. You can “internalize” your sorrow, start brooding and indulge in self-pity. Excessive self-commiseration will not only will make you miserable and cause you depression – but it may also push you towards alcoholism if you have a tendency to “drown” your sorrows in drink. I have seen many superseded officers becoming alcoholics.

(As an aside – let me tell you what one witty senior officer said about me when I was superseded.

He opined: 

“We don’t have to worry about him (me) becoming an alcoholic. The bugger is already a bloody drunkard. For all you know – supersession may have the opposite effect on him – and he may stop drinking…”

By the way – I did quit drinking – albeit a few years after supersession)

3. You can “plead” with the service to promote you. This can be done in a number of ways. You can “beg” your seniors for “thumping” ACRs to enable you to get promoted in the remaining attempts, you can take the “official” route – put up representations, statutory complaints and indulge in litigation etc. All this will fill you with anxiety and stress. And – if you get involved in litigation – besides the expenses involved – your mind will start thinking negative thoughts – especially as you keep discussing your case ad nauseam with lawyers and “sea lawyers”. Instead of thinking interesting creative positive thoughts – your mind will be constantly preoccupied with negative thinking. All this will affect your family and environment too.

4. Or – like in the “girlfriend dumping” metaphor – you can choose the option of moving on in life and acquiring a new “girlfriend”. Now – if you had chosen the option of resigning and quitting the service immediately after you are superseded – this new “girlfriend” can be a new job in “Civvy Street”. However – since you have decided to serve till superannuation – you will have to find this new “girlfriend” within the service. How do you do this…? How did I do this…? Read below…

INTROSPECTION

Firstly – you must be clear in your mind that the service has “rejected” you – and now – you are an “unwanted” entity (just like the example of your girlfriend “dumping” you and not wanting you anymore)

You have been brutally superseded – “passed over” for promotion – “written off” – “fallen by the wayside” – “deadwood” – discarded, redundant and unwanted by the environment.

You have been sidelined from the mainstream – you have been put on a sidetrack – and those on the main track don’t care two hoots about you.

So – don’t expect any “sympathy” from the system.

You are on your own – “index” – as they say in the Navy – and – you have to discover the best way to continue your journey in service as a “superseded” officer till you reach the age of superannuation.  

(If some seniors, course-mates and friends are helpful – consider it as a bonus – but don’t expect it)

By the time you are superseded – you would have done many appointments in a variety of jobs.

That’s the beauty of the Armed Forces (especially the Navy) – they make you work in a variety of jobs so that you become the “Jack of all Trades”.

Introspect – reflect – of all the jobs you did – which is the job you enjoyed the most…?

In my case – I had loved serving on ships the best.

But sadly – this job was ruled out – since – those days – superseded officers are not appointed for sea duties – which were considered mandatory “criteria” appointments for promotion.

Maybe – it was the view of the “powers-that-be” that since superseded officers were not eligible for selection for promotion – there was no point “wasting” a criteria appointment on “passed over” officers.

Also – remember – that the moment you are superseded for promotion – you are officially declared “incompetent”.

So – overnight – from being a professional “hot shot” officer – I became professionally “incompetent” – at least in the eyes of the system.

Hence – I became ineligible for “prestigious” high-profile appointments ashore.

Having ruled out these “high profile” options – I explored suitable “low profile” opportunities available to me.

I had done two tenures “instructional duties” – one at Navy Training “Stone Frigate” INS Valsura (where I had taught Naval Officers undergoing the Specialization Course) – and – one at the Institute of Armament Technology (IAT) where I had taught and guided the Advanced Post Graduate Master’s (ME) Course in Systems Engineering).

I had served in Research and Development (R&D) appointment.

I had served in a Naval Dockyard.

I had a stint as a “Babu in Uniform”.

Of the above options – I liked “instructional” appointments the best – especially IAT Pune – where the egalitarian “laissez faire” multi-service environment was conducive to superseded officers – much better than the “regimented” rank-conscious ethos at INS Valsura.

