Are You a Victim of the Tall Poppy Syndrome...?

The “TALL POPPY SYNDROME”

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

By

VIKRAM KARVE

In the inimitable war novel Catch-22 – there is a character called “Major Major Major Major”

(For brevity – let’s call him “Major Major”)

“Major Major” is a simple amiable officer who is liked by everyone – officers and enlisted men.  

One day – the Squadron Commander Major Duluth is killed in action – and – “Major Major” is appointed the Squadron Commander.

Suddenly – everything changes for “Major Major”.

The very same people who earlier loved “Major Major” – now – their attitude towards “Major Major” changes drastically – and – everyone starts resenting his success

Many of his fellow officers have feelings of envy and animosity towards “Major Major” once he is promoted to Squadron Commander.

The most acrimonious and spiteful of them is Captain Black – who believes that he himself was the logical choice to replace Major Duluth as Squadron Commander – and – grave injustice has been done by appointing “Major Major” as Squadron Commander.

Captain Black makes every effort to discredit and disparage “Major Major”

Captain Black uses various stratagems to sabotage and humiliate “Major Major” – and – cut him down to size.

This is an example of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.

Thanks to his “success” – “Major Major” is a victim of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” – which results in hostility towards successful people.  

The “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is a culture where “successful” people are resented, attacked, cut down or criticized because of their success.

Successful People are called “Tall Poppies”. 

And – cutting them down to size is called “Tall Poppying”…

In an organization – the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” can cause in destructive feelings in the colleagues of the successful person – which can lead to resentment, hostility – and “envy attacks” on the “successful” person. 

In the Defence Services – some “passed over” (superseded) officers feel a sense of resentment towards those successful officers who have been promoted – and sometimes – this resentment can metamorphose into “Tall Poppy Syndrome” (hostility towards the successful person). 

The “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is visible in personal relationships too – in families, friend-circles and in society – where we often see a tendency to resent and disparage successful people due to envy.

In a nutshell – the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is hostility towards successful people and manifestations of that resentment.

HOW THE TERM “TALL POPPY SYNDROME” ORIGINATED 

There are many mythical stories about the origins of the term “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.

In one such apocryphal story – a young son of a King conquers a new land.

The young son asks the King for advice on how to deal with the newly conquered kingdom.

The King – who is strolling in the garden in a grove of poppies – draws his sword – and – with his sword – the King strikes off the heads of the tallest poppies in the grove.

The King’s son gets the message – and he methodically proceeds to kill all the prominent men (the “tallest poppies”) in the newly conquered land.

Once the influential men are eliminated – the son is able to easily govern the conquered land.

The term “Tall Poppy Syndrome” may have been probably derived from this apocryphal story.

Another fable hints that the underlying premise of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is that the tallest plants be cut down to the same size of all the others (cutting down to size)

So – in today’s world – “Tall Poppying” successful persons means trying to “cut them down to size”.

Don’t we see examples of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” all around us…?

I saw plenty of instances of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” in the Defence Services – where career prospects are limited due to the pyramidal hierarchy structure – and – it is very difficult to get promoted to high rank – which results in a large number of deserving officers getting “superseded” or “passed over” for promotion.

Many “superseded” officers feel a sense of resentment and envy towards their successful course-mates and try to “Tall Poppy” them.

You will see plenty of examples of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” everywhere – in politics, in the corporate sector, in society, in families and personal life too.

The “Tall Poppy Syndrome” manifests at the societal level too.

One example is the cultural resentment against “migrants” who are more “successful” than the original inhabitants of a country.

Information Technology has been a catalyst in proliferation of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.

Nowadays – the Social Media has become a ubiquitous medium for “Tall Poppying”

People can easily express their resentment against “successful” persons on the Social Media – and such online “Tall Poppying” of an individual on the Social Media can go “viral” very fast and have a devastating effect on the victim.

What is the root cause of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” …?

Is the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” a manifestation of “Crab Mentality” …?

(If I can’t have it – neither can you)

Or – is it an offshoot of “The Dog in the Manger” Syndrome …?

(People frequently begrudge something to others – that they themselves cannot enjoy. 

