HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
“JOINTMANSHIP”
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer:
1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of
humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, so take it with a pinch of salt and have
a laugh.
2. All stories in this
blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in
the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely
imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
NB:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form
or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any
information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from
the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright
© Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
WHAT
IS THE MEANING OF “JOINTMANSHIP”?
If you are familiar with military jargon I am
sure you have come across the term called: “jointmanship”.
At first, I thought that the concept of “jointmanship”
had something to do with inter-service cooperation.
However, as I grew “wiser” in service, I
realized that it was exactly the opposite of what I had earlier thought.
I first saw “jointmanship” in action in the
early 1980’s when the Army evicted Naval Officers from the SP Marg Officers
Mess in New Delhi.
In a retaliatory gesture of “jointmanship”
the Navy evicted all Army Officers from the Kota House Officers Mess.
Those days Army and Navy had common officers’
messes (SP Marg and Kota House) whereas the Air Force, which always believes in
keeping a safe distance from the “pongos”, had its iconic Central Vista (CV) Air
Force Officers’ Mess on Janpath.
Later, as a result of the Army-Navy “jointmanship”
wars, the spoils were divided, with victorious Army having won the bigger, better
and modern SP Marg Mess and the vanquished Navy having to make do with the ancient
decrepit Kota House Mess.
In this “jointmanship” battle for the
Officers’ Messes, the Navy had been roundly and soundly defeated by the Army.
Though I had left the SP Marg Officers Mess
by then, as I had got married and shifted to Curzon Road Apartments, it was
quite sad to see friendly messmates who were living as buddies together being wrenched
apart and separated as per the colour of their uniform just to suit the whims
and fancies of some senior officers.
Even today, as I hark back, I fondly cherish
my glorious days at SP Marg Officers Mess.
I remember that we had plenty of genuine jointmanship
and inter-service camaraderie at the junior level – yes, it was authentic and
sincere jointmanship, not pseudo “jointmanship” which exists only on paper.
In fact, at SP Marg Officers Mess, relations
between us naval officers and our army messmates were excellent and we made a
lot of army friends – lasting friendships which endure even till today.
Yes, indeed there was excellent
“jointmanship” visible at the junior officer level – we all lived happily
together in the Officers Mess and there was an atmosphere of bonhomie in the
evenings when we all sat together on the lawns or in the bar enjoying our
drinks.
That is why we were surprised when Naval
Officers were peremptorily thrown out of SP Marg Mess – their very own home.
I wonder why the Army evicted Naval Officers
from SP Marg Mess – which they promptly renamed “Battle Honours Mess”.
There were many stories doing the rounds, but
everyone was unanimous that this unfortunate decision was a result of ego
battles and turf wars between Generals and Admirals.
While the senior officers fought with each
other, the junior officers suffered as a result of these internecine ego wars
and personality clashes.
Of course, now each service has its own
separate officers’ mess in New Delhi, so that senior officers can have their
own separate fiefdoms.
On many occasions, I have heard Senior
Officers lecturing and pontificating about the need for “jointmanship” in the
Indian Armed Forces.
But tell me one thing.
What so-called “jointmanship” are you talking
about when you can’t even have a Joint Officers Mess where Officers of the
Army, Navy and Air Force can live together, drink together and eat together and
build up camaraderie?
I think the first step towards achieving genuine
jointmanship is to convert all officers’ messes in Delhi into tri-service
combined officers’ messes for officers of all three services.
PARADOX
OF “JOINTMANSHIP”
Most other countries, including the big
military powers, have separate training academies for the army, navy and air
force.
Despite this, they seem to have achieved a
lot of actual jointmanship.
In contrast, India has a joint training
academy for all the three services – the National Defence Academy (NDA) at Khadakvasla
near Pune.
Despite this common training at the cadet
level, have we really achieved the desired level of jointmanship?
Or is jointmanship to be forgotten the moment
a cadet graduates from NDA?
In fact, you may not believe it, but in many
cases it is ex-NDA officers who don’t see eye to eye with each other when they
reach senior ranks, as we witnessed long back at IAT, an inter-service training
institution.