(Though “Quality Assurance” (QA) appointments were considered “suitable” for superseded officers – I hadn’t served in a “QA” billet – and so – I was quite averse to trying out something that was unknown).

As advised my “mentors” – I put up a request for an appointment in IAT – and – thanks to my well-wishers – six months later – I was appointed to IAT Pune on “Instructional Duties”.

(Coincidentally – IAT had asked for an Officer with Qualitative Requirements (QRs) which matched my qualifications/experience – my earlier tenure at IAT had helped a great deal).  

I must say that the Navy shows due consideration to “passed over” officers and tries to soften the blow of supersession by giving suitable appointments and long tenures to them.

Not only did Navy give me my choice appointment – but they gave me a long tenure too – more than 8 years – followed by 6 years at Mumbai.

(Prior to supersession – my average tenure in a station was less than 2 years).

Did I do justice to my appointment at IAT Pune…?

I would love to blow my own trumpet – but – I will just quote two extracts from two souvenirs (coffee table books) published by IAT during its Golden Jubilee.

Extract from page 63 of History of IAT – 50 Years of Excellence (1952 - 2002)

From Chapter on R&D Activities in Wings.

“Cdr VW Karve was the main pillar for many years and made the largest possible contributions to the students, faculty and institute. Numerous papers published by him in national and international journals earned a name for the Institute”

Extract from page 41 of IAT Golden Jubilee Souvenir

From the article “A Grateful Student Remembers”.

“Though not widely practiced, Cdr Karve’s Captain Haddockesque approach to education intrigued me enough to try out the concurrent methodology in conjunction with the sequential methodology, I was already into. It was an eventful and illuminating two semesters under the guidance of Cdr Karve, who was an Institute within the Institute”

CONCLUSION

Once you are “superseded” and “passed over” for promotion – if you choose to continue in service – it is best to make the most of it – by trying to identify and select a suitable “job” (within service parameters) – a job in harmony with your talent – a métier where you can flourish and contribute your best to the service too.

Self-Pity, Bitterness and Negative Thinking may prove counterproductive to your mental well-being and health – and – indulging in litigation may affect your “peace of mind”.

Remember the “dumped by girlfriend” metaphor – move on – be positive – introspect – discover your “métier” – find a new suitable “girlfriend” with whom you feel you can achieve your best – and – make the most of it. 

To be continued in Part 3 SUPERSEDED OFFICER’S SURVIVAL GUIDE 

VIKRAM KARVE 

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 


© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Do You Want to Join the Defence Services – Part 2 – Holistic Orientation – The Most Important OLQ (Officer Like Quality)


CAREER IN DEFENCE SERVICES 

HOLISTIC ORIENTATION – SINE QUA NON OF MILITARY WAY OF LIFE 
Musings of a Retired Navy Veteran
By
VIKRAM KARVE

HOLISTIC ORIENTATION – The Most Important OLQ (Officer Like Quality)

Let me repeat this cliché ad nauseam to drive this truism right into your head:

The Navy is not a job.

The Navy is a way of life.

I feel that the same holds true for all aspects of Military Life in the Defence Services, in all the 3 Armed Forces (Army Navy and Air Force).

The Military is not a Job – The Military is a Way of Life.

In most civilian jobs, the connection between the employer and the employee  involves mainly those activities connected with the completion of a specific job.

This is true of the industry, especially the IT industry, where organizations practice an HR Policy of “partial inclusion”.

The Military has a Holistic Orientation and practice an HR Attitude of “Total Inclusion”.

There are three aspects in every person’s life:

1. Work Life

2. Social Life

3. Personal Life

In the Military – the Army, the Navy and the Air Force – all three aspects of a person’s life – “Work Life” – “Social Life” – and – “Personal Life” – all these three aspects are integrated into a single whole.  

Most civilian organisations and industries officially follow the precept:

“Personal feelings have no place at work”.

