Have Defence Officers Lost Their Sense of Humor

Sometime ago – I was a member of a group called “HUMOUR IN AND OUT OF UNIFORM” (HIAOOU)

Unlike many passive members – I was one of the active contributing members who posted “Humour in Uniform” Stories regularly.

The biggest joke about this “Humour” group was that most members did not have a “Sense of Humour” 

One day I posted the “Humour in Uniform” story below – and – I was promptly expelled from the group at the behest of some non-contributing killjoys who thought that this story painted the services in a poor light. 

Dear Reader – Please read the story – and – tell me – do you also feel that present day Defence Officers have lost their “sense of humour” and have become overly sensitive to any criticism, albeit true, even if made in a humorous way...?

RECRUITMENT ADVERTISEMENTS ARE LIKE FASHION SHOWS

A Story for Cadets and Subalterns

By

VIKRAM KARVE

The young under-trainee direct entry Sub Lieutenant who had just joined our ship appeared quite dejected. 

Impressed by the sleek navy recruitment advertisements and jingoistic hype – he had quit a corporate job – and – he had joined the Navy.

And now – the truth had dawned on him – that there was a big difference between hype and reality.

Life in the tough prosaic real-world Navy was quite different from the romantic imagery portrayed in recruitment advertisements.

In order to put him in good humour – I told him this famous Mulla Nasrudin Teaching Story called FASHION SHOW:

FASHION SHOW – A Mulla Nasrudin Story

One day Nasrudin went to a prestigious fashion show.

When he returned – his friends asked him how he liked the fashion show.

“They cheat you,” Nasrudin complained, “it is a total swindle.”

“What are you saying...? The fashion show is a swindle...? They cheat you...? How...? Tell me. How do they cheat you...?” 

“They show you the women – and then – they try to sell you the clothes.”

MORAL OF THE STORY

Do remember this story if you are thinking of “job hopping” – especially of you are thinking of quitting your civilian job and joining the military – like the Sub Lieutenant mentioned above did.

Remember – metaphorically – Recruitment Advertisements are like “Fashion Shows”.

Just like Fashion Shows which try attract you by showing you glamorous “women” and then try to sell you the clothes – Military Recruitment Advertisements show you the “glamorous side” of military life and try to recruit you to undergo the tough life in the Armed Forces.

And later  – you will be disillusioned when things do not turn out as you had imagined them to be – as portrayed in the advertisements.

Do remember this FASHION SHOW story – especially if you are thinking of a military career – because the real life in the military is tough and hard – and – life in the Armed Forces is not all glamour and adventure as portrayed in recruitment advertisements. 

Do join the Defence Services – but – do so after due diligence – after taking a realistic view – and asking yourself: Do you have it in you..?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This is a re-post of my story FASHION SHOW posted online earlier a number of times including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/12/life-is-like-fashion-show.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/recruitment-advertisements-are-life.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/10/fashion-show.html  and  http://creative.sulekha.com/the-fashion-show-and-the-recipe_74988_blog  etc

LITERATEUR IN UNIFORM

It is always a pleasure to meet a “Literateur” in Uniform.

Last weekend I attended the PUNE INTERNATIONAL LITERARY FESTIVAL 2015 – PILF2015

I was pleasantly surprised to meet a Military General avidly participating in the Literary Festival and he even presided at a book launch.

This reminded me of a “literary” boss I came across during my long career in the Navy.

I had written a post about him in my blog earlier – around 2 years ago in October 2013.

Let me delve into my “Humor in Uniform” Archives and pull out this article for you to read:

“LITERATEUR” IN UNIFORM

Unforgettable Memories of My Wonderful Navy Life

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

When I was in the Navy – I once had a “literary” boss.

Yes – you may be surprised – since you may think that “faujis” have their brains in their boots – but I came across plenty of accomplished creative persons in the Navy – writers, artists, cartoonists, singers, musicians, dramatists, actors, painters, photographers – and I have seen many such talented persons in the Army and Air Force too.

