Good Mother – Bad Wife

GOOD MOTHER BAD WIFE

Parenting Priority vs Conjugal Relationship 

Musings

By

VIKRAM KARVE

A friend said in disgust, “I am fed up of my wife,”

“Why?” I asked, “your wife is quite good.”

“Oh, yes, she is quite good,” he answered, “She is a good mother but a bad wife.”

Then, he told me his sob story.

Both his kids had settled abroad, in the USA.

And since they had got married, they kept on calling his wife over there to do “Nanny” duty.

When his daughter got pregnant she summoned her mother to America to look after her during her pregnancy days and after her delivery she wanted her mother to stay on till the baby was a year and a half old.

My poor friend was left to fend for himself for nearly two years.

The same thing happened when his daughter-in-law delivered a baby.

Since the daughter-in-law’s mother could not stay for more than six months, his son emotionally blackmailed his mother to come over for “Nanny” duties till his baby was old enough for day care since the daughter-in-law wanted to get back to work.

Now the same story was being repeated as his daughter was pregnant for the second time.

Once a man is married for a long time it becomes difficult for him to stay without his wife for long duration.

Yes, it is very painful for a “much married” husband (or wife) to be forced to live the life of a “married bachelor”.

“Why can’t our Indian girls be tough like American women when they go over there to America...? Do they ask for their mothers to come and live with them to look after their babies...?” he said in anger.

“Our girls are very shrewd. They want the “best of both worlds”. Indian youngsters want to go to America for the money and good life – but they want Indian style comforts and lifelong parenting. Indian migrants to America want US Citizenship – but they are reluctant to adopt the American way of family life. So – pregnant NRI women want their mothers to come to America and look after them and their small children. They don’t realize that they are ruining their parents’ married life.”

I have seen many such women who are good mothers and bad wives.

“Good Mother – Bad Wife”

or to put it a bit mildly:

“Most Women are Good Wives – but – they are Better Mothers”

Now, as I look around me, I find that this is true in most cases, at least among the middle-class families of Pune.

For most married women, the priorities are quite clear: 

“Children come First – Husbands afterwards”

“Parenting Priority” takes precedence over “Conjugal Relationship”

Marital Sacrifice is the order of the day.

Yes – most mothers are ready to sacrifice their marriages for the sake of their children. 

Dear Reader: Do you agree...? 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

This is a abridged version of my story PARENTING PRIORITY versus MARITAL SACRIFICE posted online by me earlier a number of times in my blogs including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/01/why-ruin-your-marriage-for-sake-of-your.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/good-mother-bad-wife.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/06/the-najuk-nri-girls-from-pune.html and http://vikramwamankarve.blogspot.in/2006/10/best-of-both-worlds-short-story-by.html and http://creative.sulekha.com/my-favourite-short-stories-part-48-best-of-both-worlds_543369_blog etc 

Migration – For a “Better Life”

DO YOU WANT TO MIGRATE TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY FOR A “BETTER LIFE”…?

Musings

By

VIKRAM KARVE

WHY PEOPLE MIGRATE 

People migrate for multifarious reasons. 

In a nutshell – the various reasons for migration can be categorized into “Push Factors” and “Pull Factors”.

Push Factors = Survival Migration

“Push Factor Migration” is “Survival Migration” – where people are “forced” to migrate – due to danger to life/limb because of war/conflict – or – inability to survive due to lack of food and bare necessities of life.

Such migrants who seek asylum in other countries when their life is endangered – or persons who migrate to escape from extreme poverty and deprivation – are called “Refugees”.

The present European Migrant Crisis is an example of “Push Factor” migration where refugees are fleeing from war-torn countries and seeking asylum in peaceful countries.

History is replete with examples of such “push factor survival migration” due to war, religious/political persecution, genocide, ethnic cleansing, safety/security issues, natural disasters/calamities, famines, droughts, floods etc.

Pull Factors = “Better Life” Migration

“Pull Factor Migration” is “Choice Migration” – where people “choose” to migrate for a “better life”.  

These people migrate to more developed countries because they want to enjoy a Higher “Standard of Living” and live a Better “Quality of Life” –  to put it “metaphorically” – they migrate to realize their “American Dream”.

