How to Manage Stress and Anger

STRESS MANAGEMENT + ANGER MANAGEMENT 

Dear Reader: I wrote this blog post around 10 years ago when my pet dog Sherry was alive and in full form. Sadly, Sherry passed away to her heavenly abode in December 2014. 

HOW TO MANAGE STRESS and ANGER

GOAL ORIENTED versus SOURCE ORIENTED Living

By

VIKRAM KARVE

If you want to learn the Art of Living just observe the way animals live and react to situations.

 

For me, my pet Doberman girl Sherry is my best teacher on the Art of Living.

 

                                        SHERRY KARVE

Sherry is Doberman X – the “X” factor (father) is probably a Caravan or Mudhol Hound as her mother is a pure Doberman.

 

Sherry behaves spontaneously, joyfully, based on her inner instinct.

She plays, she barks, she chases, she eats and she sleeps in accordance with her natural instinct.

Sherry doesn’t need to go to gym (for physical fitness) or a therapist (for mental fitness).

Sherry is not a Goal Oriented person.  

She is an Inner Resource Oriented person – in short, a Source Oriented person.

Conventional wisdom teaches us to become goal-oriented. 

From childhood there are goals set for us to achieve, and when we achieve one goal there is always another goal waiting for us – it is an endless pursuit, a chase which never culminates. 

We are taught that a goal oriented person is a person who always succeeds in life. 

 

But is there a final destination of success...? 

 

Do you ever reach your final goal...?

Goals are always outside you. 

Goals are in the future. 

Goals are far away from you.  

Your goals are not in your control. 

 

If you design your lifestyle in such a way that your happiness depends on things outside you, things in the future and things not in your control, then you may find happiness elusive and you may never be truly content and happy. 

 

If you are too result-oriented – you will always be chasing horizons.

Remember: 

if you run after something it runs away from you 

and, conversely, 

if you run away from something it runs after you 

So – calm down and stop running and live a more Source-Oriented life.

Look inwards, discover and harness your inner resources, act instinctively and you will realize your full creative potential.

Like my pet dog Sherry, you will live spontaneously, unpredictably, act on the spur of the moment and experience the joy of the glorious uncertainties of life rather than get frustrated by them.

You will live a more stress free life too.

Have you seen wild animals suffering from stress...?

Maybe some domesticated pet animals are stressed-out because we humans put stress on them by imposing our “goals” and demands on the poor hapless pets...!

We have become so preoccupied with achieving success that our lives are always heading towards something in the future.  

In the process, we lose touch with the aliveness and delight of the present. 

 

Sherry does not worry about the future, about achieving future goals, but live in the present.

Sherry does not live in the past either.  

Sherry is very forgiving – even if I scold her, which I never need to do, she is back to her cheerful self in a jiffy and doesn’t hold any grudges either.

Anger is a reality.  

It happens inside us. 

 

Goal Oriented behaviour may result in us trying to suppress our anger which in turn may create stress within us.

 

                                    Sherry - ALL EYES AND EARS

Here is a lesson I got one morning from Sherry in Anger Management by Source Oriented Living.

 

We lived in a spacious bungalow with a huge compound, located high up on a hill slope, with a beautiful panoramic view of the verdant wide green expanse of Girinagar all around right down to the placid blue waters of the Khadakwaska Lake. 

One morning while we strolled on our lawn sipping rejuvenating cups of piping hot amruttulya tea in the lovely mist and slight drizzle, I noticed Sherry standing alert at the bungalow gate looking intently, focussing on something outside, and gradually getting angry, as evident from her focussed eyes, slow growls, heightened breathing, stiff upright tail and vivid line of hair standing taut on the centre of her neck and back, hackles raised. 

I walked towards the gate and looked outside – the object of her attention was a huge white cat that was walking nonchalantly towards our bungalow gate, almost defiantly. 

 

The moment the cat came close, Sherry suddenly lost her temper, started barking, violently jumping, infuriated with anger, desperately pleading with me to open the gate. 

 

The cat stopped dead in her tracks and crouched, and I knew that if I let Sherry out, she would desperately, furiously and frenziedly chase the cat down the hill, and if she caught the cat, there would ensue a violent fight to the finish, and almost certainly it would be the cat who would be finished. Yes, Sherry would surely finish off the cat, as she had done earlier in the wild.