The biggest irony was that the Heads of the
Army and Navy Wings, who were daggers drawn with each other, were course-mates
at NDA, whereas the Head of the Air Force Wing was a Direct Entry Technical Officer
who got along well with everyone.
This “jointmanship” war percolated to lower
levels too, sometimes with greater fury, with everyone trying to prove their “loyalty”
to their respective bosses.
To add spice to the proceedings, a fourth
actor entered the “jointmanship” fray – civilian scientists – so now you had
the soldiers, sailors, airmen and scientists engaging each other in the “jointmanship”
melee.
The end result of all this “jointmanship” was
that the institution suffered – IAT which was one of the finest inter-service training
institutions is no longer the premier centre of excellence it once was.
MANIFESTATIONS
OF “JOINTMANSHIP”
We see manifestations of “jointmanship” everywhere.
For example, take residential housing schemes
for ex-servicemen.
What is the need for a separate Housing
Schemes – the AWHO (Army Welfare
Housing Scheme) for the Army and the AFNHB
(Air Force Naval Housing Board) for the Navy and Air Force?
Would it not have been better to have a
single housing scheme for all the three services?
Each service has built its own educational institutions
for children of their respective service – Army has its own Schools, Colleges
and Institutes and so have the Navy and Air Force.
It is the same story with other welfare facilities
too.
Yes, as I said, there is plenty of
inter-service camaraderie at the junior officer level, and you can get things
done on the personal network.
But is it not true that when it comes to senior
officers and the services as a whole, with each trying to protect its turf, it
is a different story all together?
Has common training, as embodied in the
concept of NDA and other joint training institutions, achieved the desired
level of jointmanship?
IS
THE EXISTING “FEUDAL” SERVICE CULTURE A BARRIER TO JOINTMANSHIP?
Well, I feel that it’s a question of culture.
Firstly, we still have a feudal culture, and
the degree of feudalism varies from service to service.
Assets, human and material, are treated as
personal fiefs and that is why ego battles and turf wars break out the moment
someone tries to disturb the feudal equations.
I feel that genuine tri-service jointmanship can
be achieved only by a top-down approach because if the Generals, Admirals and
Air Marshals can’t see eye to eye, if senior officers are daggers drawn with
each other, and if they keep fighting their private internecine wars and engage
in turf battles with each other, then jointmanship will remain in the realm of
wishful thinking.
Before I end, to cheer you up, let me give
you a recent hilarious example of “jointmanship”.
(Remember, this is supposed to be “humour in
uniform”)
Customarily, the Navy Foundation Pune, has a
get-together of retired veteran naval officers and families on the last day of
the Navy Week, on the Sunday following Navy Day (4th December).
Accordingly, a lunch was planned on the 8th
of December, at a popular convenient tried-and-tested venue, a hotel which is well
located, having amenities like valet parking, affordable, with excellent
ambiance and providing delicious food – ideal for senior citizen veterans and
families.
However, a few “oldie-goldies” opined that
the function should be held at a “Military” venue.
Though these oldie-goldies were in a
miniscule minority, in deference to their wishes, the organizers agreed, and they
duly approached the army authorities, only to be subjected to a profuse dose of
“jointmanship”.
I heard that the army “pongos” put the navy
veterans in a spin and made them run from pillar to post, and after having made
the hapless navy veterans trudge back-and-forth obtaining so-called “approvals”,
they finally agreed to give a venue on 22nd of December (of course,
this can be cancelled anytime subject to “exigencies of service” – a euphemism
for “whims and fancies” of the army in the context of this case).
The “pongos” do not seem to understand the sanctity of having a Navy Week function during the Navy Week – or maybe they just don’t care – and the Navy Veterans can do nothing about it and they have no choice but to “like it or lump it” since here in Pune it is the Army that calls the shots.
So, thanks to “jointmanship”, the navy
veterans of Pune will have the Navy Week function two weeks after the Navy Week
is over.
Cheers to “jointmanship”
Hey, remember this is a spoof, so take it with a
pinch of salt, have a laugh, and have good day.
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
NB
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
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Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925
Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie I am sure that you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9
About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com
Twitter: @vikramkarve
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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