Mobile Etiquette – Phubbing

PHUBBING

(Phone + Snubbing)

Musings

By

VIKRAM KARVE

First – let me tell you a story from my Navy Days.

This story happened around 40 years ago – in the end 1970’s – much before the advent of Mobile Phones.

Yes – those days – the only phones available were “Landline” Phones.

I was busy working in my office.

As was my habit – whenever I was doing something important – I had kept the phone off the hook.

My deputy knocked and entered my office.

I gave him an angry look.

He looked at me apologetically – and said to me:

“Sir – I am sorry. You told us not to disturb you – but – Boss has gone crazy…”

“So – what’s new in that…? The bugger is “crazy”…” I said.

“Sir – he wants you in his office immediately. He was trying to call you for the last 10 minutes – and your phone is dead…” my deputy said.

“My phone is not “dead” – I have deliberately kept it off the hook because I don’t want to be disturbed…” I said.

“Sir – the Boss said to tell you that he wants to see you in his office immediately…” my deputy said.

“Okay – Okay – you sit down…” I motioned to my deputy.

I put the phone on the hook – picked it up again – and – checked the dial tone.

Then – I dialled my Boss’s number.

“Come to my office immediately…” my Boss barked at me via the phone.

“Sir, I am very busy right now. Can I come later – in the afternoon – after lunch…?” I asked him.

“No. You come right now. I want to discuss “XXX” project – I need some clarifications…” my Boss shouted – and he banged down the phone.

At first – I thought that I would first complete the work I was doing.

And then – after finishing the urgent work in hand – I would go to my Boss’s Office.

That was the sensible thing to do.

But then – my Boss was a most rank-conscious authoritarian megalomaniac.

Though I wasn’t a “Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags Full Sir” type of Officer – the Navy is a military service – and – there is a limit to which one can reason with a Senior Officer – especially if he was like my conceited egotistical autocratic Boss.

So – I stopped whatever I was doing – and – I took out the Project “XXX” file from my drawer.

Then – I put on my cap – and – I started walking down to the Main Building of the Dockyard – where my Boss’s Office was located.

It was a hot and humid day in Mumbai – the main building was around 500 meters away from my workplace – and – by the time I reached my Boss’s Office – I was sweating profusely.

I entered my Boss’s Office.

My Boss was sitting at his desk – leaning back on his chair – talking on the phone.

I saluted him.

My boss ignored me.

Maybe he was so engrossed in the telephonic conversation – that he probably hadn’t noticed my salute.

I stood in front of him for around one minute.

I thought that he would terminate his telephonic conversation – and speak to me – at least ask me to sit down.

But – no such luck.

He was very much absorbed in the telephonic conversation.

I could overhear that he was speaking about shares and the stock market.

Suddenly – he leaned forward – picked up a pencil – and – he made some notes on a pad in front of him on the desk.

I felt humiliated.

My Boss was treating me as if I did not exist.

I turned around – and I walked out of his office.

My Boss’s pretty PA asked me: “Sir – you’ve finished so fast…?”

“He is so busy talking on the phone that he doesn’t seem to have time for me…” I said.

“Yes, Sir – his “Broker” just called – the stock market is going crazy since morning – so – he must be discussing about which stocks and shares to trade in…” she said.

“Oh…” I said – and – I started walking away.

“Sir, please wait – he has been asking for you since morning…” my Boss’s PA said.

On hearing this – I said to my Boss’s PA:

“I was busy with some important work. Despite this – I came walking all the way in the hot sun because he insisted. And now – he just ignores me – and – he keeps talking on the phone…? This is not acceptable to me – so – I am going back to my office…”  

I walked back to my office.

I took the phone off the hook – told my staff that I was not to be disturbed – and – I got on with the unfinished task of completing the urgent work.

One hour later – my Boss stormed into my office.

He started shouting at me:

“What’s wrong with you…? You did you walk away rudely from my office…?”

I said softly but firmly:

“Sir – I am an Officer. Since you insisted – I walked all the way to your office. You had called me – I was standing in front of you – but – you ignored me – and you gave more importance to person on the phone…”

My Boss yelled at me:

“Stop bullshitting me. I will march you up to the Admiral…”

I picked up my cap and said:

“Okay, Sir – let’s go – I am going to ask the Admiral what was the right thing for you to do – talk to your Officer who is standing in front of you – or – talk to your “Stock Broker” on the phone…?”