“Sir – I hope you haven’t forgotten about the ‘open mic’ session on Friday evening,” I said, after my customary Monday morning meeting with the Boss. 

I was referring to the ‘open mic’ session at the arts and literary festival which was going on nearby.

“Of course – I will be there to read my poetry – and I am keen to hear poems of all the poets too,” he said.

“I have already sent our names, Sir – we will get ten minutes each. The venue is the David Sassoon Library Gardens – it is opposite the Jehangir Art Gallery. The event starts at 6 in the evening,” I said.

“You take me there – pick me up from my office on Friday evening – I will bring my civvies along and we will walk down there,” he said.

On Friday morning – my Boss called me to his office.

“Do me a favour – can you read my poems this evening at the poetry reading session?” he asked.

Before I could speak – he handed me a diary – and he said, “I have flagged three of my best poems – but you can choose a few more if there is time.”

“What’s wrong, Sir – why aren’t you coming yourself? Don’t you want to read your own poems?” I asked.

“Of course I want to be there and read my poems – and I want to hear all the poets too. But something important has come up – and I cannot come to the Kala Ghoda Festival this evening,” he said.

“Sir – what can be more important than this poetry session – especially for a poet like you?” I asked.

“Some bloody delegation has come – and there is a cocktail party for them,” he said.

“I know, Sir – the circular came on Wednesday – but I am skipping it,” I said.

“You can skip it – but I cannot skip it. After all – I am a bloody Admiral – and my absence will be conspicuous – in fact – I did try to wriggle out – but COS said that CinC wants all Flag Officers to attend,” the Rear Admiral said, looking quite disappointed.

Next morning he called me to his office – and he wanted to know all about the poetry reading session.

I told him everything – what an enriching literary experience it had been – and how much his poems had been appreciated.

“Sir – I wish you were there – people had come from all over – and there was such excellent work being read – and – Sir – so many poets wanted to meet you and discuss your poems,” I said.

“I wish I had been there,” he said, disappointment writ on his face.

“How was the cocktail party?” I asked, trying to cheer him up.

“It was like all bloody official cocktail parties – bloody waste of time – the same boring shop talk – and do you know – all the while – I was thinking of you enjoying in the Kala Ghoda Festival,” he said.

“Never mind, Sir – maybe next year…” I said.

“Who knows where I will be next year? If they don’t promote me – I may even retire this year and go to my hometown. I am really regretting that I missed this once in a lifetime chance,” he said with disappointment.

He looked quite dejected – so I did not say anything.

Then he looked at me and said, “You are lucky – you can still do what you want in your leisure – but ever since I became a senior officer – I have lost control of how to spend my time.”

As I walked back to my office – I wondered about the irony of the situation.

Though he was the Boss – he did not have any control on how to spend his time.

And though I was not a “Big Boss” – I had control on my time to a much larger extent

And – this loss of control on his time was making the Boss unhappy.

MORAL OF THE STORY

This rather trivial incident taught me one thing:

IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY – YOU MUST TAKE CONTROL OF THE WAY YOU SPEND YOUR TIME

Once you have taken control of your time – you are free to spend your time in doing things which make you happy.

So – the “Moral of the Story” is simple:

“The ultimate test of true freedom is when you have complete control of your time”

So – gaining control over your Time is the first step towards Freedom and Happiness.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This Story was written by me Vikram Karve around 2 years on 18 October 2013 and First Posted Online by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at10/18/2013 11:39:00 PM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-be-happy-first-step-to-happiness.html  and revised and reposted on 08 July 2015 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/07/humor-in-uniform-time-freedom-happiness.html

SEASICKNESS TEST - Humor in Uniform

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

NAVY “GYAN”

I do not know whether there is a “seasickness test” now for navy aspirants – but around 40 years ago – way back in the 1970s – after you cleared the Services Selection Board (SSB) – there was a comprehensive medical examination – but I do not recall any test for “seasickness”.