In the Civilian World:

Relationships between organization and employees are limited to work life alone.

Yes, in some cases, there may be a bit of “socializing” but an employee’s personal life is considered his or her private matter and it is not considered legitimate and appropriate for the organisation to formally meddle into personal affairs or interfere with the personal life of an employee.

In the Military, relationships are not restricted to work life alone. 

In the Defence Services, relationships transcend the work space and encompass your social and personal life as well.

In the Military: 

“Personal feelings do have a place at work”.

As I had said earlier – the Military has a Holistic Attitude of “Total Inclusion”. 

This means that you are on duty 24/7 in the Military.

Yes, you are on the job at all times, 24/7, round the year on every day of your service life, whether you are on-duty or off-duty. 

Once you are a Military Officer, you have no other identity – you are an Army Officer, a Naval Officer or an Air Force Officer.

Till you are in service you have no other identity.

In many cases this may hold true after retirement as well – since it is only in the Military that you are allowed to prefix your rank before your name even after retirement.

As I said earlier, in the Military, all the three aspects of your life (“Work Life”, “Social Life” and “Personal Life”) are integrated into a single whole. 

In contrast to a job in the civilian world – where – “personal feelings have no place at work” – in the Military – “Personal feelings do have a vital and significant place at work”.

This holistic relationship fosters a sense of intimacy between individuals, nurtures team-spirit and develops lifelong bonds of trust and understanding. 

This unique intimate relationship is imperative for war-fighting.

The concept of “Total Inclusion” cultivates a unique intimate relationship which covers the entire gamut of work related and non-work related issues.

Not only you, but even your wife, your children and your family will be subject to the “total inclusion” culture prevalent in the defence services.

For example – your wife’s status will depend on your Rank and Position.

This is because – a Military Wife “carries” her husband’s rank – and her very identity is determined by her husband’s position in the Hierarchy.

Yes – it is the husband’s rank that determines the status of the wife in the closed military society.

In the military – the dictum “RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES” (RHIP) extends to your family life as well.

Will this extension of “pecking order” to your family life be acceptable to you...?

Will you like some senior officer’s wife “lording” over your wife despite the fact that your wife is more accomplished...?

And, God Forbid, if you miss your promotion, are you and your family prepared to suffer the “Rank Has Its Privileges” (RHIP) ignominy and humiliation in all three aspects of your life (work, social and personal life)?

(Girls who are thinking of marrying military officers also need to consider whether they will be okay with all these ramifications of “Holistic Orientation” which may affect their personal life)

On the positive side – “total inclusion” will ensure that you and your family will be well looked after by the military fraternity – by the service establishment – and by women’s welfare organizations like AWWA, NWWA and AFWWA.

Hence: 

If you wish to join the Defence Services – you must be prepared for this “holistic” way of life – which entails the intermixing of your work life, your social life and your personal/family life.


DO NOT JOIN THE DEFENCE SERVICES IF YOU ARE NOT SUITED FOR A MILITARY CAREER

In my opinion – you are not suited for a Career in the Armed Forces in the following two cases:

1. If you are a “private person” – who believes that “office” and “home” must be kept separate, 

2. If you feel that your boss, your workplace colleagues and the organisation must keep out of your personal life.

If you feel strongly about any of the above – then you must think seriously and introspect before you decide to join the Armed Forces.


MILITARY WAY OF LIFE 

Like I said earlier:

In the Military you cannot separate your Personal Life from your Work Life. 

In fact, in the Military:

Personal Feelings have a vital and significant impact at work

This is because Military Life requires you to have a mind-set of “Holistic Orientation”.

You will be subjected to “Holistic Orientation” the moment you join the Armed Forces as a Cadet at any of the Military Training Academies - National Defence Academy (NDA), Indian Military Academy (IMA), Naval Academy, Air Force Academy or the Officers Training Academy (OTA), as the case may be, depending on where you join.

