Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The Matchmaking “Business” – Matrimonial Musings

The Matchmaking “Business”

Matrimonial Musings

A Story

VIKRAM KARVE

Visit to the Marriage Bureau

More than 36 years ago – in the year 1980 – I went to a “Marriage Bureau” in Pune.

All my attempts at finding a suitable bride through the “love” route had failed – and I decided to go in for an “arranged marriage”.

The Proprietors of the Marriage Bureau were a “made-for-each-other-couple” – who seemed to be in their early 40’s.

The man and the woman sat side by side in the same office as true partners.

They seemed to be a most compatible couple – and the harmony which was visible in their demeanour indicated that they were true “soulmates”.

Seeing this “ideal couple” at the helm of affairs inspired confidence in me.

I knew that I had come to the right place – only a truly happily married couple whose relationship was rocking would know the “compatibility aspects” required for a happy marriage – and they would surely find the right bride for me.

Both of them asked me a number of questions – regarding myself – and also – about my “expectations” as far as the bride was concerned.

Within a week – they had lined up 3 girls for me to “see”.

I liked the very first girl I “saw” – and we both said “yes” to each other.

For the sake of courtesy – I “saw” the other 2 girls too – and I liked both of them – but then – legally – I could have only one wife – so – I got married to the first girl to whom I had said “yes”.

The fact the all the 3 girls the ‘Marriage Bureau’ had suggested were a “perfect match” for me – was “proof of the pudding” – that – the “made-for-each-other couple” who ran the ‘marriage bureau’ knew what marriage was all about.

36 Years Later

01 January 2016

Meeting the “Matchmakers”

It was a grand event – in the best 5 Star Hotel in town – to celebrate the Golden Jubilee (50^th Anniversary) of the ‘Marriage Bureau’.

Yes – the ‘Marriage Bureau’ had been started 50 years ago – was still going strong – in fact – they now had a global presence – and operated online through their website – and – today – they had launched their ‘Mobile Matrimonial App’ too.

It was a huge event – and the crowd must have been at least a thousand strong – maybe even 2000 – and – it seemed that most of the couples whose marriages had been “arranged” by this “marriage bureau” had made it a point to attend.

They had even tracked us down to our present address in New York – and since we were in India for our annual Christmas Vacations – we – my wife and I – made it a point to attend the function.

The proprietors of the ‘marriage bureau’ – who – most probably – were now in their late 70’s – still looked a very “made-for-each-other couple”.

Both of them were in perfect harmony with each other – like “soulmates” – a “perfect” couple – and they acted like perfect hosts.

Dressed in matching colour-coordinated clothes, the two of them stood together at the entrance to welcome us – and – later – after they had cut the magnificent anniversary cake together – both of them moved around to personally greet us and ensure that our glasses were topped up, our plates were full and we were being well looked after.

During the party – many couples expressed their gratitude to the “made-for-each-other couple” proprietors of the ‘marriage bureau’ – and – I too made it a point to meet them and thank them for finding me a most suitable bride.

After the event – we – my wife and I – walked to the foyer of the hotel – and I asked the concierge to get me a taxi to Aundh – when – a male voice suddenly said from behind: “Why Taxi…? I am going towards Aundh – I will drop you in my car…”

I turned around – it was the ‘Proprietor’ of the ‘Marriage Bureau’ – our host.

Soon – his chauffeur driven limousine arrived.

“You two sit on the rear seat – I will sit in front with the driver…” he said to me and my wife.

“Sir – but what about ‘madam’…? Isn’t she coming…?” I said.

“…‘Madam’…? Which ‘Madam’…?” he asked.

“Sir – your wife…” I said to the the ‘Proprietor’ of the ‘Marriage Bureau’.

“My ‘wife’…? Well – I don’t have a wife – I am a bachelor…” he said.

I was stunned.

On seeing my bewilderment – the ‘Proprietor’ of the ‘Marriage Bureau’ said to me:

“Don’t feel embarrassed – it happens quite often...

Many people think that my “Business Partner” is also my ‘Life Partner”...

But – we are quite clear about it...

We never mix “Business” with “Matrimony”...