In this blog post (and a few more) – I will explore this type of “pull factor migration” from India – where people migrated abroad for a “Better Life”.

MIGRATING ABROAD FOR A “BETTER LIFE”

In the 1970’s – many of my classmates migrated abroad (mainly to the USA) for a “better life”.

They first migrated for “higher studies” – then – they took up jobs – and – they permanently settled down in the US – and later – in due course – they acquired American Citizenship.

A few settled down in England, Europe and other prosperous nations like Australia.

By migrating abroad – they certainly achieved their aim of a “Better Life”.

If not – they would have returned back to India.

But – no one returned – all of them became citizens of their “host” countries and have happily settled down there. 

(One classmate did come back to India after a few years to take up a research job – but – he got frustrated by the working culture here and returned back to America. Another came back for the “sake of his children” – but – his children could not adjust in Indian schools – so even he went back to the US after 2 years of “experimenting”…)

Now – all of them are Foreign Citizens –and – of course – since our government is magnanimous to NRIs (Non Resident Indians) and PIO (Persons of Indian Origin) settled abroad – they have all acquired PIO cards – and – they taunt me that – even in India – a PIO with a Foreign Passport is treated better than an Indian Citizen.

When I observe their prosperity – and I hear about their fabulous lifestyle abroad – I too wish I had migrated abroad for a “better life” rather than spending my life “serving the nation” in uniform.

But – that is all in the distant past.

Recently – I visited New Zealand – and – I had the opportunity to interact with many Indian youngsters studying/working in New Zealand.

And yes – just like my “migrant” classmates in the 1970’s – even today – not even a single youngster wanted to return back to India – all of them wanted to settle down in New Zealand for a “Better Life” – or – use New Zealand as a stepping stone to migrate to Australia, America, Europe or other modern developed nations.  

This phenomenon seems quite common – once they have got used to the “Better Life” abroad – no one wants to come back to India.

(Only two types of youngsters who go abroad for higher studies want to come back to India – children of politicians – and – children of businessmen – since – they can aspire for a much “Better Life” back home. Of course – there may be an odd “academician” who comes back to teach – but – these are exceptions to the rule)

Today – after “liberalization”, “globalization” and the “IT Boom” – it is even easier to migrate abroad – and – a large number of youngsters are desperate to migrate abroad for a “better life”.

Many developed countries encourage immigration because it helps them both economically and intellectually – economically – due to the huge fees paid by migrant students – and – intellectually – since they get skilled migrants to fill up their own skill shortages and augment high-tech domains with highly qualified/motivated migrants.

So – on the surface – it seems to be a “win-win” situation – especially for youngsters who want to migrate abroad for a “better life”.  

MOOT QUESTION:

IS LIFE REALLY “BETTER” ABROAD IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES…?

Is life really “better” abroad – in the place where you are thinking of migrating…?

Are these young migrants really enjoying a “better life” as compared to the life they were living in India…?

Of course – they think so – otherwise – wouldn’t they return home…?

What do I think…?

Well – Dear Reader – in the next few posts I will tell you about my recent interactions with “migrant” youngsters – and – I will leave it for you to decide whether the “grass” is really “greener” on the other side… 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 

Repost of my post DO YOU WANT TO MIGRATE TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY FOR A “BETTER LIFE” posted online earlier at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/11/do-you-want-to-migrate-abroad-for.html

“Student Pathway” to Migration – Beware of “Education Trafficking”

BEWARE OF “EDUCATION TRAFFICKING”

Are You Taking the “Student Pathway” to Migrate…?

Musings of a Veteran

By

VIKRAM KARVE

THE “STUDENT PATHWAY”

In the 1970’s – my classmates used the “student pathway” to migrate abroad to the US and settle down there permanently to realize their “American Dream” (those days – USA was the most sought after destination for youngsters who wanted to migrate away from India for a “better life”).

In fact – before “liberalization” (1991) – owing to various “socialist” restrictions – the “student pathway” was the only way to migrate and settle down in a foreign country.