Even if it does them no good – they won’t let others have it – like the mythical dog in fable – the dog in the manger – who did not eat the grain – but – who nevertheless prevented the horse from eating the grain either...)

Or – is it just basic human nature…?

Well – I really don’t know – but – I have been on both sides of the fence as far as the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” syndrome is concerned.

Dear Reader:

Have you experienced the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” – as a “victim” – or – as a “perpetrator”…? 

Do you feel a sense of resentment against successful people...? 

If you are a successful person – do you feel others are hostile towards you...? 

Do tell us about it. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Repost of My Article Written By Me in 04 Feb 2017 and Posted on My Blogs. Links to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/tall-poppy-syndrome.html  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/02/04/immigration-tall-poppy-syndrome/  and https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/Human-Behavior-Psychology-%E2%80%93-Tall-Poppy-Syndrome etc 

How to Deal with Guilty Conscience

GUILTY CONSCIENCE

Do You Have a “Guilty Conscience”…?

How to Deal with Guilty Conscience

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“Guilty Conscience” is the opposite of “Resentment”.

“Resentment” is a sense of bitterness because of “perceived injustice”.

You experience “resentment” against a person – if you feel that he/she has done “injustice” to you.

“Guilty Conscience” is a feeling of remorse experienced by you – if you feel that you have done “injustice” to someone.

Let me try to illustrate by a simple example.

Suppose a married man has an “extra-marital affair” – a “one-night stand” with a female colleague in his office.

The cheater husband is caught red-handed by his wife.

The wife will feel “resentment” towards the husband for cheating on her.

The husband may have a “guilty conscience” for cheating his wife.

If you feel wronged by someone – you feel a sense of “resentment”.

If you feel that you have wronged someone – you have a “guilty conscience”.

In a nutshell:

If someone does a wrong to you – you feel a sense of resentment 

but 

If you do a wrong to someone – you experience a feeling of guilty conscience 

Both “resentment” and “guilty conscience” are attributable to your “perception” – and so – they exist in your mind’s eye – in your imagination.

In generic terms – both “resentment” and “guilty-conscience” can be directed against any entity – animate and inanimate.

For example – you can feel resentment or have a guilty conscience towards an organization – like – the organization where you work – or the institution where you study – or the “government” – or – you may feel resentment or guilty conscience towards a “group” or “system”.

However – to keep it simple – I will discuss “guilty conscience” in the context of personal relationships.

GUILTY CONSCIENCE

Both “resentment” and “guilty conscience” are detrimental to your “inner peace”.

Living with “resentment” can make you bitter.

Similarly – living with a “guilty conscience” can affect your emotional health.

(I have discussed “How to Deal with Resentment” in the preceding blog post – and now – I will discuss “How to Deal with Guilty Conscience”)

HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILTY CONSIENCE

In most cases – you may have a “guilty conscience” towards someone if you feel that you have done some “injustice” to him/her in the past – or – if you are doing some wrong to that person in the present – or - in rare cases – you may feel a “guilty conscience” because you are going to do some “injustice” to a person in the future.

“FUTURISTIC” GUILTY CONSCIENCE

In the 3^rd case – if your “guilty conscience” is due to some perceived “wrong” you are going to commit in the future – you have two options:

OPTION 1

You can introspect – and – you can try to “rationalize” and “justify” your course of action.

For example – you can “convince” yourself that it is a part of your “duty” – or – the action is for the “greater good”.

As I said earlier – the “guilt” exists is in your mind – and – if you can “alleviate” your “guilt” – this will act as a “salve” to assuage your “guilty conscience”. 

OPTION 2

If you cannot “rationalize” your futuristic action to yourself – the best option is to reconsider your course of action – so that you can avoid doing the “wrong” which you know is going to give you a “guilty conscience”.

Let is discuss some “illustrative examples”.

At Work:

As a Human Resource (HR) Executive – suppose you are asked to make “false promises” to new recruits about career prospects during the placement process – or give “false assurances” to employees regarding their demands during negotiations – you can try and “rationalize” your actions to yourself – that you are doing this to “save your own job” – or – for the “greater good” of the organization and society.