My Boss did not march me up to the Admiral.

He just uttered a few threats and walked away.

In the afternoon – I called up my Boss’s PA – took a proper appointment – walked down to his office – and I explained details of Project “XXX” – for which he had summoned me in the morning.

His phone was quiet for the 15 minutes I was with him.

On my way out – I commented on this to his PA – who told me that the Boss had instructed her to see that he was not disturbed by phone calls when I was inside.

Dear Reader:

Do you believe that this is a true story…?

Could I have really bullshitted my Boss…?

Am I one of those crazy mavericks…?

Maybe my course-mates and erstwhile colleagues can give you the answers.

Meanwhile – let’s just say that this is a “Fiction Short Story”.

It does not matter whether the above story is true or not.

What matters is the moral of the story:

It is always rude to pay more attention to a phone – than to a person standing in front of you in flesh and blood.

First – talk to the person who is physically with you.

 

Then – talk to the person on the phone.

This “moral of the story” is even more applicable after the advent of mobile phones – and especially today – in the context of smartphones.

I try to practice what I preach (and preach what I practice) – though I do slip up sometimes – but – at least – I try my best.

Sometime ago – a blogger wanted to meet me in person to discuss blogging.

We were sitting in a Café and talking.

My mobile phone rang.

I ignored the phone.

The Blogger said:

“Your mobile is ringing…”

I said:

“I know. Let it ring. I am talking to you…”

The Blogger said:

“It may be something important…”

I said:

“Right now – you are the most important thing for me. I will see the missed call later – and – if I feel it is necessary – I will call the person. In any case – I don’t work for an emergency services agency where I have to attend every call and act instantly…”

In order to make the Blogger feel comfortable – I switched off my mobile phone – and I asked her to switch off her mobile too – reminding her that it was she who had wanted to meet me.

It was easy during the mobile cellphone days – but with ever since I got a smartphone – and – I became a “Photo Food Blogger” – things have become difficult.

So – now – whenever we go out for food – I first announce that I am going to focus my attention on clicking pictures of the food.

Then – I click my foodie pictures and upload them on social media immediately.

After that – I keep my smartphone away and give my full attention to my friends, and, of course, to the food.

Dear Reader – to summarize “Mobile Etiquette” in a nutshell:

It is always rude to pay more attention to a phone – than to a person with you in flesh and blood.

If you give priority to your phone – and ignore the person in front of you – it is called “Phubbing” (Phone + Snubbing).

Don’t indulge in “Phubbing”.

We do “phubbing” unconsciously – don’t we…?

Suppose you are talking to someone – and your mobile phone rings – don’t you instinctively pick up your mobile…?

And – don’t you tend to give more importance to the person talking on mobile rather than the person physically with you…?

Dear Reader – you may ask me:

“In case your phone rings while you are talking to a person – is it okay to “excuse” yourself and then talk on the smartphone...?”

No – unless you are on duty and are required to attend to emergency/urgent situations as a part of your work.

Remember – you can always see the missed call numbers and call after you have finished talking to the person in front of you.

While you are talking to someone – it is not acceptable to answer phone-calls, do texting, tweeting or engage on social media, or even repeatedly glance at your smartphone screen – yes – all these things are not acceptable.

In case you are expecting calls – isn’t it better to tell the person who is with you that you will be busy attending calls and you can talk to the person later when you are free…?

Or – if you are awaiting an important call when meeting someone socially – isn’t it best to explain at the outset that you will have to take the call – and – apologize in advance – and if the call comes – excuse yourself and take the call privately…?

Dear Reader:

What are your views on “Phubbing”…?

Do comment and tell us. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

  

Repost of My Blog Post PHUBBING first posted by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Vikram Karve Blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2018/10/phubbing-phone-snubbing.html

Are You a Victim of the Tall Poppy Syndrome...?

The “TALL POPPY SYNDROME”

Ramblings of a Retired Mind

By

VIKRAM KARVE

In the inimitable war novel Catch-22 – there is a character called “Major Major Major Major”

(For brevity – let’s call him “Major Major”)

“Major Major” is a simple amiable officer who is liked by everyone – officers and enlisted men.  

One day – the Squadron Commander Major Duluth is killed in action – and – “Major Major” is appointed the Squadron Commander.