So I just walked away and Sherry realized that I wasn’t going to open the gate, and she went so wild with rage, that she ran amok, running wildly all round the spacious compound, taking high speed runs, jumping over hedges, barking, chasing, leaping at birds, running fast at top speed round and round the bungalow, till she was totally exhausted, after which she went to her water bowl, lapped up cold soothing water, and lay down on her rug in a cosy manner, calm, tranquil, totally relaxed, her anger totally spent, dissipated and dissolved into peaceful serenity. 

That’s what you must do when you are angry, isn’t it...? 

 

Let me tell you it works - the moment you sense anger rising within you, just start exercising, run, jog, take a brisk walk, dance, move your limbs, sway, do something.

 

Spontaneously do some physical activity till your anger is spent, and the rage built up inside you dissipates, exhausts and disolves itself into a state of calm. 

So, Dear Reader, the next time you start getting angry, do what Sherry does – just start running till your anger disappears and you collapse into a cosy state of peaceful calm and tranquillity. And if you can't run, at least take a brisk walk...just see how physical activity dissipates anger. Yes, let physical activity does help you dissipate your anger, or any negative emotion.

 

It is the same with stress. The moment you feel stress building up, take a brisk walk and see how physical activity dissipates and dissolves stress.

There is a lot to learn about the “Art of Living” from our animal friends, isn’t it...?

So just behave naturally, spontaneously, doing what your inner voice and instinct tells you, observe fauna and flora around you, and most importantly, get a pet dog  and make him or her your friend, philosopher and guide.

I’ll end with a quote on dogs from Sigmund Freud:

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate in their object-relations. 

 

                                 SHERRY with her DADDY

 

So here is a Bow Wow to you from Sherry and she wishes that may you live a happy stress-free dog-like source-oriented life...!!!

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
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Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This Blog Post is a repost of my blog posted earlier at url:  https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2012/02/how-to-manage-stress-and-anger.html

Errors of the Past are the Wisdom of the Future

Lessons I Learnt in Life

MISTAKES ARE PORTALS OF DISCOVERY

Errors of the Past are the Wisdom of the Future

Musings of a Veteran

By

VIKRAM KARVE

This happened more than 27 years ago – in the early 1990’s – when we lived in the beautiful verdant campus of the erstwhile IAT (now called DIAT Deemed University) in the hills of Girinagar – overlooking the serene cool blue waters of Khadakwasla Lake – near Pune – with the mighty Sinhagad Fort towering above – as a sentinel .

We lived in a typical Military (MES) Accommodation – ground plus one storey with garages in between, four houses in a block.

Each house had a separate overhead water tank on top of the building and separate servant quarters behind the block .

We lived on the ground floor – and our neighbours who lived on the top floor above us were a young couple with a small kid.

Once there was a long weekend – 4 days off – 2 days Diwali holidays – followed by Saturday and Sunday.

Our neighbours – who lived above us – they decided to spend the long weekend in Mumbai with their relatives.

In contrast – a huge number of relatives had decided to visit us at IAT Girinagar – to celebrate Diwali – and spend the weekend in the picturesque surroundings on Girinagar – and do some sightseeing and trekking – climb up the Sinhagad Fort – and picnic at the Panshet and Varasgaon Dams – and stroll on the “beach” on the Khadakwasla lakeside.

The whole gang of relatives arrived early in the morning on the first day of Diwali.

We were enjoying ourselves – the children were bursting crackers outside – and my wife got down to making preparations for a festival feast for all of us – and we were looking forward to a delicious sumptuous lunch.

Suddenly – my wife came out – and she told me that the taps had run dry – and she said that water was not coming anywhere in the house.

This was surprising – since there was an abundance of water in Girinagar – and we had never faced any water problem.

I rang up the “pump house” – who confirmed that they had duly pumped water for 3 hours in the morning as per schedule – and there was no reason for a water shortage. 

The “pump house” supervisor suggested that I have a look at my water tank on the roof – and if there was any plumbing or piping problem – they would send someone to rectify the fault.

I climbed up on the roof – and – I was aghast to see that my water tank was bone dry. 