In Personal Life:

During Pre-Matrimonial “Dating” – you “hype” yourself – you hide “facts” from your prospective wife/husband – you conceal your “peccadillos” and “frailties” – you do all this just to “impress” your matrimonial “date” and persuade them into marriage.

Can you “rationalize” the pretense on the pretext that you are doing all this just to achieve your “goal” of getting married to the person…?

Or – as a parent of a groom/bride – will you “justify” a bit of “mendacity” – by “rationalizing” to yourself – that you are doing it for the “greater good” of your family…?

If you are able to “rationalize” your “wrong” actions to yourself – well and good – otherwise –you will suffer from a “guilty conscience” – in which case – it is better to avoid these actions.

Politicians are experts in “rationalizing” their “wrongs” – and maybe – that is why politicians develop a “thick skin” and they never suffer from a “guilty conscience”.

“PRESENT” GUILTY CONSCIENCE

In the 2^nd case – where you feel that your present actions – something you are doing right now – this is going to cause “injustice” to someone – you can stop and correct your actions.

If you have seen the movie Dr. Zhivago – you may remember the scene where Yuri (Dr. Zhivago) and Lara (the Nurse) are together for the last time – and are going to go back to their respective homes since the war is over.

While serving in the army on the battlefront during wartime – Dr. Yuri Zhivago (who is married) falls in love with Lara (a political activist’s wife) who helps Dr. Zhivago as his nurse.

Both Yuri and Lara are married – but soon – their intimacy at work develops into deep love – and – on their last night together – they feel immense attraction towards each other.

Yuri cannot control his passion – and he wants to make love to Lara.

Even Lara feels immense attraction towards Yuri – but she controls herself on the spur of the moment – Lara stops Yuri – and she says to Yuri:

“Let’s not do anything that we will be ashamed of – Let’s not do anything that we will have to lie about…”

And – they control themselves.

(I don’t remember the exact dialogue – but – the gist of the dialogue is that Lara tells Yuri that they must not “cross the line” and do something that will give them a “guilty conscience”)

So – in the present moment – if an “alarm bell” rings in your mind that your actions may lead to a “guilty conscience” – if possible – it is best to stop immediately and correct yourself.

If it is not possible to stop – at least pause for a moment and “rationalize” your present actions to yourself – so that your conscience becomes clear.

Trying to “rationalize” your “wrong” actions may put you in an “ethical dilemma”

If you can resolve your “ethical dilemma” by “situational ethics” – it is fine – otherwise – this may cause you internal stress.

So – if you cannot convince yourself that your actions are justified – it is best to avoid actions which give you qualms of conscience.

But – if you have to do something that you feel causes “injustice” to someone – try to “rationalize” – so that you don’t have a “guilty conscience”.

Let me give you an illustrative example.

I recently met an “NRI” classmate – he had migrated to the US more than 40 years ago for higher studies and he had permanently settled down in USA and acquired American Citizenship.

He said that his middle-class parents had “sacrificed” a lot trying to give him the best of education.

He told me that he had tried to convince his parents to relocate to America to live with him – but his parents had preferred to stay on in their home in India.

After the death of his father – his mother lived alone in their home.

However – she had developed dementia – due to which she could not live alone.

It was not possible for my classmate to take his mother to the US because of her state of health due to advanced age.

So – my classmate had come from the US to shift his mother into an “old age home” with assisted living facility.

His mother was most unhappy to leave her own home and go to the old age home.

However – my classmate had no choice but to admit his mother into to old age home.

He was feeling terrible guilty about it – and said to me:

“My mother looked after me so lovingly – and now – I have put her in an old age home where she is miserable…”

“There is no use having a “guilty conscience”…” I said to him.

“What do you mean…? How can I not have a “guilty conscience”…?” he said to me.

“Can you take your mother with you to America…?” I asked him.

“No…” he said, “her “Green Card” expired long back since she stopped visiting me in America after she crossed 80 due to her health…”

“So – you can’t take your old mother to America – but – can you relocate here to India to look after your mother…?” I asked him.