Suddenly – everything changes for “Major Major”.

The very same people who earlier loved “Major Major” – now – their attitude towards “Major Major” changes drastically – and – everyone starts resenting his success

Many of his fellow officers have feelings of envy and animosity towards “Major Major” once he is promoted to Squadron Commander.

The most acrimonious and spiteful of them is Captain Black – who believes that he himself was the logical choice to replace Major Duluth as Squadron Commander – and – grave injustice has been done by appointing “Major Major” as Squadron Commander.

Captain Black makes every effort to discredit and disparage “Major Major”

Captain Black uses various stratagems to sabotage and humiliate “Major Major” – and – cut him down to size.

This is an example of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.

Thanks to his “success” – “Major Major” is a victim of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” – which results in hostility towards successful people.  

The “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is a culture where “successful” people are resented, attacked, cut down or criticized because of their success.

Successful People are called “Tall Poppies”. 

And – cutting them down to size is called “Tall Poppying”…

In an organization – the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” can cause in destructive feelings in the colleagues of the successful person – which can lead to resentment, hostility – and “envy attacks” on the “successful” person. 

In the Defence Services – some “passed over” (superseded) officers feel a sense of resentment towards those successful officers who have been promoted – and sometimes – this resentment can metamorphose into “Tall Poppy Syndrome” (hostility towards the successful person). 

The “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is visible in personal relationships too – in families, friend-circles and in society – where we often see a tendency to resent and disparage successful people due to envy.

In a nutshell – the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is hostility towards successful people and manifestations of that resentment.

HOW THE TERM “TALL POPPY SYNDROME” ORIGINATED 

There are many mythical stories about the origins of the term “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.

In one such apocryphal story – a young son of a King conquers a new land.

The young son asks the King for advice on how to deal with the newly conquered kingdom.

The King – who is strolling in the garden in a grove of poppies – draws his sword – and – with his sword – the King strikes off the heads of the tallest poppies in the grove.

The King’s son gets the message – and he methodically proceeds to kill all the prominent men (the “tallest poppies”) in the newly conquered land.

Once the influential men are eliminated – the son is able to easily govern the conquered land.

The term “Tall Poppy Syndrome” may have been probably derived from this apocryphal story.

Another fable hints that the underlying premise of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” is that the tallest plants be cut down to the same size of all the others (cutting down to size)

So – in today’s world – “Tall Poppying” successful persons means trying to “cut them down to size”.

Don’t we see examples of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” all around us…?

I saw plenty of instances of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” in the Defence Services – where career prospects are limited due to the pyramidal hierarchy structure – and – it is very difficult to get promoted to high rank – which results in a large number of deserving officers getting “superseded” or “passed over” for promotion.

Many “superseded” officers feel a sense of resentment and envy towards their successful course-mates and try to “Tall Poppy” them.

You will see plenty of examples of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” everywhere – in politics, in the corporate sector, in society, in families and personal life too.

The “Tall Poppy Syndrome” manifests at the societal level too.

One example is the cultural resentment against “migrants” who are more “successful” than the original inhabitants of a country.

Information Technology has been a catalyst in proliferation of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.

Nowadays – the Social Media has become a ubiquitous medium for “Tall Poppying”

People can easily express their resentment against “successful” persons on the Social Media – and such online “Tall Poppying” of an individual on the Social Media can go “viral” very fast and have a devastating effect on the victim.

What is the root cause of the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” …?

Is the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” a manifestation of “Crab Mentality” …?

(If I can’t have it – neither can you)

Or – is it an offshoot of “The Dog in the Manger” Syndrome …?

(People frequently begrudge something to others – that they themselves cannot enjoy. 

Even if it does them no good – they won’t let others have it – like the mythical dog in fable – the dog in the manger – who did not eat the grain – but – who nevertheless prevented the horse from eating the grain either...)

Or – is it just basic human nature…?

Well – I really don’t know – but – I have been on both sides of the fence as far as the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” syndrome is concerned.

Dear Reader:

Have you experienced the “Tall Poppy Syndrome” – as a “victim” – or – as a “perpetrator”…? 

Do you feel a sense of resentment against successful people...? 

If you are a successful person – do you feel others are hostile towards you...? 

