Friday, July 4, 2014

Humor in Uniform - WEEKEND BLUES

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

(This happened long back when we worked for 6 days in a week in all government offices)

WEEKEND BLUES
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

“You think you are too damn smart – but I have found out something about you,” the PMC said.

“What is it, Sir?” I asked, curious, wondering which ‘secret’ of mine the PMC had discovered.

“You avoid having parties on Saturdays,” he said.

“Is it so?” I said, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Ever since you have taken over as Mess Secretary you always schedule parties on working days – on weekday evenings. Every time we want to have a party on Saturday evenings, you get the party re-scheduled on a weekday on some pretext or the other. Now you have crossed all limits – you even want a Saturday afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) preponed to Wednesday afternoon,” he said.

“There is no such word as ‘preponed’, Sir,” I said.

“Shut up. Don’t try to change the topic...” he said.

“Sir, but Wednesday is also a make-and-mend (half-day) routine – and the officer whose farewell party it is – he wanted it on Wednesday – he said it was more convenient…”

“Don’t bullshit me – the officer said that it was you who told him that Wednesday would be convenient…” the PMC said.

Now that the cat was out of the bag, I decided to make a clean breast of it.

“Sir, you are right – I don’t like to have parties on Saturdays,” I said.

“Any particular reason – something religious – you fast on Saturdays…” he asked.

“No, no, Sir – it is something totally different – nothing religious or spiritual about it, Sir – maybe philosophical – but you won’t believe me if I tell you,” I said.

“I want to know – you have to tell me,” the PMC insisted.

“I work to enjoy my leisure,” I said.

“You work to enjoy your leisure?” he repeated my words, looking puzzled.

“We all do, don’t we? Don’t we all work so that we can enjoy our leisure? We slog 6 days a week, so that we can enjoy that one Sunday we get off. And in the navy, we have to do duties on some Sundays too, so even some of the few Sunday routines we get are ruined anyway,” I said.

“But what the hell has all this got to do with not having parties on weekends?” he asked.

“I don’t like to have a hangover on a Sunday morning – I prefer to have my hangover on a working day, in working hours,” I said.

“What?” he asked, looking puzzled.

“I drink because I am in the Navy – it is the Navy that taught me how to drink, it is the Navy that motivates me to drink by giving me the choicest top quality duty free and subsidized liquor – and don’t we have an official party culture that encourages drinking?” I said.

“How can you say that?” he asked.

“Sir, I never touched a drop of booze in college. And most probably, I would never have started drinking alcohol had I not joined the navy. So, since I drink alcohol because I am in the Navy, the effects of drinking alcohol like a hangover must be suffered in working hours. Sir, most navy parties are official parties, so the effects of these official parties must be officially endured in official working hours…” I explained.

“You are talking all nonsense…” the PMC said.

“Sir, please try to see it logically – the Navy is responsible for my drinking, so the Navy must bear my hangover. Why should I ruin my valuable leisure hours suffering a hangover on the one beautiful Sunday morning I get for myself – in fact, I like to get up early on Sundays so I can enjoy my well deserved holiday to the fullest…” I said.

From the incredulous look on his face, it appeared that the PMC was not convinced by my logical reasoning.

And to prove that he was the boss, when the next occasion for an official farewell party arose, the PMC decided that the party was to be held on a Saturday evening.

This was vetoed by the PMC’s wife, who unequivocally told her husband, “Why an official party on Saturday evening? Why don’t you have the farewell party on a weekday evening like you normally do? I am not going to ruin my weekend attending your boring party which goes on and on. On Saturday evening, you take me out for shopping and a movie.”

What the PMC did not know was that a few days ago I had a discussion on the same subject with his wife, and she seemed to heartily agree with my views.

VIKRAM KARVE
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