“How is that possible…? My family is there – and – I am still “working” – I also have my businesses to run and investments to look after – there – you don’t permanently “retire” in your 50’s and sit at home doing nothing – like you are doing…” he said.

“You can’t take your mother with you to the US. You can’t relocate to India to look after her. So – the only option you have is to put your mother in the old age home…?”

“Yes…” he said.

“Then – what are you feeling “guilty” about…? Why do you have a “guilty conscience” when you can do nothing about it…” I said.

Yes – Dear Reader – that is the truth.

Why have a “guilty conscience” about something about which you can do nothing…?

What is the point of having a “guilty conscience” about things beyond your control…?

There is no point in having a “guilty conscience” about reality.

Also – think twice before destabilizing your organized life and disturbing your equilibrium by taking disorganizing actions just to assuage your “guilty conscience”.

Instead of wallowing in mental misery due to “guilty conscience” – sometimes – it is better to be “hard-hearted” and “insensitive” (like “thick-skinned” politicians) – to get rid of your “guilty conscience” – and put the matter out of your mind.

The “out of sight” = “out of mind” dictum may be effective in mitigating “guilty conscience” in some cases.

Dear Reader – each person is different – some are more sensitive than others – and – you have to find what works best for you – rationalizing – forgetting ­ and moving on.

Sometimes – it is best to perform your actions – good or bad – and never think of them again – what is done is done.

Yes – today – “what is done is done” – will soon become a thing of the “past”.

“PAST” GUILTY CONSCIENCE

You may feel that you have “wronged” someone in the past – you realize that you have done “injustice” to that person – you regret your past actions – and this feeling of remorse creates a “guilty conscience” inside you.

In order to exorcise your “guilty conscience” for past deeds – the best thing to do – if possible – is to correct the “wrong” – but – if that is not possible – the next best thing is to do – is to own up your “mistake” to the “wronged” person and apologize to them.

Well – if the “wronged” person has so much “resentment” against you that he doesn’t accept your apology – you have no choice but to forget about it and move on.

In cases where there is nothing you can do about it – there is no need to keep having a “guilty conscience” about your past deeds.  

HAVE A “CLEAR” CONSCIENCE

A “guilty conscience” causes “emotional disharmony” and “internal stress” – and disturbs your “internal peace”.

If you want to live a harmonious stress-free life – it is best to have a “clear conscience”.

A clear conscience will give you inner peace, good health and sound sleep. 

There is a Russian Saying:

“A Clear Conscience is the Softest Pillow…”

Dear Reader:

If you want to be in harmony with yourself – never live with a “guilty conscience” – either – you can try to “rationalize” your “wrong” actions and “clear” your conscience – but – if cannot do so – it is best to avoid those actions that give you a “guilty conscience”.

Do you agree…? 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views. They may or may not work for everyone. Please exercise your own due diligence in your life. 

2. It is easy to preach, but difficult to practice what you preach. I try my best to practice what I preach (and preach what I practice) to the extent feasible.

3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved

 

How to deal with Resentment

IS IT EASY TO “FORGIVE AND FORGET”…?

How to deal with Resentment

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Resentment means “bitter indignation” due to unjust, unfair or deceitful treatment.

Resentment (a sense of bitterness) occurs because of “perceived injustice” in the past.

Humans are sensitive emotional entities – so – for most of us – in many cases– perceptions matter more than facts.

Resentment is a bitter emotion that has its origins in the past.

The word “resentment” derives from two Latin words:

“re” (meaning “back”) + “sentire” (meaning “to feel”)

Thus – resentment is a feeling due to something that has happened in the past (going “back” in time).

Resentment develops because of your non-acceptance of something that has already happened in your past life.

Resentment comprises “emotional rehashing” – an attempt to “wipe out” the “perceived injustice” that has already happened – but – such attempts to eradicate the “wrongs” from your past life – they do not work – because – you are attempting to do the impossible – you cannot change your past.

Since the event which is causing resentment has already happened in the past – it cannot be undone – so – the “root cause” for resentment cannot be corrected – what has happened has happened – and – you cannot do anything about it.

Resentment is a way of consoling yourself that you have been wronged and unfairly treated – and – as a “victim of injustice” – you are “morally superior” to the person who has “wronged” you.