So, before you decide on a career in the Armed Forces, in the Army, Navy or Air Force, you must introspect to see whether you have the requisite “Holistic Orientation”.

If you are a “private person” who values your privacy and individual identity, and you do not have a compatible “attitude” towards Holistic Orientation, then I feel that a Military Career, in the Army Navy or Air Force, is definitely not your cup of tea.


CONCLUSION

A career in the defence services or armed forces like the Army Navy and Air Force is different from most other civilian careers. 

The unique attributes of a military career entail a distinctive “way of life” that makes a career in the armed forces totally different as compared to a career in the civilian world.

Many young persons join the defence services without fully understanding the unique aspects of a military career and then they feel out of place, mismatched, frustrated and regretful.

During my long naval career I have seen so many officers who realized that they were misfits in the navy and wasted many frustrated years of their lives in misery trying to get out of the navy.

Please do not let that happen to you.

Do join the army, navy and air force – but do so with due diligence, with your eyes open and with full awareness. 

It may prove foolhardy to join on a sudden impulse or in a wave of jingoism. 

You must be realistic about it because your career is probably the most important part of your life.

If you have the right attitude and compatible mindset then a military career is very satisfying and fulfilling.

But if your attitude in not in sync with the military way of life then you may get frustrated and your life may become miserable.

That is why, before you join the defence services, make sure that your nature is amenable to HOLISTIC ORIENTATION and you have the requisite attributes and attitude suitable for a career in the armed forces.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. These are my personal views based on my own experience. These career guidance tips are based on my own experience and represent my own personal views which may not be universal in nature and may not apply to you. You must make your own career decisions with due diligence.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Saturday, March 9, 2019

How to Build Trust and Reduce Trust Deficit

My wellwishers often scold me: “Why do you tell everything about yourself to everyone...?” 

“To build trust...” I say. 

Yes – “Self Disclosure” builds Trust. 

On the other hand – “Secrecy” breeds Mistrust. 

Trust is most important in all relationships – Personal, Professional and Social. 

Trust is especially important in Marriage. 

In fact – Trust is more important that Love. 

“Should you tell my would-be spouse everything about your past...?”

“Should you share my sexual past with your soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your spouse about your “ex”...?”

The answers are obvious – but – does everyone do so...? 

Trust matters on Social Media too. 

Those who disclose more about themselves are trusted more than those who are secretive or  try to hide behind anonymity. 

Here is an article I wrote many years ago on “How to Build Trust and Reduce Trust Deficit”... 

HOW TO BUILD TRUST IN RELATIONSHIPS (AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT)
Trust Management Using JOHARI WINDOW
By
VIKRAM KARVE

From my Academic (Management Lecture) Archives:

For many years – I used to teach and lecture on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management – especially in project management – and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional – at home and at work – is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT. 

So, a few years ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW. 

On request from an erstwhile student of mine – I am re-posting the article on application of the JOHARI WINDOW in reducing TRUST DEFICIT – which I had written long back based on my management lectures – and which I had posted on my blog a few years ago.

As always – I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback.

TRUST MATTERS

I trust people.

Depending on the way you look at it, one of my chief virtues (or shortcomings) is that I trust people. 

That is why it is easy for anyone to take me for a ride, and make an “April Fool” of me, as so many have done.

Yes – I have a trusting nature.

That’s why I did not try my hand at business.

By nature – I am an honest, straightforward, outspoken person and I like to be transparent.

I am not a “smooth operator”.

I do not have the “talent” to indulge in one-upmanship.

I do not possess the “tact” to be opaque, secretive and “diplomatic”.

It is because of my trusting nature that have I avoided taking up a profession where one has to put on a mask of pretence, hide things, indulge in mendacity and be Machiavellian to succeed.

In the Navy of yesteryear – we trusted each other.

Yes – Naval Officers of the “old-mould” attached great value to Trust.

In fact – mutual trust was the main factor on which the Navy system worked.

On a ship – everyone trusted the Captain – and – the Captain in turn trusted his officers and crew.