“Business” is “Business” – and – “Matrimony” is “Matrimony”…”

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

This is a re-post of my story MARRIAGE BUREAU posted by me Vikram Karve online earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/01/marriage-bureau.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/the-matchmakers-story.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/09/the-business-of-matrimony.html

How to Plan Your Life

HOW TO PLAN YOUR LIFE

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

VIKRAM KARVE

ARE YOU LETTING OTHERS PLAN YOUR LIFE...?

If you travel on a road which others have built – then you will reach the destination where the road goes.

Yes – if you travel on a road that someone else has built – you will reach that destination which those who built the road want you to reach.

You will not the destination you want to reach.

It is true – isn’t it?

Since others have built the road on which you travel – you will reach the destination which the road-builders want you to reach.

In a metaphorical sense – it is the same with the “journey of life” too.

If you let others plan your life – then you will reach the “destination” which they want you to reach.

That is why – you must plan your own life according to the “destination” or goal that you want to reach.

Unfortunately – it is easier said than done.

How do you land up travelling on the wrong road on the Journey of Life...?

It all starts when you are small – too young to understand things – and too immature to formulate your life goal.

The moment you enter school – your parents decide what they want you to achieve – the “destination” they want you to reach – and your ambitious parents start planning your life accordingly.

Your teachers play a role in planning your life too.

And – you are quite clueless to understand anything – since you are too young to understand what is going on.

It happened with me too.

In Class 9 – I was put in the “Science” Stream.

No one asked me my choice – because probably – I was considered too young to make a choice.

In our school – there was a simple rule – only those “weak” in mathematics were sent to the “Arts” Stream.

And unfortunately – I was good at Maths.

Sometimes – it is a great misfortune to be good at something you don’t like.

Later – my parents, teachers and “well-wishers” decided that I must appear for the IIT JEE.

I cleared the JEE – studied Engineering for 5 years – got a B. Tech. degree – and reached the “destination” that they wanted me to reach (they wanted me to be an Engineer)

The same thing happened during most of my working life too.

It was others who did my career planning.

The HR bosses in the Navy decided which training courses I should do – which areas of expertise I should specialize in – which ships I should be posted on – my appointments – everything.

And – I kept “travelling” on the “path” they planned for me – and – I duly reached the “destinations” they wanted to me to reach.

First – my parents and teachers planned my life.

Then – the Navy planned my life.

It was only after retirement – that I had the luxury of planning my own life according to the goals I wanted to reach.

No longer do I have to “travel” on roads that others have built for me.

No longer am I reaching “destinations” that others want me to reach.

Now – I am my own master.

I decide my goals – I plan my life – and I “build” my own road towards the “destination” that I want to reach.

But –I can do this only now – after retirement.

Just imagine what could have happened if I had been given an opportunity to plan my life in school.

WHO IS PLANNING YOUR LIFE...?

I trust things have changed now – and young children are being given greater independence to decide their own destiny.

I really don’t know – so you tell me.

Are young children being given the freedom to plan their own lives...?

Or – are parents still planning the lives of their children and making them “travel” on roads towards “destinations” that the parents want their children to reach...?

And worse – are some parents trying to achieve their own unrealized goals vicariously through their children...?

If you are a young student – remember that you have to plan your own life according to the goal you want to reach.

If you let others plan your life – then you will reach the “destination” they want you to reach.

And once you have travelled too far down the wrong road – it becomes difficult to turn back – and you are left with no choice but to continue travelling – till you reach the wrong “destination”.

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

Revised repost of my selfhelp article posted online many times earlier including at urls http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/08/who-is-planning-your-life.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/life-planning-self-help-tips.html and https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/Life-Planning-If-you-let-others-plan-your-life-%E2%80%93-then-you-will-reach-the-%E2%80%9Cdestination%E2%80%9D-they-want-you-to-reach etc

Foodie Humor in Uniform – Eggs to Order

Foodie Humor in Uniform

EGGS TO ORDER

A Spoof

VIKRAM KARVE

In the 1970‘s – when I served on Navy Warships – at sea – the steward would wake you up in the morning with a cup of tea – and – he would ask you: “Sir – ‘Eggs to Order’...?”