Do tell us about it. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Repost of My Article Written By Me in 04 Feb 2017 and Posted on My Blogs. Links to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/tall-poppy-syndrome.html  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/02/04/immigration-tall-poppy-syndrome/  and https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/Human-Behavior-Psychology-%E2%80%93-Tall-Poppy-Syndrome etc 

Values – Instrumental Values and Terminal Values

Values are beliefs about what is good or bad. 

Your values determine what is desirable or undesirable. 

Values have an ethical and moral dimension. 

Your values provide you an internal reference for what is good, beneficial, important, useful, beautiful, desirable and constructive. 

Values generate behaviour and influence the choices made by an individual. 

Values have a major influence on your behaviour and attitude in various situations. 

Examples of Values include HONESTY, LOYALTY, AMBITION, ALTRUISM, CLEANLINESS, CONFIDENCE, CONFORMITY, CREATIVITY, CURIOSITY, DARING, DECISIVENESS, DEPENDABILITY, DISCIPLINE, INDEPENDENCE, INDIVIDUALITY, OBEDIENCE, PATRIOTISM, PUNCTUALITY, SENSE OF HUMOR, SIMPLICITY, WEALTH etc 

(The list of values is endless – you can surf the internet to see lists of values – and – you may discover your own personal values by introspection) 

Values can be categorised into two types: 

1. INSTRUMENTAL VALUES 

and 

2. TERMINAL VALUES 

My article below elaborates on these two types of values... 

INSTRUMENTAL VALUES and TERMINAL VALUES

THE TWO TYPES OF VALUES 

Musings on Management Ethics 

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Values are of two types – in both the personal and organizational domains. 

The two types of values are:

1. INSTRUMENTAL VALUES

and 

2. TERMINAL VALUES

INSTRUMENTAL VALUES

Instrumental Values are core values.

Instrumental Values are permanent in nature.

Instrumental Values comprise personal characteristics and character traits.

Instrumental Values refer to preferable modes of behaviour and include values like honesty, sincerity, ambition, independence, obedience, imaginativeness, courageousness, competitiveness – and also some negative traits too. 

Organisations also have Instrumental Values (which can be ascertained from the organizational culture).

Whether at personal level or organizational level – instrumental values are permanent in nature – and so – instrumental values are difficult to change. 

For example – the instrumental values of a Public Sector Unit (PSU) will differ from that of an Multi-National Corporation (MNC) – though both may be in the same business.

Since they are permanent in nature – Instrumental Values are difficult to change.

TERMINAL VALUES

In our personal lives – Terminal Values are those things that we work towards – or those things we think are most important – or things that we feel are most desirable. 

Terminal Values are desirable states of existence. 

Terminal Values include things like happiness, self respect, family security, recognition, freedom, inner harmony, comfortable life, professional excellence, etc

In a nutshell – Terminal Values signify the objectives of the life of a person – the ultimate things the person wants to achieve through his or her behaviour – the destination the person wants to reach in life. 

In contrast – Instrumental Values indicate the methods an individual would like to adopt for achieving his life’s aim – the path he would like to take to reach his destination.

This applies to organisations as well – and – organizations too exhibit Terminal Values. 

However – Terminal Values can be changed – and this change in Terminal Values can sometimes be seen – when there is a change of Top Management or CEO. 

Read this Before you Apply for a Job or Select a Career

(or Before Recruiting a Candidate for a Job)

ORGANIZATIONAL VALUES AND ORGANIZATION BEHAVIOUR

Organisational Values are the key to organisational behaviour. 

So – before you join an organization – you must ensure that there is no conflict in your personal Instrumental Values and the organization’s Instrumental Values 

Yes – there must be no conflict between the Employee’s and Employer’s Instrumental Values – since – Instrumental Values are difficult to change. 

Conversely – the organisation must consider this aspect while interviewing a prospective candidate for recruitment to avoid conflict of Instrumental Values.

However – any mismatch in Terminal Values can be corrected by suitable Induction Training – since Terminal Values can be inculcated or realigned or changed. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views based on my personal experience. Please do your own due diligence while selecting a training philosophy.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This is an abridged, upgraded and revised version of my lecture on VALUES written be me Vikram Karve more than 25 years ago in the early 1990s and posted online earlier a number of times in my various blogs including in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog in 2011 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/12/instrumental-values-and-terminal-values.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/instrumental-values-and-terminal-values-the-two-types-of-personal-and-organizational-values/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/06/types-of-values-instrumental-values-and.html etc