Sailors trusted Officers –and – in return – Officers trusted Sailors.

It has been my experience that trust is the key ingredient in any relationship, personal or professional – and – it is always best to associate with trustworthy individuals.

Trust is greater than Love.

That is why arranged marriages based on trust may be more enduring than marriages based purely on love.

Trust matters a lot at work too.

One of the plus points I experienced in my career in the Navy was the atmosphere of trust which made work stress-free, productive and enjoyable.

I feel that trust is the bedrock of a good relationship.

This is why “old fogies” like me feel dismayed at the increasing TRUST DEFICIT in all spheres of life, at both the macro and micro level.

It seems that no one trusts each other.

Opposition Parties do not trust the Government and vice versa.

There is mutual trust deficit between the military and bureaucrats. 

Organizations do not trust each other.

Bosses do not trust their subordinates and junior do not trust their seniors.

Even in personal relationships, trust deficit is on the rise.

Husbands and wives do not trust each other.

Parents do not trust their children and children do not trust their parents.

There is trust deficit between teachers and students too.

I do not know whether it is true, but a young Naval Officer told me that nowadays there is increasing Trust Deficit in the Navy too and he has seen cases where even coursemates do not trust each other.

The moot question, therefore, is: 

Can this problem of Trust Deficit be tackled and mitigated?

Are there any methods to reduce Trust Deficit?

Well, let me suggest one method – JOHARI WINDOW

For many years I have taught and lectured on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management, especially in project management and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional, at home and at work, is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT.
 
So, a few months ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW.

On the request of some of my friends I am posting the article below once again. 

As always, I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback. 


TRUST and RELATIONSHIPS

“Should I tell my would-be spouse everything about my past?”

“Should I share my sexual past with my soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your spouse about your ex?”

These are common questions which arise in the minds of young people and you can see so many about-to-be married youngsters asking similar questions to “agony aunts”.

Conventional wisdom says that the answer is: 

“Yes. It is best to be open and honest with your spouse. Be transparent and do not hide anything. There should be no secrets between husband and wife.”

But – to my surprise – I have seen some “agony aunts” giving advice that “being totally honest may not always be desirable and it would be wise to hide your past affairs”...

I find this quite shocking. 

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship – especially a lifelong relationship like marriage – in fact – trust is the cement that bonds the marriage. 

Once trust is broken – the “cement” holding together the bonds will disintegrate – and the marriage will collapse like a pack of cards. 

How can you build a marriage on the foundations of mistrust...?

There is one more danger if you hide things and keep secrets from your spouse. 

You will forever live under the “Fear of being Found Out”...

The “fear of being found out” is a terrible fear – which causes great internal stress which can be detrimental to your health – both physical and mental. 

This – in turn – will adversely affect the marital relationship.

Trust deficit has the potential to totally destroy a relationship, and even if it does not totally destroy a relationship, trust deficit will certainly inhibit the relationship from realizing its full potential.

There was a Marathi Serial a few years ago on Zee TV Marathi called Tu Tithe Mee which depicts the dangers of hiding your past from your spouse. 

The story of Tu Tithe Mee portrays in dramatic fashion how a marriage can crumble once a husband unexpectedly finds out secrets about his wife’s past life that his wife has hidden from him.

The story shows how even the smallest seed of mistrust can amplify into a demon of suspicion and create huge distrust which can shake the very foundations of marriage.

It is not only in marriage – but – trust is the essential ingredient in any successful relationship. 

Whether that relationship is between two people, between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, between friends, between parents and children, between relatives, between neighbours and acquaintances or within a family.

Even at the Workplace – for optimal functioning – Trust is a must between boss and subordinate – between peers and colleagues – in project teams – in business and partnerships – in Customer Relationship Management (CRM) – and – all professional relationships.

In many cases – employers are secretive – and employees hide things from their employers – because of Trust Deficit. 

