COMFORT LEVEL and MARRIED LIFE
LIKES and DISLIKES
Musings of a Much Married Husband
Every Saturday morning, my wife and I go the E-Square Multiplex on the
University Road in Pune. We see a movie
and then enjoy some good vegetarian food at the Food Court, and then go about our weekend
business. It is a good start to a weekend.
A few months back, one Saturday, as is customary, we reached E-Square at 9 in the morning. I wanted to see an English Movie – a serious film which had just won an Oscar. My wife wanted to see the latest cacophonous Bollywood “comedy” – well I really do not relish such raucous slapstick.
Luckily there were shows of both the movies at 9:30 – albeit on different screens – so I went to see the Hollywood Movie on Screen 3 and my wife went to see the Bollywood Film on Screen 5.
My movie finished early, so I was waiting for my wife at a
Food Court, when our neighbours, a young
couple, spotted me sitting all alone and came over to say, “Hi.”
I invited them to join me and ordered coffee.
“We were sitting right behind you in the theatre,” the smart young lady said.
“Sorry, I didn’t notice you,” I said.
“All alone?” the husband asked.
“No,” I said, “my wife is watching the Hindi Movie in Screen 5. I am waiting for her here.”
Seeing the bewildered look on their faces, I explained, “You see, my wife does not like English Movies, especially serious films like the one we saw. And I really don’t like these loud noisy Bollywood comedies like the one she is seeing, which she prefers.”
“So you go your separate ways?” the young wife asked me with a curious look on her face.
“Yes,” I said, “What we both like, we do together. When our likes do not match, we do those things on our own. Why should I compel my wife to something she does not like doing? And why should a wife force a husband to do something he does not like? Tell me, why should we impose our likes and dislikes on each other?”
“Shall I tell you something?” the young husband said.
“Please, go ahead, feel free,” I said.
“Actually, I too wanted to see the Hindi Movie,” the husband confessed.
“But why didn’t you tell me?” the wife retorted.
“I did not want to spoil your mood. I know you hate these light Hindi comedies and like the boring serious English Films like the one we saw today,” the husband said.
“Come on guys,” I said, “the most important thing in a marriage is to have a good comfort level with your partner – there should be no barrier, no mask, no faking and absolutely no trust-deficit in the relationship.”
Suddenly my wife came and sat down. She seemed very happy. She said “Hi, nice to see you here” to the young couple and then looked at me and said, “I really enjoyed the movie – total nonsense – no taxing the brain – but you wouldn’t have liked it. How was your movie?”
“Good,” I said, “I really liked the film.”
“That’s great,” my wife said. Then she looked at the couple and said, “Come on, let’s eat.”
“What next?” I asked my wife.
“Let’s go to the Mall in Camp,” my wife said, “you browse your boring books in Landmark while I do some exciting shopping. When I finish I’ll give you a ring and we can walk down
to Marzorin for some yummy snacks and cold coffee.”
“How long have you two been married?” the young couple asked.
“30 years,” I said.
“Why don’t you come over to our place tomorrow morning?” the young lady asked, “we’ll go out for brunch somewhere.”
“No, No,” my wife said, “on Sunday mornings we are not free. We both give our dog a bath every Sunday morning – you know, that is the thing we really enjoy most doing together. And then we’ll laze around and watch the Sunday TV Programmes together. We love doing that.”
Before we said bye, the young couple said, “We too are going to make our “likes” and “dislikes” lists.”
“Do that,” I said, “and remember, where the “likes” match, do together, and where they don’t, just go on your own trip.”
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
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Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Now, that's an interesting way to spend a weekend. It makes total sense. I'm wondering why we haven't all thought of doing this :)
@ D Nambiar - Try it. Give each other space. It works in arranged marriages. In Love Marriages? You tell us!
Very good way... works for all relationships!!!
Loved your post!!
Calmer ways of doing things and still being happy than compromising and being unhappy
@ Pranita - I am glad you too have experienced this.
Thanks for the response everyone.
I think a better title would be - HOW TO SUSTAIN AN INCOMPATIBLE RELATIONSHIP
Very nice article and way of life. Every relationship will have some compatible and incompatible characteristics. Good way to enjoy the compatible ones and control (may be a wrong word, be detached is probably better word)/ bypass / ignore the incompatible ones.
Truly, a good comfort level with one's partner is very essential, no barrier, no mask. Of course, telling your partner likes/dislikes need not be blunt/rude :)
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