The result was that you came to know of your propensity to seasickness only when you sailed out to sea – which for some terribly seasick types – was quite late in the day – and many who could not bear their “seasickness” opted out of the surface navy by “volunteering” for Submarines or Air Technical Branches.

I am sure that with advances in medical technology – there is a quantitative “seasickness test” now.

But – here is a story about how I learnt about a qualitative “seasickness test” from a hardened sailor – what they call in the navy – a tough “sea-dog”...

SEASICKNESS  –  PREVENTION AND CURE
A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

As a young Sub Lieutenant, in the latter half of the 1970’s, the first month of my “sea time” was sheer bliss.

Our ship was berthed alongside in harbour at Bombay (now called Mumbai) for a “maintenance period”.

Every evening, we would imbibe a generous amount of the best Scotch Whisky in the ship’s wardroom – and then go ashore to enjoy the delights which “maximum city” Bombay had to offer.

Suddenly – the fun time was all over – and we were off to sea.

It was monsoon time.

The sea was rough.

And as we headed out to sea – our ship, a frigate, started rolling and pitching quite furiously.

Individuals started getting sea-sick.

The doctor had hit the bunk in the sickbay in anticipation – in harbour itself – the moment “special sea duty” men had closed up for duty.

At Both Watches – I told my Master Chief: “This is my first sailing on this ship. In case I get sea-sick – you take charge.”

My Master Chief Petty Officer (MCPO) – a grizzled old sea-dog – who was arguably the senior-most sailor in our branch – and certainly the senior-most sailor on board our ship – said to me – matter-of-factly: “Sir – you will not get sea-sick.”

“How do you know I will not get sea-sick? You have never seen me sailing. You don’t know anything about me,” I said to him.

“Sir, we know everything about you. The wardroom steward tells us that you drink almost half a bottle of whisky every evening. And Sir – at last week’s party at Sailors’ Home – you drank all of us under the table – you drank almost a full bottle of rum – and then walked back all the way to the ship as if nothing had happened,” he said with genuine admiration in his voice.

“But what has drinking got to do with seasickness?” I asked.

“I don’t know the theory, Sir – but in my long service I have observed that heavy drinkers never get seasick,” he said.

As we sailed – and the sea got rougher – I observed that what the old sea-dog had said was true.

The sea was very rough – and the ship was rolling and pitching quite violently.

Those with a propensity for seasickness – started feeling seasick.

Ours was a non-airconditioned ship in which the Officers’ Cabin Flat reeked of the awfully nauseating smell of FFO (Furnace Fuel Oil) – which made the nausea even worse – and most of the officers were terribly sea-sick.

There was a stench all over the ship as officers and sailors were retching and vomiting due to seasickness.

Only a few officers remained unaffected.

I was one of the lucky ones who did not get sea-sick.

I realized that the Sea-Dog Master Chief Petty Officer was absolutely right.

The officers who did not get sea-sick were all heavy drinkers.

A few days later the Fleet Commander – a Rear Admiral – embarked on board our ship.

The Admiral was a towering figure – over six feet tall – with an impressive beard – and had an imposing personality.

As we sailed – the sea got quite rough – and the ship started rolling and pitching quite a bit.

I was surprised to see this grand Admiral getting sea-sick.

Yes – believe it or not – the Admiral was a seasick type.

In fact – there was a bucket kept for the Admiral on the bridge.

You guessed right – the Admiral was a non-drinker, a strict teetotaller.

Moral of the Story

So now you know why the quintessential sailor is always associated with a bottle of Rum – Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle Of Rum !!!

And you know how to carry out the qualitative seasickness test (at your own risk).

I dug deep into my photo albums and pulled out this nostalgic picture taken 37 years ago of the Master Chief Petty Officer (MCPO) who gave me this Navy Gyan on Seasickness. 

You can see us – me to the extreme left – and my MCPO to the extreme right – we are drinking away and enjoying ourselves at a departmental booze-up session with my sailors at Sailors Home Cooperage Mumbai.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)