The lid of the water tank had been taken off – and the walls of the water tank had been freshly painted.

My neighbour’s water tank was full of water.

I came down – and I started enquiring – when my servant told me that she had seen our neighbour’s servant on the roof early in the morning.

I called the neighbour’s servant.

He said that before leaving for Mumbai – my neighbour had given him instructions to shut the inlet valve – drain the water tank – clean it up – dry it – and then apply a coat of paint – let the water tank dry for two days – and then – open the valve – so that the water tank would be full by the time they came back from their holiday.

He was contrite – and – he admitted that – by mistake – he had emptied and painted my water tank – instead of my neighbour’s water tank.

He had mistakenly assumed that my water tank was my neighbour’s water tank. 

That is why he had drained out all the water – closed the inlet valve – dried the water tank – and then cleaned and painted it.

My neighbour’s servant profusely apologised – and he said he was very sorry for the mistake 

But – I was furious – since – because of this man’s stupidity – we were going to have a water problem – and that too – when there were so many guests in the house.

I lost my temper – and – I started shouting angrily at the man.

As I started giving him a severe tongue-lashing – the man shivered in fright.

Suddenly – I noticed the man’s small son watching the proceedings.

The young boy trembled with fear – and – he had an expression of dread written all over his innocent face – as he watched his father being publicly scolded and humiliated.

I could not bear to see this heart-rending expression on the young boy’s face. 

I felt terrible that I had scolded the man in front of his son.

So – I stopped my invective tirade.

I told the man to go away.

Then – I went into my room to cool off. 

That day – I made a decision.

I resolved that I would never admonish anyone in front of their children or family.

Parents are heroes to their children.

So – the worst thing you can do is to humiliate parents in front of their children.

Similarly – it can be very demoralizing for an Officer – a Manager – or for any Employee – to be reprimanded by the Boss – in front of his juniors and subordinates.

I was in a profession where being “goody-goody” and “soft spoken” did not work in all cases.

So – occasionally – you had to shout at people and reprimand them – in order to get the desired results.

But – I ensured that whenever I gave a tongue-lashing to someone – I did so in private – by calling him aside separately to give him a dressing down.

Also – I tried my best to criticize the action and to ensure that I did not insult the person by making derogatory personal remarks about him.

I scrupulously tried my best to follow the dictum: 

Praise in Public – but – Admonish in Private 

I did lose my temper and yell at people in public sometimes – but I immediately made amends by apologising on the spot – or at the earliest opportunity.

We all make mistakes.

But – the trick lies in realizing your mistake when you commit one – learn from your mistake – take corrective action – and make sure you do not repeat the same mistake again.

Experience enables you to recognize a mistake.

As Cicero said: 

Any man can make a mistake – but only a fool will continue in repeating it

Mistakes are your best teachers.

Mistakes are lessons of wisdom.

And – as James Joyce said: 

Mistakes are the Portals of Discovery

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life.

I have tried my best to learn from my mistakes – and – I have endeavoured to ensure that I do not repeat my mistakes.

In some cases I have succeeded – and – in some cases – it is still an ongoing process.

As Tryon Edwards put it: 

“Some of Best Lessons we ever Learn – we Learn from our Mistakes and Failures. 

The Error of the Past is the Wisdom and Success of the Future...”

I will end with a quote by Wang Yang-Ming:

“The sages do not consider that making no mistake is a blessing. 

They believe rather that the great virtue of man lies in his ability to correct his mistakes and to continually make a new man of himself...”

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
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Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

This article is a revised re-post of my article MISTAKES ARE THE PORTALS OF DISCOVERY posted by me online earlier at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/10/mistakes-are-portals-of-discovery.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/lessons-i-learnt-in-life-mistakes-are.html  and https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/A-Life-Lesson-I-Learnt-21-years-ago-%E2%80%9CPraise-in-Public-but-Admonish-in-Private%E2%80%9D?share=1&srid=5Hkq and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/10/mistakes-are-portals-of-discovery.html etc

Stress Management : Out of MIND – Out of “SIGHT”

OUT OF MIND – OUT OF “SIGHT”

Musings of a Navy Veteran

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Dear Reader – I am sure you have heard the proverb:

“Out of Sight – Out of Mind”

When you don’t see something or someone for some time – those things/persons (who are “out of sight”) – they go out of your mind.