This was the first decision an officer had to make during the day – what type of eggs to eat for breakfast – on most ships the choice ranged from simple Boiled Eggs or Fried Eggs to the more elaborate “Masala” Scrambled Eggs on Toast, Cheese Omelette etc

One of my friends from the erstwhile Supply and Secretariat (S&S) Branch once quipped that this was the most important decision a Naval Officer had to make at Sea during the entire day (where he had a choice).

During my recent visit to New Zealand – I saw that the most popular Breakfast dish was Eggs Benedict – which basically consists of toasted halves of English Muffin topped with Poached Eggs, Hollandaise Sauce and Ham, Bacon, Spinach etc

Here is a picture of Eggs Benedict (from the internet)

Eggs Benedict - Poached Eggs, Ham, Bacon, Spinach on Toasted Muffin

The creamy yellow yolk seems to have escaped from the white of the poached eggs and spread all over imparting its delicious taste.

Here is a picture of a Poached Egg with the Yolk intact.

Poached Egg

Looking at Poached Eggs reminded me of a story from my Navy Days.

Yes – when I saw those yummy Poached Eggs adorning the Eggs Benedict during my recent New Zealand visit – I was reminded of this hilarious ‘poached eggs’ anecdote in the wardroom of a frontline Navy Warship many years ago – in the 1980’s.

POACHED EGGS FOR THE “SEA DOLL” – A Spoof by Vikram Karve

When I joined the Navy in the 1970’s – warships were classified into 3 types – and – this made it necessary to have separate ‘streams’ for training.

Accordingly – Officers and Sailors would be assigned to one of the ‘streams’ and be trained for selected equipment in that ‘stream’ – and appointed on ships of relevant stream for which they were trained.

The 3 basic ‘Streams’ were:

1. “A” Stream comprising the latest “Western Origin” Ships like Leander Class Frigates.

2. “B” Stream comprising older “Western Origin” Ships.

3. “C” Stream comprising the latest Soviet (Russian) acquisition ships.

“A” Stream Brand New “Western Origin” Ships were comfortable Leander Class Frigates of British Design. As you know – the ‘British Navy’ is called the ‘Royal Navy’ – and “A” Stream Ships were “Royal” too – with snobbish stiff-upper-lip “Royal Culture” and consequent ‘class distinctions’ between Officers and Sailors.

On the other hand – “C” Stream Ships of “Eastern Origin” (Soviet Union/Russia) with their Socialist Egalitarian Design were comparatively ‘Spartan’ as far as ‘creature comforts’ were concerned – the focus being on densely ‘packing in’ maximum equipment – with lesser emphasis on ‘creature comforts’ and cozy habitability.

Life on “C” Stream ships was austere and grueling as compared to “A” Stream ships.

“C” Stream Officers enviously called “A” Stream Ships as “Hotel Ships”.

Another advantage of “A” Stream Ships was that – those days – “A” Stream“Western Origin” ships were based at Mumbai (then called Bombay)

On the other hand – most “C” Stream “Eastern Origin” Ships were based at Visakhapatnam (Vizag) – which – those days – in the 1970’s – was a “one street town”

(Of course – now – Visakhapatnam is a modern vibrant metropolis and a beautiful city).

I was lucky to be allotted “A” Stream – so I enjoyed myself thoroughly on my first two ships – both were comfortable Frigates of which were based in Mumbai.

After a few years – I was expecting to be appointed on a “A” Stream ship – but someone in NHQ got some crazy ideas about “cross-pollination” and “cross-fertilization” – so – I landed up on a “C” Stream ship.

My ship was a frontline Destroyer – at that time – the most powerful and modern warship in the Navy – with state-of-the-art weapon systems and equipment.

Of course – though not as austere as earlier “C” Stream ships – my new ship was not as comfortable as her contemporary “A” Stream “Hotel Ships”.

My new ship was “first of its class” – built in the Soviet Union (Russia) – and – in the true spirit of egalitarian socialist “comradeship” – there was no separate galley (kitchen) for officers.

So – food for officers was cooked in the common galley along with sailors’ food – and it had to be carried by stewards all the way down the alleyway to the wardroom which was quite far away.

Hence – the stewards had a tough time – especially while sailing – when the full complement of officers would descend in the wardroom for meals.

To make matters worse – our ship was designated “Flagship” most of the time – with an additional complement of “Fleet Staff’ also eating in the wardroom.

Thus – the wardroom – which was already strained catering to the ship’s officers – had to provide for supernumeraries as well.