One example of Trust Deficit is the prevailing trend of “Pay Secrecy” in the Private Sector – particularly in MNCs and the IT industry.

In our daily life in Society too, whether it be in the social community, in sports teams, and at schools and colleges, between teachers and students, or a relationship in any facet of life – Trust Deficit can be detrimental.

At the macro level too – trust between the citizens and the government is essential for effective and efficient functioning of governance. 

Trust is the cardinal element that allows the relationship to function effectively.

That is why it is sad to see “Trust Deficit” everywhere. 

People do not trust each other anymore. 

Yes – we humans do not implicitly trust each other now-a-days. 

You can see absolute and total trust only in canine-human relationships – yes – dogs unconditionally trust their human masters and and most human beings trust their pet dogs too.

How can we reduce Trust Deficit...? 

How can we enhance Mutual Trust...?

Well – there is a management tool called JOHARI WINDOW which can help. 


HOW TO USE THE JOHARI WINDOW TO ENHANCE MUTUAL TRUST AND TO REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT

The concept of the Johari Window is relatively simple. 

Assume that you are the wife (self).

There are things about yourself that you know and there are things about yourself that you don’t know.

Also, there are things about you that your husband knows and there are things about you that your husband does not know.

Now it is the same with your husband (other). 

There are things about himself that he knows and there are things about himself that he does not know. 

Also, there are things about him that you know and there are things about him that you don’t know.

Now put yourself in the place of Self and put your husband in the place of Other and have a look at the picture below (called Johari Window based on contraction of the names Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham who developed this tool to help people understand and improve their interpersonal relationships). 






The TRUST in a relationship is directly proportional to the OPEN Area 

The other areas (HIDDEN, BLIND AND UNKNOWN) are sources of TRUST DEFICIT. 

Hence, in order to enhance TRUST  and reduce TRUST DEFICIT all you have to do is to increase the OPEN area (also called Arena) and reduce the HIDDEN Area (also called Facade) by Disclosure (Telling) and also reduce the BLIND area (also called Blind Spot) by obtaining Feedback (Asking). 

The UNKNOWN Area will also start reducing over time as the bonds of your mutual relationships become stronger and stronger and you get to know each other better and better.




TELL (disclosure) each other and ASK (feedback) each other and COMMUNICATE(give yourself interactive TIME together) to reduce the hidden, blind and unknown areas respectively.


 



Here is how the Johari Windows will look Before and After :


BEFORE

JOHARI WINDOW AT THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP 

[Open Area or Arena Represents TRUST and the other three areas (Blind, Facade, Unknown) represent TRUST DEFICIT]





AFTER


JOHARI WINDOW AFTER YOU WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP

[Notice how the Open Area of Arena (TRUST) has increased and the other three areas (TRUST DEFICIT) are reduced]




So now you know what you must do in order to reduce Trust Deficit in a relationship.

Whether it is a home or at work or any other relationship.  

Just sit together and work on Johari Window. 

Both of you must use Self Disclosure and Feedback to enhance Mutual Trust and reduce Trust Deficit and consequently improve your relationship. 

After you succeed in a one-on-one (two person) situation, you can extend this technique to multiple participants too.

This works for me. 

Why don’t you try out the JOHARI WINDOW and see if it works for you. 

Try it out with your boss and colleagues at work. 

If you are in the service industry try it out with your customers, and if you are in business, try it out in your business relationships.

Try it out at home with your spouse and kids. 

If you are in a relationship, try it out with your boyfriend or girlfriend while dating and courting and having a relationship. 

When you make friends, remember that deep friendships based on Mutual Trust are more enduring and truly fulfilling than superficial “Hail-Fellow-Well-Met” type of casual friendships.

Did it work? 

Did the Johari Window Technique help build trust and reduce trust deficit? 

What was your experience?

Dear Reader: Please comment - I look forward to your views and feedback. 



VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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Disclaimer:
1. These are my personal views. Please do your own due diligence while applying these techniques.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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