“Liberalization” and “Globalization” created new options for aspiring migrants – like the “foreign job” option and “onsite work” option etc – which facilitated migration to a foreign country – but – even now – most aspiring migrants use the “student pathway” route to migrate and settle down in the country of their choice.

During my recent visit to New Zealand – I interacted with many youngsters from India – who were on the “student pathway” to realize their dream of settling down in New Zealand.

Today – in view of various favorable advantages and promising prospects – many youngsters want to migrate to New Zealand – and – they use the “student pathway” – since – New Zealand’s immigration policies include a post-study work pathway for international students who have completed a New Zealand qualification – which lets you find a job and get work experience in a field related to your studies and makes it easier to apply for residence and finally acquire citizenship.

All the youngsters I met in New Zealand – some students – and some working after completing their studies – all of them were desperate to settle down in New Zealand – and – not even a single youngster wanted to return back to India.

(In fact – New Zealand is such a lovely place that even visitors feel like staying on there forever – and – most visitors feel sad when their stay in New Zealand comes to an end and they have to return home)

The youngsters told me that one good plus-point of studying in New Zealand is that you can “earn while you learn” – since students are allowed to work part-time for a specified number of hours every week – and since the hourly “minimum wage” is quite good – students can earn enough to meet their daily needs.

Once they got accustomed to the “better life” in New Zealand – they did not want to return to India – and they wanted to permanently settle down in New Zealand “at any cost”.

I could see this desperate desire for residency (and finally citizenship) in most of the youngsters I met in New Zealand.

One of my friends who has settled down in New Zealand told me that this desperation (to remain in New Zealand) makes youngsters vulnerable to exploitation – especially after they complete their studies and are looking for a job in order to get a work visa – and later – when they want residency – in order to achieve their long term goal is to permanently settle in New Zealand.

She also told me another shocking fact.

She said that it was “our own people” who exploited young Indian migrants the most.

By the term “our own people” – she was referring to erstwhile Indians (who migrated from India to New Zealand many years ago and had got New Zealand Citizenship) – it was they who were exploiting new Indian Migrants the most.

I was shocked to hear this – that – in most cases – new migrants were being exploited by employers in their own ethnic communities.

I did see many young “Indian” migrants working in stores, malls, hotels, restaurants, cafes etc. – but – I was impressed by their “dignity of labour” which is a sign of egalitarian society – it was good to see that students/youngsters were ready to do any type of work to earn some extra money.

In fact – in the very café where my friend and I were sitting – it was an “Indian” migrant who was managing the counter and also serving us.

She told me a few stories – but – I thought they may be apocryphal.

But then – a few days ago – I read three news reports which shocked me.

Here are the url links to the news reports (click url to open on a new page):

1. NZ dream turns to nightmare for international students

URL: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11760721

2. Student Visa: ‘It's not about education’

URL: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11759352

3. ‘Sleep with me if you want your visa’ boss tells student worker

URL: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11760729

Let me add a disclaimer that what is described in these news reports may be aberrations – and may not be representative of the broad reality.

In fact – from my experience of the excellent social life I observed in New Zealand – I feel that these reports may be rare isolated exceptions – and – New Zealand certainly has a superior quality of life than most places.

Yes – New Zealand is a great place to visit, to study, to work – and – if you want – to migrate, reside and settle in.

But – if you are thinking of migrating permanently – you must make yourself aware of various aspects of the realities of life there.

The aim of this article is to generate a bit of awareness.

I do not intend to dissuade youngsters from migrating abroad to realize their dreams of a “better life”.

In fact – I would encourage youngsters to migrate to places where they can achieve their fullest potential and thereby contribute more to the world.

However – aspiring migrants must ensure they are aware of the pros and cons – especially if they are using the “student pathway” – so that they don’t fall victim to “education trafficking” and become vulnerable to exploitation.

EDUCATION TRAFFICKING

A newly coined term “Education Trafficking” refers to the phenomenon of enticing aspiring migrants to take the “student pathway” to get a permanent residency in the country of their choice.

These aspirants pay huge amounts of money to use the “student pathway” to migration since education is expensive in most developed countries.