And – in due course – you may forget these things/persons who have been “out of sight” for long.

The “Out of Sight – Out of Mind” paradigm is an effective way mitigate stress and alleviate unhappiness.

It helps – if you remove yourself from situations/places which cause stress/unhappiness/depression in you – and – if you move away from toxic/incompatible people who hassle you.

If you keep all these negative things “out of sight” – after some time – they will “go out of mind”

This is one of the reasons people go on holidays and vacations – to keep all these things “out of sight” – and thereby – “out of mind”.

Of course – with the advent of communications facilities, internet and social media – I really don’t know whether it is possible to achieve a true state of “out of sight – out of mind” – unless you totally “switch off’ from the outside world and go to some reclusive place.

However – you can practice “out of sight – out of mind” to the extent feasible.

It works for me – so – it may work for you to.

While the “Out of Sight – Out of Mind” paradigm is quite effective – I have discovered that the reverse is also true.

Yes – the opposite paradigm – “Out of MIND – Out of “SIGHT”…” – this approach also works for me.

Let me tell you a story I read long ago.

A young lovey-dovey couple (a boy and a girl in love) lived in Paris, France.

It was the time of the Second World War.  

Germans occupied the city of Paris on June 14, 1940.

After more than 4 years of enemy occupation – Paris was liberated by French and American troops on August 25, 1944.

During the Occupation – Paris was governed by the German Military.

For the citizens of Paris – the Occupation was a terrible time – and Parisians suffered all sorts of hardships – there were shortages, restrictions on various freedoms, and curfews – and – life was tough.

Following the Allied invasion of Normandy on June 6, 1944 – Paris was liberated by French and American troops on August 25, 1944.

Media reporters entered Paris – and they started asking people about how they had suffered the 4 years of German occupation.

Most people talked about how the occupation of Paris was a terrible time.  

However the young lovey-dovey couple said that they did not feel any difference.

“What do you mean “you did not feel any difference”…? Didn’t you notice how things had changed during the German occupation…?” a journalist asked the young couple.

“Well – we were so much in love with each other that we didn’t notice what was going on outside…” the lovey-dovey couple said.

Yes – they were so much in love and “occupied” with each other – that – they didn’t notice the “occupation” outside.

Pre-occupied in their own mutual love – thoughts of “occupation” were out of their minds – so – the situation outside during the “occupation” was out of their “sight” too.

Your mind plays an important part in what you “see”.

Different persons may perceive the same physical situation differently in their minds – depending on their “mental filters”.

I have practiced this “Out of MIND – Out of “SIGHT” technique quite effectively – especially during my Navy days.

Whenever a Senior Officer would start giving me a “Bottle” (a scolding) – whenever a senior officer would start shouting at me – I would “switch off” listening to him – and – I would start thinking “interesting” thoughts – Romantic Thoughts – or – Food Thoughts.

Though – ostensibly – it would seem that I was “looking” at the senior officer and “listening” to his admonishment – in actual fact – I was in my own “fantasy world” – and – the senior officer reprimanding me was “out of my mind” – and hence – out of “sight”.

Like “Walter Mitty” – I let my imagination run wild with fantasy thoughts whenever I am in an uncomfortable situation from which I can’t run away or prevent.

“Out of MIND – Out of “SIGHT”

You can use this “Out of MIND – Out of “SIGHT” technique when you are in pain – or in any uneasy or unpleasant situation – to alleviate your pain, suffering, stress etc.

If you can physically remove yourself from a negative situation – you can practice the “Out of Sight – Out of Mind” paradigm – and this should be your first option.

This is what I try to do as a first recourse – I try to get out of “sight” of things/places/people who create negative vibes in me (or I try to get them out of my “sight”) – so that – once they are out of sight – they get out my mind too.

However – it may not be possible in all cases to physically remove yourself from negative situations – you can’t get “out of sight” of these detrimental things/people who are causing you discomfort and stress.

So – as a last resort – it is best to follow the “Out of MIND – Out of “SIGHT” technique – and try to remain unaffected by your surrounding unpleasant situation.

Try it.

It works for me.

I am sure it will work for you too. 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.