Humor in Uniform
WIFE MANAGEMENT MANTRA
How to “Manage” Military Wives
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Our ship reached Kochi (Cochin) after a long sailing exercise.
After a brief halt of 3 days at Kochi – we would be off to Mumbai – our base port.
A few officers from the local units had come on board our ship – and I was delighted to see my coursemate “X”.
“X” invited me home for dinner – and I readily accepted – for I was yearning to eat some good home cooked food – and also have a drink and catch up with “X” – who I was meeting after many years.
At 7 PM in the evening – “X” came to my ship pick me up.
He took me on his scooter to his home.
There – I noticed that another coursemate of ours – “Y” – was the next-door neighbour of “X”.
“Hey...” I said to “X”:
“I didn’t know “Y” lives right next to you. Let’s call him over…”
“No – let’s go in first…” my host “X” said – and he rang the doorbell.
His wife opened the door – and “X” ushered me inside – he made me comfortable and poured me a drink.
While “X” and I sat with our drinks – his wife went inside the kitchen to prepare some small eats and get the dinner ready.
“Hey – how about calling “Y” over…?” I said to “X”.
With unwillingness written all over his face – “X” said to me: “No – let’s not call “Y” here to my house – let’s just the both of us sit together and have a drink ourselves – just you and me.”
I was surprised at the reluctance of “X” to call “Y” over for a drink – after all – we were all coursemates.
And – in fact – “X” and “Y” were the best of friends during our Sub Lieutenant’s days – they had even been cabin-mates.
“Okay – I’ll just go across and say ‘Hello’ to “Y” – if you don’t mind...” I said to “X”.
“No – you can meet “Y” some other time – please don’t go to his house now…” “X” said.
I was totally puzzled on hearing this.
On seeing the bewilderment on my face – “X” said to me:
“Actually – “Y” and Me are not on talking terms…”
“Actually – “Y” and Me are not on talking terms…”
“What...? You two are not on talking terms...? “Y” and You are not on talking terms…” I asked “X”
“Yes – we are not on talking terms…” he said.
“I cannot believe it…” I said… “You and “Y” were bum chums – you were the best of friends – thick as thieves – what happened – you had a big fight or something?”
“Actually it’s not us – it’s our wives…” he said.
“Your wives…?”
“Yes – things have gone wrong between our wives – their relations have become strained to the point of mutual hatred – in fact – they just can’t stand each other – so if you go there to meet “Y” – or – if you call him here – my wife will get very angry…” he said.
“That’s sad – your wives – did they have a fight or something…?” I asked.
“You know how these wives are – they had many fights – and now things have gone from bad to worse – and our relations have deteriorated terribly – so we have just stopped talking to each other…” he said.
After dinner – as “X” and I walked towards his scooter – I had a sneaking suspicion that “Y” was watching us from the window of his house.
I felt guilty of not having called on “Y” – so next morning I walked down to his office.
“Y” was most happy to see me after so many years.
“Actually – last evening – I had come over to “X” house for dinner but…” I began to apologize.
“I know…” “Y” said.
“What happened between “X” and you…? You two were the best of friends since your academy days – and now you two are not on talking terms…” I remarked.
“There were some issues – between our wives – and things became pretty ugly – but let’s not talk about it…” “Y” said.
“But we all are coursemates….” I said.
“Please – let’s not discuss it…” he said.
Then “Y” looked at his watch – and he said, “Hey – it’s almost 12 – let’s go to the Command Mess and have some chilled beer.”
When we reached the Mess Bar – I was surprised to see “X” waiting for us – and he greeted “Y” in a most friendly manner.
Over beer – I was amazed to see the bonhomie between “X” and “Y” – as if it were back to the good old wonderful “Sub Lieutenant Days”.
“Hey – I thought you two were not on talking terms…” I said to “X” and “Y”.
“Ha Ha – as you can see – we are very much on talking terms – it is our wives who are not on talking terms with each other.…” said “X”.
“Yes – our wives are not on talking terms…” said “Y”
Then – both of them – “X” and “Y” – began laughing in unison.
Seeing my nonplussed expression – “X” said to me:
“Earlier our wives were the best of friends – so they used to get together and make life hell for us – so we realized that if we wanted to enjoy life – it was best that our wives are “daggers drawn” with each other – so now – we ensure that our wives are constantly at war with each other…”
“But how do you manage to do it…?” I asked.
“That’s our trade secret…” “Y” said – with a twinkle in his eye.
Then – “Y” said to me:
“Come – let’s enjoy our beer – now when I go back home in high spirits – instead of nagging me for drinking too much – my wife will be busy complaining about X's wife – and vice versa…”
“Yes – instead of nagging us – the moment we reach home – both our wives will be busy complaining against each other – trying to win our sympathy – and – of course – apart from sympathizing – we will add some fuel to the fire…” “X” said, with a naughty smile.
“Oh – so the secret of your good friendship is to ensure that your wives are at war with each other...” I said, enlightened by this inimitable Navy marital wisdom.
“Yes – it is better to let our wives be at war – so that we coursemates can be at peace...” they said in unison.
WIFE MANAGEMENT MANTRA
Wives at War – Husbands at Peace
That – in a nutshell – is the Wife Management Mantra (especially for Defence Officers)
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
First Posted Online by me Vikram Karve under the title HAPPILY MARRIED COURSEMATES by me Vikram Karve in my blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal on March 4, 2015 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/humor-in-uniform-happily-married.html and revised and reposted at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/07/humor-in-uniform-navy-wives-at-war.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/12/humor-in-uniform-war-and-peace.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/humor-in-uniform-wife-management-mantra.html
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