(It is well known that education has become big business and there are many “stakeholders” who want a share in the pie).

The root cause of the problem of “Education Trafficking” does not lie in the new “host” country to which students want to migrate.

The root cause of the problem lies in the “donor” country “exporting” students – where various “Agents” and “Consultants” mislead and exploit gullible youngsters who are desperate to migrate overseas for a “better life”.

If you want to use the “student pathway” to migrate for a “better life” – please do so by all means – but ensure that you perform “due diligence” and carry out a “reality check” – so that you do not become vulnerable to exploitation once you migrate to the land of your dreams.

----------------

Dear Reader: Have you read my previous posts on my observations during my short stays in New Zealand…?

Here are a few of the URL links: 

DO YOU WANT TO MIGRATE TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY FOR A “BETTER LIFE”…? 

URL: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/11/do-you-want-to-migrate-abroad-for.html 

BOMBAY in New Zealand – Travel Tales

URL: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/11/bombay-in-new-zealand-travel-tales.html 

Milford Sound is Awesome

URL: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/milford-sound-fiordland-south-new.html 

WHY DO PEOPLE MIGRATE...?

URL: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/07/why-do-people-migrate-conversation-with.html 

New Zealand Foodie Memories

URL: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/01/food-photos-new-zealand-trip.html 

NEW ZEALAND FOOD DIARY OF A PURE VEGETARIAN

URL: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/food-diary-of-pure-vegetarian-in-new.html

Also – I intend writing a few more articles on my visits to New Zealand – and – I will post them in my blogs in due course for you to read and comment upon. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
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PREGNANCY and CHILD CARE – NRI STYLE

PREGNANCY and CHILD CARE – NRI STYLE

Musings - a story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“I am going to America,” she says.

“The United States of America – USA…?” I ask.

“Yes,” she says.

“Wow. So you are going for sightseeing and tourism,” I comment.

“No. I am going for my daughter’s confinement,” she says.

“Confinement…? Is your daughter in trouble? Has she been arrested? Is she is prison? What happened…?”

“No. No. No. Nothing is wrong with her. My daughter is pregnant. I am going for her delivery. By ‘confinement’ I mean the pregnancy time period during which a woman gives birth to a child.”

“Oh. Congratulations. But why do you have to go all the way there to America? Why doesn’t your daughter come here to Pune for her delivery?”

“Why should she come over here?”

“Well, I thought a daughter goes to her mother’s place for her first delivery. I remember that you went to your mother’s place for your first delivery.”

“That was different.”

“Why? Even your elder daughter came to your house for her first delivery.”

“My elder daughter lives in India – that is why she came to my house for her delivery. My younger daughter lives in America – that is why I have to go there.”

“I don’t understand. Why can’t your younger daughter come here for her delivery? The facilities are good here. Or is there some advantage in having the delivery over there in USA?”

“I don’t know. Stop asking so many questions. You’re irritating me. I did ask my daughter to come here for her delivery. But she said that I would have to go there – so I have to go – that’s all,” my friend says, and she walks away, quite annoyed with me.

In the middle-class locality of Pune where I live almost all children have migrated abroad, mostly to the USA, to live a good life and realize the “American Dream”.

Some went abroad for higher studies, some went via the IT route, some went via marriage – and all of them have settled down there and they have no intention of coming back to India.

They have left their parents to fend for themselves back home.

They don’t even want to come to India to deliver their children.

They all want to have their babies in America.

So mothers have to go for long periods to America to look after their daughters during their “confinement” period – which may extend to over 6 months.

Later, these NRI daughters want their mothers to come over for “nanny” duties.

The earlier generation looked after their parents in their old age.

Now there is a role reversal.

The new “NRI generation” wants their old parents to look after them, despite the fact that these NRI’s have abandoned their country of birth leaving their parents high-and-dry to fend for themselves in their old age – all this in their singular quest for a better life abroad.

But that is another story.

The moot question is:

Why are NRI women reluctant to come home to India to deliver their babies?

Why do they want their children to be born in America?

Any Answers ?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

NB

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013. All Rights Reserved

Did you like this story?  

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
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Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com

Twitter: @vikramkarve

      

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