During one such sailing – we were sitting for breakfast – and I noticed a new Commander from the Fleet Staff – he seemed to have been newly posted to the Fleet Staff.

I looked at the Commander.

He seemed to be a “stiff-upper-lip” Royal Navy Style “Sea-Doll”

He was certainly from the“A” Stream.

The steward asked us: “Eggs to order, Sir…?”

Now – during sailing – in view of the common ship’s galley from where the food had to be carried – generally – there were just two choices in “eggs to order” – you either had Boiled Eggs – or you had a Masala Omelette.

I ordered my customary “Omelette”.

The Commander said: “Poached Eggs”.

I smiled to myself: “Poached Eggs – Ha Ha. And on this ship…?”

This guy was certainly a snobbish type from the “A” Stream – maybe he had even commanded one of those “Hotel Ships”.

After some time – the steward placed an “Omelette” in front of me (as I had ordered).

And – to my amusement – the steward placed an “Omelette” in front of the “Sea-Doll” Commander too.

The Commander looked angrily at the Steward and said:

“I ordered ‘Poached Eggs’ – not an ‘Omelette’ – take this ‘Omelette’ away and get me ‘Poached Eggs’…”

The Steward took the “Omelette” away.

After some time – another Steward placed Two ‘Boiled Eggs’ in front of the snooty Commander.

“I don’t want bloody ‘Boiled Eggs’ – I ordered ‘Poached Eggs’…” the Commander shouted at the Steward.

This was going to be fun.

There was still time for “Both Watches” – so – I ordered another ‘Omelette’ – and I waited in eager anticipation – for events to unfold.

After a long wait – a Steward landed up with two “Bulls Eye” Soft ‘Fried Eggs’ – and placed them in front of the Commander.

The astounded Commander had a look at the ‘Fried Eggs’.

“What the hell is this…? These are ‘Fried Eggs’. Don’t you know what ‘Poached Eggs’ are…? Call the bloody ‘Chief Steward’…” the ‘high and mighty’ Commander barked at the hapless Steward.

The Chief Steward duly landed up.

The snobby Commander scolded the Chief Steward:

“Don’t your Stewards and Cooks know what a ‘Poached Egg’ is…? I have ordered ‘Poached Eggs’ – and these buggers got me an ‘Omelette’ – then ‘Boiled Eggs’ – and – then – ‘Fried Eggs’ – they are giving me all types of Eggs – except ‘Poached Eggs’…”

“Sir – we have a common galley…” the Chief Steward tried to explain.

But – the ‘stuck-up’ Commander shouted at the Chief Steward:

“Don’t give me bullshit – just get me ‘Poached Eggs’ – do you understand…?”

I finished my second ‘Omelette’ – and coffee – but the ‘Poached Eggs’ had still not arrived.

“Both Watches” was piped – so I excused myself – and left the wardroom.

I do not know what happened after that – whether the snooty Commander got his ‘Poached Eggs’ or not.

But – a hilarious thing happened next morning.

The moment the snobbish “Sea-Doll” Commander arrived and sat down for breakfast – a Steward opened the fridge – and the Steward took out a pair of cold ‘Poached Eggs’ (prepared the previous night).

The cold soggy ‘Poached Eggs’ were placed in front of the snobbish Commander.

I looked at the stale cold crumpled soggy ‘Poached Eggs’.

The eggs looked most ‘unappetizing’ – to say the least.

The ‘high and mighty’ Commander looked at the hideous shriveled cold ‘Poached Eggs’

From the expression of nausea on his face – it looked as if he was going to throw up.

“Take these horrible ‘Poached Eggs’ away – and get me an ‘Omelette’ …” the “Sea-Doll” Commander ordered the Steward.

I smiled to myself.

As my “C” Stream friends used to say – “C” Stream is a great leveler.

But one thing was sure – ‘camaraderie’ on “C” Stream Ships was much better.

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

This is a revised updated re-post of my story POACHED EGGS posted online by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog earlier at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/humor-in-uniform-poached-eggs.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/foodie-humor-in-uniform-poached-eggs.html

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The Matchmaking “Business” – Matrimonial Musings

How to Plan Your Life

Foodie Humor in Uniform – Eggs to Order

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