Resentment causes “self-pity” – and – you begin to picture yourself as a wronged person – a “victim” – who was destined to be unhappy.

Resentment can become an “emotional habit” – and – you may habitually start feeling that you are a continual “victim of injustice” – and – you will picture yourself as a “victimized person” who has been “wronged” in life.

Once you infected by the virus of resentment – in your daily life – you will begin to “search” for “injustices” – to feed your resentment even more.

I have observed that – resentful persons feel “good” only when they are miserable.

Resentment affects your “self-image” and “self-esteem”.

As long as you harbour resentment – it will be difficult for you to picture yourself as a self-confident happy person.

As I said – resentment has its origins in past events – and – you cannot change the past – the only way to deal with resentment is in the present – here and now.

In most cases – your resentment may be towards the person who has caused you the “injustice”.

In such cases – the most popular advice is to “forgive and forget”.

But – this is easier said than done.

Certain things/persons can be forgiven – and – these will not cause you resentment.

But – certain things/persons cannot be forgiven – and – these will cause you resentment.

It varies from person to person – and – those things that you cannot forgive – those “unforgivable” wrongs/injustices – they will cause resentment in you.

Yes – it is these “unforgivable” wrongs/injustices which create resentment in you.

Resentment means that you cannot “forgive and forget” that particular “unjust” thing or the person who has “wronged” you.

But – you can try and mitigate your resentment. 

One practical way of mitigating resentment is to identify the “anchors” which cause you resentment – and then – avoiding those resentment-causing “anchors” (stimulus) – by distancing them from your life.

For example – if your resentment is due to a certain person who has “wronged” you – or has caused you “injustice” – you will feel resentful every time you see that person (though you may “fake” emotions of “forced geniality” for the sake of social graces).

If a certain person is responsible for your resentment – and – if that person is around you all the time – your resentment will worsen.

In such cases – if possible – it is best to remove that person from your life – or – distance yourself from the person responsible for your resentment.

The  “out of sight” = “out of mind”  dictum does work – and – once you are in a new environment – far away from the source of your resentment – you will experience that your resentment will dissipate.

In some cases – your resentment may be associated with an organization or place – so – the best solution is to quit the organization or relocate from that place. 

Introspect – and – identify the entity that is causing you resentment – and then – try to distance yourself from that “toxic” entity. 

Let me give you some hypothetical examples – apocryphal stories:

A man and a woman had an extramarital affair – they were both married to someone else.

There were two “victims” of the adulterous relationship – the respective spouses of the “perpetrators” of the adultery – the “cuckolded” husband of the unfaithful wife – and – the deceived wife of the unfaithful husband.

The deceived wife decided to “forgive and forget”.

She continued to live with her “unfaithful” husband – and – she continued with her married life – as if nothing had happened

The cuckolded husband could not “forgive” his unfaithful wife for her betrayal of “sacrosanct” marital trust.

He divorced his disloyal “adulterous” wife – and – he decided to “move on” in life.

Believing in the  “out of sight” = “out of mind”  dictum – he asked for a transfer – he physically relocated to a new place – then – took up a new job and migrated overseas to begin a new life abroad.

He broke contact with his ex-wife – and – he focused on enjoying his new life – and – his positive forward-looking attitude helped him mitigate the resentment caused by the sordid episode.

He delinked the “anchors” linked to his resentment.

He had overcome his resentment and there was no bitterness in him.

He had got over the sordid episode and he was happy with his new life.

Now – let us see what happened to the deceived wife of the adulterous husband.

Though outwardly – she had “forgiven” her unfaithful husband – in her heart – she still harboured great resentment against her husband for betraying her and having an extramarital affair.

When she came to know that her husband was involved in an extramarital affair – she was devastated by his infidelity – and – she wanted to divorce him.

However – her own parents/in-laws/family/relatives put great pressure on her to “reconcile” with her husband – her unfaithful husband begged forgiveness – and – everyone asked her to “forgive and forget” – and – to continue her marriage.

Though outwardly – it seemed that she had “forgiven and forgotten” – in her heart – she was still resentful of her husband for his act of adultery – and – you could discern that she was still harbouring resentment inside her.

Though she wore a “mask” and tried to “fake” happiness – there was a strange sadness in her eyes – she was no longer her earlier bubbly and gregarious self – from time to time – she disparaged her husband and reminded him of his “sin” – whenever she had an argument with him – and – it was clear that she despised her husband due to the resentment caused by his adulterous act of having an extramarital affair.

Despite her resentment towards her husband – she continued to live with him – and – this resentment had made her life miserable.

She was well qualified – she had a good job – and – she was financially independent – so – she could have divorced her husband – moved on in life – mitigated her resentment – and – become happy – just like her counterpart “victim” of the extramarital affair – the “cuckolded” husband.

But – she chose to continue living with her unfaithful husband – due to social pressure – and – under the false belief that “time is a great healer”.

Time is a great healer.

But – “Time” alone – may not heal resentment.

You may require “space” to mitigate your resentment.

Of course – as I said earlier – it varies from person to person.

Maybe – there are some “broadminded” spouses – who may not feel resentful – if their spouses had an extramarital affair – which – they may consider a “minor indiscretion”.

On the contrary – some persons may feel resentful for what most others may consider “small misdemeanours”.

Resentment can happen in all relationships – personal and professional.

Even at work – you may feel that you have been unfairly treated – or – feel a sense of mistrust – this may cause resentment towards your boss or the entire organization.

I remember – in the Navy (and Army, Air Force too) – many deserving officers get “passed over” for promotion due to the steep hierarchical pyramid unique to the military.

Hence – many officers get “superseded” at a relatively young age despite being professionally competent.

Some superseded officers “forgive and forget” – and – they continue the military life without any resentment – and – they remain happy and healthy.

Most superseded officers cannot “forgive and forget” – and – they feel a sense of resentment towards the organization (Army/Navy/Air Force/Defence Services).

Of these – some officers resign and quit the Navy/Army/AirForce – and – they “move on” to a second career in the civilian world.

By distancing themselves from their earlier organization/environment – these officers mitigate their resentment in due course.

However – some resentful officers remain in the Army/Navy/AirForce – and – they become more and more bitter and rancorous day by day.

These resentful officers not only make their own lives miserable due to their resentment – but they also spread unpleasantness and negativity in the environment – and generate “toxic” vibes which have a demoralizing effect on everyone in their vicinity.

Some superseded officers become “bloody-minded” as their resentment makes them spiteful and acrimonious.

Others wallow in “self-pity” as they feel that they are “victims” of injustice.

Some of these “self-pity” type superseded officers try to “drown their sorrows” in alcohol and slip into the abyss of alcoholism.

The become alcoholics, destroy their own health and ruin the lives of their families.

Resentment can make you miserable – and – in extremis – if you allow resentment to grow within you – your resentment can overwhelm you – and – even destroy you.

Remember – in your personal and professional life – you may feel that you have been cruelly “wronged” – or – gross “injustice” has been done to you.

Whenever such a thing happens – you must introspect.  

If you can “forgive and forget” – it is fine

But – in case you cannot “forgive and forget” – it is best to move on – and try to mitigate your resentment.

Remember – each person is different.

Something that causes resentment in one person – that same thing may not cause resentment in someone else.

So – when something demoralizing happens – and if you feel that you have been “wronged” by someone and you are a “victim” of injustice – you should introspect – whether you can “forgive and forget” – or – whether it is “unforgivable” and will give rise to resentment in you.

And then – you can act accordingly.

Dear Reader – let me conclude by saying:

Once a relationship is contaminated by resentment – it is best to end the resentful relationship.

Yes – if you cannot “forgive and forget” – rather than let resentment make your life miserable and worsen your relationship – if feasible – isn’t it better to “break up” – rather than try to make a pretence of a “patch-up”...? 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views. They may or may not work for everyone. Please exercise your own due diligence in your life. 

2. It is easy to preach, but difficult to practice what you preach. I try my best to practice what I preach (and preach what I practice) to the extent feasible.

3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/is-it-easy-to-forgive-and-forget.html

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